The relationship was greeted with fanfare and excitement. After all, we were both "celebrities" since she has been one of the most popular girls in the major while I was the president of an entire batch. From day one, the first year and the third year students began to notice me more. She has this talent for making things big. And small things I did, would instantly become news worthy she was my best PR. Those who were weary of my relationship was mostly my circle of very trusted friends and my political party. Some of my tropa became upset when they heard the news since it means my time with them would become lesser the day we became us. It also means that I would be leaving two of my friends who were girlfriendless since birth.
Generally, my relationship with her was a stable one. We had a major fight though, but it wasn't a verbal one. We simply never talked the whole Christmas break. I also did some nasty things behind her back... and I think that was one of the reasons why my preference completely shifted from hetero to homo. Anyway, things were relatively peaceful and our relationship was generally okay. We both have our independence. But she wanted me to become more and more involved with her. She complained that I let her freely too much.
For three months after our silent war, things were normal. We were both busy with our academics, our own circles, our own political affiliation. What tipped off the balance was the realization and acceptance that I am beginning to have a preference shift.
And the entry of Roy into my life.
---
We dropped off Polly in front of his office. We, on the other hand began to have problems as to where we would look for other subjects. She plans of going to the riles, but I felt that it would be too risky for the both of us - especially her since she appeared rich and too dainty for a tour with the masses.
Instead, I suggested that we go on a road trip up North. There is this road connecting Roxas Boulevard and Port Area to Navotas, Malabon and the rest of the CAMANAVA area. That road is infamous for its shanty houses, dilapidated neighborhoods and it directly passes through Smokey Mountain and the new Manila open dump.
I told her that if she really wanted to see poverty and take pictures of it while in a safe distance, passing through that road would be a good idea. Then, if she's not content with what she sees, we could always turn right and look for a riles in Tondo or Caloocan area.
She agreed to my suggestion.
--
Since it was mid afternoon, the truck ban was lifted. We were sandwiched between massive mechanical beasts and untamed drivers as we drive through that road. Good thing it was traffic so instead of being scared with what passes beside us, we had a chance to talk about...
...our former selves again.
When I was preparing myself for this one-day activity, I promised that I won't bring up topics that would remind us of our past. After all, two years had already passed and even though things were already cool between us. I felt that it would be so improper if I bring up things that would make us feel awkward and uncomfortable.
But she started it when she began to mention about her dad (who was in the military actually) and the meeting he had with my dad (who used to work for the media bureaucracy). Of course, dad knew that my girlfriend's father is in the military and I guess, it was his key conversation during their meeting.
At that time, my ex-girlfriend was still furious to what I did so she did her best just to ensure that the meeting between our dads would never be concluded.
While she was revealing this to me, I was just simply smiling.
She also told me about the things that happened after we broke up - her depression bouts, the things she learned from me. The time she learned to stand up - Everything.
Since I was seated beside her, as she went on to tell me the behind-the-scenes story of her life, I began to feel awkward and uncomfortable.
You know what it feels like to be embarassed and guilty at the same time, while trying to pretend that its all over?
Thats what I felt as she began to mention things that actually belonged to our past.
---
Generally, my relationship with her was a stable one. We had a major fight though, but it wasn't a verbal one. We simply never talked the whole Christmas break. I also did some nasty things behind her back... and I think that was one of the reasons why my preference completely shifted from hetero to homo. Anyway, things were relatively peaceful and our relationship was generally okay. We both have our independence. But she wanted me to become more and more involved with her. She complained that I let her freely too much.
For three months after our silent war, things were normal. We were both busy with our academics, our own circles, our own political affiliation. What tipped off the balance was the realization and acceptance that I am beginning to have a preference shift.
And the entry of Roy into my life.
---
We dropped off Polly in front of his office. We, on the other hand began to have problems as to where we would look for other subjects. She plans of going to the riles, but I felt that it would be too risky for the both of us - especially her since she appeared rich and too dainty for a tour with the masses.
Instead, I suggested that we go on a road trip up North. There is this road connecting Roxas Boulevard and Port Area to Navotas, Malabon and the rest of the CAMANAVA area. That road is infamous for its shanty houses, dilapidated neighborhoods and it directly passes through Smokey Mountain and the new Manila open dump.
I told her that if she really wanted to see poverty and take pictures of it while in a safe distance, passing through that road would be a good idea. Then, if she's not content with what she sees, we could always turn right and look for a riles in Tondo or Caloocan area.
She agreed to my suggestion.
--
Since it was mid afternoon, the truck ban was lifted. We were sandwiched between massive mechanical beasts and untamed drivers as we drive through that road. Good thing it was traffic so instead of being scared with what passes beside us, we had a chance to talk about...
...our former selves again.
When I was preparing myself for this one-day activity, I promised that I won't bring up topics that would remind us of our past. After all, two years had already passed and even though things were already cool between us. I felt that it would be so improper if I bring up things that would make us feel awkward and uncomfortable.
