The Buff Daddy Slips Ipanema

When the fashion bloggers claimed that it felt like slipping your feet on a thin slice of butter, I didn't take their word for it. I thought someone was just making a huge fuss about the flops for it to gain some attention.

But lo and behold! When I slipped my Ipanema Anatomica flops this afternoon for my work out

It felt like the soles of my feet are padded with White Rabbit chewable candy.

I don't know if you have chewed one, but to give you an idea, A white rabbit candy bar is soft, easy to chew (it's better that Tootsie Roll) and its buttery, creamy aftertaste will linger on long after the candy has melted in your mouth. In this case, it was my feet that felt that way.

So there. My experience with flip flops has come full circle.

Come the beach days, I will have my Ipanema to brag to everyone.

Sorry na lang sa mga Havs at Crocs nila.

---

photoshoot location: Eclipse Gym, Shaw Boulevard
model-modelan: Mugen

Buff Daddy Interludes Three

Nagwork-out ako kahapon matapos ang trabaho. Pagkadating sa gym, laking gulat ko nang madatnan na marami ang nagbubuhat. To think na pinipintasan ko ang Slimmer's Megamall noong isang gabi dahil mukha na siyang palengke sa dami ng tao, ganun rin pala ang aabutan ko pagbalik sa Eclipse.

Wala naman significant na naganap habang ako ay tumitira ng bakal. Pabigat pa rin ng pabigat ang mga weights na nilalagay nila sa program (250 lbs na ang deadlift ko!) kaya naman talagang tagaktak ang pawis ko matapos ang bawat exercise. Malapit na rin akong umabot sa state of failure. Kapag nag-failure ka kasi, ibig sabihin ay umabot ka na sa limit ng kaya mong buhatin. Pumapalpak na ako sa pag-angat ng katawan sa pull ups. Mali na daw ang execution sabi sa akin ni head coach. Tiyak nito, sa susunod kong balik ay mas magaan na ang isasabit kong mga plates sa bewang.

Gaya ng aking naabutan, mukhang palengke na rin ang Eclipse sa dami ng tao kahapon. Nakakalat sa sahig ang mga plates na iba't iba ang bigat (10, 25, 35, at 45 lbs) samantalang puro ungol naman ang maririnig mo sa paligid na namumutawi sa bibig ng mga hardcore weightlifters. Kulang na lang na pati yung power cage ay buhatin na rin nila. Napansin ko lang na habang nagiging hardcore ang program mo at medyo malalaki na ang iron plates sa olympic bar mo ay marami na ang nanonood sa iyo.

Hindi ko alam kung ito ay isang magandang pangitain pero just for the sake of making a kuwento, sasabihin ko sa inyo kung ano ang nangyari:

Nakasabay ko ang isang lalaki sa pagde-deadlift. Ang deadlift ay isang exercise kung saan nasa sahig ang barbell at ito'y iyong kailangang buhatin - with arms and body stretched - hanggang umabot ito sa binti. Madali lang ang exercise kung sanay ka sa Squats. Subalit kapag ang bigat ng barbell ay lumalampas na ng 150 lbs, para mo na ring binuhat si Dabo noon. Tumango sa akin ang lalaki nang mapansin nitong nagpapalit ako ng plates ng olympic bar. Inacknowledge ko ang kanyang presence sa pamamagitan ng pagtango rin dito.

Ang tanguan ay nauwi sa kuwentuhan. Hindi ko namalayan na tinanong ko na pala siya kung ano ang bigat ng kanyang binubuhat, ang sets at reps nito, at pati na rin kung gaano katagal na siya nagbubuhat sa aming gym. Sa sobrang dami naming napagusapan (sa loob ng sampung minuto) ay kulang na lang itanong ko sa kanya kung siya ba ay single at kung saan siya nauwi. Siyempre medyo kaduda-duda na ang mga tanong na ito, subalit dahil siya ang nagsimulang makipagkuwentuhan sa akin, may karapatan akong mag-ala Boy Abunda sa pagtatanong sa kanya.

May katandaan na ang lalaki. Maaring siya ay nasa late 30s na subalit dahil ito ay adik sa pagbubuhat, kapansin-pansin ang mala-adonis niyang katawan. Ito ay maputi, maikli ang buhok at medyo singkit ang mga mata. Sa laki ng kanyang katawan ay hindi ko maiwasan isipin kung ano kaya ang pakiramdam ang makatabi siya sa kama. Tagos hanggang kaluluwa pati kung siya ay makatingin kaya't hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit tensyonado ako sa tuwing ito ay lumalapit at nakikipagusap sa akin.

Marami na akong mga narinig na kuwento tungkol sa loob at labas ng gym. Nariyan sina Tristantales at McVie upang ikuwento ang kanilang mga karanasan sa loob ng locker room. Minsan na rin akong nagkaroon ng near miss sa isa sa mga cubicles ng shower room. Subalit sa dinami-dami ng steamy sessions na aking narinig at nabasa tungkol sa gym, naroon rin ang pag-asa na ang bawat pagtatagpo ay maari rin humantong sa isang malalim at magandang samahan. Nariyan si Tripper at HB upang patunayan na maaring umusbong ang pag-ibig sa benchpress machine.

Hindi lang si deadlifter guy ang bumusog sa aking paningin kahapon sa gym. Naroon rin si boy Iranian, si cute gym instructor at pati na rin si moreno kid na ka-tag team ni big papi na doble ang lapad sa akin. Naroon rin ang aking boss na biglang nagdecide kumuha ng instructor noong nakaraang buwan. Sawa na daw siya kakatakbo sa treadmill at gusto naman niya matutunan ang free weights. Sa dami ng maaring pansinin at purihin, si big papi at pati na rin ang aking boss ang katangi-tanging hinangaan ko sa kanilang lahat. Ito ay hindi dahil sa trip ko sila o kaya naman ay pinapantasya, subalit ang mga katulad nila ang nagpapaalala ng aking simula at ng aking narating.

I wonder, will they be able to achieve their goals as well.

Natapos ang aking work-out na panay ang titig kay deadlifter guy. Naroon siya malapit sa akin na panay ang ungol habang nagpipilit magbuhat ng mga weights na tanging sa pangarap ko lang mabubuhat. Hindi ko na siya inabala pa, at dahil marami na rin siyang kausap na iba, bumalik ako sa aking sariling program na kaunti lang ang pinagbago simula ng ibigay ito dalawang taon na ang nakakaraan.

People like them just come and go in the gym. Minsan naroon, minsan nawawala. Si Ginoo nga hindi ko na nakikita sa gym. Matapos siguro nung insidente sa pagitan namin ay nahiya na itong bumalik. Narealize niya rin siguro na masyadong matino ang gym para sa mga malibog na gaya niya. As for me, tuloy lang ang buhat. May hunk man o wala, inspirasyon lang sila na dapat gayahin.

As for the deadlifter guy, magkikita pa kami sa susunod. Magugulat muli ako sa kanyang mga binubuhat at makikita ko na naman na lumiit ang kanyang mga mata sa tuwing ito ay ngingiti sa akin. For whatever it is worth, I find him interesting - hindi dahil sa may appeal siya o magaan ang loob ko sa kanya - pero dahil siya ang unang kumausap sa akin.

Ang mga ganung klaseng tao ang dapat kinikilala sa loob ng gym.

The Hip Hugger

Just maybe, at a very young age, mother taught us to be very touchy with those who mean to us. We grew up learning that assurances come from a tight hug or a snuggle from those we love. An ex once lamented on an SMS message that he enjoyed sleeping beside me because he felt secured whenever my arm was on his waist. He was right, for when I sleep at night, the same arms which are elusive to body contact during the day would be clutching something or I may never find the rest my body desires.

It would be another night - cuddle-less, restless, and longing for some warm soft body I would wrap my arms around as I fall into deep slumber. The pillow could offer a temporary relief, but who finds sincere pleasure in something that can never return the affection you are willing to give?

Hook-ups abound and I could trade a chance to get laid for one precious hug. But really, would it fill my desire knowing that it was born out of lust?

Maybe I'm just drunk so these thoughts run amok inside my head.

When I return to the gym later, I will make sure to seek the best exercise possible to firm my arms. The body can do on it's own with the seemingly endless deadlifts, benchpresses military presses and squats to sculpt it according to its specifications. However, the goal now is to pack-up as much bulk to that body part that expresses my affection towards someone.

