It's been a while since I puffed a cigarette under the cover of a dark starry sky while the cool eastern breeze blows in my face, bringing with it the scent of cogon grass coming from the Sierra Madre mountains at 3 am in the morning.
I used to remember before when a classmate would sleepover my place, we would go out at this unholy hour, buy several bottles of San Mig Light at a nearby 7-Eleven store and we'll senti over I lives back in college while my mom and my dad were peacefully upstairs, unaware of our sneak out just to savor a moment we would never enjoy anymore when we leave the university.
Those were the days I used to long when I can remember. It was a time when things were not as complicated as it is today.
---
Looking back, we would aspire for a future that was full of hopes and victories. Of course, I wasn't that sure what life would I lead after I graduate in college but I'm sure it's a blast.
But when I looked up to the sky this morning and remembered my conversations with them about future lives, suddenly a chord was struck in my heart. I used to be a dreamer, an idealist who dreamed of moving a world.
Now, I haven't even moved a single boulder.
---
At the age of 23, I feel that I haven't accomplished a thing. I don't even have a career to be proud of.
Shortly before dad died last February, I was gearing up to return to the advertising industry. Still, being a PR Writer was the best job I've ever had. Especially since I have an ODDER as an office mate, and a superior who is leaning towards our preference.
When I think about the days when I was with them, I've realized that still it wasn't that bad. Even this blog would attest to that.
---
Still, I am absorbing the message that was written in the blog I've read an hour ago. The guy's life should be an inspiration to me, even if I haven't met him yet.
There were countless times that I mentioned here that I would like to have a son one day. A Joem Endymionn that I could be proud to call as my own.
No wonder, when I see kids these days, especially those with relatively fair skin and chinito eyes, I couldn't help but put myself into their parents shoes. I just love the feeling, an imagination that the kid in front of me is my offspring.
---
This afternoon, we have set a meeting again with our supposed partner in business. Whatever comes out of the negotiation, I would again set my foot outside the family business and draw my own future beyond it. This time, I won't look back. I won't even remember that we have a publishing.
When the contract is signed. I would think of it as my voucher for freedom. Whether I land in a call center, or perhaps in an office clerk/communications office position. I promise myself to look into the direction of my own future.
The consequences of things doesn't matter at the moment from now on. All that's important is that we would stand on our own.
I used to remember before when a classmate would sleepover my place, we would go out at this unholy hour, buy several bottles of San Mig Light at a nearby 7-Eleven store and we'll senti over I lives back in college while my mom and my dad were peacefully upstairs, unaware of our sneak out just to savor a moment we would never enjoy anymore when we leave the university.
Those were the days I used to long when I can remember. It was a time when things were not as complicated as it is today.
---
Looking back, we would aspire for a future that was full of hopes and victories. Of course, I wasn't that sure what life would I lead after I graduate in college but I'm sure it's a blast.
But when I looked up to the sky this morning and remembered my conversations with them about future lives, suddenly a chord was struck in my heart. I used to be a dreamer, an idealist who dreamed of moving a world.
Now, I haven't even moved a single boulder.
---
At the age of 23, I feel that I haven't accomplished a thing. I don't even have a career to be proud of.
Shortly before dad died last February, I was gearing up to return to the advertising industry. Still, being a PR Writer was the best job I've ever had. Especially since I have an ODDER as an office mate, and a superior who is leaning towards our preference.
When I think about the days when I was with them, I've realized that still it wasn't that bad. Even this blog would attest to that.
---
Still, I am absorbing the message that was written in the blog I've read an hour ago. The guy's life should be an inspiration to me, even if I haven't met him yet.
There were countless times that I mentioned here that I would like to have a son one day. A Joem Endymionn that I could be proud to call as my own.
No wonder, when I see kids these days, especially those with relatively fair skin and chinito eyes, I couldn't help but put myself into their parents shoes. I just love the feeling, an imagination that the kid in front of me is my offspring.
---
This afternoon, we have set a meeting again with our supposed partner in business. Whatever comes out of the negotiation, I would again set my foot outside the family business and draw my own future beyond it. This time, I won't look back. I won't even remember that we have a publishing.
When the contract is signed. I would think of it as my voucher for freedom. Whether I land in a call center, or perhaps in an office clerk/communications office position. I promise myself to look into the direction of my own future.
The consequences of things doesn't matter at the moment from now on. All that's important is that we would stand on our own.
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