Crestfallen

The news came like a rock being hurled at my face while I was deeply engrossed with my research work.



Parekoy was the bearer of the news. Nathan had a seizure and is in the ICU at that moment.

Then everything stopped as if the space around me was swiftly frozen.



---



I called Sonny to verify the news. It was confimred. Nate was in the ICU of Medical City. The very place where the three of us rushed before when Paldeng was in the same ICU.



At that moment, I wanted to leave my work station to check out Nate's condition and to comfort Sonny, who sounds distressed on the phone . I was gearing up for a free-fall saturday night, and this is what I would hear on a saturday morning.



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After 14 hours of work, I texted Roy if we could go together to visit Nathan. Although visiting hours is only from 5-7 pm, I took my chance since I managed to get in last time. However, the interns were more strict this time. Roy and I was stopped at the very doors of the ICU lobby room. We tried to get in, however when the attendant said that the patient is already sleeping, we decided drop our claims and call it a night.



We head towards Megamall to meet up with James afterwards.



---



From him, I knew what really happened, and the truth somehow made me upset.

It happened the night before, the night when I made that speech in the family dialouge. They were in Megamall to eat their dinner when Nate suddenly collapsed. He claims that days before, he was already suffering from a severe headache and had a hard time sleeping.



Then, Friday night, its if everything went out of hand. His nerves, which was holding together days before snapped. He was brought to the ER accompanied by the ODDER boys who was with him.



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News spread like fires burning a thin sheet of paper. In fact, those who rarely appear on the Contingents got the news the night the emergency happened.



Well...



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I know its not proper to show these reactions right now... but the thought that I just only got it

the day after from someone who just gets the news from me somehow shows...

how distant I became to these people in just one month.



Well, I can't blame myself nor anyone for that. If I still had the spare time, I would spend it most with the people who maintains my existence, however work demands that I should become a corporate slave and that, I should submit my freedom for the benefit of the company...



Probably if I knew it on the night it happened, I might not make it to the hospital... since I have to be in the office at 7 am. But at least, I would have a choice. Besides, after hearing how distraught Sonny was that night... I think, another comforter would not be bad... In fact, I might have completely changed priorities and stayed in for the whole night.



The last time an emergency happened, we shoved our way to the ICU just to personally see and assure myself that Paldeng was fine. I know very well how lonely and confusing it is to be in the hospital, alone and tense - - They say that it was the very reason why the news didn't reach me - they were tensed and confused. But if it did reach me, probably I might be of some help... the mere fact that my aunt has a clinic in that very hospital where Nate is may have provided them with more access to facilities...



Knowing myself, I would have done something than rather sleep an entire night without knowing a brother was suffering somewhere.



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But still, I know that its not proper to show such feelings right now... It shows immaturity and... well... uhm...



In fact, I shouldn't have posted this on my blog...



but



I'm just human not to react... not to feel kinda... not to be bothered with these kinds of emotions









now I know how benchboy felt when he posted that note in the yahoogroups some weeks ago... As everything sinks in as I compose this focused thoughts reflecting my emotions



Somehow, I just felt the same way.