Because the next time my arms cuddle the person it truly feels; the next time I'd get to invite a living being to sleep over and lie beside me in bed, I will make sure it's not just intimacy or lust it will show.

My arms will subtly reveal that it can lay down every part of its muscle; every firmness that it has

To the one, who might have already snatched my heart.

---

Mom told me this morning that Phanks showed up late last night. He gave away company give-aways for my mom and my sister to use.

Good thing I wasn't around. Good thing, I'm always out of the house.

For it would upset me more to see him, knowing we're both trying to pull ourselves out of the rut.

Chronicles Of El Tigre (Episode One)

And my wish is for God to grant me the chance to befriend a straight guy again. It's been ages since I was able to engage with one on a day-to-day basis, and I fear, that I have become too gay that I can't relate to non-gay people anymore.

---

[21:06] elTigre: kumain na din ako ng sandwits
[21:06] MuGen: ano palaman?
[21:07] elTigre: peanut butter
[21:07] elTigre: kung kasama kita wala ka ng kakainin na iba kung di healthy
[21:07] elTigre: joke
[21:07] elTigre: [insert evil smiley grin]
[21:09] MuGen: hehe
[21:09] MuGen: honga
[21:09] MuGen: ikaw ang magdidisiplina sa akin

---

He is from PEx.
He is from the Body and Fitness Forum
For some reasons he gave his Yahoo IM
after having a pleasant PM conversation about Pendlay Rows
Soon, IM chats commenced
and it became a day-to-day engagement.
We talked about Fitness all the time
and rarely do I explore beyond the subject
in order to get to know him more.
We traded Friendster, Multiply and Facebook accounts.
I learned his name
and he learned mine.

It was a straight-to-straight affair
which I was able to handle as effectively as I could.

Until the chat transcript above made me realize that we might
have spoken in a double language.

---

-tobecontinued-

Buff Daddy Interludes Two

The holidays are over at gaya ng karamihan, isa ako sa mga casualties ng walang katapusang parties, mga inuman at dinners na pinaunlakan nitong mga nagdaang linggo. From 157 lbs. matapos ang huling pakikipagtungali kay Throatie, bumigat ang aking timbang ng halos 10 lbs nitong huli akong umapak sa weighting scale. Matuturing na alarming ang pagbigat na ito sapagkat madalas ay naglalaro lang ang aking timbang sa 160 to 163 lbs.

Isang taon na ang nakalipas at naging dilemma ko rin ang biglaang gain na katulad nito. Ang kaibahan nga lang ngayong season ay hindi ako tumigil sa gym. Tuloy pa rin ang aking work-out sa kabila ng mga naka-schedule na inuman at pagsasalo kinagabihan. Tuloy, monitored ang aking progression at sa kasamaang palad, wala akong ginawa upang pigilan ang pagbulusok ng aking timbang.

Noong nakaraang pasko ay puro mga medium-sized shirt ang nataggap kong regalo. Ito ay isang malaking pagbabago mula noong nakaraang taon na puro large-sized pa ang mga T-shirt sa aking aparador. Dahil dito ay pressured akong huwag tumaba. Naipamigay ko pa naman sa iba ang mga pinaka-malalaki kong damit kaya't magiging problema kapag ako ay lumaki ulit.

Kung itutuloy ko man mag-wardrobe overhaul ngayong summer, karapat-dapat na naabot ko na ang ideal weight na 155 lbs. Kasama dito ang definition. Halos dalawang taon na rin ako sa Eclipse at marapat na matapos ko na ang aking paglalakbay. Malayo na rin ang aking narating at lubhang napakasaklap kung mapapabayaan ko ang lahat ng aking pinaghirapan.

Ayoko ng bumalik sa aking sinimulan.

So to make sure I will have my rebound before summer begins, here are some ways of deprivation that I need to do to achieve my goals:

1. Limit my beer intake to 3 bottles (or two macho mugs) depending on the location of the inuman.

2. Return to Oatmeal dinners no matter how it would fuck up my near-uncontrollable appetite.

3. Go to the gym and work out three times a week.

4. Deprive myself of sugar (no iced teas, softdrinks, Cobra Energy Drink and munching of cookies late at night)

5. Do sprints on the Treadmill whenever possible (or take advantage of the soloflight clubbing night-outs by dancing all night instead of flirting with other guys)

Kung may rubber shoes lang ako, talagang kakaririn ko ang pagtakbo matapos ang nakakapagod na freeweights exercise. Ang kaso mo, kulang pa ang budget. Marami pa rin ang nakapending na mga credit card bills matapos ang walang sawang shopping spree na ginawa ko noong nakaraang Pasko.

So yun. Wala man akong plano magdisplay ng katawan sa dalampasigan, mainam na rin ang nakahanda sa anumang imbitasyon na maaring dumating ngayong summer. Vain na kung vain ang mga diskarteng ito, pero kung ikaw ay isang binatang uncommitted na hindi marunong magbuhay-single, mabuti na ang mga pagkakaabalahang ganito.

Besides, we remember the promise.

And we ought to uphold it, no matter what the cost.

Nakakatuwang isipin na minsan ay naging pangarap lang ang lahat

---

Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows...

- Hopes Of Becoming A Super Gym Buddy, August 31, 2005

Buff Daddy Interludes One

If the workout project can be measured by space travel, then the distance I have covered from the last time I wrote about my muscle pumping exploits to the time before I suffered some setbacks because of Throatie already spans a journey of a light year.

I remember writing before that I am prepared to spend another year at the gym for my chest to become firm and my tummy to become flat. Call it vanity, but in my way of thinking, I call it patience. It has become a virtue that I stick to nowadays. Meanwhile, the workout itself has become a way of life that I have already become a regular fixture in the gym. When not working out, I try to pass the philosophy to newcomers. Unfortunately, only few are willing to make the sacrifice. Most of the rookies would simply try their luck on any method that never demanded of pain. The results were superb at the beginning, but as they discover later, everything is just a yo-yo achievement. Upon reaching their basic goal (which mostly to expand the girth of their biceps), they begin to slack from their routine. Soon, their gains diminish and they are thrown back to where they all began.

As for my routine, the pay-offs were swift, and the sacrifices were rewarded handsomely. For every time I get pinned between the Olympic Bar and the Power Cage during the Bench Presses, the firmer my chest becomes. For every Iron Plate I add to the Squats, the lesser my abdominal fats show up when I walk naked around the house. Such were the rewards of working out without the aid of machine. However, there were downsides to the strides I made and it was already too late when I realized that I am making a huge mistake.

You see, I was gravely concerned by my increasingly steady weight gain. From 160 pounds, it climbed to 164 by early November. I thought I was slacking off with my diet so I tried to curb the gain by cutting off nutrients intake to a minimum. I would spend twelve hours starving myself only to binge when hunger dips my energy reserves. The extremes broke down my body. However what lead me back to Throatie was sleeplessness and my constant dependence on nicotine as a temporary relief from hunger.

---

And so I was disabled for more than a week.

And the gains I made suddenly vanished out of thin air. Meanwhile, the feeling of sloppiness has increased two-fold after my recovery that it lead to a state of imbalance. I felt bloated and fat and if not for the constant reminder that I had to take a rest lest Throatie might return, I would have returned to the gym the day I started showing up at work.

Despite these impressions of being sloppy, I was aware that I won't have to worry gaining weight for a long time. The fever resulted to a swift decrease in body mass, which will require some heavy food binging before my old weight is restored . It would surely take my head off from the thoughts of slacking, but this is not my main concern at the moment. Some pressing matters needed to be understood or I might be heading towards a disaster again.

The doctors strongly recommend that I refrain from any gym activities for at least another week to let my body recuperate. Same advice was given by close friends who bore witness to Throatie's rampage of my system the previous week. Mom was against the idea of working out at all. Instead, she suggested that I seek a dietitian's help before eating iron plates again. Blakedaddy, the gym instructor, told me to start my program on Friday. I nodded to his suggestion but I had something else in mind.

