Strange how some people would speak of love like it is meant to last forever. They would brag about it; perform strange rituals and daring exploits to flaunt their affection for one another; and make oaths and promises that such love would endure even the test of time. A person smitten by romantic passion would embrace deception to get hold of what they feel as real. But in truth, love knows only moments and what remains beyond infatuation is bittersweet memory that is meant to last a lifetime.
Despite this reality, I always tell those smitten by love to snatch every opportunity to feel it flowing in their being. Love is like a virus that inhibits your mental functions. You can never tell when it will contain you; but the moment it does, its infection would leave you unable to grasp even the most rudimentary vocations of your sensibilities.
On the second day after being introduced to FireArcher, things were far from ordinary. Our sweet text exchanges continued and as a result, it felt like walking in the clouds. Despite the toxic campaign season which threatened to overwhelm me, I found myself basking in my little box of sunshine. The Chairman of the Party would demand more cash donations to run the political machine and just for them not to distract my attention, I would give away whatever cash I have in my wallet. I still cannot forget how I was able to give up my two thousand peso savings out of sheer joy when FireArcher agreed to a meet up the next day.
---
It was a Sunday afternoon when we met in Vito Cruz. He belonged to the home of Green Archers and to see him in his environment was his home court advantage. Pleasantries were exchanged and the conversation began rolling. Nobody knew in PEx that we would see each other. I was a sneaky bastard who wanted him for myself. For if the others knew what was going on, I would be put to the cross the next time a reunion will be called.
The meet-up was a landmark achievement that I've even forgotten my girlfriend who was looking for me that weekend.
Previous social engagements dictate that a coffee date or a little snack hangout should be in order. That was how I conducted my affairs in the straight world. I never knew that FireArcher had something else in mind. Smitten by his charms, I let go of my command and instead followed his direction.
His trail lead me to the side streets of Malate - behind the university he often bragged about in the forum. Dazed and unable to speak for myself, I entrusted my innocence and friendliness to his responsibility. We found ourselves sitting next to each other, on a two-person bed, whose soft blue striped sheets relaxed the senses. Nobody was inside the house except for us who were merely hanging out in his room at the farthest corner of his place. He turned on the stereo which played light alternative music. In my calm and inviting surroundings, never did I sense that hostility was just around the corner:
To subtly switch a topic into something more provocative would invite danger - A peril which my instinct was still unaccustomed to in those early days.
I cannot recall the things we have talked about. He must have said something about his school, his culinary talents, and even his past relationships with men. At 18, I learned how advanced he was compared to me who was just about to enter a life of queerhood at the age of 20. The conversation went on, until we gradually delved into subjects that were too intimate to even mention when being alone.
Out of nowhere the initiation began:
"Hey can I ask you a favor?"
"Ano yun dude."
"Is it alright to kiss you?" A sudden brush of coldness run up my spine. It took me a few deep breaths before I could respond to his question.
"Sure, it's alright with me..." I saw his pearly whites shine on his face. He must have brought me to his place just for this moment to happen.
FireArcher moved closer. I felt his warm breath melting my lips. A seething heat burned my body, while my shaky hands froze in excitement for an orgasmic end from the person who just poisoned my heart.
I closed my eyes and waited for the kiss he will plant on my lips. Slowly, he positioned himself for a passionate assault. As I crossed the point of no return, I felt fear, passion, and thrill for something I have never done before. There were so many things running in my head: acceptance, a secret romance, a life that will never be the same again.
Who would have thought everything would start from there.
The skirmish broke out a few minutes before sundown. He began by assaulting my lips with lip-locking caresses. I was able to taste his sweet saliva but my nicotine-laced tongue repelled him away. Too bad, my defenses were strong enough to push him back. Had I chewed a gum before his initiation, the kiss might have lead into something more. He tried another attempt to make out, but when he saw me shaking violently, his senses took over. A hasty retreat was in order and I was spared from a white and sticky explosion I wasn't ready yet to give a try.
