Epitome (Final)

After my daring escape from the headhunter a.k.a. bald guy, I went back to the open-air lounge downstairs to bask in the faint glow doled out by the bar lights at the edge of the garden. The well-lit counter was still flocked by soft-spoken men resting between orgasms. They spoke of their most recent kills, while others lamented at how they were flatly rejected by the better-looking ones who cruised boys of the same league. What's so strange is that they just laughed about it. You can see in their eyes how the bath house had snatched their ability to feel. I suspected that rejection had just become too ordinary for them, that it doesn't gut their egos anymore.

I turned around to observe other men who were also chilling at the lounge. A guy in his late thirties puffed a cigarette at one corner, alone. His eyes were darkened by his deep thoughts. He never bothered to trade glances even if some passing cruiser eyed on him. On another table not far from where I stood, I saw the headhunter settling down on a bar stool. I cannot remember if he noticed me, for I started walking away from the moment I sensed his presence.

It was already past midnight and time was running short. Tucked inside the safety box on the other side of the bath house was my phone. I could picture several text messages and missed calls from home. Leaving would have been a good choice had I not thought of having a severe case of blue balls when I get home. But I was getting horny and the sight of well-built masculine men had just turned me on. I nipped past several guys swaggering towards different directions. I wanted to cruise like them, but I don't have the gall to strike anyone who doesn't see me as their potential target.

So I wandered further, until I found my feet at the viewing room.

Like I said in the previous post, the viewing room served a double purpose. Since it was well-lit, one can separate the gwapo from the cute ones around. Several guys were watching porn when I got there and one of them immediately caught my attention.

"This cannot be!" I said to myself. "He reminds me of someone familiar: someone who owns a pair of strikingly small eyes, narrow-bridged slender nose, and a dark skin that glowed from the blue screen's projection."

I tried to clear my eyes to make sure I wasn't deceived by my vision.

"OMG, he can pass as an older version of Akihiro Sato!" Blood gushed toward my midsection. "Kevs if he's only the older and flabbier version of the one uploaded on Misterhubs' Blog!"

I sat next to him hoping to get his attention. His chinky eyes were glued at the screen showing two guys romping each other. Those naked bystanders who caught his appeal were looking at us. I do not know what these vultures were thinking, but their fiery stares forced me to leave the spot to cruise elsewhere. When I returned to the viewing room a few minutes later, he was swinging a glass of alcohol. "Mister Sato must be drinking. Good." My next moves were already in place. On my third visit, he already left. My hopes were dashed by his sudden absence. "He must be making out with someone else right now."

---

I was dead serious in getting a mate when I returned to the maze down below. Instead of evading eye stares when someone checked me out, I traded glances with the desire of probing the person sizing me. One of them was a skinny guy who resembled JayR, the local RnB singer. It was his strong jawline and youthful looks which caught my attention.

He was trading glances so I made my approach to check if he's worth the kill. He did squeeze my junior and that was it. Probably he was hesitating. Maybe he was waiting for a better catch so I backed off to focus my bird-hunting elsewhere. Suddenly, Mister Sato look-alike emerged out of nowhere and strided past next to me and toward the dark room far behind. He was chased by throngs of guys allured by his beastly appeal. They stopped a few steps away from me and believing that they had lost Mister Sato look-alike inside the maze, they began to disperse and walked their own different ways.

It turned out Mister Sato look-alike was just behind the curtains and was now showing off his birdie to me.

"Gotcha!" I pretended not to see what he's poking but I did grab it with my hands.

Things turned out so fast that the next thing I knew, I was being dragged in one corner together with a jock standing next to us. He pulled my head down, guiding it toward his massive.

He wanted me to suck his cock in front of other people.

Regaining my composure, I resisted the urges of going down on him especially when I felt other hands feeling my crotch. I was in no mood to do an exhibition, even if it was a god who invited me to perform. Disappointed, he backed off to make a dashing escape towards the steam room area. Following him, I thought he was still interested. It seemed however that he wasn't into the one-on-one thing that I wished he would.

He was swallowed by the darkness and I was left searching for a new mate.

Looking around, I suddenly saw JayR wandering near the stairs. He was still trading glances at me.

---

The door was shut tight and he reached for the switch turning the green light on. Stripping down our towels, each others nakedness was now exposed to each other. Grabbing his boner made him moan softly. His smile urged me to show more aggression. I reached for his lips to consume it profusely. He fought back by biting my upper lip. I responded by tightening my grip on his stiffy. Now he's game. His eyes were challenging me.

I turned my attention to his chest - his nipples. Rolling my tongue over its crown made him pull his body against mine. He raised me up to reach for my lips again. He enjoyed what I did. Never leaving behind what I started, I planted kisses on his tummy, then to his navel and then at the base of his crotch. I'm not giving in yet. To my surprise, it was he who knelt down to deliver the message. Opening his mouth wide, he gobbled mine with one gulp. His tongue rolled and twisted while my cannon was inside his mouth. It felt so good, I traded places and started working my lips on his gun. I took great care not to pull the trigger or it might explode prematurely.

He began pumping. Gently at first, but when he pushed himself deeper, I stopped to reach for his lips again. It was a make-out of freedom. Finally I am getting my reaffirmation. If lips could be crumpled, his, would have been crushed by mine. Now it's our hands working on each others missiles. I knew the time was near, but I wish we could let go together.

"Bro sabihin mo sa akin kung malapit ka na." I whispered to his ears

"Siiigggeee..." Was his simple reply.

He exploded his thick gooey stuff ahead of me. His lips were on mine as he moaned loudly while giving his ecstatic release. I soon followed, spitting my seeds that could have been wasted on less worthy ones. Panting, I reached for his upper body to deliver my gratitude.

"Salamat, you will be my first and my last for tonight." I hugged him tight unknowing if he believed my words or not.

We cleaned ourselves together and dressed at the locker room together. We left Epitome and strolled around Malate just to get to know each other. Enjoying each others stories, I invited him to stay over at my place.

I surrendered to the night with my lips on his back and my arm around his shoulders.















Last night, JayR was back in my place, watching Ultraman re-runs on my computer.

Epitome (Two)

The smoke from the sticks of incense begin to clear up and as my eyes get use to the unlit surroundings, I notice man-like silhouettes and shadows block my passage. These specters belong to wanderers like me, who, find themselves lost in the maze leading to the dark room. I wade through the pitch black corridor with caution, for everyone appears to be grabbing my crotch. Some daring souls would breathe heavily behind my ears as they rub their boner against my leg. Hands are everywhere and realizing that it is a dead end; that only an abyss and predators await at the end of the narrow walkway, I turn around to follow the faint light coming from the open-air garden. There, some men chatted while guzzling a bottle of Colt Beer. They spoke of work and their previous sexual engagements inside the bath house. I tried to eavesdrop at their conversation but when I sense some lustful eyes and devious smiles turning toward my direction, I slowly walk backwards to begin my retreat.

There is no safe haven in the heart of the fuckfest.

---



I knew what I was going through. It was a Wednesday evening and according to Vince's guide to Epitome, the theme of the bathhouse is Skin Night. It means that all guests are provided with just a towel to cover themselves up. Underwear is not allowed so one has to improvise on how to keep his crotch from being exposed, since the gym towel would never fit a waistline bigger than 32.

I took my clothes off and placed them inside my locker. Lucky for me, I was alone in the room (aside from the attendant, who I suspect was already used to seeing such marvel) so I could freely walk naked without anyone prying their eyes on my junior. I tried to wrap the towel around my waist but it won't fit. "Fuck, paano na ito?" I panicked. Even if I could boast having a respectable built, it was never my intention to show off to those who had better-looking bodies than me.

By sheer act of desperation, I was able to cover my jewels while walking toward the gates of hell. What appeared to be sounds of moaning which I heard while stripping down to my baby suit did not emanate from boisterous men who were too eager to announce their joyful act of breeding inside the tiny cubicles. It actually came from the wide-screen television in the viewing room featuring a hardcore m2m film. The viewing room served a double purpose. Since it was well-lit, guests could actually check each other out. Since no one caught my fancy, I resumed my exploration by descending the steep flight of stairs leading down to the ground below.

If the reception area on the other side of the bath house and its connecting lounge were empty, the ground floor of Epitome proper was teeming with sweaty, fit bodies as far as the eyes could see. Since it was a skin night, nobody in their right mind would dare show up exposing their bulging tummy or sagging man-boobies. Most had broad shoulders to boast, a flat tummy or bulked chest to expose and a pair of biceps to flex and impress the guy they wanted to hook up with. It was a gym bunny's paradise whose only requirement was a beaming smile, a confident approach and a fast hand to grab one's stiff birdie.

But there were serious risks involved in such place where sex and orgasm were easy. You know what I mean. Being aware of the trouble I'm getting myself into, I applied very strict rules regarding my engagement with others.

Absolutely

No bare backing.
No cum swallowing.
No bukkake thingie.

