To You

For some weird reasons, I still doubt whatever advice I gave you in the yahoo groups this week. It's like the hell with me for giving such advises, when in fact, I was worse when I was on your shoes before.



But yeah, I pretended to be tough with guys before. I was good in keeping my real emotions away from casual SEBs. I knew how to have sex pretending that I was intimate when it fact it was nothing. I did had rounds in a cruising bar with Arrjae tugging along. He was my comfort zone then, we were facing some nice bouts of depression and we freed ourselves by going up to the ledge and danced as if we know that it would take another week for that chance to party again. When he was around, or when some ODDER was with me, I was discouraged to do nasty things. I never forget what Roy and James said when I was doing some exhibition in front of them.



Anyway, when you first posted that entry last week, I can't help but symphatize with you. Not just because i'm your kapatid, but because there remains a memory in me about how it feels... That sad chapter when I was also looking for love, yet it seemed that it's much easier to fullfill the libog rather than intimacy. In fact, at one point I was too upset that Avril Lavigne became my bestfriend for singing that sad song I'm With You.



Whenever the party's over and I'd walk along Orosa at 4 am under a slight drizzle, I can help but remember that song while thinking about the prospects of finding the one next party. I can still remember how lonely it is to be there, that's why I was clinging to Odders then. That's why I kept persuading Omeng to explore the dark room of Mister P. with me.



I understand how bitter you are dude. When it happened to me before, I did not only felt bitter, I entirely scrap the idea of that thing that brought me suffering. After all, I always fail when I did it with somebody. So I chose doing the shortcuts. I think I was lucky with phanks... when I did a shortcut to him. The first time it was a disaster - look at what Eul did to me and to my entire personality?



So don't be sad. It happens all the time. In fact, when you did post that email last week, I was also consoling one of our Brodder. We all fail, but what matters is that we do have some company to be with us, and we do learn... from the pain. I might not be there with you, but I'm always here to listen.



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In just 9 months, our friendship would be 3 years old. Imagine how time flies. Before, you just posted in the thread proclaiming your one week sexfest. A week before that post and I was still a virgin. And mind you dude, that was the single post that inspired me to embark on my own exploration. The following week, after breaking my bonds with PK. I followed you - I tried to do the same thing as you have did. But I know that I can never did beat you. Sandali lang kasi ako nababakante eh. I could still remember those times - especially when I first met you half-drunk with Kenzo at the Octoberfest. Galing diba? Who would have thought that even though we have had heart to heart talk rarely, our bond is that great that we're still under one boat.



Wala lang. When I read your message this afternoon with those words "miss na kita kapatid," it's like I've appreciated you more for what you are and how you made an impact to my life. Especially now that I've remembered my chat with Omeng this morning.



Things are changing. Priorities are also changing. But whatever happens, I'd always make sure that I'll keep my friends along. For I know in this life, it's hard to find them.



I'll always pray for your happiness kapatid. Forget what they said about you being maganda and all. To me you are one of the best guys i've ever known.



Too bad, only few sees the true beauty in you. But someday, someone will. All you have to do is windowshop until you find...



the right...



for you.