---
There were no traces of guilt when I left his apartment. Instead, the premature disconnection left me hanging in mid-air after a climax wasn't achieved in our attempt at copulation. FireArcher promised me to expect another round the next time we meet. On my way home, he said the reason for leaving me in peace.
"Masyado ka kasing kinakabahan kaya hinayaan na lang kita." He explained. "Pero next time, magpapaputok tayong dalawa hehe."
The prospects of having a carnal rematch left me with a hard-on that I had to pacify the moment I entered my room. Believing that there was something between us, I became bolder in my manner of expressing my feelings toward FireArcher.
Unfortunately, it was a one way understanding. What he simply wanted was to get me.
Our text exchanges became a trickle a few days after our failed engagement. He said he was busy with academics so I just decided to leave him alone. Much as it was difficult to return to the life I had just abandoned, picking up the pieces was my only choice. The girlfriend never learned what happened and so were FireArcher's devoted admirers in the group. These boys would later confess their feelings, only to be turned down without even reaching first base.
It would take another seven months before someone would successfully overrun my newly fortified camp. I met him in the chat room and we took advantage of his friend's generosity when she entrusted to my mate the keys to her apartment. The guy happened to be extremely frisky that evening, while I was determined to change my image into something naughtier after being told that I'm too nice for a non-straight guy.
By then, FireArcher had become a mere preface to a story about my self-discovery - whose nearly-forgotten memory resurfaced a few days ago. The recollection was triggered when a kid who happens to follow my blog suddenly confessed his sexuality to me during our conversation in the Yahoo Messenger.
The date of my initiation was February 17. Seven years later, here I am providing a berth place to someone who found himself out in the open sea and into the same body of water I crossed blindly without a berthing place to anchor myself to the ground.
Despite this reality, I always tell those smitten by love to snatch every opportunity to feel it flowing in their being. Love is like a virus that inhibits your mental functions. You can never tell when it will contain you; but the moment it does, its infection would leave you unable to grasp even the most rudimentary vocations of your sensibilities.
On the second day after being introduced to FireArcher, things were far from ordinary. Our sweet text exchanges continued and as a result, it felt like walking in the clouds. Despite the toxic campaign season which threatened to overwhelm me, I found myself basking in my little box of sunshine. The Chairman of the Party would demand more cash donations to run the political machine and just for them not to distract my attention, I would give away whatever cash I have in my wallet. I still cannot forget how I was able to give up my two thousand peso savings out of sheer joy when FireArcher agreed to a meet up the next day.
---
It was a Sunday afternoon when we met in Vito Cruz. He belonged to the home of Green Archers and to see him in his environment was his home court advantage. Pleasantries were exchanged and the conversation began rolling. Nobody knew in PEx that we would see each other. I was a sneaky bastard who wanted him for myself. For if the others knew what was going on, I would be put to the cross the next time a reunion will be called.
The meet-up was a landmark achievement that I've even forgotten my girlfriend who was looking for me that weekend.
Previous social engagements dictate that a coffee date or a little snack hangout should be in order. That was how I conducted my affairs in the straight world. I never knew that FireArcher had something else in mind. Smitten by his charms, I let go of my command and instead followed his direction.
His trail lead me to the side streets of Malate - behind the university he often bragged about in the forum. Dazed and unable to speak for myself, I entrusted my innocence and friendliness to his responsibility. We found ourselves sitting next to each other, on a two-person bed, whose soft blue striped sheets relaxed the senses. Nobody was inside the house except for us who were merely hanging out in his room at the farthest corner of his place. He turned on the stereo which played light alternative music. In my calm and inviting surroundings, never did I sense that hostility was just around the corner:
To subtly switch a topic into something more provocative would invite danger - A peril which my instinct was still unaccustomed to in those early days.