The strong protestations fell on deaf ears, for I was bent on restoring my routine. I was very afraid that in prolonging my rest days, I might end up stopping the program completely. Had I not been stirred early this morning, restlessness would not have gotten over me. Instead, I took advantage of the time believing that the gym is my personal crusade. So I took a bath shortly after I got out of bed, ate lunch early and headed to the gym without thinking twice of the consequences of my actions.

As a result, the workout had a very bad start.

I was barely able to complete the EDT (Escalating Density Training) program which consist of a 20-set, 3-repetition, 85-lbs Bench Press. The Squats strained my lower back for the first time. Perhaps, the 215-lbs barbel was too heavy for lifting. Despite having a full meal over lunch, I knew I won't be able to keep up with the program. I was so messed up that I had to improvise on the Dynamic Rows or I would fail completely. I decided to stop after completing my five-rep fourth set DR. There was no use forcing myself to finish the routine for it would only result to body fatigue.

---

There are times I would ask myself what purpose do I have in working out when my main goals have already been achieved. It is clear that I do not intend to whore myself around, especially now that the Pact is in place. As for health matters, it seems that my fitness activity is turning against me. Count the number of times I got sick because of the gym and you will find out that I'm better off staying sluggish at home.

As for using my muscular advantage as a leverage on romantic affairs, I doubt if it would work. Not only am I bent on closing my doors to all outsiders, what I am seeking now is the harmonics of the mind and not of the flesh. Having someone to speak about fitness would be a pleasant afterthought. However from now on, I would just secretly admire those who are superior to my physique. I would try not to openly complement someone because he has a body better than mine.

Despite these new trends and sudden shift of philosophies, the workout project will continue. The setbacks will only drive me closer to achieving my new goals and it would remind myself of the road that lies ahead. I still need to get buff, and I still have to acquire that six-packs now that it is within reach. At the gym, I am considered as one of the average lifters. There are others who can lift weights that are twice heavier than my capacity. I have to become them.

The failures of today will serve as a moral lessons of tomorrow. While the goals, no matter how complicated they have become will remain as they are. I cannot go back to where I was two years ago.

Obesity will never happen to me anymore.

Therefore, the gym lifestyle is here to stay. Not even a serious bout of illness will force me to turn my back to all the things I have gained.

Left Pic: The Buffdaddy from G4M
Right Pic: The Nagfe-feeling Buffdaddy from Blogspot

Gym Trouble (This Time I'm In Trouble)

Resistance is futile. Sabi nga ng mga Borgs.

But the struggle must go on. Hirit ko naman.

- Gym Trouble, Mugenblue

---

Dear Diary,

Ilang araw ko na rin nakakasabay si Ginoo sa gym tuwing ako ay nagwo-work out sa tanghali. Gaya ng dati, lagi pa rin akong tinatamaan ng libog sa tuwing naiiwan kaming dalawa sa locker room.

Paano kasi ay masyadong seductive tumingin ang aking kasabayan. Ito yung tipong mga titig na nang-aakit at na-encounter ko lang noong ako ay mag-experimento sa bath house isang taon na ang nakakaraan. Madalas ay sinasabayan niya ito ng pasimpleng ngisi na tipong nang-aasar. Tuloy, anumang daming beses namin magkasalubong ay hindi ko pa rin siya matitigan ng diretso sa mata.

Sa tangkad niyang six-footer, isa si Ginoo sa pinakamatangkad na member sa aming gym. Siya rin ang isa sa may pinaka well-proportioned ang katawan na nakita ko - hindi siya katulad ng mga varsity players na mga torre nga sa tangkad subalit patpatin pa rin ang mga kaha. Nakadagdag sa appeal ni Ginoo ang balingkinitan niyang pangangatawan. Talk about daddy template, ganun siya. Malaki na rin ang improvement ng kanyang araw-araw na pagbubuhat kaya't pasuotin mo lang siya ng army fatigue at marami ang maniniwalang isa siyang colonel sa sandatahang lakas ng ating bansa.

Maraming beses na binalak kong magsimula ng usapan sa aming dalawa, subalit siya ang laging tikom ang bibig at ayaw magsalita. Marahil ay nasanay na siya sa aming larong sulyapan o sadyang ito ang larong alam niyang gawin saang gym man siya magtungo. Sa akin naman ay medyo nabasa ko na ang kanyang mga galaw sa tagal naming nagsisilipan. Sa daming beses na nag-attempt si Ginoo na mang-seduce sa akin, isang tapatan lang sa shower cubicle at di malayong gumuho ang lahat ng depensang itinayo ko laban sa kanya.

Wala pang isang oras ay natapos ako sa aking work-out. Mahuhuli kasi ako sa trabaho kung hindi ko bibilangan ang bawat segundong pahinga ko. Si Ginoo naman ay tuloy pa rin sa kanyang dumbells. Paminsan minsan ay susulyap ako sa kanya sa pag-asang mahuli. Siya naman ay titingin sa akin sa tuwing break ng kanyang set. Ganoon ang estilo namin kanina hanggang sa pumasok ako sa loob ng locker room.

Sa pag-asang gaya noong una naming pagtutuos ay susunod ulit siya sa akin.

Nakaupo sa isa sa mga benches, dahan-dahan kong hinubad ang aking black sandong basang-basa ng pawis. Kasunod nito ang pagtanggal ng earphones sa aking tenga upang ilagay ang kasama nitong iPod sa loob ng aking bag. Madilim ang paligid at tanging ako lang ang nasa loob. Habang pinagmamasdan ang bato-bato kong balikat sa salamin ay biglang pumasok ang isa kong katropa upang kumuha ng bagong face-towel sa kanyang locker. Akala ko ay si Ginoo na. Nag-intay pa ako ng ilang sandali upang pakiramdaman kung kumagat sa pain ang aking target. Mukhang hindi yata.

Konting intay pa... magrereply muna ako sa text ni Centurion bago tumungo sa shower room. Mukhang busy pa ata ang aking pakay at papasok ako sa trabahong walang insidente na naganap sa locker room.

"Katatapos k lang mggym. Haha..." Text ko sa pinuno nang biglang pumasok ang pawisang si Ginoo na halatang nagmamadali makaligo sa shower cubicle.

"mdyo tense d2. Kasbay k c ginoo."

Matapos ma-send ang text message ay mabilis akong sumunod kay Ginoo sa loob ng shower room ng hindi man lang iniisip kung tama ba ang aking ginagawa. Sa takbo ng mga pangyayari, iniisip ko lang na may naghahamon sa akin at wala sa aking mga plano ang umatras sa laban.

Ang shower room sa aming gym ay nahahati sa limang cubicles bawat bahagi. Tanging plastic na kurtina lamang ang nagsisilbing panakip nito upang huwag masilipan ang mga members na naliligo. Sa tuwing ako ay nagsho-shower ay pinipili ko ang ikalawa sa dulo na cubicle sapagkat ito lamang ang isa sa mga shower na may dumadaloy na mainit na tubig. Tiyempo naman kanina na ang pinili ni Ginoo na shower cubicle ay ang katapat ng paboritong cubicle ko.

Pinihit ko ang shower valve at nagsimulang bumuhos ang mainit na tubig sa aking katawan. Ramdam ko ang init ng tubig habang ito ay dumadaloy sa bawat muscle ng aking balikat at dibdib. Sa katapat na cubicle naman ay maririnig mo ang ungol ng isang lalaki. Kung dati-rati ay ungol romansa ang aking narinig, ngayon ay tipikal na ungol lamang ito ng isang nilalamig na tao.

Subalit kapansin-pansin ang malaking siwang sa kanyang kurtina. Nang ito ay aking silipin tanaw ko kaagad ang kanyang morenong kahubdan. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito. Hindi na talaga biro ang kanyang hamon.

Sa halip na magbanlaw kaagad ay pinagpatuloy ko ang aking paliligo. Sa bawat silip sa siwang ng aking kurtina ay matatanaw ko na nakasilip rin si Ginoo sa akin. Katulad ko ay nakapwesto siya sa dako ng cubicle kung saan makikita namin ang bawat isa. Nagpatuloy ang aming pakiramdaman...

...Hanggang sa nagtama ang aming mga mata.

