Friday, September 30, 2005

Walang Himala

Honestly, I don't know how would I feel with regards to what GMA is doing to this country.

On one side, I feel that she is slowly steering us towards authoritarian rule; such as her proclamation of Executive Order 464 which declares that all government official under the Chief Executive should ask permission first to Malacanang before appearing in any legislative inquiry or caucus. Of course, we know how many men have lost their jobs by simply disobeying this command.

The other one was barring everyone from protesting (read: against the government) on the streets. Well, the president said that she would enforce strict control over such activites because "it disrupts the people who wanted to have a normal, routinary and almost drone-like life."

When I first heard the news on the radio, my first impulse was to be angry. We're a democratic country right? And we are entitled to express our own opinions, voice out our own disappointments, and answer to our own accountability. What she is doing is curtailing it all.

My sister's "activitities" has become more frequent too this past few weeks. There were nights when I would just nag at the house (instead of my mom) and complains why my little sister is allowed to go home late when I won't be allowed to have two straight night of partying. Of course I am just joking, what I am furious about is the fact that I freak out when I remember the above proclamation of Malacanang.

I'm just afraid for my sister.

Because I know, nobody would protect us anymore if something stupid happens.

---

Indeed, this is an outrage.

But when I think of the millions of Pinoys who quietly earns for a living, the thousands of employees who works for outsourcing and BPO companies; Whenever I think and realize that we're connected in this international market web we call Globalization,

I feel that something inside me says that what GMA is doing somehow makes sense.

Just imagine the politics here in the country, the never ending political assasination and counter political attacks, the pathetic habit of our lawmakers of trivializing everything rather than debating new laws that would improve the lives of everyone. And the chest-thumping of retired generals who makes careless claims that "kapag hindi umalis sa pwisto si Ge-eM-Ahhy, dadanak ang dugo sa kalsada." You know, all those bullshits.

Of course, those who are vocal in opposing GMA wouldn't understand my feelings. But if you're working your ass to keep your family afloat. If you are already sick and tired of the never-ending cycle of politics here in the country and If you are already disgusted at how the opposition takes advantage of every issue and every political faction and masses available to drive their agenda.

You would think that somehow, a little but obvious control, force and discipline would be needed to make us all behave - especially the ones who makes a lot of noise, but little essence at all.

*photo courtesy of Inq7.net

Ispluk From The Mother Of All Manghahada

In fairness naikot ko ata ang buong Maynila buong araw. Paano ba naman, ngayon na-ischeduleyung dalawang chorva ko from new pastures elsewhere kaya hayun, umaga pa lang, instead na nag byu-beauty sleep ako eh larga kaagad ako from my balay.

First stop Ortigas. Dun sa building kung saan nagwork ako dati as a telemarketer of substandard printer inks in the US. Jusku, pressure talaga ang work na yun mga ateng. Halos pagpawisan talaga ka ng malapot bumenta lang sa mga Kanong walang alam sabihin sayo kundi "I'm not interested" or "this is a scam, fuck off asshole!!" Alam mo na, marami kasing madaling mabola sa US of A eh.

Pagdating ko dun eh 5 minutes akong late. Pekpek sila eh! Advance ang time nila sa time ko (kahit 30 minutes advanced ang orasan ko). Nung una, gulat pa ang receptionist dahil bakit daw lumitaw ang kagandahan ko dun samantalang hindi naman ako kasama sa list.

Cherva ko, "you told me to return today to take my exam... chorva chorva." Pero hindi naman ako nagtataray. Tamang pagpapaliwanag lang.

Hayun, after 20 minutes na pag-iintay at pang-iisplukan sa mga katabi kong applicant rin tungkol sa dati kong call center na tsismax ng cutie kong officemate eh pinapatayo sila for more than 8 hours every day habang nagtatake ng live calls at ispluk naman nila eh pinagbebenta raw ng daing na bangus yung mga call center agents dun sa CC (Call Center) sa baba ng floor namin,
pinag-exam rin nila ako.

Ang exam. Abstract reasoning. Ang pootah, kauma-umaga pinag-isip kaagad ako tungkol sa anong mga shapes ang naiba. Siguro after answering for a while, nahilo na rin ako. Bet ko natalagang mag-minimi-minimi minimo para makalayas lalo na't nagets ko na meron rin silang outbound account.

Ewan ko ba, after ata nung nag-apply ako sa Convergys several months ago, parang naging allergic ako sa mga call centers.

---

Eventually, natapos rin ako ng exams pero talagang windang na akong lumabas ng Orient. Kala ko nga magfa-paint ako sa kalsada dahil parang for a moment naging blanko ang paninginko. Wala pang 30 minutes ay natagpuan ko na ang sarili ko sa Kalentong. Kelangan kong magpa-print ng bagong "R" para dun sa next company na aaplayan ko sa Makati.

Mura naman ang printing kaya keri lang. Pero jusku ang pamasahe. Dun ata naubos ang budget ko for today.

Tinanong ko yung ale kung ano ang pinakamabilis na way papuntang Makati. Chorva nya, sakay daw ako papuntang Pasig tapos bumaba ako sa Crossing. Nung pagkasabi niya nun, ay nako, nagdilim talaga ang paningin ko. Gusto ko sanang sabihing kagagaling ko lang ng ortigas tapos babalik na naman ako doon para sumakay ng bus papuntang Makati at magtiis sa traffic, no way!! Pukulin na lang kita ng takong ng sapatos ko.

Pero cool lang naman ako eh. Nakangiti pa nga akong lumabas ng cafe sabay tumawid patungong JRU at sumakay ng jeep papuntang Hulo.

From Hulo, meron doong terminal ng bangka para makatawid ka from Mandaluyong to Makati crossing Pasig River. Jusku every time na tumatawid ako dun, naalala ko yung hirit sakin ng officemate kong TS (Transexual) na nung minsang sinabay daw niya yung ex-colleague namin na entremedidang model-modelan na tsinuktsak sa office matapos tarayan si Mami Athena, sumigaw ba naman sa loob ng bangka nang "Gosh, its soooo like Bangkok!" Ang pootah, sabi ko nga dapat tinulak niya sa ilog yung babaeng yun para nalaman niya ang difference ng Bangkok sa Maynila eh.

After 30 minutes of gruelling alikabok, traffic, mabantot na katabi sa jeep at sobrang taas na pamasahe. Nakarating rin ako ng ExportBank Plaza. Unang bumulaga sakin yung cutie na receptionist na kapag nakikita ako eh madalas nakangiti saken.

Ten minutes past 11, nag-eexam na naman ulit ako. Ngayon naman, write daw ako ng PR article about this certain website in the internet. It should be 600 words and must be rephrased completely. Heto na naman, windang ever na ulit ako. Jusme, nung nasa Infinite (PR company) nga ako, happy na sila sa 1 page article na sinulat ko. Eto 600 words... over my dead body! Gusto ko nga magbackout nang biglang may bumulong sakin na.

"Galingan mo ha Rica ka dito."


Kaya ako naman eh biglang nagbanat ng braso, sabay twinkle ng mga mata at ginalingan ko ang aking ginagawang article.

Wish ko lang, maging finalist ako sa karir pageant nila.

---

Hayun lang naman ang nangyari sa araw ko. The rest of my kwento is just below... dun sa kadramahan section ko.

But before I forget, ever since nagwork ako sa aking present company ngayon, hindi matatapos ang isang araw na merong textmate na magsasabi sakin na "Do you shave your pussy?"

