This Is Not Darkstar Talking

Okay Trippy. Don't be shy now. After all this is your blog.

Have I already exchanged my stand on monogamy? Have I already embraced the thought that sex is different from love? And that being a guy, its normal for me to follow my instincts on lust?

Wala lang. I feel like I've been thinking about sex all the time. Ewan ko ba if this is the effect of hanging out in G4M lately.

Everytime, I have to constantly remind myself that I have a commitment. That I have a buddy out there who believes that I am a good boy. Kasi naman eh, why do things have to change? Why do I let my repressions go over my head?

Like what they all say, it's simple to play around especially when you don't get satisfied with what you have. It's more simple to say "let's fuck, do you have a place?" than say "I'll stick by your side no matter how many temptations appear around me."

Good thing, my exposures to G4m hasn't really got me yet. There were a lot of invites, yeah. But at the end I just brush them off... some of them, as reserves for... Or I just maintained my status quo. Chatting in MIrC is much more difficult.

I just had a wake up call several days ago.

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Why do I have to change?

Di naman ako ganito dati ah. I even maintained my control before in Mister Piggy's Dark Room even though everyone around me is having an orgy. Bakit ngayon, parang madali na lang bumigay sa temptation? What happened to me?

Good thing, my alignment hasn't been broken. I've never done an "emancipation act" again. But how long could I stand up? How long could I satisfy myself with my own hands? Grabe mahirap ah. I talked about it with my bud, but he seems not to be worried to much about my situation. It was even part of the deal but I think he just forgot about it.

But what if, time comes when I encountered someone who's very good in turning me on? What if one time, another Black Friday guy appeared in BED and this time, I'd really loose my control?

Would the heavens forgive me? Would my guilt finally consume me?

Could I still stand up against my promiscuity?

Sometimes I really don't know.