Kung dati-rati ay dinadaga ako sa kanyang pang-aakit, ngayon ay buong tapang kong nilabanan ang kanyang hamon. Sa tinagal-tagal naming naghuhulihan ng mga mata sa kabila ng pang-aamoy namin sa bawat isa, mauuwi pala sa lahat ang ganito:

Exhibition sa shower cubicle

Buong tapang na nilakihan ni ginoo ang siwang sa kanyang kurtina hanggang sa tumambad sa akin ang kanyang maskuladong katawan. Mula sa malapad niyang balikat ay unti-unti kong nasilayan ang maumbok niyang pectorals sa dibdib. Ito ay kanyang nilalamas habang dahan-dahan pa niyang nilalakihan ang buka ng kanyang kurtina upang matanaw ko ang namumuong pandesal sa kanyang abdominals. Ito ay dinadaluyan ng malamig na tubig patungo sa kanyang pelvic region kung saan na-focus ang aking mga mata sa tigas na tigas niyang sandata na sinimulan niyang salsalin sa harap ko.

Tangina, sa daming beses na inisip kong tatlong pulgada lang ang haba ng kay Ginoo sa pag-asang matuturn-off ako sa alindog na kanyang dala, yun pala ay doble ang haba nito sa totong buhay. Ngayong ito ay naghuhuminding at galit na galit sa harapan ko habang ang may-ari naman nito ay tuloy ang pang-eenganyo sa akin, isang pasimpleng lipat ko lang mula sa aking shower cubicle patungo sa kanya ay tiyak langit ang kauuwian ko.

Nang mga oras na iyon, naglalaro sa aking isip ang magbanlaw at lumipat ng shower cubicle patungo sa kanya. Doon ay magyayakapan kami habang kinukuyumos niya ng mga halik ang aking labi. Matapos ang madaliang foreplay, uutusan niya akong tumalikod upang iposisyon ang galit na galit niyang sandata sa aking likuran. Isang pagtarak... dahan-dahan... habang ito ay bumabaon sa akin. Sa kanyang mga bayo'y mararamdaman ko ang buong bigat ng kanyang katawan habang ang kanyang mga kamay naman ay naglalaro sa aking dibdib at galit na galit na ring pag-aari.

Kaysarap sanang magisip ng ganung eksena. Porn na porn talaga.

Subalit habang siya ay buong angas na nagsho-show sa akin, ang tanging naisauli ko sa lahat ng kanyang effort ay ang pagsiwang ng malaki ng aking kurtina upang ipakita ang aking alagang anung pilit ko man laruin ay ayaw talaga tumigas. Marahil sa mga oras na iyon ay naghalo ang pride at takot na mahuli ng mga kinauukulan kaya't nawala ang libog sa aking katawan. Likas lang siguro sa akin ang maging masunuring bata na kahit na-corner na ng kalaban, ako rin ang gumagawa ng paraan upang makawala.

Natapos ang shower scene na walang naganap sa aming dalawa. Naroon siya na nagbabanlaw samantalang ako naman ay parang tangang nag-iintay na siya ang pumunta sa cubicle ko. Talk about pride. Sinira ko pa ang lahat nang humirit ako sa gitna ng kanyang pagjajakol na "Hanep ang bigat ng benchpress mo kanina ah..." na sinuklian naman niya ng pangiti na may halong pagkaasar.

Had it happened elsewhere, I would have settled my score.

Bumalik kami sa locker room ng walang imikan. Hindi na rin siya sumulyap sa akin matapos ang insidenteng naganap sa shower room. Balakin ko man kunin ang kanyang cell number, subalit kung siya na mismo ang ayaw makipag-usap, pagbibigay respeto na ang pagdistansya ko sa kanya.

Wala na rin naman akong inaasahang insidente na magaganap sa susunod naming pagkikita.

At dito nagtatapos ang kwento ni Ginoo. Anumang pantasya o pangarap ang likhain ko para sa aming dalawa; siya man ang tipo ng lalaki na handa kong protektahan, barkadahin at pakisamahan sa abot ng aking makakaya, sa totoo'y ako rin ang tumapos sa aming dalawa.

I succeeded in confirming my suspicions that Ginoo is a certified tripper...

... only to see him go.

Dreams Of Becoming A Buff Daddy

The work-out continues unabated, despite my initial worries of losing steam when my aims were met last March. Indeed, taking the long winding road towards getting fitter have rewarded me of a habit - an itch that I cannot easily take away from my system. Gym has become a lifestyle and no matter how long I took breaks from going to the gym, I just return with a stronger determination to pick up from where I left.

Returns from all the sweating and muscle fatigue have been extremely generous. Not only do I look younger now, I have also reclaimed my 20-year old frame which I used to flaunt in the narrow halls of Mint and Mister Piggy's when I was just beginning to explore the wonders of Malate. I may not have the built of a jock, but rest assured, I can always get a jock's attention by telling him that I do 50 squats with a 200-pound barbell on my back.

Such topic will never fail in any cyber conversations. However, I already consider myself past my meat-market phase.

---

Funny how things change in a matter of two years.

Lucid memories show images of me being fat. No, I think I am on the verge of being obese. Some friends would call me Krystala because my excesses remind them of Juday. I vaguely remember a tactless acquaintance blurting - over a bottle of San Mig Light in an obscure bar somewhere in Angeles City that my tummy is too big, and it will never get small again. I remember telling him to give me eight months, for I will make sure that he will eat whatever insults he said to me.

Unfortunately, he flew abroad before I got the chance to show him how far his words brought me.

The frustrations and disappointments did not stop there. I was rejected, turned down, blocked by some loser in G4M. In my desperation to become someone else, I created another account, stole someone's picture from Friendster and claimed the profile as mine. I didn't use the profile to deceive others, but rather, I just wanted to feel how to be good-looking and muscular for a change.

The experience was breathtaking.

Late last year, someone from PEx posted that he did not have to take a second glance to consider me inferior when we met a few years ago. He posted the comment after I said that I will not think twice of punching someone if that person crosses me when we find ourselves both naked inside the locker room of a gym. To think I met that PExer in good faith when I sold him a House Music CD that was being played at BED during those years.

Pain makes us human.

And whatever words or gestures they inflicted on me in those years I struggled, only gave me a stronger resolve to prove them wrong. How sad however that they are not there anymore to see how things have changed. It turned out I will have to enjoy my victories without their presence.

---

The bunny chasing days are long over, but the end of the journey is still a long way ahead.

Having six-pack abs, a firm pumped-up chest and defined arms, legs and torso were stuffs of legends I used to daydream before. Though such dream might be too ambitious for a goal, (knowing that my diet is unchecked and my alcohol consumption reaches its limits) I decided to take such lofty aim as a challenge to myself.

It doesn't matter if victory takes another two years to achieve. Time has already taught me how sheer determination would see things through, no matter how impossible the task at hand.

I am a living example to the saying without pain there is no gain,

and without suffering, victory has no meaning.

So I return to the drawing board to draft ways of addressing my goal. It is time to prepare my mind for the physical and mental hardships I will have to face ahead.

No more Iced Teas
No more Kowloon Super Jumbo Siopao
and no more Lumpiang Shanghai and Chao-Fan Fried Rice from now on.

With my eyes half closed, I put on my imaginary gym gear with the Duffel bag hanging on my back.

The ascent to transcendence begins now.

---

1. Photo courtesy of a guy I chatted in G4M several months ago using my faux account. He said he is married, has kids and is looking for a single parent dad who could sympathize with his situation. As for me, I can only sympathize with all the gay men wishing to have him, or his defined buff body as theirs.

I kept his picture so that I will be reminded of what my new aims should be.

2. A Gogoboy from O-Bar during this year's White Party.

MMA | Boku Wa Kuma

Masarap tumambay sa gym matapos ang isang intense na work-out.

Naroon na manood ka ng ibang nagwo-work out at magspot ng cute. (Marami nun sa gym ko. Hindi lang sila buff, talagang ripped pa ang mga katawan!) Minsan naman, masarap magmasid kung sino talaga ang mga adik sa 45 lbs iron plates. Bilang isa sa mga old-timers ng Eclipse, nakaka-insecure minsan na malaman na yung nagbubuhat sa tabi mo ay higit na mas mabigat ang weight capacity sa squats kesa sa iyo. (Shit, bakit kaya niya ang 190 lbs samantalang ako ay hanggang 180 lang? Hindi kaya dahil EDT ang program ko at ang kanya naman ay 5X5 lang?) At the best sa lahat, masarap tumambay sa gym pagkatapos ng isang intense na work-out upang umamoy ng kapwa PLU na nagpapaka-straight all for the sake of maintaining the "all-barako" environment ng gym namin.