Tangina, kagabi burat na burat ako sa bahay... nakakita ako ng gunting at... extrang Gilette mula dun sa anik anik na binili ko sa Cherry's 2 weeks ago.

Amp, kapag next time talaga na may nagtanong sakin nang "Do you shave your pussy?"

Hihiritan ko talaga nang "wanna suck may shaved birdie?"

Ewan ko lang kung hindi agad-agad, terminated ako. Wehehehe.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Notes From The Gran Emissario

Royal affirmations were given today from the worlds visited by my emissaries this week.

Although most of them only hinted their interest to annex me as part of their dominion, the mere fact I recieved a favorable response from them made me more confident in moving out and seeking my new patron. Still, my overlord hasn't responded yet to my formal apology and it is really pushing me to send more emissaries in hopes of securing my interests in the event of being dropped off in the middle of interstellar space.

Now I am convinced that he took my blunder personally. Too bad, he never gave me a chance to vindicate myself.

The last Royal Audience I had today was very enticing. A court elite hinted that I should do good in impressing their patron for the elite said her graciousness is very known for her opulence. The gran emissario reported to me that I could be recieving as much as twice as what my present lord provides for me.

Although the services I am obliged to give to their patron would be twice as difficult as I am giving my overlord, her graciousness is quite too difficult not to take notice.

Right now, there are three worlds out there who are interested in taking me in. Im pretty sure that by next week, such worlds might even double. The longer my overlord alienates me and the more I looses his favor despite my efforts to improve my realm.

The more I begin to resent and see the whole issue as something that is unfair for me..

Now that I have a go signal from my mom despite her reservations for me to use the jump gate going to another world once again,

Then I guess, I could begin to write the first few sentences of my famous secession speech.

---

On the other hand.

I visited my former patron and paid gestures for the good memories I had with them.

Indeed, despite the hardships I have experienced before under their control. Despite the overtimes and 6-day tolling I have done for them, our pioneering works had paid off.

Right now, more opportunities are coming their way. My supervisor, who had done me all the kindness and understanding a good guider could ever give, looks much more better and less haggard than the last time we saw each other.

I told her my issue, and she adviced me to save my own ass.

But what touched me most is her revelation, of what I gave to the team we have pioneered that brought them to the victorious state they are today.

She told me that I was the one who introduced to them the wonders of wikipedia. The wonderful website that lets its users tap humanity's knowledge with just one click of the search button. She said, it was my legacy and it proved to be very useful to their efforts.

Her words made me smile. At least, I have not been a bad apple to them.

Her words had become my inspiration now that I am beginning to doubt whether am I spreading enlightenment, or have I become a bearer of pandemonium.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Resolutions and Realizations - Act Two

Speaking of death and things you hold dearly, I made sure that I would leave home this morning after the sun has already appeared.

Of course, I won't take the risk of being late again, but I have to do it because I will have to cross the street where the girl was crushed to death yesterday afternoon.

I simply can't bear to see the spot where she was crushed, cause I would be reminded of how grotesque she looked like in my imagination after a ten-wheeler ran over her.

When I arrived at the intersection, the spot where her mutilated body used to lie was still covered in lumps of newspapers. It seems like her things were still scattered on the spot since trails were still seen from where I am crossing.

Anyway, I found out in the news this evening that the girl was run over by the truck because she was texting while crossing the street. She never paid attention to the truck, who was just beside her at that moment.

Such worthless and useless death. These are the things that makes me really really upset.

---

Her tragedy reinforced my spiritual beliefs once again.

The thought of Phanks crossing the same street when he sleeps over my place; thoughts of my friends crossing such busy intersections whenever they go to work; thoughts of my loved ones suffering the same tragedy, simply scared me to death.

I scan't bear to accept such tragedy befalling upon me.

That is why ever since last night, I've been talking to religious icons again.

I've been asking God to protect my loved ones and the closest people around me in exchange for doing good things and harvesting positive karma.

Because of all the things that scared me most, it is to experience in this lifetime death in a worthless, useless, tragic, inhuman and grotesque way.

I will give everything a human can ever give, just to ensure that such tragedy would never befall upon me.

God, never in this lifetime.

Resolutions and Realizations - Act One

And so, the counter strike begins.

In order to protect myself from the looming termination, I began sending my "emissaries" to different "worlds" across the "universe." Somehow, my actions made me sane for a while since it seems like there are a lot of "worlds" out there that needed my "talents." Although that means competition and new adjustments, I guess this is better than spending a Chrismas completely penniless.

As of the moment, I still cannot divulge the names of the "worlds" where my "emissaries" had been to. Suffice to say, the "emissaries" made some progress. In some ways, I am beginning to feel that what my boss did after was an injustice. I am starting to think that he took the incident that happened personally.

Like what I've said in the comment box, there were others in the office who did more major blunders than me. But they never experience the scourge that fell upon me. Even though I was late for 10 out of 11 days, there were others who were late for 11 days. Sinulit ba. The others guys would not even inform the boss if ever they will gonna be absent. At least ako, kahit absent sa work, sa bahay nagtratrabaho.

So even though I was late all the time, I never incurred any absences.

Besides, I have this gut feeling that Rica Paralejo is insinuating the boss to turn against me. I don't know why he hated me so badly when in fact, I never did something to him. Am I just paranoid? I don't know? But I observed that ever since the boss berated me last Sunday, Rica seems to be in high spirits during the two days we have been in the same shift together.

It's like he's telling me... "buti nga sayo, sipa ka na."

I don't want to sound bitter about it. But honestly, if ever things won't change after the boss returns from his business trip abroad. If he continues to dedma me at work, I will surely resign out of delicadeza. I swear, I won't wait for the time when he would bluntly tell me straight to my face to leave the office.

I can't simply accept such humiliation.

Anyway, Let's give the situation at least two weeks for things to take its course. As of the moment, I would intensify the overhaul of my image so that he would see drastic improvements the moment he sees my progress report at the end of the month.

---

On the other hand, the incident made me appreciate my job in a different light.

Ever since last sunday, I began to reach out to our goddess in Australia. I was even making bola to her, just to implicitly say that "if ever they kick me out here, I hope you would intervene on my behalf."

As day passes, I feel like my death comes near. I have began to feel a sense of higher respect for my job, my cyber "boyfriends," "flirtmates" and "girlfriends" and of course, Mami Athena, who had been my number one protector every time someone bosses around me.

I have began to treat my job in a very special way, because I feel that I would be loosing it sometime in the future - perhaps because of termination, or even resignation.

Guess this is how you feel when you know that your time of passing is near... everything becomes much more special because you know,

Those things you hold dear would eventually come to an end.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Stand Alone Complex

If he won't respond to my formal... I really don't have a choice but to brace myself for impact.

One thing I really hate about myself is I tend to be paranoid and think about things that would immediately protect my interest and well being, without judging its long-term effects on me.

I tend to flee in case of severe distress.

And I think I am approaching a very turbulent moment in my career life right now.

So now, I am making my initial moves. This is something that involves my pride already. This is something that never did happen to me, nor I saw before.

If I knew this would come, if I knew that such minor blunder would get massive like this... Then

I should have accepted the bigger and more securing opportunites given to me before.

A price for loyalty unrealized...

Well, this is really it.

I have two weeks, to make my preparations for my next next move.

Hopefully, my portfolio can bring me to places...

away from here.

