Once Upon A Time, There Was A Tomorrow (Finale)

“Bakit ba ang tabing dagat ang laging tagpuan ng mga masasayang alaalang hindi na mauulit muli?”

- MMS saved message

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The sea beckons and it was the most breathtaking sight we have seen during our journey. Too bad it was cloudy so we can’t take pictures of the sunset that afternoon. But nevertheless, the sight of Baywalk was very much relieving after we spent a depressing and wake-up-and-smell -the-reality trip down the poverty lane.

After we found a spot to park her van, we began to take a stroll for ex-girlfriend needs a clean washroom so that she could change her shirt. Fortunately there’s this pay washroom several stalls aways from where we are so we didn’t have to walk that far in order for her to change her get-up.

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I sat near the edge of the concrete slab that separates the sea from the baywalk itself while I waited for her to come out of the washroom. I remembered that less than a week ago, it was IceRose who was with me in that same place. The sun was setting then on the horizon, and we had a good time watching it descend behind the clouds. We even tried taking pictures of ourselves with the setting sun as our background.

Ex-girlfriend finally came out and she’s now sporting a very tight white shirt with pink writings in front of it. Despite our fatigue and exhaustion from all the walking we did under the sun, she was still radiant and beautiful. The smile she showed from the moment we met at McDonalds still remained on her face.

She sat beside me and we were now facing each other. She began to talk about her past jobs, while my thoughts remained fixated on her T-shirt. It was relatively fit that her curves began to appear on the sides. She was still talking about her career, when I suddenly interrupted to comment about her get-up in a friendly manner.

Then the past suddenly emerged in the course of our conversation.

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“Do you remember the time when you won’t allow me to dress like this?” She said. “Yeah, I remembered and you kept on complaining why I won’t allow you to dress like that in public.”

I replied.

Yes, those were the times when "conservatism" ruled over me. The new Joms would never relate to my former self. Since I've got this far into telling our story, I have a confession to make... In the course of our six-month relationship, I never got to kiss her. We never displayed our affection in public. And the words "I love you." rarely comes out of my mouth.

Ours was a hybrid between a platonic and puppy-love one. In fact, whenever I think about it these days, I simply asked myself why on earth did I content myself with that kind of set-up. I could at least become more intimate and affectionate towards her.

After we talked about the way she dressed, and the way she percieved my conyotic get-up before, our conversation became more intense and personal. The things I avoided to talk about while we were on the van as we travelled along C4 Road now flow freely in our conversation.

“You know what, I felt so awkward after I volunteered myself to be your company today.” I said. "I thought you won’t respond after I sent you that text telling you that I am free and willing to accompany you the whole day.”

Ex-girlfriend just smiled.

Our conversation went on and on – ranging from our album she gave me before, which she thought I burned when we broke up to the things I didn’t had the chance to say when she was talking about it while inside the van.

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"I think I have already paid for the mistakes I did to you. Looking back, the one after you made me realize how it feels like to be the one exerting the effort to make the relationship work. The one after ours was so different, that I began to appreciate our relationship. I saw my flaws and shortcomings toward you."

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She asked if I was seeing someone in which I replied I am committed. I never mentioned about my preference, but I made it sure that she would get an idea how I run my relationships nowadays. In response to her question, I asked her if she found another one after me. For the first time, she revealed to me that I am still her last. Although, ex-girlfriend followed it up that there were a lot of suitors - most of them older guys who weilded power in every sector of the society, she added that no one came very close like I did. Perhaps its because she had learned her lessons from me or maybe our beginnings were so different because we started as very close friends, the intentions of having a relationship came up much later.

She also told me the story behind her decision to forgive me and forget all the pains I gave her. Ex-girlfriend said that she attended a retreat one time, and while they were having this sort of sharing, the thought of me suddenly came into my mind. There and then, she asked for a sign (which I forgot now), but suffice to say, her prayer was answered.

Two and a half years after we broke up, I recieved a friendster message from her days before my birthday. It was a letter of forgiveness. From then forth, we have restored our communication and it culminated to a one on one meet up last Friday.

Truth is, I'm not really sure if it would ever happen again but I am still hopeful. After all, I told her that in exchange for attending my dad's wake last February, I would forever be of assistance to her.

We talked about some more things, like what she plans in the future and how she handles the guys that are courting her She told me that althought she is happily living a single life right now, she’s actively dating other guys occassionaly. In fact, she told me that there is “someone” who is making her happy right now and she's hopeful that it would lead into something deeper and better someday.

As she talked about the guys that she dated from time to time, I gave her a glimpse of how it feels like being in a relationship with me... I told her the difference between then and now and how my flaws and shortcomings to her affected the way I run my relationships nowadays...

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"If our relationship happened today, you would notice a different me. Gone are the mushy days we had before, and expect me to be more touchy, confident and aggressive. I would be more possessive and wary to the people around you, but at the same time, you can expect my full commitment since I would ensure that I would be controlled by our routines. I really don’t know if things would work out between us with that set-up, or if it would make you happy with the relationship. That’s how things have changed.

But no matter the changes were, I would still be the non-confrontational Joms you have known before."

--

The clouds were already gathering, and the prospects of seeing the sunset has become dimmer and dimmer.

She thanked me for helping her do her field work. She even apologized for not treating me for a snack since I accompanied her the whole day.

Lastly she thanked me for finally making a final and formal closure to our failed relationship. “At least” she said, “I won’t have any emotional baggage if ever we never meet again…”

And the truth is, I was hurt with what she said. Finally it all came to me that this day had happened for us, not to build friendships again but actually have a formal end to whatever things that connects us from our common past.

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"This is the long goodbye

Somebody tell me why

Two lovers in love can't make it

Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?

No matter how hard I tryYou're gonna make me cry

Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it

All that's happening here is a long goodbye"

- Ronan Keating, The Long Goodbye

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Suddenly the rains began to fall so we went back to the van. Since we have already done whatever is needed to be done, she asked the driver to take her home. I still have some errands to do so I asked her if she could just drop me off somewhere along Pedro Gil instead near my home.

She dropped me off in front of Robinson's Place after seven hours of being together. Our last moments together was full of pleasantries. Is it as if, finally nothing comes between us.

But deep in my heart, there were things I forgot to say...

After having a formal closure and declaring finality on our past; after the guilt has been partially lifted, the mistakes were forgiven and the cordiality has been established; After hopes of a possible tomorrow to our once upon a time, has now a stronger chances of becoming a reality, even if that tomorrow may not be necessarily a happily ever after.

Something in me remained after receiving this text messages from her after she left:

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Salamat ϋ it started with Robinson’s Place and it ended with Robinson’s Plce ϋ Thank u 4 d closure and d company ϋ God bles. ϋ

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In closure, what remains is sadness.