Masyado kasi nilang tinitira ang Fitness First sa mga forums (gaya ng Men's Health at Pinoyexchange) dahil sa mga nangyayari sa loob ng locker at shower room nito. Kaya naman sa amin, mariing pinagbabawal ang gumawa ng kahit anong kalokohan sa loob ng locker room. Dati pa nga ay may nakapaskil na warning na "anyone caught doing acts of immorality inside the gym premises will be subject to voiding of membership." Ganun. Therefore, kahit anong paramdam ni Ginoo sa akin nitong mga nakaraang linggo ay ignore lang ako.

Subalit dahil lagi akong ipit sa aking trabaho, ang pagtambay ay ang "the least of my priorities" sa tuwing magagawi ako sa gym.

Hanggang kanina. Natyempo kasi ang pagbubuhat ko sa araw na wala akong pasok sa trabaho.

Sa totoo lang, matagal ko nang pinag-iisipan kung makakabuti ba sa akin ang mag-enroll sa kanilang Mixed Martial Arts program.

Naalala ko kasi yung kaguluhang naganap dito sa aming lugar ilang linggo na ang nakakaraan. Sakaling nagkainitan kami ng war-freak kong kapitbahay, di malayong magpakita ako sa inuman ng mga tropa na may black-eye sa mata.

Isa pa, nanghihinayang rin ako kasi sa

laki at lapad kong ito,

hanggang sindak lang ang kaya kong gawin sa ibang tao. Hindi ko pa kasi natetest kung yung pagbabatak ko ba sa gym ay may epekto rin sa tigas ng aking kamao.

Kaya naman kanina, sa unang pagkakataon na tumambay ako sa gym ay sa fighting room ako unang pumunta. Naroon rin kasi si Blakedaddy (Head Coach ng Eclipse na sikat sa Pinoyexchange) kaya naman ayos lang akong manood ng mga sparring na nagaganap kanina.

Sa kasamaang palad ay wala akong nakitang aksyon. Merong dalawa na nagwre-wrestling sa dulo, samantalang ang iba naman ay nagwa-warm up pa lang sa harap ng salamin. Nakakaboring nga kung tutuusin eh. Mabuti na lamang at ang dahilan ko talaga kanina sa aking pagtambay ay abangan ang pagsulpot ng aming poster boy sa G4M. Sa tinagal-tagal ko kasing nakisama sa kanya upang mag-recruit ng mga bagong members para sa gym namin ay hindi man lang ito nakipagkilala sa akin.

Makaraan ang ilang minuto ay umalis na rin ako sa fighting room para magtungo sa locker at maligo. Gaya ng mga naudlot kong balak noong nakaraan, ang planong mag-enroll sa MMA ay hanggang pangarap na lang muna.

Astig sana ang matangkad ka na, malaki na ang katawan mo

at kaya mo pang mangbalibag ng isang straight na lalaki na babastos sa iyo.

Ang tikas sana na kahit alam mong may taglay kang binabae sa iyong personality ay untouchable ka pa rin ng mga maton na haharang sa iyo.

Maybe in the far future, sakaling may makakumbinsi sa aking maging MMA fighter gaya noong mga napanood ko kanina: Dumating man ang panahon na kaya ko ng mag-angas na siguradong kaya kong panindigan ang lahat ng gagawin ko: Maging sanggano man ako ng Orosa-Nakpil for all I care,

Subalit sa oras na makapanood ako ng video katulad nito.



Asahan mo na kahit napapalibutan na ako ng mga kaaway sa paligid, mamumutawi pa rin sa aking bibig ang mga katagang ito.

"Ang Kyuuuuuuuuttt naman nung teddy bear!!"

Bahala na kung umuwi pa rin akong tadtad ng pasa sa katawan at may limang bukol sa ulo.

Gym Trouble

Dear Diary,

Mahigit dalawang taon na rin akong nag-wowork out sa gym. Sa tagal kong kumakain ng bakal ay ni minsan ay hindi ko inisip makipaglandian sa kapwa gym mate ko, gaya ng mga naririnig kong mga nangyayari sa loob ng sauna ng Fitness First at iba pang mga gym.

I'd always assume a straight act para walang masabi sa akin ang mga tao sa gym ko. Sometimes, I encourage other PLUs to work-out in my gym pero hanggang doon lang ang trabaho ko. Wala sa bokabularyo ko ang lumandi, ang makipagtitigan sa mata, at lalong-lalo na ang may gawing milagro sa loob ng shower cubicle. In the first place, beyond sa powers ko gawaing ganun. Ako'y isang hamak na nagbubuhat lamang.

Ngunit nitong mga nakaraang work-out ay tila ba may humahamon sa aking prinsipyo. Kasalanan ko rin naman ang lahat. Kaya lang sa pagkakataong ito, hindi ko inaasahang aabot sa ganung hamunan ang aming pakiramdaman. For a moment, I was close to living the erotic gym stories of others. This time however, I was able to deflect the threat thanks to my ignorance when it comes to reading other people's signals.

---

Nagsimula ang kwento last week. Gaya ng kinagawian ay nagbuhat ako ng tanghaling tapat upang hindi gabihin ng pag-uwi galing sa work. Tapos na ang work-out ko noong araw na iyon. Nakapagshower na nga ako't pabihis na nang biglang pumasok sa loob ng locker room ang isang ginoo na ang kakisigan ay di nakalampas sa aking mga tingin.

Mukha siyang galing sa military. Tangkad niya'y six footer, malapad at malaki ang kanyang katawan at ang higit na nakakahumaling roon ay morenong kulay ng kanyang balat. Pumuwesto siya ilang dipa mula sa bench kung saan ako nagbibihis. Palibhasa'y ka-text ko ang isa sa aking mga anak kaya naman naiwan akong nakatayo't naka-shorts lamang. Siya naman ay nagsimulang magtanggal ng T-shirt at pantalon sa harap ko. Tangina, nang mahubad na niya ang kanyang saplot ay siya namang focused ng mga mata ko sa kanyang katawan. Naalala ko bigla ang mga wild moments ko sa Club Bath kung saan bigla na lang may lalamutak sa labi mo sabay pasok kayo sa isa sa mga cubicles doon.

Di makakailang firm at maumbok talaga ang kanyang chest at malaki rin ang kanyang mga braso. Pinapantasya ko pa lamang kung paano niya ako papahirapan sa kama eh hindi ko na mapigilang hindi tigasan. Mukha kasi siyang tatay at mula na rin sa aking personal na experience eh talagang barako mangromansa ang mga daddies.

Napansin tila ng ginoo ang aking mga kilos dahil na rin sa tagal ng titig ko sa kanyang katawan. Nagkataon rin naman na bumuhos ang mga text ng mga kaibigan kaya natagalan ako bago makapagbihis. Akala niya siguro'y sadya ang pagpapansin ko sa kanya. Bunga nito, sa limang minutong nagtagal ako sa locker room ay ganoon rin ang tinagal ng ginoo. Sa halip na nagwowork-out siya'y naroon siya't nakaupo sa katapat na bench, nakikipag-text rin kung kanino kagaya ko.

Natapos lamang ang eksena nang ako na mismo ang nagpasyang tumayo at lumabas ng locker room. Saglit lamang ang pagitan namin at tumayo rin siya't dumiretso sa cardio machines.

Upang makaiwas sa tawag ng tukso, nang sumunod na work-out ay nagdesisyon ulit akong bumalik sa panggabi.

---

Limang araw ang lumipas at nakalimutan ko na ang mga pangyayari. Inassume ko na rin kasi na maaring nag-fefeeling lang ako't wala naman talagang kahulugan ang mga eksena sa amin. Bumalik ulit ako sa tanghaling schedule kanina upang bigyang space ang night-out ko mamayang gabi. Akala ko ay natatapos na roon ang kwento, ngunit ito'y may kasunod pa pala.