While In The News

Dumating ako sa bahay matapos makitulog sa bahay ng kaibigan. Pagdating na pagdating ko, tyempo ko kaagad ang bagong yaya, nanunuod sa channel 2. Eh sa bahay, siya lang ang katangi-tanging Kapuso kaya ako naman biglang nagtaka.

Yun pala, balita sa TV na tayo daw ang title holder ng Miss International this year. Hindi ko na masyadong pinakinggan ang balita dahil mas inuna ko muna ang pag-ebak kesa makinig sa balitang magpapatumbling ng mga bading at mga beauty queen wannabee.

Pagbalik ko sa harap ng TV. Gulat ako. Hirit ba naman ni Karen Davila, meron daw gusto makibati sa bagong Miss International live sa TV. Isip ko nung una baka boyfriend o kaya number one fan lang.
Ampota, gulat ako nung narinig ko ang boses ni GMA.

Shet, anubatu! Dati rati deadma galore lang ako pag pinagbibintangan nilang may pagkashowbiz ek-ek etong ating presidente. Pero kanina talaga, tawang tawa ako kasi pati ba naman yun pinatulan. At wag ka ha, LIVE ang paggawad niya ng congratulations. Mukha atang desperate na naman sa attention itong si Ate Glo.

Lalo pa akong na-amuse ng biglang pinakita ang mukha ni GMA na nagcocongratulate straight from Malacanang. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, over na talaga ito. Habang pinagmamasdan ang kanyang ngiting poodle, sa isip isip ko, hindi kaya ito si Ate Glow na nagkukunwaring si GMA? Pinagmasdan ko ulit... ayyyy hindi nga!! Ngiti pa lang, Gloryang Glorya na!

---

Anyway, mixed reaction naman si ako. A part of me says, kaplastikan at showbiz ito. On the other hand naman, medyo heartwarming na mismong pangulo ng bansa mo, makijoin sa ka-jologan na nagaganap sa ating telebisyon - 21st century style.

I bet, sobrang touched ang ating bagong Miss International. I smell a new showbiz/advertising hotcake olredi!!!

Its fun to have an uber-media savvy leader from time to time. Wala lang.

Matapos kaya nito, ilang bading bukas ang magpapalit ng kanilang girlash name? Ilan kaya ang magsasabing ang bago nilang pangalan ay Precious Lara Quigaman at hindi Gionna Cabrera. Wala lang, minsan naiisip ko, why do many gays love to imitate females? Samantalang ang sarap naman maging bading na masculine.

Which reminds me, last Saturday nuod kami ng Masahista sa UP Film Theater. Aba, pagkatapos ng movie, dalawa kaagad sa tropa ko ang nagcla-claim na sila daw si Jacklyn Jose at bet nila ulitin ang mga lines na inispluk ng babae sa movie.

Wooops, mali ata etong attack kong to ah. I forgot, ako nga pala si Jen Marasigan. Hehehe.

---

Lastly, nagtext ang utol ko. Meron daw FEU student na nasagasaan sa kanto namin. Nagkalat daw ang utak sa kalye. Ewan ko ba, mukhang sinumpa ata yung intersection na yun ng Ramon Magsaysay. Andami dami talagang naaksidente sa lugar na yun.

Which reminds me again, 48 years ago I was crossing the same street. There was a slow moving truck in front of me. Suddenly, a speeding car had overtaken the truck. Tamang tama, nandun ako sa lane kung saan ang trajectory nung kotse. God, I was just inches away from certain death that night! I was so grateful that I reacted immediately at nakatalon ako sa bangketa within a matter or nanoseconds.

Anyway, if that happens a while ago, baka nakasalubong ko pa yung estudyanteng yun habang naglalakad ako pauwi!

Baka naman nakasakay ko pa yun sa FX minsan...

Ampota, hindi kaya kapitbahay namin yun!?!?

Creepy!

Dream Journals Three (Field Extension)

At first it was dark. I was in an old creepy house, probably in the living room while a single fluorescent bulb was lit up somewhere near the kitchen. Then I heard voices. They were whispering “marami dito” and “lahat sila nag-aagawan sa trono.”

Suddenly there was a commotion behind the curtains. It was a shadow figure of several men wrestling someone. I can’t remember exactly what happened next but there appeared a tiny guy, almost as big as my cellphone. He introduced himself to me. He’s like a sort of an emissary from the leader.

Then the scene changed. It was already morning and we’re on some suburban neighborhood. Other tiny men like him were already on the streets. It was some sort of a rush hour. Everyone is in hurry to get to their destination. The only difference was their vehicles were all made of wood and it was quite very exotic from ours.

This tiny guy who appeared to be my guide began introducing me to the folks on the streets. Suddenly, I saw myself towering above every structure that was in the area. Obviously, I was a giant in front of their eyes.

Then the scene changed again. I was driving a very old vehicle. Then it broke down into many parts and pieces. The small guys came into the rescue. They bought different car parts using their own devices and equipment and in a matter of seconds, the old car which I used to drive became brand new! It was like the new Mitsubishi Lancer…

End of Dream


--

I rarely sleep in somebody else’s place since I tend to be namamahay when I am not in my house. But since I have to lend something to a friend this afternoon which coincides with my body clock, my body automatically shuts down the moment I felt relaxed in his place.

Until now, I was still puzzled with my dream. I was thinking whether the tiny guys who accommodated me in my dream were real or not. I had a feeling though that they were entities – folks who dwell on the same place where my friend lives.

Whatever it is, I woke up feeling refreshed and lighthearted. I was so damn happy that I even texted my host about what happened. With a history of being harassed by entities on different occasion twice before,

This afternoon those entities that appeared in my dream made me feeling very welcome to stay in their realm.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Countdown To Termination

I woke up this morning from someone's phonecall.

It was my boss and he was calling from the US. He was extremely furious and his first words were "Asan Ka Na? Wala ka pa ba sa opisina? Anong oras na?!?!" Since I just woke up, I was perfectly defenseless.

Rolling out from the bed and into the computer. I told him that I am logging on from home, which was acceptable but not really a good resort. It was 6:30 and I said that I woke up late because I went out last night.

From there, his furiousness further increased. He was raging mad and I was recieving the full brunt of it.

Gee, I have already forgotten when was the last time I ate soap early in the morning. But it was really a wake-up call. Last month, I was late for 10 days out of 11 days of work.

A colleague caused one of our clients to back out because he was absent during at a critical shift of the day. Nobody took over his post so the clients were furious with our boss.

His irresponsibilities caused us to loose one account.

And today, what I did was an abuse. I am accepting my mistake and my irresponsibility. I should have gone to BED last night instead of going home so that I would go to work directly from the party.

Now, I have to accept the consequences of my actions. I hear a termination coming my way thats why I should look for another work on the papers this afternoon.

At least, I would be prepared to go... and perhaps its a good thing to move on... now.

Just the same, I enjoyed my job and the company I am working with. Too bad, its time for me to go.

Sophomore Dreams

The air was cold and very sweet. The ground was damp and quiet. From the top of a ridge somewhere in Pasig, the view of the Marikina Valley and the Sierra Madre beyond was a sight to behold.

The twinkling lights from human structures on the horizon was breathtaking. It was a saturday night and everyone was up to party. But for me, it was time to go home. Weary and exhausted from a monotonous life I am currently embracing, somehow those sweet, cold air reminds me of nostalgic remembrances;

that whispers into my ear like gentle voices which lulls my mind back in time.

--

It was the sophomore years. Padi's Antipolo was some dream I wanted to achieve. Back then, I just wanted to drive a car over there on a night like this with some very close friend I am deeply bonded with. Up there, we would play some senti songs on a car stereo while we talk about everything under the cover of the stars and the blinking lights of a sleeping city.

