I'm in a buddy relationship right now, and we've been together for almost a year. We have our ups and downs, our sweet and bitter moments. We stood up for the relationship and we still keep on going despite the odds that seems to hover against us.
In our relationship, I am the provider. I give him everything my money can afford - e-load, treats and dates, basics necessities. almost everything. If I am a little bit older, people would think that I am his sugar daddy for that. However, I don't have any choice or qualms about it. I'm far more financially advantageous than him and it doesn't usually hurt my pocket at all. Yeah, he is aware of that and most of the times, our setup pulls him down. He always feel that he'll be forever be indebted to me and the relationship imbalance bothers him a lot.
But I don't really give a damn about the matter - most of the times. I've been in this situation before - only that time it was a friend. I was also the financially stronger between the two of us, so whenever I would like to ask him to accompany me somewhere, I would always shoulder most of the expenses. If I was a PLU that time, PLUs would think that we're not mere bestfriends, but are actually lovers. I do bond with male friends uniquely and everyone would mistinterpret it for something if their minds are malicious enough.
So back to my bud. I could see that I'm more mature and stable between the two of us. Although I don't see him as a pain in the ass - except when he feels uncomfortable with the situation or when he turns grouchy. However most of the time he's able to make compromises, that's why we still do work as a couple. No matter how disadvantageous I am financially and sometimes even emotionally, the strength and stability he offers me compensates everything that I give to him materially.
However, this past few days, I've been thinking whether we're still working out as a couple or the strain of the cycle is close to hitting me already. We had a fight a night ago over a textmate who flirts him. I know, that textmate is a girl, but what irritates me is that it reminded me of a time... before, and I can't understand why he's so curious to know more about her when in fact she's actually flirting with him.
I have to admit, it exploded into a full-scale conflict that night. However we've managed to patch things up before we parted ways. But the odds are already there. We're already ok when we parted this evening but somehow, I don't feel that much anymore to him when he left. I used to worry that much, but tonight, I don't really care if he text me or not - if he got home or he's somewhere out there.
Is this a sign of loosing grip? or we're into this adjustment thingie once again since we're already heading into our first year together?
At least he texted me something heartwarming before he slept:
Pangga maraming maraming salamat po sa lahat. pinadama mo sakin kung gaano ako kaimportante para sayo. sana po ay maipakita ko rin sayo ang mga ginawa mo para sakin at kung magawa ko man yun lahat, masasabi ko na di na ako guilty at makasarili. marami pong salamat sa pagmamahal mo sakin kahit against man sa mata ng tao. goodnight po sayo at alagaan mo po ang katawan mo ah. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! di na ako makakakita ng kasingkatulad mo. sweetdreams. mwah!
I woke up relieved and refreshed after reading his message. Yeah, maybe this notions and wrong signals simply rouses up my nightmares of a time before him. That's why I really hate it when I see people being hurt in relationships. I can't really pull myself to realize that it's their life and not mine. Maybe this is the empath's curse. I could feel whatever someone close to me feels, and at the same time, this feeling turns me against the people who inflict the pain on them.
I don't know... maybe this is just a hang-over from our fight last time. Maybe this is just the last challenge I have to resolve 20 days before our anniversary. Whatever I feel, I hope someone could give me a hint of what it is or is this feeling still normal.
Maybe I should have a time-off and reflect on how special this relationship is. Maybe I'm just simply pooped out to think about how important and crucial he is to my life at this time.
After all, I might not find another guy who would bear my trauma in relationships other than him. I am just worried that I might be loosing my grip.
In our relationship, I am the provider. I give him everything my money can afford - e-load, treats and dates, basics necessities. almost everything. If I am a little bit older, people would think that I am his sugar daddy for that. However, I don't have any choice or qualms about it. I'm far more financially advantageous than him and it doesn't usually hurt my pocket at all. Yeah, he is aware of that and most of the times, our setup pulls him down. He always feel that he'll be forever be indebted to me and the relationship imbalance bothers him a lot.
But I don't really give a damn about the matter - most of the times. I've been in this situation before - only that time it was a friend. I was also the financially stronger between the two of us, so whenever I would like to ask him to accompany me somewhere, I would always shoulder most of the expenses. If I was a PLU that time, PLUs would think that we're not mere bestfriends, but are actually lovers. I do bond with male friends uniquely and everyone would mistinterpret it for something if their minds are malicious enough.
So back to my bud. I could see that I'm more mature and stable between the two of us. Although I don't see him as a pain in the ass - except when he feels uncomfortable with the situation or when he turns grouchy. However most of the time he's able to make compromises, that's why we still do work as a couple. No matter how disadvantageous I am financially and sometimes even emotionally, the strength and stability he offers me compensates everything that I give to him materially.
However, this past few days, I've been thinking whether we're still working out as a couple or the strain of the cycle is close to hitting me already. We had a fight a night ago over a textmate who flirts him. I know, that textmate is a girl, but what irritates me is that it reminded me of a time... before, and I can't understand why he's so curious to know more about her when in fact she's actually flirting with him.
I have to admit, it exploded into a full-scale conflict that night. However we've managed to patch things up before we parted ways. But the odds are already there. We're already ok when we parted this evening but somehow, I don't feel that much anymore to him when he left. I used to worry that much, but tonight, I don't really care if he text me or not - if he got home or he's somewhere out there.
Is this a sign of loosing grip? or we're into this adjustment thingie once again since we're already heading into our first year together?
At least he texted me something heartwarming before he slept:
Pangga maraming maraming salamat po sa lahat. pinadama mo sakin kung gaano ako kaimportante para sayo. sana po ay maipakita ko rin sayo ang mga ginawa mo para sakin at kung magawa ko man yun lahat, masasabi ko na di na ako guilty at makasarili. marami pong salamat sa pagmamahal mo sakin kahit against man sa mata ng tao. goodnight po sayo at alagaan mo po ang katawan mo ah. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! di na ako makakakita ng kasingkatulad mo. sweetdreams. mwah!
I woke up relieved and refreshed after reading his message. Yeah, maybe this notions and wrong signals simply rouses up my nightmares of a time before him. That's why I really hate it when I see people being hurt in relationships. I can't really pull myself to realize that it's their life and not mine. Maybe this is the empath's curse. I could feel whatever someone close to me feels, and at the same time, this feeling turns me against the people who inflict the pain on them.
I don't know... maybe this is just a hang-over from our fight last time. Maybe this is just the last challenge I have to resolve 20 days before our anniversary. Whatever I feel, I hope someone could give me a hint of what it is or is this feeling still normal.
Maybe I should have a time-off and reflect on how special this relationship is. Maybe I'm just simply pooped out to think about how important and crucial he is to my life at this time.
After all, I might not find another guy who would bear my trauma in relationships other than him. I am just worried that I might be loosing my grip.
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