Natatandaan ko ang mga tagubilin ni Tripper nang isinangguni ko sa kanya ang mga nangyari last time. Ang sabi niya, obserbahan ko daw maiigi ang kilos ng ginoo sakaling magkasalubong ulit kami sa loob ng gym. Sabi ko pa nga'y malabo na iyon dahil nakalimutan na rin niya siguro ang mga nangyari. Yun ang aking pagkakamali, sapagkat hindi pa ako natatapos sa benchpress kanina'y siya namang dating niya sa gym.

Iba talaga ang hamon, lalo na't alam ng kalikasan kung gaano katindi ang iyong paglaban sa libog.

Pagkadating na pagkadating pa lang niya'y nagkasalubong na kaagad ang aming mga tingin. Noong una pa nga'y dedma lang ako't baka dahil sa labo ng mata ko'y sa iba pala siya nakatingin at hindi sa akin.

Pero si ginoo talaga ang gumagawa ng paraan para magpakiramdaman kami. Mula sa Benchpress hanggang sa 185 lbs kong Squats - na dinedicate ko kay Punked kaninang umaga ay panay ang tingin ng lalaki sa akin. Hindi pa siya tumigil doon sapagkat habang ginagawa ko ang Dynamic Rows ay dumaan siya sa tapat ko. Malinaw at matagal ang aming titigan na tila ba may halong meaning. Nakita ko pa nga siyang ngumiti eh. Ako nama'y handa nang mag-reach out at makipag-usap sa kanya. Ang problema nga lamang ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin.

Hindi ko kasi napapansin na mabigat ang kanyang binubuhat.

Hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano ang program na kanyang sinusunod.

Natapos ang aking work out na walang nangyari. Pagkaraan ng matagalang titigan ay napunta rin sa wala ang lahat. Bumalik ako sa locker room ng hindi lumalapit sa kanya. No use rin kasi't wala naman akong balak makipag-kwentuhan pa. Natatakot rin akong mag-assume at baka mali pala ang basa ko. Hindi rin kasi ako sanay sa ganitong klaseng kalakaran.

Kaagad akong nag-alis ng sando't pumunta sa shower cubicle. Siya namang pasok sa locker room ng isa pa naming kasabay sa work out na semikal at maganda rin ang katawan.

Habang nasa cubicle at naliligo ay bumukas ang glass door ng shower room. Bumukas ang kurtina ng isang cubicle hindi malayo kung saan ako nagshoshower. Rinig ko ang pihit ng gripo at ang kasunod na patak ng tubig galing sa showerhead.

"Ah si semikal cutie nagshoshower na," pangiting bulong ko sa sarili.

"Ohhhhh, Ahhhhh... Ummmm..." May ungol galing sa kabilang cubicle habang squeaky ang tunog ng kanyang pagsasabon ng katawan.

Sa loob-loob ko'y natatawa na lang ako sa kasabayan ko. Posible kasing malamig lang ang tubig at bumubwelo lang siya gaya ng ginagawa ng lahat kapag bumuhos ang malamig na tubig sa katawan ng isang tao. Kapansin pansin nga lang na masyado siyang ma-eskandalo sa kanyang pag-ungol.

Tila ba may ibang kahulugan ang mga ingay na nangagaling sa loob ng kanyang cubicle.

Pamilyar kasi sa akin ang mga ungol na iyon. Iyon ang mga klase ng ungol na sabayan mo lang ng bayo at tiyak pareho kayong pupulandit sa chorus niyo. Hindi ako magkakaroon ng mga regular SOP buddies noon na panay ang miskol sa akin tuwing sasapit ang madaling araw kung hindi ako eksperto sa mga bagay patungkol doon.

Kumbaga nga sa pag-aaral. Nasa doctorate degree na ako pagdating sa SOP.

Dali-dali akong nagtuyo ng katawan at lumabas ng aking cubicle upang umiwas na rin sa aking maduming iniisip. Sabagay, baka naman talagang nilalamig lang si semikal cutie kaya naman ang ungol eh parang may karomansahan sa loob ng shower cubicle niya.

Pero laking gulat ko na lang sapagkat sa aking paglabas ng salamin na pintuan ay naroon pa si semikal cutie at nag fle-flex ng braso sa harap ng salamin.

Doon ko na-realize na kung sino man ang kasabay kong nag-shower ay makahulugang nagpapatama sa akin. Tama yata ang hinala ko. Ungol ng isang barakong nanghahamong makipagsalsalan ang narinig ko't hindi isang ungol ng nilalamig sa tubig.

Ilang minuto pa'y lumabas ang lalaking kasabay ko sa shower.

Tangkad niya'y six footer, malapad at makisig ang kanyang pangangatawan at dahil wet look pa ang kanyang morenong kutis ay higit na mas kalibog-libog ang tindig niya sa may pintuan ng shower room.

Sadyang sumunod pala sa akin si ginoo. Ang lahat ng kanyang galaw simula pa noong isang linggo'y malinaw at wala ng kaduda-duda pa.

---

Epilogue: Sa tapat ko pa naghubad ng damit si ginoo at iniwan lang ang kanyang puting brief para higit na mas makakuha ng pansin... sa akin. Balak ko sana siyang tapatan sapagkat kahit higit na mas maliit ang katawan ko'y may ipagyayabang rin naman ako... Ang problema nga lang ay masyado nang bakat sa brief ang sa akin, kaya naman napilitan akong mag-t-shirt muna bago palitan ng pantalon ang aking suot na shorts. Hindi na rin ako tumingin sa kanya upang umiwas sa anumang pakiramdaman na maaring mauwi pa kung saan.

Ayoko sana mag-assume ng mga bagay-bagay, lalo pa't hindi naman talaga ako tiwala sa aking kakayahan. Pero simula kay taxi driver hanggang kay ginoo ay tila ba may malinaw na connection sa mga naganap nitong linggo. Ayoko rin sana isipin na dahil sa deprived ako ngayon sa aking pangangailangan ay iba na ang tingin ko sa mundo. Mahirap magbitiw ng salita... at sa totoo'y hindi ko alam kung gaano ako tatagal ng walang earth-shaking...

Ang mga kaganapan ay kasalanan ko rin lahat. Ako ang unang tumingin. Siya lang ang kumagat at pumansin sa akin. Given that the events happened at a time na palaban talaga ako, I would have done something that would make this entry end in a KK-esque way. Hindi pa tapos ang engkwentro, sigurado yun. Pero gaya ng pangakong ayaw ko talagang baliin, hanggang may challenge si Kuya ay mag-cocontrol ako.

Resistance is futile. Sabi nga ng mga Borgs.

But the struggle must go on. Hirit ko naman.

Kuryente: How Joms Spent His First Summer Day-Off

Ang sabi ng mga ninuno ko, magbiro ka na tungkol sa lahat ng bagay, huwag lang ang usapang namatay.

---

Medyo mas maaga akong nagising kanina hindi gaya kahapon. Katulad ng nakaugalian, bago bumangon sa kama ay pipigain ko muna kung ano man ang matigas sa akin... para malaman ko ba kung pati si Batutoy ko ay handa ng humarap sa panibagong araw. Subalit dahil masyado akong atat sa aking day off, pinagpaliban ko na ang papisil-pisil at tuluyan ko ng ginawa ang dapat gawin sa harap ng computer. Sadyang anuman ang gawin ko, mahirap na yata matanggal ang aking pagiging makati.

Isda at gulay na Kalabasa ang aming pananghalian. Dahil hindi naman ako kumakain ng isda, naglambing ako sa aking nanay para makalibre ng Tocilog mula sa Bestfriends. Hindi naman ako nabigo, sapagkat simula pa lang ng araw, heavy na ang pakiramdam ng sikmura ko. Tamang tama dahil noong hapong iyon, alam kong matatagtag ang katawan ko sa gym.

Alas-dos ng hapon sa Diliman. Ramdam na ramdam mo na ang summer break dahil walang estudyante sa paligid. Kahit nga ang Sunken ay simot ang lahat ng tao. Kaya lang naman ako naligaw doon ay upang ipasa ang aking term paper sa Middle Eastern Literature na ilang gabi ko ring pinagpuyatan i-type sa computer. Wala roon ang aming guro at hindi ito naging balakid sa aking lakad. Nagtungo ako sa CAL Office upang dito i-submit ang aking papel.

Ayoko na kasing bumalik ng UP bukas ng umaga.