Frottage and sucking should be limited.
Masturbation should be done using one's hand.
Kissing is reserved only for the guy I'd have an orgasm with.

One round is enough.

Of course, I don't do bare backing and swallowing with strangers, but to be on the safer side, it would have been better if I'd remain a mere observer.

Temptation however, tells of a different story.



---

Inside the gym area, I catch a glimpse of a muscular guy doing dumbell curls in front of the mirror. His towel lay on one of the benches as other passing guys look down to have a view of his shortie. I cross to the other side where the shower nozzles and the jacuzzi are to be found. Placing my towel on one of the pots hanging near the pool, I took a dip only to get out when some guys followed and tried to get in.

Walking past several couples making out in the dark, a bald guy appear out of nowhere. "Dun tayo sa taas dude," he whispers to my ears.

"libog na libog ako sayo eh." His voice is cold and soothing, I smiled and followed him upstairs.

We entered a cubicle and locked the door from within. He started moaning as I pinch his nipples and nibble on his neck. "Not bad," I tell myself. At the back of my head however, I am sensing something dark about this person. I have to step on my breaks.

He stops stroking my cock and notice my sudden lack of interest in our activity. Smiling, he then tells me that he wants to get a third wheel. Someone we could double-fuck together, I presume. We went out of the cubicle only to be greeted by men waiting for their turn to get inside.

The place is suffocating and it feels like a haze is blurring my vision.

Knowing the dangers that lie from following my first catch, I allow myself to be swallowed by the darkness and let the bald guy find his way back to the place which spawned him.

---

Special thanks to Discreet Manila for the floor layout.

-tobecontinued-

Lessons Kitsune Forgot To Learn At The Bathhouse

Enough emoness, wanna play?

- Kitsune

1. People wearing jockstraps tend to make it with other people wearing jockstraps. Nobody makes it with people wearing pink bikinis.

2. Saying "I'm resting" to everyone who seeks entry into your pool defeats the purpose of going to the baths.

3. If everyone who said "I don't come here often" was telling the truth, there would be no one there.

4. If you are looking for a wonderfully spiritual union with a kindred spirit, you are in the wrong place.

5. Do not assume that the guys walking into walls are on some weird new drug; most likely, they have just left their glasses in their lockers. It is better to look good than to see good.

6. Once in a while, do your good deed for the gay: let an old faggot suck your cock. Such magnanimous gestures are duly recorded by the Great Faggot in the Sky, and when you are an old faggot, the favors will be returned in kind. Yes, Darling, that's the way it works.

7. Please realize that bathrooms have legitimate purposes too. Giving someone a blowjob in a cubicle while outside the locked door seven guys are turning various shades of green will not make you popular.

8. Always finish what you start.

9. When it's past the wrist is not the time to say "no".

10. It's okay to bring your own rope; it's not okay to tie yourself up.

11. If you are at the baths busily cheating on your lover, don't make a scene should you discover him there.

12. If you are at the baths and you see your father there, tell him your resting.

13. If you are at the baths and you see your boss there, it is best not to blackmail him. Just do whatever he says. Trust me darling, you'll be rewarded on your next bonus or salary increase.

14. If you are at the baths and you see your brother there, head for the darkest corner - especially if you have all straight porn at home.

15. If you are at the baths and you see your Uncle, you might as well just leave - you know how much Uncles fuck you over.

16. People who say, "I've never done that before," should be informed that the ability to deep throat is not genetic.

17. The law of increasing good looks: People tend to become more attractive the longer you are there.

18. In the dark all cats are gray, but ten inches is still better than six inches.

19. Men with small cocks can be sexually tremendous if they are technically proficient, but men with big dicks don't have to know a damn thing.

20. A primitive tribe in Borneo does not have a word for "No" in its language.
Natives deny sexual favors by looking mournful and saying, "I'd like to, but I just came."

21. Asking to borrow someone's cockring is even more tasteless than asking to borrow someone's comb.

22. You can cause a panic by yelling, "There's a woman in room 379!"

23. For a real hoot, go to the baths without having used alcohol or drugs. It is truly amazing how fabulously you will be able to make out when you are the only one there in a solid state.

24. Giggling is not a correct response to, "Wanna fuck?"

25. It is pointless to consider why guys who won't even talk to you at the bars are so eager to suck your cock at the baths.

26. Spending more than two hours with one number at the baths makes you two "an item." More than four hours makes you engaged.

27. Even on a good night, it is possible to commit bigamy.

28. Spending hours deciding what to wear to the tubs is a particularly inane waste of time.

29. Never, never, NEVER try to explain the baths to heterosexuals.

30. Possession of more than three bath cards makes you a serious faggot.

31. Jack's law of the Gym: People working out are doing it for your benefit, not theirs.

32. Formal attire means a black jockstrap.

Taurus69
Epitome, Guys4Men

Ang Familia Orvina, Bow

1. Nagsimula ang lahat sa isang inuman. Kasama doon si Roy at Dodong mula sa hanay ng Outsiders; Si Centurion at Deathnote mula sa Walang Mukha Thread (na naging Encantadia na ngayon) at si Macoy na kinatawan ng Blog Alliance, na sumunod galing sa Wensha sa aming tambayan sa Quatro.

2. Nakakadalawang Macho Mug ng Red Horse na ako, at di makakailang may tama na kami pare-pareho. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, itong si Dodong ay naglabas ng isang pasabog na siyang sisira sa reputasyon ko.

"Sabi ni Dodong, Pusong Ina ka daw."

Ang angas-angas ko kaya, paano ako nagkaroon ng impression bilang motherly? Dahil ba ako ang tiga akay ng mga nalalasing?

3. Si Deathnote na nanahimik nang mga oras na iyon ay biglang nagkaroon ng ideya. Palibhasa ay tadtad ng mga binatilyong PLU ang aming thread sa G4M na tila naghahanap ng role models, ako ang una nilang binigyan ng pangalan.

Nanay.

Amfufu.

4. Ilang beses kong binalaan si DN na huwag na huwag niya akong tatawaging nanay dahil sa ito'y pasira ng karir, ngunit pasaway ang binata. Mabuti na lamang at hindi ako nawalan ng prospect dahil dito.

5. Nang lumaon ay may tinawag na bunsong kapatid ang aking panganay. Noong una ay hesitant akong siya ay ampunin dahil hindi naman kami close. Subalit mapilit ang aking anak. Siya ang naging ikalawa.

6. Nagkaroon sila ng ikatlong kapatid. Subalit dahil muntikan nang magkaroon ng namamagitan sa aming dalawa ng kanyang utol (isipin niyo na lang yung xrated film na Taboo 2) nang minsang pauwi kami sa loob ng taxi, tinigil ko ang aming role play kinabukasan.

7. Nilaglag ko rin ang kanilang utol dahil sa aming incest na ginawa.

8. Kung inyong tatanungin, tinanggap ko ang role bilang nanay upang magsilbing distraction sa aking palasak na relasyon. Sa halip na maglaro ng apoy at makiapid sa iba, pinili ko ang magkaroon ng mas mabuting pakinabang at maging tigasubaybay ng mga nakababatang PLU sa akin.

9. Muling nabuhay ang aming roleplay nang makumbinsi ko ang aking bunso at panganay na gumawa ng account sa Twitter.

10. Bitbit ang kanilang mga naiwang kaibigan sa G4M, pinakilala ko ang aking mga anak, kasama ang kanilang mga kasamahan sa tiga Trippers Clan.

Dito nabuo ang aming family tree.

Bonus Round

"Joms we're getting older basta decente lang hitsura, its more important to have a guy who will love you and who will treat you fairly. I think its too much to ask the Lord for much more."

- a text message yesterday morning, Dr. Magsasaka

---

No one among the encantos heeded my call last night. A sign.

When I went to Malate and entered the sweaty, smoky dance floor of Chelu, a lot of stares greeted me. Instead of staring back and breaking my five-minute game, I played safe and held my ground. An omen.

A few minutes before 1 in the morning, I saw my favorite couple in Malate. Seeing them after so many months left a smile on my face. I was overjoyed. Barely a few seconds after exchanging pleasantries, my mobile phone vibrated. It was the prospect confirming my presence. A predicament.

Flying to Timog, we decided to have a drink at Quatro.

So many stories were exchanged last night. We both had fun and it never ended in bed.

He got home safe, I got home safe. We parted ways ten minutes before sunrise and he even called just to make sure I was alright.

Woke up this afternoon with a hang-over.

The best one I had lately.

If we end up as friends, I would gain a consultant for my half brother.

If this goes well and our friendship turns into something more romantic, I will end up having a doctor for a partner.

Last Full Show

Heartland of Ermita, 11 pm

---

I was about to go to sleep this evening when I got a text message from you.

"I'm drinking again. shucks..."

Surrendering the night to rest, you suddenly awakened my senses. We met in an online forum last week. Like El Tigre, you used to hang out in the fitness threads on that website. One morning, I found you wandering in the non-straight threads and your sudden change of color encouraged me to send you a private message.