Back then, my sophomore bestfriend would often sleepover here in my house. Then at night, when everybody's sleeping, we would sneak out driving my dad's FX as our joyride vehicle.

Those were the days of carelessness and it doesn't matter to me if I drive without a licence or not. After all, responsibility wasn't a big word yet and impulse was always the one overriding my decisions.

Every night, I would spend an hour joyriding. Actually, I was teaching myself how to drive so that someday, I would get there and achieve whatever my heart desires. Slowly, it began to take its own shape. Only a license is what I needed before I could finally execute my wish... until yeah, time left me.

In my dreams, I would play songs by Semisonic, Cranberries and Bic Runga. I would play mellow songs while the easterly freezing winds blow into my face while we chill out and enjoy a breathtaking view. I wasn't gay then, but the whole reason why I wanted to be there in the first place is to get emotionally intimate with a guy bestfriend of mine.

Many years had passed and the dream patiently waited... until time comes, close straight friends found their own lives and the dream, no matter how it waited would never be achieved at all. The feelings are all gone and the moment... that was there was taken over by other dreams, which were more realistic and highly achievable.

Eventually, I got there using somebody else's car and with a different group of friends. I have sentied with some other chicks whom, had become part of my life.

But the memory of the dream remains...

And tonight, it so happened that I am reliving those sweet moments once again.

And somehow, I remembered you Dar. If only I was man enough to tell my feelings to you then. Even if you may not appreciate it, at least. Your memory won't live on till now.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

These Are The Times Its Better To Be Dead

For Joms:


How To Be Dead
Snow Patrol



Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way


Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God


Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride


---

I hope that someday you can tell Pulsar everything about it...

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Kapatid

It is something worth remembering once again...

You agreed to meet me one afternoon, and I came at the place we have agreed upon. You don't have any mobile phone yet so we have to exert more effort to synchronize our eyeball. You said you were wearing a brown polo. I forgot what I wore that day.

And it was, the dawn of our homosexuality. I had just accepted myself months before and as my instincts told me, I should spread the enlightenment Papu had told me. You were cool about it so there we were, marking down history that would become what is today.

The sun was setting over the Sunken Garden. I was waiting for you. I wasn't even aware that you were already there walking around me. I just knew for the fact that you are a chinese-looking student. The smell of freshly cut grass emanates in the air, suddenly a guy decided to lie down on the grass and the sun shone brightly on his face.

I didn't remember how did I approach the guy but it was you all along.

That meeting we had is a past worth cherishing tonight.

---

The invitation was circulated days before tonight.

We were talking about your birthday last week: We were even having YM conferences about it. I know, you felt that we seemed not to take your invitation seriously. As you suggested before, nobody confirmed to you: everybody seemed to be watching.

But we knew all along that this is a moment to be celebrated. After all, you are one of the pillars of the brotherhood.

After the pre-party bash we had last night, we knew this is something. Everybody we knew was going and you will be the first among us to witness the gathering of a mighty contingent after the Christmas Party last year.

And so, it did happened.

The intended meet up was at Jollibee at 9 PM tonight. Even though I was one of the organizers, I never really thought that others would also spread the word. I just knew everybody was flexing their tendons to make sure everybody was informed.

Never did I realize that it was something mighty, like the one we have seen today.

---

I swear, ours could fill a single jeep alone.

Imagine twenty guys walking along Megamall, like having a sort of procession or something.
We even took batches to arrive at your party just to ensure that the personell at the lobby wouldn't notice how big our group was.

And I know in my heart that you were surprised with the outcome of your invitation. After all, you were even worried that nobody would come along.

I recieved your text message this afternoon...

Although I spent much of my time hanging out with your buddy's friends. I knew it was a time of renewing my bonds with our fellow brothers. Not all of them comes whenever we meet on Fridays.

But suffice to say, it was a roof raiser. I even told Papu how small beginnings end up massively like this.

And I know, everybody was delighted to see each other once again.

It's been months since we did this kind of celebration

and the Paragon Contingent would always be a reminder that we had an absolutely wonderful past.

---

And to rephrase what Garppp had said two weeks ago when we saw each other at Papu's place: No matter how rarely we meet nowadays, the foundations are deep enough not to let our strong, sturdy monument to our friendship collapse.

It would always stand proudly where it is.

It's just a matter of time and place where to offer our praises and remembrances to that monument we have built.

And for all the best times and worse times kapatid. This celebration is for you and for us.

May you always find happiness, now that you've almost have all.

Happy Birthday.

We're so very proud of you Kirsh.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Revelations: Runway

I step into the runway
as the lights started to focus
on me.
Im slotted at the middle
of the show.
And Im all up
wearing the best
suit my clients
could afford.
The multitude of crowds
have gathered
to see the parade
of men,
as they strut
their way into the
fashion show of their lives.

The judges who
would see us were
all seated at the corner.
They will look at how
we strut
and how gracefully
we walk the runway
of life.

And as seconds
come before my
cue to show my stuff,
I’ve realized
Im not even half as
good as the guys
who came before me.

In the runway of life,
I think I am lagging
behind.
Walking past the curtains
and into the backstage,
donning my best
appearance and
necessary facial expressions,

My wings have not yet
opened to allow me
for once and for all
to fly.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Absence

If only real life can be portrayed as simple and exciting as these...






























Snapshots from Sims 2: Nightlife

Monday, September 12, 2005

Minsan May Isang Halamanan (Second Part)

Nang makabalik kami sa school matapos ang bagyo, laking gulat naming lahat sapagkat nadatnan naming lubog sa tubig ang mga naiwang dish garden na nakadisplay sa labas ng workshop. Ang mga magagara at mukhang mamahaling project ng mga kaklase ko ay bigla na lang nalusaw na parang cotton candy na natunaw sa loob ng mainit na bibig ng isang bata.

Dagli kong pinuntahan ang dish garden ko sa takot na baka pati ito ay kasamang nasira ng bagyo. Tumagal rin ng mga ilang minuto ang aking paghahanap dahil sa kapayakan nito kumpara sa mga naipasa ng mga kaklase ko.

Nakahinga lang ako ng maluwag nang matagpuan itong nasa silungan malapit sa Work Ed room. Laking pasalamat ko na lang sapagkat sa kagahaman ng iba kong mga kaklaseng mapabilang ang kanilang project sa isa sa pinakasikat, ang mga hindi pumapalag na kagaya ko ay nilagay ang mga dish garden sa likod upang ito ay hindi makita o mapansin ninuman.

Noong araw ring iyon, habang abala ang lahat sa pagkukumpuni ng kanilang mga nalunod na dish garden, ako naman ay nabigyan ng mataas na grado biglang pagkilala sa aking maagang pagpapasa ng project.

At dahil walang mapapaglagyan ang teacher ng aming mga gawa, nagpasiya itong iuwi na lang namin sa bahay ang aming mga graded project.

---

Ang school bus na sinasakyan ko pauwi ay mabagal na binabagtas ang kahabaan ng E. Rodriguez Boulevard habang dahan-dahang lulubog ang araw sa aming harapan.

At sa tuwing pinagmamasdan ko ang aking dish garden, hindi ko makaila ang pagkamangha sa hitsura at porma nito. Noong mga panahon kasing iyon, kabilang ako sa isa sa pinaka-lousy magpasa ng project sa Work Ed. Tinuturing ko na isang malaking tagumpay na nagsubmit ako ng isang project na ako mismo ay namangha dito.

