It took me two hours before I could post my previous entry. The dammned Vibe ISP wouldn't allow me to preview my posts, thus I have to wait until two am just to activate my old Philworld Account.
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I found Axon's blog. He's not just a comic artists, his talents even flow into his writings. Very gifted kid, but, whenever I remember how he dumped kugs after he gave him his first experience of mantoman sex, we instantly barred him from joining the group.
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It seems the guys had a very memorable party two nights ago. How ironic that I even invited some of them to join the gathering, then I was the one who never appeared at the event. Oh well, I'm happy that they had a good time with each other... that's it. I had a good time with my former classmates as well.
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Sometimes, moderating parties - so that it wouldn't get wild becomes quite tiresome already. I know, they are old enough to control themselves, but unfortunately I've seen people being harrassed. Others wouldn't know because they are pre-occupied with a lot of things like socializing or self-destructing. However in-split second moments or during conversations after post-parties, one would realize that some "encroachments" had been made but luckily had failed.
Anyway, there are others who are doing my job as well. However, the trauma of having to worry about the things that happen during SDN still sticks to my mind...
I hope you'll understand... If ever... besides...
I'll just stop there.
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I wonder, how's Arrjae lately. We've never seen each other for two weeks already despite the fact that we're working in the same office and in the same department. I hope he's coping from his depressions. By monday, I'll make sure we'll have our bonding sessions even during lunchbreak.
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It's such a pity that the one you used to look up to as a leader is being toyed around by a friend who doesn't know when to stop and who to decide. Mahirap talaga kasi umaasa itong friend kong to, at ang mahirap eh patuloy pa rin siya pinapaasa ni... Mabait naman si... pero sabi nga ni meng-meng talagang liability niya ang pagiging indecisive niya.
My friend and I had a conversation this evening, and I found out that this guy... still ask him to wait... despite the fact that he's already seeing someone. What made my friend furious is that this guy keeps on telling him that he's just a kid, an immature kid but the truth is, this guys new hubby is also the same age as my friend.
Nakakalungkot lang dahil before, my friend used to be a very strong leader in our party, despite his orientation being gay. Somehow, this issue made us bond even closer and puts me into direct conflict with the guy... I used to look up to, the guy who once told me to control, or even stop my sexual adventures, to look for opportunities to settle down and find another guy who would make me become stable.
Nakakapanghinayang lang, it's been almost one and a half years after his first bud left him... but up to now, he remains in a state of flux.
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My rantings, my distance and my isolation would soon put me in a bad light. I just feel it. But despite everything, I would remain loyal, accommodating and in brotherhood with the people I grew up with. It's so hard to find true and lasting friends around here. I may feel alienated and distant for quite some time but someday, I would know who would be there to remain, and who would be there to stay for just a fleeting moment.
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Lastly,
writing a blog is like having sex, or just merely jacking off. You know about this intellectual arousal and emotional intercourse thingie... express your horniness through writing and you'll cum out with a long piece of entry just like this.
I would like to be more creative like axon, or some other bloggers I recently discovered, but like what Brando the macho dancer once said...
"small steps at a time kiddo, small steps at a time."
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