The pleasant message exchanges lead to deeper conversations until one evening we traded numbers. There is now mutual companionship between us and if this friendship breaks all norms of online relationships, it may spill over and bloom into a romantic engagement.

Maybe this chance led me to get up, take a shower and make an excuse to leave home after your proposal to have a drink - if and ever your conference ends early tonight.

"Last time daw this meeting ended at 3am fyi. Nyahahahaha!"

"Ayos lang pag naging drunken master ka at natuto ka ng sleeping fairy technique, ako aakay sayo. Wahahahaha!" I replied.

I do not know what's gotten into me, but once again, I'm placing all hopes that you're worth the chase. This is what's sad about being single. Every person you meet, every being who fits your ideal suddenly becomes your prospect. I guess now, our friendship borders between worlds and now that you have opened the doors for a more direct contact,

I don't know how our story will gonna end.

Truth be told: If ever we never get to meet tonight, I have two fall-back options to retreat to. As I waited for confirmation that you're still open for a meet-up I sent beacons to some encantos to cover me when things fail. If they decide not to answer my plea, Malate will become my port of call.

I do not know how things will end tonight,

but I do hope that by tomorrow morning, I will wake up knowing a promising future will greet me as I start my day again.

The Taglibog Saga (Chapter Two)

"So Dark Ages mo na ulit?"

Ito ang reaction ni Dodong nang malaman niyang split na kami ni Raizen. Si Dodong ang isa sa mga una kong ka-tropang PLU, at sa loob ng mahabang panahon na kami ay magkaibigan ay alam na niya ang istorya ng buhay ko.

At tama nga ang kanyang agam-agam. Wala pang tatlong linggo ay balik na naman ako sa dating diskarte. Tambayan ko ulit ang Malate at doon ay nilabas ko ang lahat ng angas at libog na inipon ko sa loob ng buong linggo. Uso noon ang mga Dark Rooms. Ito ay isang madilim na bahagi ng isang bar kung saan malayang nakakapagparaos ang mga clubbers kasama ang kanilang napiling partner. Wala pa naman akong nakitang nagkangkangan sa loob ng masikip at napakainit na lugar na iyon, pero ang blowjob, magsasawa ka talaga.

Doon ko nasaksihan kung paano nagpapalit-palit ng bibig ang burat ng isang binata sa sampung lalaking nagtake-turns sa pagroromansa sa kanya. Sa Dark Room ko rin naranasan magsenti sa bar counter. Bangag ako ng umagang yun, nakaupo at nakatingin sa bintana para abangan ang pagsikat ng araw habang lahat naman sa aking paligid ay umuungol, kumakadyot at nagmumura habang nilalabasan sa sahig (o sa bibig ng kanilang partner) ng semilya. Yung katabi ko naman ay panay ang lamas sa aking katawan. Gusto yatang maka-iskor pero hindi ko ito pinatulan. Lumabas ako ng bar na tuod at tila wala sa sarili. Shit, ganun pala ang pakiramdam makakita ng walang habas na babuyan.

Naroon rin ang #salsalan sa MIRc. Tambay rin ako ng chatroom tuwing walang magawa sa bahay. Madalas ay naghahamon lang naman ako ng away sa ibang chatters o kaya naman ay nangkukupal ng mga ads para sa SEB sa main room. Paano kasi ay walang nag-uusap. Lahat ay naghahanap ng sex. Minsan sa sobrang buraot ay nang-gago ako ng ad ng isang chatter. Hindi ko na matandaan kung ano ang ad niya, pero tandang-tanda ko na pinagkalat kong apat na pulgada lang ang kanyang ari.

Kahit hindi pa naman kami nagkikita.

Malimit ay nagpapalit ako ng chat handle para lang mag-ingay sa main channel. Sa halip na kalibog-libog na nickname ang aking gamit, nagiging taonggoy o kaya naman ay boyburnek ang pangalan ko. Sa loob ng isang oras at mahigit, puros flooding ng ads sa paghahanap ng lakatan, kuto o kaya naman ay saging na saba ang nababasa ng mga ibang chatters mula sa akin.

Ako rin lang ang chatter dun na nagsabing nilalabasan ng tamod na kulay green o kaya blue o kung minsan naman ay rainbow colors para lang magpapansin sa iba.

Naging adik man ang mga hirit ko sa #salsalan ngunit ang kapalit naman ay ilang mga kasama na hindi ko tinalo sa chatroom. Naroon kami bilang tambay at ang gawain lang namin ay mangkupal ng mga chatter na naghahanap ng SEB. Kung sumasapit naman ang mga pagkakataon na talagang naghahanap ako ng aksyon, mas mabilis pa sa alas kuwatro kung ako ay makipagkasunduan sa ibang tao.

me: Place mo pare?
malibog-na-chatter: Dito sa Vito Cruz.
me: San sa Vito Cruz?
malibog-na-chatter: Malapit sa AKIC
me: Tara trip tayo!

Hindi pa uso ang trade pictures kaya't maaring idaan sa stats ang deal or no deal. Sa buong buwan ng Marso at Abril ay naranasan ko makipag-trip sa isang abandonadong apartment sa may San Andres Bukid; Sa katabing-bahay ng barkada ko noong high school sa Hulo; at sa isang tripper malapit sa Legarda bago pumasok sa trabaho. Ayus nga eh, may partner siya noon at wala daw siyang pakielam kahit mahuli pa kaming dalawa na may ginagawang himala. Naranasan ko rin dumayo ng Pateros galing Project 6 isang madaling araw ng lasing upang maulit lang ang pagniniig namin ng lalaking sumalo sa akin sa Mister Piggy's. Siya ang nag-uwi sa akin noong mag-away kami ni Raizen sa ikalawang pagkakataon.

Sa sandaling panahon ay nasulit ko ang pagiging pakawalang malaya. Subalit nakakapagod rin pala ang paulit-ulit at walang sense na pakikipag-sex sa iba't ibang tao. Wala man sa lima ang score ko sa loob ng dalawang buwan ngunit madali rin akong napagod sa mundong pinasok ko. Kaya't nang may nagpakita sa akin ng interes mga anim na taon na ang nakalipas, mabilis ko rin itong sineryoso.

At gaya ng nauna sa kanya, ang aming unang pagtatagpo ay nauwi sa motel at matapos ang isang linggo,

kaming dalawa na.

---

-tobecontinued-

The Taglibog Saga (Chapter One)

At dahil trip ko manggaya ng blogpost ng iba;
at dahil nalalapit na ang expiration date ng aking ceasefire sa pakikidigma sa kama;
ikukuwento ko ang dahilan kung bakit sa kabila ng tawag ng laman ay magaling akong magtimpi at lumaban sa aking karnal na pangangailangan.

---

Twenty one ako nang unang makatikim ng lalaki.

Tandang tanda ko yun. Pinagbantay ng pad ang ka-seb ko. Tinitirhan iyon ng kaibigan niyang babae. Habang nagchi-chill out kami ay naglabas ang aking kasama ng isang plastic bag na ang laman ay bigkis bigkis na pinatuyong mga dahon. Kumuha siya ng kakarampot at binalot iyon sa papel. Sinindihan niya ito at salitan kami sa paghithit. Mausok ang paligid, matamis ang lasa ng usok. Makailang saglit, para na akong lumulutang sa langit. Hindi ko mawari kung ano ang nangyayari sa aking paligid.

Hanggang sa bigla na lang kami naghalikan at nagkuyumusan ng mga labi.

Binalak ko sanang araw-araw ang SEB nun sa loob ng isang linggo. Tutal first time kaya may karapatan akong maging pakawala. Nang sumunod na gabi ay may round 2 dapat kami ng naka-sex ko the night before. Kaso, nagkasalisihan kaya hindi natuloy. Sa halip, bumalik ako sa chatroom upang maghanap ng bagong kaniig. Dinala ko pa ito sa bahay at pinakilalang ka-tropa sa magulang. Habang nag-iinuman sa aking kuwarto, bigla niya akong hiniritan ng "kiss mo nga ako." Ako naman si tanga na kumagat kaya hayun, buong gabi yata kaming nabuhay sa romansa ng ka-partner ko.

Hindi nabuo ang aking panata. Dala ng pagkatorpe ay nauwi lang yata sa tatlo ang ka-sex ko noong linggong iyon. Subalit simula noon ay hindi tumatagal ng dalawang linggo na ako ay bakante. Dala ng kapusukan, mabilis akong ma-enganyo ng tukso.

Mabuti na lang at kakambal ng aking kalibugan ang kakayahang magseryoso. Wala pang tatlong buwan matapos madiskubre ang SEB ay nakatagpo kaagad ako ng makakarelasyon. Nagsimula iyon sa isang one-night-stand na nauwi sa matinding attachment. Tinamaan daw siya sa akin matapos kong bantayan sa pagtulog kaya't hayun, wala pang isang linggo ay nagsabihan na kami ng "I love you" sa isa't isa.