Sa kakatingin, isang magandang ideya ang pumasok sa aking kukote.

Bakit nga ba hindi ko i-pursue ang aking mga natutunan sa gardening at gawin itong hobby ko?

---

Three months na ang nakalipas simula nang maiuwi ko galing school ang aking dish garden.

At sa loob ng mga buwang iyon, tinadtad ko ng iba't ibang klaseng ornamental plants ang harap ng aming bahay. Marami dito ay nakatanim sa lata ng infant's milk na bigay ng mga bagong panganak na kapitbahay. Ang mga bago ko namang halaman ay galing sa hardin ng kaibigan ni mama na siyang gumawa ng dish garden ko. Higit siyang nakaramdam ng fulfillment nang malaman niya na naimpluwensiyahan akong mag-gardening dahil sa kanya.

Naging ugali ko noon ang mangbunot ng halaman ng iba upang itanim ito sa aking mga de-latang paso. Naubusan na rin kasi ng ipamimigay na ornamental plants ang kaibigan ni mama, kaya naman nagpasya akong mag-explore ng sarili ko. Ilang beses akong napaaway dahil dito. Ngunit dahil sa bata at kakaiba ang hobby ko sa lahat ng mga kabataang lalaki na nakapaligid sa akin, madalas ay napapagbigyan ako sa aking mga hiling.

Di naglaon, pati yung kababata kong si Benneth na nakatira sa tapat ng bahay namin ay naimpluwensyahan ko ring mag-gardening. Kumuha siya ng sarili lugar sa harap ng bahay nila upang lagyan ng mga paso. Ang nakakatuwa dito, kung sino pa ang lalaki, siya pa ang mas refined sa paghahalaman at mas-organized sa pag-aalaga nito.

Sinabayan rin ako ni Benneth sa pag-eexplore at pag-procure ng bagong mga species ng ornamental plants upang huwag mahuli sa unahan naming dalawa. Hindi nagtagal ay nasabayan rin niya ako sa dami ng halaman at ito ang naging simula ng friendly competion sa pagitan naming dalawa.

---

-tobecontinued-

Minsan May Isang Halamanan (First Part)

Nagsimula ang pagkahilig ko sa gardening noong ako'y nasa Grade 6. Meron kasi kaming subject noon na ang tawag ay Work Education. Dito sa subject na ito, tinuruan kami ng basic carpentry at electrical maintainance. Isa rin sa naging quarterly lesson namin ay Gardening.

Tanda ko pa, second quarter yun ng taon. Panahon ito ng mga bagyo at madalas na-dedeclare na walang pasok. Ang teacher namin sa Work Ed, walang inatupag kundi ipabungkal ang lupa sa sa likod ng building. Ito daw ay para taniman namin ng gulay na aming aanihin pagkatapos ng school year.

Para sa aming final project, kailangan naming gumawa ng isang Dish Garden na ie-exhibit para sa aming annual school parade. Nakasulat doon sa manual (na kailangan naming bilhin sa teacher, kung hindi ay babagsak kami) na ang dish garden daw ay isang malikhaing paraan ng pagdedecorate ng mga house plant. Ito ay kadalasang nilalagay sa isang table sa sala ng bahay. Gawa ito sa isang hugis-oblong na paso at pinupuno ng maliliit na mga ornamental indoor plants na dapat daw ay artistically arranged.

Palibhasa'y ignorante ako sa mga halaman kaya naman humingi na lang ako ng tulong sa bestfriend ng aking nanay. Siya ang kilalang adik sa halaman doon sa lugar namin. Matapos siyang kunsultahin para sa aking dish garden, siya mismo ang namili ng dish para sa akin. Siya na rin ang nag-provide ng mga ornamental plants na gagamitin ko para sa aking dish garden.

Sa loob ng isang araw, natapos niya ang project ko. Kaagad ko rin itong pinasa dahil nagmamadali na ako ng mga oras na iyon. Nang mapabilang ang aking dish garden sa dish garden ng mga kaklase ko, naramdaman ko kaagad ang kapayakan ng ginawa ko. Higit na mas magagara ang dish garden nila at puno ito ng mga ceramics na mukhang mamahalin pa. Masasabing pinaghandaan nila ito husto at pinagsayangan nila ng oras ang kanilang mga dish garden.

Ang sa akin naman, palibhasa'y sobrang payak ng dish garden ko kaya't hindi ito pansinin. Higit na mas kakaunti ang mga ornamental plants na nakalagay dito at ang tanging decoration lang na makikita ay isang ceramic na kalabasa na may maliit na bahay sa ibabaw nito. Ang pagkakatanda ko, ito ay ang natatanging contribution ng project partner ko. In fact, kung hindi ko inedit itong entry na ito, hindi ko matatandaan na group effort pala ang ginawa namin.

Natapos ang hapon at dumaan ang gabi. Maraming beses rin akong napuna at nakutya dahil sa Dish garden ko. Nang sumunod na araw, nag-declare ng walang pasok ang DECS.

Signal number 2 kasi sa Metro Manila.

---

-tobecontinued-

Friday, September 9, 2005

Behind The Curtains

XP once said that there are things that are better left unsaid.

He is right in one occasion… that is, if those were to be said would hurt someone, or makes things more complicated. Thats where the phrase finds its application.

However, this blog is not about XP’s comment exactly. It just came down to me while I am writing this entry that he said that to me several days ago when I told him that I think I have missed to write some good entries for my blog this week.

After all, what I’ve written about is mostly political commentaries and my feelings about my vile supervisor.

And besides, I think I am still suffering from a seasonal writer’s block these past few weeks. Lately, I am experiencing difficulty expressing my thoughts and I get easily distracted whenever I begin writing things down for my entry. Its like, finding a reason to write about one moment, then loosing it the moment you face the monitor and begin working your fingers at the key board.

These are trying times indeed, and what’s more scary is that I sometimes write without an inspiration to guide me. That I am grasping for directions.

--

Anyway, a week had past and despite the hard times, there were things to celebrate and to remember.

Actually, there were more things to mourn about but hey, every mourning has its own passing. Good thing though is that I am in a good spirits this afternoon and that makes me remember most of the better days rather than the difficult times.

In the spirit of sharing and celebration of life; and before I finally declare this week to a close; here are the things that happened to me this week that I did not mention in one of my entries.

Included are the back stories, first moments and of course, excluded are the things… that are better left unsaid.

--

Sunday:
  • Phanks was supposed to sleepover my place that night, but since he changed his mind at the last minute on Saturday night, my entire body clock was messed up. Instead of reporting for work, I decided to do my job at home. And I found it extrememly boring.
  • Phanks and I began texting sweet nothings again.

Monday:

  • Payback Time. Since I reported for work on a day-off, I decided to use this day as a replacement
  • I finally downloaded Kevin Aviance's Into The Light cover by Misia. Ever since I heard it being played at BED two weeks ago, it never got out of my head.
  • Phanks slept over my place and I've got what I've been dying for since 48 years ago.

Tuesday:

  • I woke up while Phanks was snuggling at me.
  • Mami Athena was absent at work and to cope up for her absence, I decided to pay a visit to my former superior officer at the advertising company. Sir Ted had became slimmer and younger. I just hope that he is enjoying his new job.
  • Got my paycheck, bought a shades from Fly at Megamall and then pigged out at Luk Yuen. It was the first time I treated myself for a fancy dinner in so many months.
  • Wrote my Rica Paralejo Entry.

