Moksha

"What if there is a reincarnation, and that I am just merely several lifetimes away before achieving my own Nirvana, my own end? What if Im just merely finding several more pieces of my lifetimes' jigsaw puzzle before life itself declares me complete?"

These were the words I've spoken several years ago after having a senti-metaphysical conversation with an old friend one silent night.

Though I cannot remember how I came up with that conclusion. Lately, whenever I feel I can relate to someone who speaks the same way my soul communicates, those words slowly echoes back to me.

What if I am an old soul who is nearing the completion of his cosmic journey?

---

Ever since I began to ponder the metaphysical world, the thought of reincarnation never left me.

I always wonder whether God would allow me to live another life just to correct the past one, or would he be benevolent enough to let me seek, whatever path I am looking for - if such path would require several lifetimes only to be found.

The thought of having several lifetimes enchanted me, until the reality of my present life suddenly sinks into my consciousness.

Leaving me in a cold, pragmatic existence.

---

For years, those thoughts began to submerge from my consciousness in order to live a painful life that spans this entire lifetime.

Through the years, I started to forget that old soul residing in me in hopes that I could replace everything with a pragmatic view of life.

And even though the thought of karma, reincarnation, bliss, contentment and happiness became less and less staple of my daily thoughts.

I never forget them.

In fact, I think I just allowed them to sleep, the way I let Darkstar and several of my personalities sleep in order to achieve this state of consciousness.

All of them were left to slumber, until Mami came to my life.

Until I finally realized that an old soul seems to reside within her.

---

Tonight, at a house party she organized,

We began to talk about metaphysical things. It all started with what makes her happy and what does she regret in life.

Through the course of our conversation. I shared to her some of my basic philosophies...

That true and eternal happiness can only be achieved in death.

That there are souls who are wiser and deeper than the body and brain it resides.

For a moment there, I felt that I wasn't the one speaking to her. It may be the spirit of the alcohol. But whenever I uttered a word, I felt that it was something which came from within - from something older than what my ordinary thoughts could merely express.

Truth is,

I have only encountered very few people who loves my trippings - the mere clubbing, partying and having those promiscuous moments were just part of the masquerade.

Beyond that, I have never met someone who has this great sense of affection towards sunsets, towards mid afternoon gentle rains, towards high places where silence and serenity reigns; while a grandiose view awaits those patient souls who would look down and appreciate that there is more to life than material things and shallow religious experiences.

I've always known myself as someone deep... and lately, while studying the trends I do in life, I realized that somehow, I tend to touch someone's life with my presence when that person is in deep distress and needs someone who would lift them up.

I may not be a perfect one, but I have tried to live with that philosophy even though not a single intimate relationship has ever bloomed based on those foundations.

Not even a close call.

---

In the end, Mami and I closed our conversation relatively relieved.

She found that her lifetime is composed of countless cycle of births and rebirths - While I, realized that my purpose in this lifetime is to act as a bridge to someone who is crossing an epoch in his life.

I have always tried to be a gentle, and emphatic listener. And so far, I have not veered too far from my nature.

---

When you summed up my overall interests and aspirations in life, one old soul may realize that hidden beneath my shallow blabber is a desire to achieve my own perfection.

Driven by need to surrender myself to others, and treasure moments that could never be mine again, I think I found my own calling.

Even though only few could ever answer or satisfy my own distress. My purpose I think, is to answer and reach out to those who are in need of someone, who would care and willing to listen to their own life stories.

My melodramatic mood reflects my own desire for completeness,

and now that I found an old soul in Mami who would somehow comprehend what I am saying.

My path towards Nirvana remains at hand.

I might just have several more lifetimes to go, before my own sentience ends.