Sa kanya ako natuto maging bottom... at matulog ng walang kahit anong suot tuwing kami ay magkatabi sa futon bed. Sa kanya ko naranasan mag three-rounder sa isang umaga o kaya naman ay maalimpungatan sa pagtulog na binabarena.

Hayup.

Naging sulit man ang pagniniig naming dalawa ngunit hindi ko yata naramdaman sa kanya ang totoong romansa. He hates kissing daw, lalo na kapag nasa jerjer part na. Marami pang seremonyas ang kailangang gawin bago siya magkaroon ng mood makipaglaro sa akin. Bandang huli ay napilitan na akong magmakaawa. Sobrang kati ko daw, iyon ang lagi niyang reklamo sa akin. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na palibhasa matanda na siya at kulang na sa sexercise. Hindi pa nasiyahan si ex sa deprivation na ginawa niya sa akin. Nagbitaw rin siya ng kundisyon na bawal akong manghalay tuwing matutulog kami ng magkatabi.

Isang beses ay nag-away kami bago matulog. Pinilit kong makipagbati ngunit dedma lang ang sinukli niya sa akin. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang tutoy ngunit muntikan pa akong masapak dahil dito. Nabadtrip ako, at ang badtrip ay natuloy sa pag-alis ng kuwarto. Tutal sa Malate kami nagkakilala kaya sa Malate rin ako magtatago. Walang nangyari noon sa aking rebelyon at nagkaayos kami bago magtanghali. Subalit nang mag-away kami sa ikalawang pagkakataon, tumakbo na ako ng Mister Piggy's upang doon maglabas ng sama ng loob.

Dala ng tama ng alak, katigangan dahil sa partner na masungit, at pagmamalabis na aking nararamdaman matapos isuko ang lahat para sa iisang tao na sinumpa kong pagsilbihan at unawain, bumawi ako ng bonggang-bongga.

Ang aking rebelyon ay nauwi sa kama ng iba at matapos ang dalawang linggo. Split na kami ng aking unang partner na si Raizen.

---

-tobecontinued-

The Catcher

Pain must be the price
Of my submission
To a long-cherished wish
To be loved by love-things
That grow and rip
Open the sealed vaults
Of my skin. Man-friend.

---

A friend sought my advice about getting impaled. He is a hardcore top in his past sexual engagements and now that he finds himself in a relationship with another top, his partner asked him a gift for their monthsary: to give up his ass and become his bottom.

Now the problem is he's confused. He loves his partner so much, that he's on the verge of giving in. On the other hand, knowing that he will give up something he had prided himself all these years mean that things will change.

"Baka magustuhan ko, maging bottom na talaga ako." He texted jokingly one afternoon.

I suspect that his worries spring from the pride that he has to give up. Being capable of taking the top and bottom position in a sexual engagement, I find being the catcher the more difficult role. The agony of the first stab is unbearable no matter how horny a person is. The ceaseless pumping, the deep grinding, and the eternal shoving of one's throbbing prick until all of it gets inside would be a humiliating experience, especially for someone who used to do the fucking all his life. Too bad for him, he sought my expertise and being familiar to that fulfilling pain, I told him to be man enough to get ripped apart.

"Kaya mo yan dahil masarap. Masarap dahil mahal mo ang taong kakantot sayo."

---

Now another friend told me earlier how upset he was after getting woohooed last night. I do not know what came to him when he took it from behind for he admits never enjoying the deed in the first place.

"Hindi nga ako tinigasan eh, saka parang na-poo-poo po ako."

His sex partner came first, and when he did, quietly stood up as if nothing happened and left my friend to get his own orgasm. This act made my friend ultra-ballistic. He confronted the guy who at the time cleaning himself and the cruel act of walking-out almost ended up in a fistfight.

---

I know its easy for intense emotions to run high when you let someone plunges you. Imagine the pride you have to give up knowing he will never treat you the same after your well-locked doors have been unsealed. The top, always the dominant, never has to worry of the wounds left after being forced open from within. The top, always the conqueror, never has to hide the emotional scars left, after being marked as the one accepting submission to a more aggressive partner.

It's the top who runs the game, for when the bottom does, he does it to shake away the attachment left from a previous impalement.

Others may question my belief about tops and bottoms, but when inquiries are raised about who suffers more and endures more,

It is always the bottom who stands out.

---

I twist,
_____turn,
_________and shrink
To nothingness, shot through
With bullets of your love
Till you are through.
Now lying on your back,
You read my eyes and see
Being on top has a price,
And it hurts, because nobody,
Nobody wants to be bottom.

Bottom, Ronald Baytan

The Chickboy Strain

This is what really happened last night.

---

[09:35] Centurion: proud daw ang princesa
[09:35] Centurion: hehehe
[09:36] Centurion: well.. ngayon ka lang niya kasi nakitang ganun...
[09:36] Centurion: ako twice na kitang nakita
[09:36] MuGen: alam mo ba kung ano ang nangyari talaga?
[09:36] Centurion: nangyari na?
[09:37] MuGen: kagabi
[09:37] MuGen: paano nauwi sakin yung chick
[09:37] Centurion: pano nga ba?
[09:37] Centurion: nag cr ako
[09:37] MuGen: yung babae kasi
[09:37] MuGen: lasing na nung abutan natin
[09:37] Centurion: pag balik ko may kalingkisan ka na na chick
[09:37] MuGen: kung kani-kanino dumidikit
[09:37] MuGen: nung una dumikit na siya sa akin
[09:37] MuGen: tingin kaagad ako kay lukayo
[09:37] MuGen: haha kasi kinabahan ako
[09:37] MuGen: tapos nawala yung babae
[09:37] MuGen: lumingkis sa iba
[09:38] MuGen: eh yung mga tangang straight
[09:38] MuGen: hindi marunong umantabay sa chick
[09:38] MuGen: kapag nabubuwal hinahayaan
[09:38] MuGen: hayun, nung tutumba siya nasalo ko kaagad ang siko
[09:38] MuGen: napansin niya, ngumiti sa akin
[09:38] MuGen: hindi ko namalayan
[09:38] Centurion: in fairness joms.. panalo ang ang beauty niya..
[09:38] MuGen: nakasandal na siya sa katawan ko

---

Second to straight-acting men, it is the ladies I hit on whenever I find myself on the dance floor. I cannot resist getting aroused whenever I see curvy hips sway and real boobs bounce to the sound of house music.

The spectacle witnessed by Encantadia at Guillys is just one of the shameless display of lewdness I do whenever I loosen my inhibitions because of the music and alcohol. It was the sexy chick who came to dance with me and had there been no eyes watching us, (especially the girl's best friend) my moves could have been more aggressive. I remember the last time I did swing with a girl by telling her all the sweet nothings I could come up with, I ended up making out - tongue slurping, spit swapping, and cock-boob squeezing - with this fag hag despite being surrounded by gay men inside a bar in Malate.

I bet their eyes were all telling me "kadire" and "ipokrito."

But its just me. The flirting wasn't intentional, I'm just good at making bola.

And despite my tendencies to pull a trick like what Darwin and the rest of the gang have seen last night. I stay faithful to my leanings.

No, I'm not bisexual.


I don't see myself enjoying the mount and hump part when the trick extends up to bed.

---

And when I do end up with a chick in bed. Lemme see, I'll let her take it from behind.

Grounds For Secession

If he didn't text back and told you how you were missed, it would most certain your world will never turn upside down.

But he did, and in the two days of silence, wind whispers tell of how much he knifed your life.

And so you were left dreaming, with your umbilical cord attached to his stomach. Nobody could ever interrupt your sleep - not even your inner circle of acquaintances who constantly checked how you were doing. You answered in broken sentences, but your mark on twitter revealed how such one person could leave you heartbroken and wishful at the same time. It was more of a struggle to claim your ground, while you inject some sense as to what you were doing. Unlike him, who could sway you with digital affections, you want to express your emotions in an analog fashion.

---

Tuesday afternoon, you journeyed all the way from Legarda to Ayala just to pick him up. He was a stranger by the way, and not your lover. You said it would be a surprise and you did it to prove that you can make time for him, like what you said in the text message. The cloudy skies and damp ground did not hinder your attempt. Though you never found him at his office's reception area, your paths crossed at Zara boutique in Glorietta, a few blocks away from where he works.

We know that his world is far, far different from yours. He belongs to the realm of the fairies, (but he doesn't pass as one) while you, stick your ground as one of the ogres. I remember, when you picked him up that Tuesday afternoon, he was wearing a very tight navy blue polo shirt with red eagle embroidery stitched on the fabric. His jeans were of the skinny variety. Looking at both of you, there was no doubt you appeared more like his bodyguard. Wearing a worn-out baggy pants from your college days and a plain brown T-shirt doesn't pass as a fashion statement.

In your normal state of mind, such get-up would have been a reason to pull back. You prided your rugged appearance for it was easier to conceal your sexuality from those who would look at you with hostile intentions. But such was a different time that Tuesday. Dazed at how far your first contact had come a long way, you overlooked his appearance believing that your intimate connection was stronger than what others would think about you as pairs.