Wednesday:

  • My body began showing strains from my gym regimen. I am beginning to loose interest in working out.
  • My gym program was missing at the gym. I began to fall apart.
  • I was so extremely exhausted when I got home, I slept without talking to phanks that night to check him out if he got home already. However, I woke up past midnight and attempted to call him. He was sleeping already.

Thursday:

  • Mami Athena is still absent at work. Things have become relatively empty during our shift.
  • It seems like our client in Australia got back their former accounts that they lost during the "grand incident" last month.
  • While on my way to meet phanks, I suddenly felt a surge of guilt after I've realized that we used to be powerful and influencial; that during our best times, we simply held the future in our own hands. Too bad, I have seen everything fall - the publication, my father, the people around us. In just a span of three years, everything is almost gone. What made matters even more scary is the fact that we don't hold the future anymore. We are not so sure how long would the Security Agency last. All those thoughts swirling around, plus the fact that despite my relative job security, I felt so worthless among my peers when it comes to career growth made me more frustrated about my situation. The thought of leading a life without no direction simply made me down and upset... extremely upset.

Friday:

  • Day Off. But I had to go out to encash my extra bonus.
  • That morning, we almost got into trouble after mom accidentaly loosed her balance and almost fell to the ground again. Still, the horrible and traumatic event that happened the night before my birthday last year still haunts me and adds to my depression. Mom said that for several seconds, she felt extreme pain on her chest.
  • Afternoon came and I declared myself in a state of depression.
  • To counter my depression and alleviate my guilt of not being there when my mom was shouting and calling me that morning. I decided to buy her a DVD using my credit card.
  • I didn't go to the gym and instead visited Mami Athena who, was in Megamall managing a trade show. I found out that one of her clients is my mom's youngest sister.
  • That night. I decided to hang around at Papu's place. Nathan, XP and Arrjae followed.
  • I went to BED, and it was a very boring night. I was not in the mood to dance.
  • But in fairness, Ricky, the hyperkid who was my bet two weeks ago took off his shirt while dancing on the floor. But we're friends now so he's not my bet anymore.

Saturday:

  • Seeing Papu last night eases my depression. I just realized that his presence might actually reunite the OUTsiders again.
  • I didn't chatted at MIrC ever since last week.
  • I watched a DVD on my player for the first time.
  • Our househelp for the past three years left to return to her native home. I was keeping my emotions as she leaves the house. There would surely be a lot of changes from now on.
  • I am officially a SIMS 2 addict again. And I can't wait for the release of their new expansion pack, SIMS 2 Nightlife on September 13.

My Sim Boylet

Paps

Naalala ko pa, naka-school uniform ako noong unang nag-meet tayo sa Starbucks Pearl Drive Tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan. Bata pa ako para sa buhay PLU, at alam kong yun ang pinakavulnerable times ko.

Sariwa, curious, adventurous... gullible sa lahat ng bagay.

And you know what, you were one of the first persons who showed me enlightenment. Di mo ako iniwan at dahil doon, naipasa ko ang mga turo mo sa akin sa maraming kagaya ko. At proud ako na ikaw ang isa sa mga nagmold sa first phase ng pagiging homosexual ko...

You have always been my inspiration, an older guy I always look up to.

Kaya ngayon...

andito ako para sayo...

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Impeachment, What Impeachment?

I could still remember it well. It was mid-February and the Senate Impeachment Trial of President Estrada is already coming into a close. For months, everyone was glued into their television sets because of the drama unfolding everytime the trial has been televised on the major networks. In fact, I have heard that the televised hearing itself gained high ratings despite the fact that it lasted for more than 5 hours every day.

It was around 8 pm. I could remember that they were debating about the issue of opening the second envelope. The debate ensued well into the night. I remembered the counting... the NO votes won. There were cheers from the Pro-Estrada Camp. The camera was focused on then Senator Loren Legarda bursting into tears and was being comforted by Senator Franklin Drilon.
Former Senator Tessie Aquino-Oreta was jeering the civilian spectators by dancing like a stupid witch possessed by her own deadly incantation... and yes, even Miriam Defensor-Santiago was one of the most hated figures of that time. I swear, some people have imagined her laughing like a deranged woman proclaiming her victory against the wind...

Midnight came and the people - especially the brothers from Ateneo wasted no time in organizing themselves again at the Edsa Shrine. Everything came very fast from that point and the networks began televising 24 hours just to cover the events that were unfolding.

That night, I sneaked out of the house and joined the multitudes who gathered at Edsa. I was young then and very much adventurous. It was 2 am and the air was so cold. People are gathering forces way into the morning. It was the beginning of changes. The winds, which the administration believed to be on their side has finally turned against them.

---

Five years later and the rest was history.

Again, some new forces attempted to tame the wind and tried to unseat the once victorious forces that drove the former one away.

Still, there were the never-ending dramas, the rallies and mass demonstrations, the slogans are still there and the declarations of support and opposition to the administration or being proclaimed by Balimbings in all corners of the world.

It's like being transported back to history where things were and the future was still hopeful for the eyes of many.

But now...

More and more people are getting hungry. Millions are jobless and some of them are trying their luck in foreign lands. Everyday, the threat of energy crisis is looming on the horizon. On the other side of the globe, people are dying from a Hurricane's aftermath. The world is coming to an end and here we are busy with our own politicking and greed for power.

---

Yes, I don't deny the fact that she has done us wrong and that she must be punished.

But I think in many ways, she is already paying for her bad karma. Don't they notice it? What else do they want to do? Nail her to the cross? Order all history books to judge her as a cursed person? Replace her with another leader with a more questionable background when it comes to management and leadership?

What??

That is why I never participated in any mass demonstrations that happened during the past few months. No wonder, as everyone looses their support towards her, mine had become stronger and stronger.

That is why I hated almost everyone in the opposition and percieved them as greedy pigs because

I am sick and tired of fucking politics.

God, when we would ever learn? When would we ever realize that everything is being manipulated by compromises and secret agreements?

When would we ever realize that there's more to government than the fucking impeachment? When can we finally see that in impeaching her, this nation would never find closure... Not now, not ever.

---

I admit, I belong to one of those drones who chooses to work rather than to participate in those silly demonstrations.

After all, only the bums, children and the bourgeoisie could afford to waste their time and money on those affairs these days.

In the first place, what are we really fighting for? Justice?

What justice? For the Filipino People?

How would they appreciate it when most of them are sick and tired of the system?

Gain for themselves? Most probably...

But you know what, the fact still remains.

They don't have a clear-cut and long term solutions to the problems faced by this country. Oust the President now and someone would take over.

Once that someone who took over fucks around, others would begin to oust that person they allowed to take over the fallen government again.

Maybe God has a very clear reason why He sided with GMA rather than the opposition this time.

Perhaps, he is saying:

"Cut the crap now and work your assess in looking after your people's needs instead of goofing around"

If I only knew then, when I was still a kid that this would be happening, I wouldn' t have wasted my time going to Edsa Shrine to oust a former president.

I wouldn't have stormed Malacanang during the day we ousted the former president.
If only I knew that there would never be peace in the outcome of a war, I should have not supported the war at all...

Because look at we now,

We're just having a sick carousel ride over and over.

Seems like youre a very very lucky girl huh?

Rica Paralejo

Tuesday.

Pumasok ako sa work at since ka shift ko ang isang bisor na mainit ang dugo sa akin ever since naging regular ako sa trabaho, naharass na naman ako ng wala sa oras.