Nagtungo ako sa Santa Clara matapos bumisita sa aking unibersidad. Maaga pa naman kasi at tiyak na nagpapahinga pa sa kanyang bahay ang aking tuturuan sa gym. Hindi rin naman ako nagtagal sa loob. Ang mahalaga ay nakapagpasalamat ako, sapagkat kung hindi ako tumakbo roon noong isang buwan upang kumuha ng buwelo ay marahil hindi kaagad ako makakabangon sa aking depression. Saka na ulit ako hihingi ng intercession. Magaan naman ang buhay ko kahit paano at magandang pagkakataon ito upang makasukli naman sa kabutihan Niya.

---

Matagal-tagal rin akong nag-intay sa aking kasama bago ito nakarating ng Robinson's Place East. Hindi naman ako nabagot dahil kahit mainit ang araw ay naaliw naman ako kakatingin sa mga taong dumaraan sa harap ko. Di naglaon ay dumating rin ang tuturuan ko at kaagad kaming dumiretso sa gym niya. Medyo hapon na kasi at malayo pa ang uuwian ko kung papaabot pa kami ng gabi.

Masasabi kong malaki ang gym niya kahit ito'y nasa gitna ng isang exclusive subdivision sa Marikina. Sa ground floor ay matatagpuan ang mga cardio machines at weight equipment. Sa itaas naman ay may boxing ring para sa mga mahilig mag-boxing at isang kwarto kung saan ang mga members ay nag-aaral matuto ng Karate.

Libre ang aking work-out dahil bayad ito ng aking kasama. Akala ko nga noong matapos kaming magbayad ay makakadiretso na ako sa locker room. Yun pala, bawal ang nakatsinelas sa kanilang gym. Badtrip nga eh. Di hamak na mas big time ang gym ko, pero mas gusto nila ang nakapaa doon habang nagbubuhat ng barbell. Doon sa gym na pinuntahan namin kanina ay dapat naka-rubber shoes ang mga members. Mabuti na lang at nagdala ng extra na sapatos ang kasama ko. Masikip man ito sa mga paa ko ay ito rin ang nagsilbing daan para makapag-work out kasabay niya.

Sa totoo, malakas ang loob kong magturo ng exercise dahil ito rin ang mga exercise na pinerpekto ko na sa aking gym sa loob ng isang taon. Ang angas ko pa nga maglakad kanina eh. Paano kasi alam kong kahit maliit lang ang katawan ko, ang weights na binubuhat ko ay kasing bigat ng binubuhat ng mga adik doon. Ang 100 pounds na barbell at tinuturing na advance na para sa maraming nagbubuhat ay mani lang para sa akin.

Yun ang aking malaking pagkakamali. Tagumpay man ang mental conditioning ng Eclipse sa akin ngunit pagdating naman sa ibang gym ay matuturing pa rin akong newbie.

Anyway, nagsimulang mag stationary bicycle ang aking kasamang si Deathnote habang ako naman ay abala sa pagsulyap sa mga members na mas malaki ang katawan sa akin. Kung usapang adik lang naman ang comparison, walang tatalo sa mga adik sa gym niya na ang katawan ay parang sa wrestler ng WWE. Sa amin kasi, yung mga adik ay ripped at toned ang katawan. Sila yung tipong pang-swimmer ang body type at ang mga pandesal talaga ay umuumbok sa tiyan kapag nagsipaghubaran sa loob ng locker room.

Ang kina DN, halatang naka-steroids ang ibang mga nagbubuhat doon.

Tinanong ko ang aking estudyante kung meron ba siyang program na sinusunod. Ang sabi niya ay meron. Binanggit pa nga niya sa akin yung leg at dumbell exercises niya eh. Ngunit laking gulat ko nang malaman na ang program niya ay hindi pamilyar sa akin. Palibhasa kasi ay machine-based ang kanila at ang sa akin naman ay free weights. Ang kinalabasan tuloy ay higit na mas naging tameme ako sa aking dapat sana'y tinuturuan.

Babawi sana ako sa pamamagitan ng pagtuturo kay DN ng aking free weight training. Madali lang naman siya kung tutuusin. Ngunit dahil ako'y nasa unfamiliar territory, mahirap umiba ng ginagawa sa marami. Bukod pa dito, sikat sa aming gym ang mga bagong members na umaatras matapos ang kanilang first day of work out. Ito ay dahil sa takot na nabalian sila ng balakang, likod at pati na rin Spinal Cord na sa totoo ay arte lang. Pero dahil sa hindi ako kumpyansa na matuturuan ko ng tamang execution si DN, pinakita ko na lang sa kanya ang program sa pag-asang balang araw ay susubukan rin niya ito.

Hindi pa ako natatapos ng aking unang set nang biglang may nagtext sa akin.

"GM: My brother kapre* figured in an accident an hour ago. Our family will appreciate all prayers for the eternal repose of his soul. Details soon. Thank you."

Malabo ang dating ng text message sa akin. Pero dahil nandoon ang mga katagang "prayers for the eternal repose of his soul," kinutuban na ako sa ibig sabihin ng text. Habang si DN ay abala sa kanyang program, pumunta ako malapit sa bintana upang kaagad matawagan ang ilan sa aming kabarkada at itanong kung nakatanggap rin sila ng text message na kagaya ng sa akin. Ang sabi nila ay hindi. Para makasiguro, sila na ang pinatawag ko sa phone ni kapre upang malaman ang katotohanan sa likod ng forwarded na message.

Pilit ko mang itago kay DN ang aking pagkaligalig ay ramdam pa rin niya ito dahil sa aking napakalayo at paguhong mga tingin. Nahihiya rin naman akong ikwento kay DN ang aking sitwasyon dahil alam kong na-trauma na rin ang binata matapos manakaw ang aking phone noong huli kaming magkasama. Walang namang response galing sa phone ni kapre sabi ng aking katropa. Ayaw ko man i-forward sa kanya ang buong text message ngunit dahil sa kakakulit nito ay sinend ko rin sa kanya ang nakakagimbal na balita.

"Pare I'm freaking out here at work. Sana naman ay hindi totoo ang balita."

Noong isang taon lang ay namatay ang aming isang kabarkada matapos itong igupo ng sakit na pneumonia. Lubha kaming na-traumatize sa pangyayari at simula noong sumunod naming inuman, may extra beer at upuan na bakante na ang aming table. Ito ay para sa aming namatay na katropa.

Wala pang isang taon ang nakalipas ay namatay naman ang tatay ni kapre dahil sa heart attack. Kung tutuusin ay halos taon taon na may nawawala sa aming pamilya. Ang mabalitaan na ang pinuno ng aming tropa ay nadedo sa isang aksidente ay isang bagay na hindi namin matatanggap ng basta na lamang.

Hindi kami nagtagumpay sa aming career para lamang bawiin ng maaga sa buhay.

Pansin kong apektado na si DN ng aking personal na crisis. Ako naman ay pilit nagiging optimistic sa kabila ng aking mga naiisip sapagkat sa tatlong taong tinawagan kong malapit kay kapre, wala ang ni-isa man rito ang nagsabing nakatanggap din sila ng text message na katulad ng sa akin. Maari kayang nagtri-trip ang ka-pamilya ng tropa ko? Naisip kong ito'y malabo sapagkat alam kong sila ay nagluluksa sa pagkamatay ng kanilang ama. Hindi kaya may nagnenok ng sim card ni kapre at upang makaganti sa aking tropa ay pinagkalat niya na ito'y namatay? Posible, pero kailangan ko ng proof.

Nag-intay pa ako ng tatlongpung minuto upang magcall-back ang mga binalitaan ko. Distracted man ako'y pilit ko pa ring tinuturo kay DN ang mga silbi ng iba't ibang exercise equipment at kung paano ito nakakatulong sa pagpapalaki ng katawan ng isang tao.

Marami pa sana akong gusto ituro sa kasama ko. Ngunit alam kong sa sitwasyon ko noong mga oras na iyon, ang paghihintay ng balita tungkol kay kapre ang talagang pinagkakaabalahan ng utak ko at hindi ang work out.

Si DN na ang nagsabing tapos na ang kanyang training. Dahil ako naman ay durog na kakaintay sa kung ano talaga ang nangyari kay kapre, sunud sunuran na lang ako kung saan magsuot ang aking kasama.