You slept, next to him, he was naked, while his best friend looked at you with almost jealous eyes. Something told you that their connection was deep (the best friend would endearingly call him baby and they would snuggle and cuddle while you wearily stared at them from a distance) but you brushed such thoughts by recalling how Omeng and Pao, your friends from Odders had that sort of bond as well. There was no denial that it bothered you. It revealed your possessive nature and how territorial you were over your holdings. But the best friend, is the best friend. What mattered to him, probably mattered to your guy as well.

In his arms you felt safe. Funny how one lean guy could make a buffed guy like you feel secured. Should it be the other way around? When his best friend left for work, you snuggled, curled your legs over his and pressed your head against his shoulder for reasons only heart could tell. You planted kisses, as he pushed you away while he snored loud enough to disturb the tranquility of the room. Had it been in your place, the utol would have complained the next morning of the noise.

But would he accept your invitation to a sleep over? I doubt if such image would ever be painted.

---

Deep inside, you know that it could become a one-way affair. Your attachment is much stronger than his, and you rave everytime he would reaffirm your affections. You let him defy your standards, compromise most of your beliefs and let your body deteriorate just to follow him around for what? A chance to have a monogamous relationship with someone who may not lift a finger on your behalf?

In six months, you have been romantically involved with six men. These affairs may not have prospered but you learned from each one of them. Looking at the trends, when the other gives more, you tend to take them for granted. But if it is you who pushes harder, you tend to be ignored. It is a constant cycle, which I think, you have to break free.

It doesn't mean that when you openly tell him of your attachments, also gives him the right to bully you. It must not work that way, your nurturing values doesn't grant you to shove people around like some did to you.

You are here to seek an equal.

So I will place myself at your disposal. Like a shadow dancing behind your back, I will shroud his presence for you to see his darker elements. My intervention will attempt to pull you back from this attachment, which is precariously reanimating the life you once had. If he wishes to win you over, it is time for him to work hard to recapture the things he had already lost.

I don't look forward to responding to his sweet nothings. I will make you numb enough to suppress your inner longings until such time you won't need his presence. Romance will always have its bliss, but for you who will emerge from something that is bound to become a nightmare,

Absolute detachment remains the blueprint for a well-ordered life.

---

The orbiter is done analyzing the habitability of the planet it stumbled. An oceanic surface regularly lashed by planet-wide super-storms will prevent any colony from ever thriving. Underwater cities maybe a fancy idea to compensate for such seemingly hostile environment, but with a homeworld undergoing a global recession, it is best to send the satellite back to outer space.

Sending the commands to turn the orbiter away from the planet. It swings its solar panels starward to capture as much starlight as it could and convert it to energy. From its protruding antenna comes the order to distort the space around it for a wormhole to open. Firing its ion thrusters, the satellite slowly moves toward the black hole it just created.

The galaxy remains open for exploration. The orbiter will never cease jumping from star system to star system until it finds a planet it will call its new home.

Under Heaven's Skies

Boldness has
genius, power,
and magic in it.

- Dabo, As quoted from W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition

It seems someone doesn't want to let go. My mind tells to pursue dreaming, but the heart desires to give love a chance.

Anu gawa mu ngaun. Kaw naman jan hindi paparamdam? Cenxa na talaga. Mejo pagod aq from work. Antok pa dahil lasing aq nung dumating sabinyagan sa relatives q. Hehe. Di q alam kung ilang beses q xa inulit sayo. Siguro tulog ka na no? Wlang reply eh.

Sankana banda? Mimiss na qta. Akala q di kana tetext ulit. Alam q naman na busy kadin kaya di kita masyado iniistorbo.

This is what happens when you stop flooding sweet nothings to a person who felt and enjoyed the best of you after the first meet up.

---

If ever you think
Careless is the night
I'll comfort you with silence
Till the morning light

- Collective Soul, Under Heaven's Skies

Premature Ejaculation

There are things we will never learn and there are things bound to happen over and over again. For whatever it's worth, the constant cycle reminds us of events which are inescapable. No matter how we try to impose new changes, when opportunity arises, we embrace it for its familiarity. But alas, time has changed many things. Sweetness doesn't carry much gravity like it used to in the older days.

"I choose you because I want to meet someone human."

Gullibility, a flaw I readily admit I possess. It was my leaning towards gallantry that made him snap the bait. I knew what he needed - like most boys were in that place. He found a companion in me, and lucky for us both, we learned of our shared values which I am looking in a new partner.

The amazing discoveries urged me to do a full throttle: I will step my best foot forward. Had he never told me that he was a family man, an abused partner in his previous lifetime and a stick-to-one lover in a relationship, I would not allow myself to be drawn too close. Maybe I was merely battle-weary from strangling my cyberdemons to welcome his organic presence with open arms. I took care of him that night. I held his body against mine when he was close to wobbling at the middle of the road, thanks to alcohol; rubbed his back with cloth when it was damp with sweat; and lent my shoulders for his heavy head to lean on. I never saw him as a complete stranger for I felt our connection.

And so strong it was, I pressed myself too much just to become part of his life.

Maybe it was his closest friends' prodding that we should become lovers; maybe it was his after-sex sweetness; or maybe it was my grand vision of becoming a devoted partner that gave this illusion of a future between us. My views about relationship has become so erratic that it sometimes leaves me cold, and sometime leaves me with a burning desire to embrace another. The intensity of our moment shattered all inhibitions that I thought with all honesty, that there was a chance; that the path was already laid ahead.

When in truth, I might have been just a booty call; a gas station for lonely guys needing a boost of affection.

Day ends and I felt like being suspended halfway between heaven and hell. I was waiting for him to reply to the sweet text messages I sent. Sleeplessness; a body and a mind battered with so many fears and creeping doubts had left me catatonic on my way home.

Still, love may find its way after the deception. These gloomy thoughts, may just be a vent from all those years of discrediting the magic of a romantic union after all. For whatever it's worth, the premature ejaculation of emotions severed the ties binding me to my frisky leanings.

My absence from all hook-up grounds will remain in place. I have shamed myself in Malate twice and there is no reason now to go back for sometime. The raunchy consummation had left me no longer seeking intimacy for quite some time. I've been used up or filled, depending on one's perspective. If and ever my belief about booty calls, full-swig sweetness and bar scenes will only lead to further heartaches then maybe there is no use searching in those places.

Or maybe I should simply accept the truth which tells of too much giving losing its value after being rubbed over one person again and again.

No wonder for the first time, I didn't give a name to someone who almost, had me, giving up my fort.

A New Hope

BED, Malate 2 AM

"My friend likes you." A guy wearing a body-fitting white polo approached my "new" friend. New friend was a good dancer. I first caught his attention while he was arching his slim body on the ledge earlier. He was fair-looking, skin head, and slightly older than me. Our introductions were pleasant and certainty had foretold that we would become exclusive dance couple for the night.

"I'm with someone. Sorry."

I saw him pointing his finger at me, while I, was having a friendly banter with another blogger friend whom I just met for the first time last night. The guy in white polo walked a few steps backward, embarrassed, and apologizing for his upfront behavior. I didn't see who my rival was.

Apparently he was buffer and better-looking than me.

Fate did the rest.

To cut the story short. I was invited to stay at his apartment. I was introduced to his housemates, who eagerly welcomed my arrival. The premature attachment was sealed soon after by a consummate intimacy in his room. I left his place like I was already part of his family.

Effective at 9 am today. I am formally declaring a cessation of hostilities against me, and against those who wishes to cross my line. The G4M account, which survived a week will be permanently deleted and I am officially attaching myself to him, who might become the third. The painful process of trusting again and getting to know a new person has begun. I hope that he is the one I've been waiting and praying after enduring a roller-coaster ride of singlehood for six months

This time, I will give love a chance and let it bear fruits like what I foresaw in all those precious moments our hands held one another.

The Fox

Maybe, just maybe, the reason why I don't want to go back is because I know, I know, that something sinister lurks inside me. And time and again, whenever I am left to fend for my own solitude, in the deepest of the night it emerges; it seethes, like invisible fire burning my skin. It seeks its own end after brief moments of being alive; it seeks a direct path, a course towards the orgasm of the senses in a most efficient manner, for it is aware that a leash holds it in place. It knows, it is being pinned down, manipulated and distracted for it not to succeed in its desires. To consume is its calling and to abandon, its passing and the more it is being silenced; the more it is being shoved, down the throat, of the things he can never do and the acts he can never perform, the more it fights back with much fury and more persistence to make its every breath accountable.


13 Mar 2009, 07:13
You: gaano ka ka hard mag-fuck pare?

13 Mar 2009, 07:48
hukbo: very hard pare

trip ko yung isasagad etits ko tapos huhugutin hanggang ulo tapos isasagad uli ng mabilis

13 Mar 2009, 09:17
You: sarap nun bro. masarap run yung inuupuan ka tapos ginigiling nung bottom mo yung balakang niya sayo. Habang ikaw naman eh kinukuyumos ng halik ang kanyang mapupulang labi. Sarap!