But she started it when she began to mention about her dad (who was in the military actually) and the meeting he had with my dad (who used to work for the media bureaucracy). Of course, dad knew that my girlfriend's father is in the military and I guess, it was his key conversation during their meeting.
At that time, my ex-girlfriend was still furious to what I did so she did her best just to ensure that the meeting between our dads would never be concluded.
While she was revealing this to me, I was just simply smiling.
She also told me about the things that happened after we broke up - her depression bouts, the things she learned from me. The time she learned to stand up - Everything.
Since I was seated beside her, as she went on to tell me the behind-the-scenes story of her life, I began to feel awkward and uncomfortable.
You know what it feels like to be embarassed and guilty at the same time, while trying to pretend that its all over?
Thats what I felt as she began to mention things that actually belonged to our past.
---
I didn't really mean to break your heart. I know it was my fault. I was an asshole in our relationship and I don't even know if I can have excuses for all my mistakes and shortcomings. Maybe we were never really meant for each other. Maybe I wasn't prepared then to have you for a lifetime. But I was not that bad... I never told you painful words - we never really had a heated fight. All the time, there was only silence whenever things don't work between us. It was silence who killed us.
Weeks after graduation, I began to enjoy the company of my newfound friends. Roy just came into my life then and I had a great time hanging out with him. The album you gave me... was a bad omen. You said it was our common treasure and that it contains everything we have shared together. However it sent me some subneural signals about our impending doom. Have you noticed that things suddenly changed after I recieved it from you?
I can still remember. It was mid-April then. We were not talking for almost two weeks already. Half past midnight, I recieved a text message from you. It contained a single word Bye. You never said anything else and I understood it at one gulp. I knew then that its hopeless to continue a relationship that has no future. After all, those were the times I was drawing a new future - a homosexual future that will be the foundations of my life today.
After I sent you my confirmation, there was no reply. Even silence could not comprehend the rift and the disconnection between us. Weeks after, everyone who was aligned with you was now turning against me. Good thing, we have left college and I was spared from all the punishment they were prepared to give me.
But you know what,
You are the only girl who ever came... and I allowed to penetrate into my life.
---
Finally, we have crossed the bridge that separates Intramuros from Tondo. And what she saw suddenly made her grab the digital camera and begin to shoot pictures that she saw on the side of the road.
Rows and rows of tiny wooden houses, small children walking down the street while big trucks zoomed just meters away from them. Funerals that were conducted on the streets - there were old ones and young ones and you will see the difference with their caskets.
We were still talking about my dad and her dream about him. And since we were going nowhere, I suggested that we drive all the way to Navotas so we can both visit my dads tomb.
As we passed through rows and rows of apartments where thousands of families live. As the view of the Smokey Mountain (which has now turned green) appears in front of us, she began to tell me that her colleagues often teased her for being too fragile to join frequent exposures their NGO conducts in such places.
I think it was the first time she saw such place. We stopped at a nearby gas station, where the new Manila Dumpsite was just blocks away. As gasoline fills the tank of our vehicle, I opened the door and the putrid, acidic and nauseauting smell of garbage suddenly enveloped us. It was too atrocious that I panicked and immediately closed the door while she sprayed her perfume to kill the rotting scent.
Several meters away from us, there were a group of children playing. I told her, "tingnan mo yung mga bata. Imagine normal na sa pang-amoy nila yang bahong naamoy natin. Welcome to the real world ________. "
We continued driving until we reached the borders of Manila and Navotas. We continued our journey some more, until she saw again rows of houses where some family lives by a makeshift house dangling between two other houses made from aluminum sheets and worn-out plywood.
Then she saw something that immediately caught her attention again. She said it was a family who were having their lunch at the rooftop of one of the houses we just passed by. We decided there and then that we have gone too far and its better for us to go back. So when we reached the next intersection, we simply turned right and then made a U-turn on the first intersection again.
On our way back, we stopped at the place where we saw the family. As it turns out, they were not having a meal but instead, were playing a card game. We stopped several times for her to capture in her camera what poverty really is. After all, it was our objective in the first place - to see how extreme poverty do to children.
We passed by the garbage dump again, the industrial plants that lined that road of depression, the tiny homes and squatter colonies that lie in the street. We were seeing the full view of poverty right in front of our eyes.
Soon after we crossed the bridge again that separates Tondo from Intramuros, but now instead of seeing just the bridge, what we see is that it just not separate two districts, it separates the rich from the poor.
As the view of Intramuros, Manila Hotel and Luneta suddenly appears in front of us, I told my ex-girlfriend that whenever we pass that road, the view in front of us simply sugarcoats away the reality the road behind us offers.
Along Roxas Boulevard, she was surprised when we passed by the main headquarters of the Philippine National Red Cross. She even told me that she finds it ironic to see the organization that gives life and relief, just a bridge away from the poor and dying.
We planned to stop by Luneta to take pictures of ourselves this time, but since it is already getting late, and the difficulties of finding a parking space suddenly posed a problem to us, we just decided to continue driving
and conclude our one-day bonding at baywalk.
-tobecontinued-
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