What if you wake up one morning and looking at your cellphone, an old close girl-friend had sent you a message about the painful things that happened in her life?
And in that message, she was resenting about not listening to your advices before. That it took her a great mistake before she realized that everything she was fighting for was futile, and that
you were correct all along.
---
When I was still straight, I was good at keeping girl-friends close to me, not for chika barkada but for companionship. Sometimes, those companionships turns into a pseudo relationships. But during those days, I was still unaware of how those things work. I was willing to sacrifice everything for love, but I wasn't prepared for the committment. It took me another year before I've learned how to kindle one.
And this lady was one of my lost love. I was too stupid and afraid back then to tell what I really feels for her since I was relatively content with our close bond, our companionship. But when this guy came along to take her, immediately I was rattled. I was forced to make a move - too late. When I was already ready, I found out that they are already the newest couple in town.
But I had managed to tell her straight what I felt during one of our most heated arguments. On the phone, she forced me to explain to her why my tropa was always picking on her boyfriend. I had to tell her that they were "defending" me, that they never approved theirs - that I was madly in love with her, and my friends cannot stand how I was defeated with some guy who was physically more inferior than me. It took us several minutes of silence before we've realized that the greatest secret was already out. It saved our relationship though, but I know, she's one woman who would really fight for her love.
There were rumors, that during the time we were very close, she was already falling for me. That she was forced to take the guy because I was too slow and too unpredictable when it comes to showing my feelings.
Sayang.
Eventually I had my first relationship, which to my surprise, was not the one I am expecting for. But since we had already invested too much on our companionship, I decided to try it, and hope that we would click as couples.
But honestly, I didn't exerted efforts to win her, that's why our relationship had a very very shallow foundation and it disintegrated several weeks after graduation.
---
Sorry Drei and Paulie, if you are reading this.
---
Eventually my girlfriend and I broke up, and the rest was history. Two months have passed and I was already directly flirting with bisexuality.
But they remained, despite the obvious fact that they were already failing. I assumed the role again of being her confidant, now that ex wasn't around anymore.
During the course of time, our communication broke down. I wasn't interested anymore. In fact, we haven't seen each other for, uhm since college.
And when I found out from her what really happened today. Deep inside, a ripple of regret triggered me to dedicate this post to her.
---
It was a lost love indeed, and if we had become us; if I was strong enough to tell her what I felt without turning the pag-amin moment into a disaster. My life had turned something very very different from what I have today.
She's one of the most independent and strong woman I knew in my life. She's the mataray everyone wanted to avoid. But when we start talking, I've always knew how to make a conversation out of everything. I made her laugh, I made her smile, I can even invite her to gimik without her doubting my intentions. She was the only girl I've brought to the breakwater, where we watched the sun sets as the warm soothing waves washed our feet. I dated her in an expensive restaurant, watched several movies without creating any rumors in a class where the tsismis is the first agenda of the day.
We've managed to keep everything secret, just like what two manly lovers do. And it was, one of the best memories I have with someone I fell in love with but lost.
---
Phanks was asking me a while ago who was my "first love" was and as he urged me to spill the beans, at the back of my mind, the only thought I have was my love for her before, was something deep and sublime.
---
Now that she has a baby, there's no room for me anymore.
Now that I have accepted my homosexual state, it's impossible for me to run after her.
I'll try my best to be a part of her life again. I know she needs me, or us whoever her other friends are. Too bad, the guy, whom she remained loyal and dedicated for so many years left her after what he have done. If things happened the other way around, we don't really know. But I'm sure, it would have been very much better.
I will not leave you this time. I'll try my best to be still.
And in that message, she was resenting about not listening to your advices before. That it took her a great mistake before she realized that everything she was fighting for was futile, and that
you were correct all along.
---
When I was still straight, I was good at keeping girl-friends close to me, not for chika barkada but for companionship. Sometimes, those companionships turns into a pseudo relationships. But during those days, I was still unaware of how those things work. I was willing to sacrifice everything for love, but I wasn't prepared for the committment. It took me another year before I've learned how to kindle one.
And this lady was one of my lost love. I was too stupid and afraid back then to tell what I really feels for her since I was relatively content with our close bond, our companionship. But when this guy came along to take her, immediately I was rattled. I was forced to make a move - too late. When I was already ready, I found out that they are already the newest couple in town.
But I had managed to tell her straight what I felt during one of our most heated arguments. On the phone, she forced me to explain to her why my tropa was always picking on her boyfriend. I had to tell her that they were "defending" me, that they never approved theirs - that I was madly in love with her, and my friends cannot stand how I was defeated with some guy who was physically more inferior than me. It took us several minutes of silence before we've realized that the greatest secret was already out. It saved our relationship though, but I know, she's one woman who would really fight for her love.
There were rumors, that during the time we were very close, she was already falling for me. That she was forced to take the guy because I was too slow and too unpredictable when it comes to showing my feelings.
Sayang.
Eventually I had my first relationship, which to my surprise, was not the one I am expecting for. But since we had already invested too much on our companionship, I decided to try it, and hope that we would click as couples.
But honestly, I didn't exerted efforts to win her, that's why our relationship had a very very shallow foundation and it disintegrated several weeks after graduation.
---
Sorry Drei and Paulie, if you are reading this.
---
Eventually my girlfriend and I broke up, and the rest was history. Two months have passed and I was already directly flirting with bisexuality.
But they remained, despite the obvious fact that they were already failing. I assumed the role again of being her confidant, now that ex wasn't around anymore.
During the course of time, our communication broke down. I wasn't interested anymore. In fact, we haven't seen each other for, uhm since college.
And when I found out from her what really happened today. Deep inside, a ripple of regret triggered me to dedicate this post to her.
---
It was a lost love indeed, and if we had become us; if I was strong enough to tell her what I felt without turning the pag-amin moment into a disaster. My life had turned something very very different from what I have today.
She's one of the most independent and strong woman I knew in my life. She's the mataray everyone wanted to avoid. But when we start talking, I've always knew how to make a conversation out of everything. I made her laugh, I made her smile, I can even invite her to gimik without her doubting my intentions. She was the only girl I've brought to the breakwater, where we watched the sun sets as the warm soothing waves washed our feet. I dated her in an expensive restaurant, watched several movies without creating any rumors in a class where the tsismis is the first agenda of the day.
We've managed to keep everything secret, just like what two manly lovers do. And it was, one of the best memories I have with someone I fell in love with but lost.
---
Phanks was asking me a while ago who was my "first love" was and as he urged me to spill the beans, at the back of my mind, the only thought I have was my love for her before, was something deep and sublime.
---
Now that she has a baby, there's no room for me anymore.
Now that I have accepted my homosexual state, it's impossible for me to run after her.
I'll try my best to be a part of her life again. I know she needs me, or us whoever her other friends are. Too bad, the guy, whom she remained loyal and dedicated for so many years left her after what he have done. If things happened the other way around, we don't really know. But I'm sure, it would have been very much better.
I will not leave you this time. I'll try my best to be still.
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