13 Mar 2009, 09:20
hukbo: shit trip ko din yun. habang ginigiling nung btm pwet nya sa titi ko, kinakadyot ko naman titi ko pataas para lalo pasok sa pwet nya, tapos naghahalo na pawis namin

13 Mar 2009, 09:23
You: sarap nun men sagad na sagad. ewan ko lang kung hindi tumirik ang mata ng bottom mo niyan. Siguro sa sarap ng baon mo pati balikat mo eh makakagat niya.

13 Mar 2009, 09:27
hukbo: tangna pare may btm ako na todo hard fuck ginawa ko. 3sme yun. dapat habang doggie ko sya bj nya yung isa. pero sa sobrang hard fuck ko sa kanya wala na sya nagawa kundi umungol habang hawak titi nung isang top, di na masubo hehe

13 Mar 2009, 09:29
You: sana men ako yung bottom mo nun. Hahaha. lalaban ako ng patas senyong dalawa. ng top.

13 Mar 2009, 09:38
hukbo: pare cge ba il fuck u good

13 Mar 2009, 09:39
You: and i will make sure i'd be worth it. hahaha.

13 Mar 2009, 09:55
hukbo: Ok ah. may facepics ka tol?

Only to be reminded time and again that he is long dead.

---

First Week: 0 real-time engagements 3 vocal harassment 5 textual insinuations. The statistics could be re-arranged, the heart, cannot.

Scorpio Nights

Utol didn't show up at the doorstep for two evenings. And mysterious her reasons were, it was not for me to crack the codes behind her sudden disappearance. Instead, I let mother, in her infinite wisdom and understanding let my sister go and sow chaos in the streets. It is what she wanted ever since she was a little girl and much as we try to leash her with any rope around, she will just untie herself and go back to her old leanings.

Left alone to occupy our shared space, (but not exactly the same room) temptation roosted inside my head. It's presence, like a steaming white fluid pulsating from my totem pole sent perverse whispers instructing me to follow my instincts. When they left me alone one night last December, someone got banged in my room. He said I was good; my throbbing manhood sent him to whatever heaven he desired (in fact he hounded me for an encore performance until he found a replacement three weeks ago) but I found my pitcher role relatively lousy especially when I do it with less masculine men.

But recurring patterns doesn't end without the intervention of the will. There was no stopping for a horny guy who recently got access to the hook-up places abounding in cyberspace. Insomnia was the culprit (and throw in the full moon as an accomplice) but during the last two nights, I had the choice to wage an open bed-war right inside my room. I wanted it to be consummated, so I will never seek another for a long time. The problem was the hindrance. A strong part of me still desired an end to it all.

I would have invited a friend to stay. His name was Piloto and I was certain that the confidence he wielded unto me was enough to put some sense into my headstrong promiscuity. Again, I was held back. This time, it was my will that wanted some action. Afraid I was that by putting Piloto between my colliding desires, he might become the unwilling prey.

And so I drew out my hunting skills and made them known in the sleazy corners of Guys4Men.

The aim was to trap those men, whose profiles include headless, muscled torsos and a short blurb about themselves that oozed a strong, dominant personality. The choices were many - buff guys demanding to meet equally "discreet and fit guys like them;" lean men flaunting their massively irresistable tool used for drilling someone; and there were twinks - cute and cuddly ones who barely registered among the guys I wanted to bring home. The twinks were the least of my desires, not because they pose no challenge, but because impressions told me that they were the most pretensions among those around.

"Ang ganda naman ng katawan mo. YM mo nga saka face pic?"

"Saan place mo? Punta ako."

"Well you can try me. Number mo poh?"

"Malayo ba yan sa Espana? Send me directions."

For other guys whose homes and sleeping quarters were available, the choice was easy. Pick the most appealing guy who bothered to respond to the invitation, get the deed done and then move on. In my case, stalling was necessary despite my willingness to proceed with the attack. Considerations had to be made for there was no hegemony inside the house. Mom was lying on her bed and perhaps in her restless slumber in the master's bedroom, the maids were in their sleeping quarters ready to jump out of their bed in case an alarm was sounded, and there I was behind their most peaceful dreams sneaking a total stranger inside my room. To be caught was the least of my worries. (for it would only happen if and when one of us made a careless moan while licking each other's crevasses) The real concern sprung from some untoward incident that would lead to a loss of life. Who would ever forget the gay men found slopping in their own cold blood after spiriting a guy inside their quarters the night before.

Another factor would be intimacy.

I would rather do it with a portion of my soul still attached to my sleeve.

And so while waiting for someone from g4m to grab my bait, I was tempting those I had previous dalliances to come into my quarters. There were two of them available, but none would be willing to travel a short cab ride going to my place. It took me great pains to convince them that the trip was worth it, but in the end, they just decided to go to sleep.

Just when you badly needed a fuck buddy, nobody would show up... On second thought, I never had one to begin with.

The night wore on like a candle wax dissolving on a hardened surface. The flames of desire, glowing brightly against a pitch-black solitary backdrop slowly fades as the light penetrates the darkness of the room. As I waited for new guys to go online - any masculine top guy who was a stone-throw away from where I dwell, I slowly found myself stroking the epicenter, the skyscraper whose skyline dominates the midsection of my body. It felt good squeezing my essence, it would have been better if some warm object rubbed itself against the steely surface of my skin.

Puta, ang sarap may ka-sex!

Pictures upon pictures of exhibitionist guys appeared on my screen. Big cocks, penetration photos, cum shot images - anything that would drive away the feeling of nastiness and restore order that was stolen by the sudden imbalance brought by, well, a full moon. I was willing to surrender myself to my inner demons only to trade another night, not being touched by another human.

As I pummeled my right hand into my waiting monster, I thought of the very rare moments when someone had me for a night. It was fun, yeah. Sometimes it was filthy, which made the experience more exciting. I missed the nights when I groaned out of pain (and cuss all the heavens after the rude violation turn out to be a pure bliss) I thought of things that could have been, have been, and would have been had I become more aggressive with my pursuits.

Then I knew I was cumming. It was a resounding victory for me..

Mmmmmmmm....

Returning to my senses, the replies returned by those who inquired were swiftly ignored, and deleted from the inbox. Closing the online windows left by a night of reckless abandon, a smile on my face revealed that despite letting a night go without any action, the relief brought by a ground defended from intrusions was enough to endure another Scorpio Nights.

---

Utol returned home last night.

Good riddance to the Scorpio Nights.

Slipping Malate

It's been a day and a night after some intruding hand had snatched it from my gaping side pocket, but the events that lead to its lost still replays at the back of my head. It could have been averted, had I not lulled my senses with three bottles of Red Horse Beer. However, done is the deed that could make me stop the madness.

Deliverance has revealed the exit from the dark, suffocating and sweaty grounds of the dance floor.

---

Past midnight. Encantadia left Trinoma after a night of stories and jokes passed around the table. The Kondesa finally met the Dukesa - the two gentlemen who became the significant others of the ones belonging to the original five. Their introduction was a pleasant experience. Both guys found a stronger connection to the group. I missed the Dukesa after months of not being able to see him. His presence last night reminded me how his partner, Tagay, had matured and how the friendship among the three of us had grown.

My Gimik Pass for the week hasn't been used yet and I was planning to take advantage of the weekend to sneak into the dancing grounds of Che'Lu. It was a Sunday morning and I am most certain that the place would be packed with gay men. Bored and restless, I instructed the cab to drive me to Malate. The night was young, and I'd like to spend it doing something fun.

Che'lu was indeed packed that night, unfortunately, it wasn't the crowd I was looking for. Gone are the nights when straight-acting strangers would trade glances and smile at you. In their place were kids - lanky, snooty, and broken-armed twinks huddled in groups which included their loud and boisterous fag hags. I felt out of place, really, and to forget how solitary my spot was in the order of things, to satiate myself with beer was the only solution I had in mind.

First Red Horse Bottle.

I scoured the dance floor for a challenger. Even with barely 2 hours of sleep, my mind was in the mood to grind and bend my body. I bumped into several boys worthy as an adversary, however, they haven't seen through my provocations. They were busy tapping, shoving and mingling with their friends instead of looking for some action.

It might be possible also, that my mojo isn't with me that night. I left it in dreamland somehow.

Second Red Horse Bottle.

It was past 1 in the morning. The crowd was getting rowdier and the dance floor had become a watering hall for fairies. I should have gone to the bath houses instead, if it was action I really sought. Maybe the tiled chambers offered more options to meet the guys I sought. But to fuck wasn't really my plan. Besides, it's been more than a year since I entered its naked halls. It was enough that I get attention from strangers and hunt down potential preys that could serve as a distraction until I decide to settle for the one.

Tipsy and on the verge of passing out. I wrapped my big arms around a catatonic kid's lean frame. He never showed any response. He might have not noticed my groping at all.