I cannot recall the things we have talked about. He must have said something about his school, his culinary talents, and even his past relationships with men. At 18, I learned how advanced he was compared to me who was just about to enter a life of queerhood at the age of 20. The conversation went on, until we gradually delved into subjects that were too intimate to even mention when being alone.
Out of nowhere the initiation began:
"Hey can I ask you a favor?"
"Ano yun dude."
"Is it alright to kiss you?" A sudden brush of coldness run up my spine. It took me a few deep breaths before I could respond to his question.
"Sure, it's alright with me..." I saw his pearly whites shine on his face. He must have brought me to his place just for this moment to happen.
FireArcher moved closer. I felt his warm breath melting my lips. A seething heat burned my body, while my shaky hands froze in excitement for an orgasmic end from the person who just poisoned my heart.
I closed my eyes and waited for the kiss he will plant on my lips. Slowly, he positioned himself for a passionate assault. As I crossed the point of no return, I felt fear, passion, and thrill for something I have never done before. There were so many things running in my head: acceptance, a secret romance, a life that will never be the same again.
Who would have thought everything would start from there.
The skirmish broke out a few minutes before sundown. He began by assaulting my lips with lip-locking caresses. I was able to taste his sweet saliva but my nicotine-laced tongue repelled him away. Too bad, my defenses were strong enough to push him back. Had I chewed a gum before his initiation, the kiss might have lead into something more. He tried another attempt to make out, but when he saw me shaking violently, his senses took over. A hasty retreat was in order and I was spared from a white and sticky explosion I wasn't ready yet to give a try.
---
There were no traces of guilt when I left his apartment. Instead, the premature disconnection left me hanging in mid-air after a climax wasn't achieved in our attempt at copulation. FireArcher promised me to expect another round the next time we meet. On my way home, he said the reason for leaving me in peace.
"Masyado ka kasing kinakabahan kaya hinayaan na lang kita." He explained. "Pero next time, magpapaputok tayong dalawa hehe."
The prospects of having a carnal rematch left me with a hard-on that I had to pacify the moment I entered my room. Believing that there was something between us, I became bolder in my manner of expressing my feelings toward FireArcher.
Unfortunately, it was a one way understanding. What he simply wanted was to get me.
Our text exchanges became a trickle a few days after our failed engagement. He said he was busy with academics so I just decided to leave him alone. Much as it was difficult to return to the life I had just abandoned, picking up the pieces was my only choice. The girlfriend never learned what happened and so were FireArcher's devoted admirers in the group. These boys would later confess their feelings, only to be turned down without even reaching first base.
It would take another seven months before someone would successfully overrun my newly fortified camp. I met him in the chat room and we took advantage of his friend's generosity when she entrusted to my mate the keys to her apartment. The guy happened to be extremely frisky that evening, while I was determined to change my image into something naughtier after being told that I'm too nice for a non-straight guy.
By then, FireArcher had become a mere preface to a story about my self-discovery - whose nearly-forgotten memory resurfaced a few days ago. The recollection was triggered when a kid who happens to follow my blog suddenly confessed his sexuality to me during our conversation in the Yahoo Messenger.
The date of my initiation was February 17. Seven years later, here I am providing a berth place to someone who found himself out in the open sea and into the same body of water I crossed blindly without a berthing place to anchor myself to the ground.
---
[12:22] kidblogger001: ang hirap kasing maging masaya pag ka ung kasiyahan mu eh mali sa panigin ng ibang tao..
[12:23] MuGen: ang hirap kasing maging masaya pag ka ung kasiyahan mu eh mali sa panigin ng ibang tao.. - kasi hindi mo pa tanggap ng buo ang pagkatao mo
[12:23] MuGen: intayin mong dumating ang
[12:23] MuGen: panahon
[12:23] MuGen: ang hirap kasing maging masaya pag ka ung kasiyahan mu eh mali sa panigin ng ibang tao.. - kasi hindi mo pa tanggap ng buo ang pagkatao mo
[12:23] MuGen: intayin mong dumating ang
[12:23] MuGen: panahon