Ang issue naman ngayon, ang paggamit ng Limewire. Sabi niya, i-disconnect daw namin ang lahat ng Limewire dahil bumabagal ang bandwith ng mga computers. Ok lang naman dahil nga against sa company policy yun, pero ang kapansin pansin doon, alam niyang ako ang nagpapatugtog ng music sa office gamit ang Limewire at kahapon daw, kung kailan wala ako sa office, hindi naman niya pinansin yung mga nakaduty na gumagamit ng Limewire.

Napansin rin niya ako at one instance kasi binabasa ko ang e-mail galing sa mga Diyos namin sa Australia. Hirit ba naman sakin magtrabaho daw muna ako dahil maraming pending message. Hirit ko naman nagtratrabaho ako at binabasa ko ang mga bagong policies ng client bago ako bumirada sa ginagawa ko.

Ang gago ba naman, hindi talaga umalis hangga't hindi ko sinasarado ang window kung saan nandoon ang e-mail na binabasa ko.

---

Tangina.

Linggo linggo na lang laging ganito ang eksena. Every duty kung saan magkapareho kami ng shift, hindi malayong may mapansin sa akin.

Dati rati, quever lang ako kahit na alam kong may weird na pakitungo siya sa akin, pero ngayong marami na ang nakakapansin na ako ang lagi niyang pinupuntirya, sobrang haggardness deluxe ako kapag duty ko ng Monday at Tuesday dahil kasabay ko siya at di malayong mapag-initan na naman ang nananahimik na ako.

Hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang nagawa ko sa kanya. Basta, ever since pumasok ako dun, parang ang gaan gaan sa kanyang barahin ako o kaya mag-init ang dugo niya sa akin.

Nakakabadtrip rin minsan, lalo na noong feeling ko mag-isa pa lang ako. Kaya nga napa-apply ako sa West dahil lang sa sama ng loob ko sa kanya.

---

Pero every week simula noong unti-unti kong nakakabonding ang mga katrabaho ko, marami akong na-uuncover tungkol sa past transgressions niya.

Nandoong nalaman ko na marami na siyang pinag-initan bago sa akin at talagang nasa personality niya ang mag-power trip.

Nalaman ko rin na hindi pala ako nag-iisa at meron nang mga tao sa office ang minsang pumalag sa power tripping niya.

Pero feeling ko, mukhang isa ako sa mga nakalinya sa mga susunod na papalag sa kanya.

---

Nakakaawa lang kasi ramdam mo talaga na lahat ng tao ilag sa kanya.

Lalo pa ngayong may solid front ang lahat ng pang-umaga.

Noong isang linggo, halos tatlong araw hindi makausap ng matino kasi merong isang colleague namin ang nagpalit ng pangalan niya sa whiteboard at ginawang pangalan ng babae.

Tuwing uwian naman, pansin na pansin mong maaga siyang umaalis ng office dahil alam mong may iniiwasan o ayaw makasabay sa daan.

At tuwing may napapag-initan bukod sa akin na suki na niya, lahat ng tao biglang napupunta sa kanya ang focus. Minsan pinagtatawanan siya sa mga ginagawa niya. Minsan hinahanapan siya ng dahilan sa ganung pag-uugali niya.

Nasa kanya nga ang tiwala ng mga boss... pero ng mga subordinates niya, parang medyo kaduda-duda yun.

Lalo pa ngayon.

---

For once, naging leader rin ako.

At alam kong kapag may subordinates ka, dapat ikaw ang maging dahilan nila para mainspire sila sa pamumuno mo at hindi mawalan ng loob.

Alam ko para maging effective leader ka, dapat tinitingala ka ng mga tao at walang nakikitang puna sa iyong paraan ng pamumuno.

Sa case niya, ang lousy niyang supervisor. Ako mismo, nawalan na ng amor sa kanya... ang iba pa kaya?

Kaya tuloy instead na maging efficient ang trabaho namin tuwing araw ng duty niya. Ramdam mo ang friction at tense atmosphere sa office.

Ramdam mo na hindi ka kumportable magtrabaho... at kung pwede lang matapos na lang ang oras ipagdadasal mo wag mo lang siya makasabay ng trabaho.

Ganun ang feeling ko madalas kapag kasama ko siya.

---

Buti na nga lang hindi pa kami openly nagkakabangga.

Buti na lang at hindi pa ganoon kalakas ang loob kong mag-fight back sa kanya kung hindi medyo matinding gulo ito... na siguro ay magreresult sa aking immediate termination.

Sa unang pagkakataon, pumasok ako sa trabahong hindi kumportable sa immediate supervisor ko.

Himala na nga lang at hindi ko pa sineseryosong mag-pull out sa kumpanya

Sa totoo naman, madali lang ako pakisamahan eh. Hindi naman talaga ako problema sa taong nagcocommand at nagbibigay sa akin ng orders.

Hanggang ngayon, palaisipan pa rin sa akin kung bakit parang ako ata ang napapaginitan noong taong yun. Hindi ko naman siya na-offend ever since ah.

At the end of the day kahit pagtawanan mo ang buong nangyari, sa huli nakakadisturb pa rin na alam mong merong taong mainit ang dugo sa iyo.

Nakakadisturb na ikaw mismo, handang pumalag kapag alam mong gagamitan ka ng power tripping niya at ang hatred niyo sa isa't isa eh nagiging "mutual" na.

Kung hindi lang dahil sa mga kasama ko sa trabaho... lalong lalo na kay Mami Athena at sa buong morning shift.

Kung hindi lang sa loyalty at pakisama ko sa boss ko.

Ang tagal ko nang nag-resign.

Nakakita ka nga ng pamilya na medyo nagiging malalim ang ties mo, sa pamilya namang iyon, merong black sheep na palaging sa iyo nakatutok ang mga mata.

Nga namang buhay ito.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

The Big Easy Has Fallen

New Orleans: A cultural city steeped in tradition and heritage. It is home of the Mardi Gras and the center of Creole culture.

August Thirty One.

The city was gone. Battered by the eye of the storm, it was engulfed in waters surrounding it. For years, I have known how vulnerable it is - how the city of NOLA lies below sea level and that a system of levees and flood walls are the only ones protecting it from being swallowed by the waters and surges. Thanks to National Geographic and Discovery Channel, I knew that it won't stand a chance against a mighty mighty storm.

---

The Aftermath...

There was silence.

I tuned in to CNN whenever I was home, but they have probably been left in the dark too. Wikipedia tried to fill in the gaps by publishing in its main page that "Hurricane Katrina pounds NOLA at the moment."

I was trying to get images or video footage of the aftermath to no avail.

At work, our Louisiana/Mississippi texters are all gone. They seemed to have been swollen by the hurricane.

The news only trickled down a day after it has left the city in ruins.

Stories of rape, murder, inhumanity, death among the living, hell... everything. Pictures of chaos, fall of society, anarchy was splashed in every website and every pages of media I have seen.

Last night, I saw the full brunt of the storm on CNN. It seems like their international bureau has patched in their American counterpart for the world to see.

---

And you know what appalled me.

It is very obvious that their federal government has a lot of loopholes. That their government is simply stupid enough not to prepare for such pandemonium even though warnings had been raised from time to time.
The fact that people there - especially the one to blame can't accept the reality that they are vulnerable like every damn nation and every damn culture on Earth.

And the nerve of some of them proclaiming their living conditions are as the same as in a Third World Country!