Third Red Horse Bottle

I stood at a corner mustering whatever strength and degree of control I could impose on my senses. Being there on a sleepless, intoxicated night wasn't really a good idea. I should have headed straight home instead. As I was about to leave and accept my defeat for not getting a worthy partner during my stay, I noticed this particular stocky guy dancing in front of me. He wasn't really my type, but the way he danced provoked me.

The guy appeared to be an interesting target.

I positioned myself in front of him and pretended to follow his bouncy moves. He sensed my approach and began brushing off his fingers against mine. The fish caught my bait and within seconds our sweaty bodies found themselves merging and becoming one. He was a good partner for bending my will and forcing me to accept his dominance. Unlike the previous ones who would cautiously test the waters, he was an outright aggressor. It never felt this good letting a stranger have a total control over the way I moved.

For that alone, I shoved my back against his groin and let him thrust himself until he got tired. Talk about doing a frottage on a club. Four house tracks, several make-out moments, and two discreet sliding-of-one's-hand-inside-someone-else's-jeans and I felt like a slut.

During a break, he asked for my number. Since I wasn't interested to prolong our contact I gave him a wrong one instead. Good thing, he did not insist that I get his number as well.

---

It was already getting late and I have work the following morning. It's time to go home.

Feeling the contents of my pockets, something appeared missing. The lost triggered the alarm. I tried frisking my pockets again and it wasn't there. I was hoodwinked, maybe, by the same person who broke down my defenses. There was a moment of shock and panic, but experience tells that there was no use turning the place around for a stolen phone.

To accept the lost was the only course of action. I returned to my dance partner and hugged him for one last time. He sympathized for my lost and tried to console me the best way he could. Meanwhile my hands were everywhere, frisking his pockets.

He didn't have my phone.

Though he may be responsible for its lost, to achieve the deed required accomplices. However, I had no proofs to support my assumptions so I let things be and charged everything to experience.

I left the bar distraught over losing my phone. It might have been acquired through a friend's generosity, but there is no doubt that its lost speak about the way I take care of things.

And how easy it was for me to accept their passing.

With nothing else to do, (despite finally winning the attention and caresses of the guy I've been exchanging smiles and glances since the boyfriend days) I slipped out of Malate as obscurely as I arrived.

---


The phone has been replaced (and charged to my credit card) Please introduce yourself when you send me a text message. Thank you.

Salmo Responsorio

Butata.

Yun ang masasabi ko matapos panindigan nina Lukayo at Rain Darwin ang aking hamon sa aming inuman kagabi. Kasalukuyan pa ring NSFV (Not Safe For Viewing) ang blog ni Ulan dahil sa mga litratong nakalagay roon. Hanggang sa ngayon ay napapanganga pa rin ako't napapakamot ng ulo sa tuwing pasimpleng susulyapan ang mga ebidensya ng kanilang pag-iibigang (o kalibugang) ginawa pagkauwi ng bahay.

Nakakaelibs. Hindi ko yata magagawa yun.

So what does it make of me now?

Loser. Isang malaking loser. Hahaha.

Sabagay wala naman kasing kasunduan kung may kapalit ba ang paghamon na iyon. Ni hindi ko nga maalala na may dare pala akong ginawa. Ang tanda ko lang ay gusto kong gayahin nila yung litrato ni Sikretong Malupit na pinost sa kanyang blog noon kung saan magkayakap silang dalawa ng partner niya habang nakahiga sa kama. Yun lang. Hindi ko alam na kaya pala nilang tumbasan iyon.

Nalaman kaya nila kung ano ang lasa ng...

...ng isang nakainom ng beer? Hindi ko na aalamin.

Nais ko sanang tapatan ang kanilang mga litrato ng pag-iibigan, subalit may mga limitasyon sa aking hangarin.

Una ay higit na mas malawak ang exposure ko. Isang malaking kontrobersya sakaling ako ang magpapakita ng katawan kasama ang aking kaulayaw.

Ikalawa ay hindi ako kumpyansa sa aking pangangatawan. Sila ay mga lahing adonis samantalang ako naman ay nabibilang sa hanay ng mga bardagol. Tiyak na magiging eyesore ang kalalabasan ng mga litrato ko.

Ikatlo ay ang katotohanang ako ay single, tigang at lantarang tumatakbo palayo sa tawag ng laman. Madantay ko lang ang aking mga palad sa katawan ng isang lalaki ay mabilis kaagad ang dating ng karma sakin. Sadya yatang gusto ng tadhana na ako'y gawing mongha.

Subalit hindi ko matatanggap na walang kapalit ang kanilang dare. May mga pagkakataon man na ako'y bumabali ng salita o kaya naman ay tumutupi sa isang hamon pero kahit kailan ay hindi ko pinagwawalang-bahala ang isang game.

Kaya't bilang tugon, maglalahad ako ng terms na sana ay sapat na upang tapatan ang dare na pinanindigan nina Darwin at Lukayo.

1. Sinususpinde ko ang Mugenblue-Odinhood Pact upang bigyang daan ang aking pagbabalik sa G4M. Ngayong may Chin-Chin na ang aking kasama sa kasunduan ay marapat naman na pakawalan ko na ang aking sarili.

Magtatagal ang suspension hanggang katapusan ng buwan.

2. Magkakaroon ng access sa aking G4M account sina Lukayo at Darwin. Maari nilang burautin ang lahat ng kausap ko. Sisiguraduhin kong malalaman nila ang lahat ng aking kilos sa website.

3. Sa kabila ng aking pagbabalik sa Guys4Men, ginagawa kong hamon ang hindi mahulog sa patibong dala ng SEB. Ito ay sa kabila ng pagtatadtad ko ng mga hubad na litrato sa aking profile

4. Pansamantala ko ring ititigil ang aking pagpunta sa Malate. Sakop nito ang Palawan sa Cubao. Mawawala ako sa club scene ng tatlong buwan simula ngayong araw. Hindi nito sakop ang option na mag-clubbing sa straight bars.

Mugenblue-Odinhood Pact states that:

The pact will also cease effect when one of the parties under the alliance enters into a harmonics* contract with a third party or when Odinhood completes his academic requirements five months upon the beginning of this pact.

Monthsary | Shuriken Pact

Hangga't hindi ko nahihigitan ang ganitong pagpapaubaya ng sarili, alam kong hindi pa ako handa.

Pormal kong isinasara muli ang pintuan ng aking puso.

---

It was past eleven in the evening.

I was in Greenbelt meeting the best friend of an online friend who came to visit the city. It was a pleasant meeting set on a chilly night. We had no plans really, except to talk about our common friend who should have been there with him had it not for his busy work in the fields.

What my eyeball didn't know was that I had urgent reasons to show up. It wasn't just about seeing him. We could set another time together with his best friend for a better planned eye-ball. In truth, our meet-up was a vigil. It was like hitting two birds with one stone. His, was for pleasant introductions, the other was in case I would be needed to the rescue.

The person to be secured is with his colleagues binging on hard liquor somewhere in Manila.

I remember leaving a twitter note before the end of my shift telling that I should stay out in case my presence is needed. Intuition runs parallel to a new-found attachment and emotions have to be considered in every decision I make. My situation was comparable to an admiral commanding his entire armada to patrol a narrow strait. Should a distress call be sent, redundancy ensures a swift response.

A few minutes before midnight, I received a text message.

"SOS na pare..."

He gave me the address and the landmark of the place where he was staying. Since it was near my school, it was easy to plot the course that would take me there. It doesn't matter how much I would have to give up just to be there.

The essence is to never let him wait.

"20 minutes dude, pahinga ka lang."

The cab driver must have thought I'm insane when my instructions were to step on the gas and never on the breaks. If the cab had wings, we would have vanquished the skies that midnight. Traffic was hell along Nagtahan because of the lifting of the truck ban. We could squeeze our way between mammoth-sized 18-wheelers but I had a better idea.

I found him slumped in one of the chairs when I showed up at the door 10 minutes earlier than my expected time of arrival. It was the empty side streets of Santa Ana, whose narrow passageways which revealed the quickest path to the river crossing. He introduced me as his housemate who was tasked to bring him home. Overjoyed by his colleagues' recognition, I even took his last three shots of Brandy to spare him from further misery of the alcohol constantly swirling inside his head.

---

Ibang klase talaga ang Diwata - Dukesa love affair. Hehehe. Magkasama sila ngayon sa Masbate. Sinundan ni Dukesa ang Diwata sa Masbate kung saan naka-assign ngayon and Diwata sa work.

It really must be true love! Lalakbayin ang kapatagan, aakyatin ang bundok at tatawirin ang dagat, makapiling lang ang isa't isa.

- Pinuno, Text Message



Lumabas tayo nung place mo para kumain... medyo malayo yung linakad natin at gutom na ako nun pero ok lang. Kasama naman kita. Pagkatapos natin kumain at magkuwentuhan naisipan nating mamasyal pero dahil wala ka pa masyadong tulog (at wala pa din ako masyadong tulog) naisipan mong umuwi na lang. Sabi ko, ok lang - basta kasama naman kita.

- Lukayo, Liham Para Sa Aking Asawa

The Last Temptation of Jomania

"Do not do unto others, what others do not want to do unto you."

- Anon

"For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven."

- Jesus Christ, Matthew 19:11

---

The sun was barely up when I left home this morning. The day-long gwapo sleep I had yesterday restored my energy to its normal levels. It was well known throughout the Twitter Community how grumpy my week was and I felt bad about it. Sleeplessness had taken its toll and there were even times when my usually calm and controlled attitude was overtaken by my violent and carnal tendencies. Fortunately, mind control was able to put me at a distance away from those careless enough to cross my path.

Guilt ridden, I headed towards my refuge in Katipunan. Maybe what I needed was a spiritual fix now that I am feeling an imbalance in my being. If I let my destructive inclinations take over me, I might lose my hard-earned peace. Much as I was hesitant to set sail towards my destination, it was my will that lead me there. Let fate have my redemption, what matters is that I tried.

I arrived at Santa Clara while a holy mass was going on. It isn't my desire to attend masses especially if I find the man standing on the pulpit too lousy to explain the words he proclaim. But my time was short and I had to bask myself in any spiritual bounty I would harvest from this morning's expedition.

I sat on the pew which most appealed to me.

Now the word "appeal" is subject to further scrutiny. In my case, the pew which is most desirable would not be the one closest to the priest. Instead, the most attractive spot for me would be the one next to the cutest guy in the church. I'm just human for Christ's sake. If I'm a straight guy, I would most likely sit beside the most gorgeous lady around.

So that was the case this morning. I found myself seating beside a fair-looking Narcissus who, for some reasons decided to attend the early morning mass. All throughout the service, I tried my best not to look at his direction. But how can I resist a demon-looking, late-twenties stud sitting beside me, especially when he doesn't make any effort to put some distance despite my attempts to pull back.

The Lord's Prayer has concluded and it was time for the Rite of Peace. It is the part where everyone exchanges a sign of peace with one another. On my part, it will be the climax of the tension which began to build up the moment I sat beside the lean-bodied Adonis. I would have to look at him in the eye, scan the contours of his elfish face and have a fill of his presence which I may never enjoy again. Sometimes, I would like to blame my repressive nature for harboring twisted thoughts. If I was as hedonistic as I used to be, his closeness would never create any sexual tension that I would soon suppress.

"Peace be with you..." he answered. His eyes expressed disinterest. Maybe, what I felt was nothing after all.

The Eucharist ended with our arms barely a few inches away from rubbing each other. I don't know if my slight wobbling throughout the mass drew me closer or it was the other way round. His gravity was too strong that the only way to repulse my attraction was for him to leave. As I was preparing to start my weekly habit, he stood up to get something from his bag. All along, I thought he was just arranging its contents before leaving the pew. To my surprise he took out a green booklet and knelt beside me.

He had his novena to match my rosary.

It was difficult to focus on the beads knowing that I was distracted by his actions. Was his decision to stay a sign of his intention to reach out? Was his novena as genuine as my rosary in connecting with the Source? I may never find out. For as we were praying next to each other, another guy sat beside me. The look in his eyes and the way he smiled meant something. Instincts revealed its malicious intent but since I was inside the house of the Almighty, I brushed my nature and welcomed his presence.

Halfway towards the end of my second mystery of light, the eye candy to my left made a sign of the cross to conclude his novena. Meanwhile, the guy to my right wiggled closer putting me in a defensive position. He was invading my space so I had to turn my head and check what he was doing. Once again, he smiled at me.

As I was about to return to my meditation, he tried to break the ice by engaging me in a conversation.

"Excuse me..." He said pa-cutely.

"Ano yun dude?" I responded with slight disturbance.

"Favor naman... baka puwede mo akong ipag-pray." Now he was trying to be cute.

"Para saan?" I answered back, annoyed.

"Enlightenment."

Fine. Someone wanted a pray-over session. Had I known it would be used on me, I should have said the same lines to get the hunky Narcissus' attention earlier. I wouldn't mind praying for someone's soul. My only confusion was the person who solicited my prayers was inside the church. He could pray for himself and the almighty would still listen.

Confused with his favor, I said yes to his intercessions. He left the pew soon after and being guilty of my snooty attitude, I prayed for him. However, my troubles this morning has just begun. Barely into my fifth mystery of light, he showed up again with the sheer intention of pestering my moment of bliss.

"Seminarian ka ba?"

"Hindi... Siyanga pala, pinagdasal na kita." His face suddenly glowed after granting his favor.

"Teacher nga pala ako, etc. etc." Impressions tell that he is a man of faith. His introductions only made me wonder why he needed my prayers when his religious affiliations gave him a stronger connection to the almighty.

"So bakit ka nandito? Are you a brother, may community ka ba, order, etc."

"I'm just a normal person who happens to pray." Once again, his lousy attempts to communicate drove me ballistic.

"Wow. Pinahanga mo naman ako, bihira lang ako maka-meet ng totoong lalaki na nagdadasal." Gotcha, my instincts did not fool me this time. His unnecessary complements only triggered me to put thick walls between us.

"Dude, I'm praying. Can we just talk after I'm done." He got back to his senses, he quietly retreated from his assaults.

I do not know if he was trying to be very friendly but his careless actions would have got him a blow right on his face. You see, one thing that makes me really, really furious is when a stranger touches my things without my permission. As I calmly utter the last of the Hail Mary's, his hand snatched the Bible that I read at the start of every mystery. If not for my sacred promise to be a little less snooty this week, he could have raised hell at a moment's notice. Arming myself with infinite patience, I overlooked his transgression and focused on my prayers instead.

My prayers were drawing to a close and at the back of my head, I had an idea what would happen next. Much as I try to avoid hurting his feelings, compromises had to be made. It wasn't his fault that my appearance caught his interest. It's like the tables were overturned on me, had I've been more aggressive in pursuing the eye candy. Uttering my final prayers, I finally felt the spiritual link that I sought all morning.

"Lord I know that I'd be committing a lie if this guy continues to annoy me. I know he will so I hope you would understand if I would appear too aloof to accommodate his presence. Jesus Christ, upon reading the passages in the Bible had his snooty moments too. I will keep in mind not to be too harsh on him, and I pray that my actions would be forgiven, no matter how self-serving they are."

I made a sign of the cross, which was the same sign the pursuer was waiting all this time.

---

"So puwede ka ba maging friend?"

"Ayos lang. Yun lang naman pala eh." I said somewhat sarcastically.

"So bakit kailangan mo ng enlightenment samantalang mas malapit ka sa Diyos kesa sa akin."

"Wala lang, medyo naliligaw lang ako ng landas paminsan-minsan. Alam mo na, gusto kong maging straight ang buhay ko."

"Kaya nga tayo pumupunta sa simbahan para magkaroon ng kapayapaan diba?"

"Alam ko naman yun eh... Wala lang."

"So anong maipaglilingkod ko sa iyo dude?" I finally decided to cut the chase.

"Puwede ba makuha ang number mo?"

"Wala akong cellphone pare eh."

"Ganun ba? So paano kita makikita?"

"Tiyempuhan mo ulit ako dito."

Before we left the premises, he finally spoke about his sexuality. He confessed that he fell in love with men and women in different phases of his life. I rolled my eyes in anticipation for his final spiel.

"Ikaw ba, ayos lang sa iyo ang ganun?"

"Hindi ako nanghuhusga ng kapwa tao. Kung saan sila masaya edi okay lang sa akin." If he only knew, I was rooting for the guy who sat beside me before he showed up.

"Eh paano kung gusto kitang maging kaibigan, o kaya mahalin ka, papayag ka ba nun?" His remarks were flattering really, but I'm simply not into him. His lousy approach had already put me off.

"Pasensya na pero hindi ako pumapatol pare." Apologies for betraying the rainbow code. Even straight-acting guys like me have to turn our backs if it calls for self-preservation.

"Sana hindi yan ang rason kaya gusto mo akong maging kaibigan..."

He still insisted in getting my number while waiting for an FX to pass by the road. All his attempts were met with stiff resistance. Though I cannot deny that I underestimated his persistence, I was profoundly impressed by his gall to cross lines I would never dare step my feet on. Blame it on my pride, or some made-up situations where such attempts would surely end in humiliation. Point it on past rejections I never got over with, but no, I would not subject myself to such troubles especially now that I can easily send my fleet to any seas I am invited.

An FX bound for Cubao emerged from a corner barely after we arrived. Much as I would like to give him the pleasure to harass me for the last time, I had to go and head for work. Raising my right hand to hail the incoming vehicle, I bid my goodbye to the gentleman beside me. "It was a lesson learned," I told myself. "Had I followed his lead and did the same thing to the guy I came across shortly before he came, I would end up making a fool out of myself."

The almighty spoke to me this morning. The house of heavenly worship cannot afford to have a garden of earthly delights.