Fcuk them American brats, blame their government. Most Third World Countries would have responded more efficiently and effectively to such kind of tragedy than their government have ever did.

---

If I were President Bush, instead of fiddling around during the eve of the storm, I would have organized a massive relief operations just as Katrina made landfall.

I won't let days pass before my government have responded, knowing that I have the massive resources to back me up.

And lastly, I wont let red tape, pride, and bureaucracy hamper my relief efforts for all those sick, tired and dying people trapped there.

How many countries - big and small, friend or foe had volunteered to help those people there? How many did they have ignored so far for the fear of humiliation?

American Assholes.

---

It only shows that even the most powerful falls in the face of stupidity.

In the eyes of God, everyone is equal.

And yeah, human pride, greed and irresponsibility sometimes makes matters worse.

But nevertheless, my heart is one with those grieving and in pain right now. Those who felt betrayed, abandoned, orphaned by the very same people who should have looked after their welfare.
I am sure, New Orleans would bounce back again. After all, old habits and traditions die hard. But I sincerely hope that this tragedy would be a lesson, not only for the present but also for the future. I wish, that despite the death and destruction, the loss and the pain and anarchy that for a moment, ruled a once upon a time fairytale city,
Nobody will ever forget what happened today.


--

"Volunteer physicians are pouring in to care for the sick, but red tape is keeping hundreds of others from caring for Hurricane Katrina survivors while health problems rise" -
CNN

"We have tried so hard to do the right thing. It took us 30 hours to get here," he said. That government officials can't straighten out the mess and get them assigned to a relief effort now that they're just a few miles away "is just mind-boggling," he said" -
CNN

"The crime of this story is, you've got millions of dollars in assets and it's not deployed," he said. We mount a better response in a Third World country." -
CNN

"We're seriously considering trying to restore some order to this city since the government has totally given up (and probably couldn't do anything anyway). The police have been looting according to reports, and the honest ones are under siege at their precincts as automatic gunfire was unloaded at one near the Quarter." -
Anonymous NOLAN blogger

"And later on Wednesday: "The police are looting. This has been confirmed by several independent sources. Some of the looting might be 'legitimate' in as much as that word has any meaning in this context. They have broken into ATMs and safes: confirmed. We have eyewitnesses to this. They have taken dozens of SUVs from dealerships ostensibly for official use. They have also looted gun stores and pawn shops for all the small arms, supposedly to prevent 'criminals' from doing so. But who knows their true intentions." -
Anonymous NOLAN blogger

"The primary causes of the Hurricane Katrina disaster on New Orleans were the subsidence of the land of southern Louisiana, which can be attributed to the leveeing of the
Mississippi River, the failure to address the environmental impact of development on the Mississippi Delta and the failure to maintain and/or upgrade the levee and flood wall system despite many studies which warned of impending disaster. [1]

New Orleans, much of which sits below sea level, is surrounded by the Mississippi River to the south, Lake Pontchartrain to the north, and the Gulf of Mexico to the east. Construction of the levees between the city, the river and lake began in 1879. The earthen barriers were originally errected to prevent damage caused by seasonal flooding, and allow the city to expand beyond the natural levees on which the city was initially constructed. This interfered normal process of the river depositing sediment and building up the land of the delta marshlands during the periodic floods. Interruping this process, which had created the land of the Mississippi Delta over the course of thousands of years, caused the land to dry out. In turn, the swampy lands of the region shrank like a sponge, the land began to sink, entire barrier islands disappeared, as the land of the vast delta slowly settled into the sea.

Indeed, the land of New Orleans and the surrounding communities was not below sea level when the communities were originally built. Only after the area was “modernized” (with the current levee system erected in the 1940s and 1950s, and the shipping canal flood walls completed in the mid 1960s) did the area begin to sink precipitiously." - Wikipedia.org

"FEMA director Michael D. Brown said that he had only officially learned about the Convention Center situation, thousands of people without food or water for 3-4 days, on Friday, September 2, 2005. He said trucks were on the way and should be there "soon". The media had reported the situation days before but without a request for assistance from the Governor federal officials were powerless to act under the Posse Comitatus Act." - Wikipedia.org
"Dear Mr. President:

We heard you loud and clear Friday when you visited our devastated city and the Gulf Coast and said, "What is not working, we're going to make it right."

Please forgive us if we wait to see proof of your promise before believing you. But we have good reason for our skepticism.
Bienville built New Orleans where he built it for one main reason: It's accessible. The city between the Mississippi River and Lake Pontchartrain was easy to reach in 1718.
How much easier it is to access in 2005 now that there are interstates and bridges, airports and helipads, cruise ships, barges, buses and diesel-powered trucks.
Despite the city's multiple points of entry, our nation's bureaucrats spent days after last week's hurricane wringing their hands, lamenting the fact that they could neither rescue the city's stranded victims nor bring them food, water and medical supplies.
Meanwhile there were journalists, including some who work for The Times-Picayune, going in and out of the city via the Crescent City Connection. On Thursday morning, that crew saw a caravan of 13 Wal-Mart tractor trailers headed into town to bring food, water and supplies to a dying city.
Television reporters were doing live reports from downtown New Orleans streets. Harry Connick Jr. brought in some aid Thursday, and his efforts were the focus of a "Today" show story Friday morning.
Yet, the people trained to protect our nation, the people whose job it is to quickly bring in aid were absent. Those who should have been deploying troops were singing a sad song about how our city was impossible to reach.
We're angry, Mr. President, and we'll be angry long after our beloved city and surrounding parishes have been pumped dry. Our people deserved rescuing. Many who could have been were not. That's to the government's shame.
Mayor Ray Nagin did the right thing Sunday when he allowed those with no other alternative to seek shelter from the storm inside the Louisiana Superdome. We still don't know what the death toll is, but one thing is certain: Had the Superdome not been opened, the city's death toll would have been higher. The toll may even have been exponentially higher.
It was clear to us by late morning Monday that many people inside the Superdome would not be returning home. It should have been clear to our government, Mr. President. So why weren't they evacuated out of the city immediately? We learned seven years ago, when Hurricane Georges threatened, that the Dome isn't suitable as a long-term shelter. So what did state and national officials think would happen to tens of thousands of people trapped inside with no air conditioning, overflowing toilets and dwindling amounts of food, water and other essentials?
State Rep. Karen Carter was right Friday when she said the city didn't have but two urgent needs: "Buses! And gas!" Every official at the Federal Emergency Management Agency should be fired, Director Michael Brown especially.
In a nationally televised interview Thursday night, he said his agency hadn't known until that day that thousands of storm victims were stranded at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center. He gave another nationally televised interview the next morning and said, "We've provided food to the people at the Convention Center so that they've gotten at least one, if not two meals, every single day."
Lies don't get more bald-faced than that, Mr. President.
Yet, when you met with Mr. Brown Friday morning, you told him, "You're doing a heck of a job."
That's unbelievable.
There were thousands of people at the Convention Center because the riverfront is high ground. The fact that so many people had reached there on foot is proof that rescue vehicles could have gotten there, too.
We, who are from New Orleans, are no less American than those who live on the Great Plains or along the Atlantic Seaboard. We're no less important than those from the Pacific Northwest or Appalachia. Our people deserved to be rescued.
No expense should have been spared. No excuses should have been voiced. Especially not one as preposterous as the claim that New Orleans couldn't be reached.
Mr. President, we sincerely hope you fulfill your promise to make our beloved communities work right once again.
When you do, we will be the first to applaud." - Times-Picayune Open Letter Editorial, CNN