Tumungo kami sa locker room upang magbihis. Tamang tiyempo naman sapagkat habang nagsusuot ako ng shirt ay biglang nag-ring ang telepono ko.

"Fuck, I should brace for the news." Sabi ko ng may halong panginginig sa aking sarili.

"Tol tawag dito. Nakausap ko na si kapre. Praning talaga yung utol nun. April Fools joke lang daw. Tangina, natakot talaga ako doon. Pare kala ko totoo."

Sa sobrang galak ay napamura na lang ako habang lahat ng nagbibihis sa locker room ay napatingin na lang sa akin dahil sa ingay ko.

Kung tutuusin ay hindi cool ang prank ng utol niya. Bukod sa nagmukhang tanga ako dito, kinuryente* ko pa ang ilan sa malapit na tao sa amin nang i-forward ko sa kanila ang text na natanggap ko. Ngunit sa kabila nito, ang mahalaga ay okey lang si kapre at naparamdam namin sa kanya kung gaano siya ka importante sa amin. Tama na ang malagasan kami ng isang barkada, ang magkaroon ng kasunod niya ay hindi na nakakatuwa pa.

Bago kami makalabas ng gym ay nakatanggap ulit ako ng message galing sa number ni kapre.

"Jay, am stil alive... Tnext ng utol ko. April fool day daw.. Di ko alm. Gago tlaga un. Sensya na.. Kitakits tau pagbalik ko. Prov ako 4 my dad's 40 days..."

Kung alam lang niya ang abalang dulot ng April Fool's joke ng utol niya.

Dahil sa ako'y shaken pa sa mga nangyari ay balak ko pa sanang tumambay kasama ni DN. Kasabay ng pananamlay ng katawan ay bigla naman akong nawalan ng gana umuwi ng bahay. Alam ko kasi na sa pagbalik ko roon ay balik sa dating gawi ang buhay ko. Minsan na nga lang ako magkaroon ng diversion ay hindi ko pa ito sasagad-sagarin.

Palakad na sana kami patungong bayan ng Marikina nang bigla ulit mag-ring ang aking telepono.

"Jay nandito sa bahay yung skycable. Magkakabit daw sila ng digibox." Kasambahay namin ang tumawag.

Pucha not again... dali-dali akong nagpaalam kay DN upang sumakay ng jeep na magdadala sa akin sa Santolan LRT Station. Hindi lang naudlot ngayong araw ang pagtuturo ko ng exercise kay DN, nasira rin ang pagkakataon na makagimik ko siya ng matagal-tagal na oras pa.

---

Epilogue: Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay nakuryente ulit ako pagdating ng bahay. Napagkasunduan kasi namin ng customer service agent ng Skycable noong isang linggo na kukuha ako ng extra digibox para sa aking TV sa kwarto. Kapalit nito ay magbabayad ako ng dalawang libo para sa paggamit digibox. Handa na ang pera nang magkita kami ng technician kanina. Dalawa nga ang nakasaad na digibox para sa aming account eh.

To my surprise, sabi ng technician na parehong free ang dalawang digibox. Hindi na lang ako nagsalita at baka bawiin pa niya ang kanyang unang sinabi. Ang masaklap lang, napauwi na ako ng wala sa oras, problema ko pa ngayon kung paano ibabalik sa bangko ang perang nailabas ko na.

---

*Kapre - hindi tunay na pangalan. six footer na barkada ko noong college. moreno ang kulay ng kanyang balat kaya tinawag ko siyang kapre.

*Kuryente - journalism term. ibig sabihin ay ang mabiktima ng maling balita at makalat ito ng hindi sinasadya. Ex. Si DN ay may panganay na anak na lalaki.

Bunny Interludes Twenty Five

The chasing ends here, for I have finally caught the bunny.

The long struggle is over. I have succeeded in my aim to get fit.

I went to the gym last night after my shift at work had ended. It was a spur of the moment decision I undertook after realizing that I've stopped working out for the past four days. Lately, my work out routine has been very erratic. Unlike during the first months of the year, where I followed my program as religiously as possible, I feel that my gym activities these days are simply done to maintain my well-guarded achievement.

After I changed to my work-out attire, I went to the weighting scale to check if there's any progress in my weight. What I was hoping for is that I gained some pounds in order for me to have something to trim down again. Honestly, I find this truly ironic because a year ago, I would check my weight hoping that I shed some pounds from my body. Now, I'm checking the scale to see whether I gained some pounds for being very complacent in my activities. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case. For the first time after I stepped out of college six years ago, I am back to what my frame was in those blissful heydays.

The scale registered that I am 160 lbs.

It means that from the time I seriously dreamed of getting fit to the time I checked my weight last night, I already lost around 50 lbs.

I owe a huge part of the success to my alarming eating habits, which I think is already killing me slowly. Since I arrive home late at night, nobody's up to prepare my dinner. Therefore, heavy meals are set during the afternoons - where I combine my breakfast and lunch before heading off to work. Dinners are always oatmeals, a meal which I used to eat at breakfast when I was still in the morning shift. After the great scare of February, I gradually changed my diet to accommodate more steamed vegetables than fried meat dishes. It proves to be a healthier alternative, but the diet denied me a source of protein and other nutrients which my body is in dire need of every time I go to the gym.

Since my work and school schedule had already limited my ability to go out and do other things, my trips to fast food restaurants had also been stifled. Except for munching a large order of French Fries occasionally, I can't remember the last time I had a full stomach after eating in Jollibee or Mcdonalds. Sugar intake has been limited to less than a teaspoon every day. Since i don't often drink carbonated or artificially flavored drinks lately, water has been my constant source of fluids since last January.

If you think about it. I'm doing the extreme. The irony however is that my body has already adopted to take such beating and it doesn't matter how much I deny myself now that my appetite don't find those things appealing anymore.

And in a more ironic twist of fate, I lately realized that the promises I said to myself when I was still dreaming to get fit are not the ones I would take importance now that my aims have been realized.

By now, I should be spending my free time going to boutiques and digging the latest fashion trends so I can finally overhaul my closet. Promise ko talaga dati, kapag pumayat ako bibilhin ko lahat ng damit na pinangarap kong masuot tuwing naliligaw ako sa mall. Na-aastigan saki ako sa mga power dressers eh. It's like you're looking up to them because they exude so much confidence in themselves.

But now the only problem that concerns me is how to acquire cheap but sturdy pants, now that I'm facing a wardrobe crisis because the slacks and pants that I'm wearing all the time had become too loose for me. Mukha tuloy akong shabby and haggard all the time.

By now, I should have reclaimed my spot on the dance floor. If I remember it precisely, the first time I realized that I needed to trim down happened during a night-out with Mami with the rest of the morning shift colleagues three years ago. I found myself dancing with a girl and I danced well. The problem however is that I have grown big that I cannot make the moves to impress the girl I was dancing.

I also have this fantasy of going to the ledge and dance in an arousing way like the half-naked hunky go-go boys do. Nothing really turns me on like when someone dances behind me only to rub his crotch against my butt. In my younger days (like younger than DN and Punked) I used to do exhibitions on the ledge. When an admirer begins to touch my body, I'd insist that he squeeze my crotch instead. That how naughty I was, and if given an opportunity, I wouldn't mind doing it again.

But now that I have the opportunity to do it again, age has gotten over me. Not only have I accepted that I mellowed down, even the thought of going to clubs alone compels me to rush going home. Truly, I have become domesticated.

Finally by now, I should be flirting with everyone who catches my fancy. The truth behind posting some sexy pictures in my g4m account before was that I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to increase my market value and become the guys I used to ogle in that website. There was even a time that I'd open my g4m before going to the gym just to remind myself that I wanted someone else's chest/torso/abs/shoulders to be mine someday. I tried to hide this vanity as much as possible. But the truth is, the more I get closer to my objective, the more I became narcissistic and ego-centric.

My last trip to Club Bath early this year revealed how horrible I could be once my physique gets into my head.

But now...

Now that I have the physique that I could stare for hours in a wall mirror (especially when I'm starved in the morning) I'm beginning to realize that what I'm staring at is just a mere body with a semi-developed chest and a flat tummy and nothing more. I know, nothing beats the pleasure of staring at a hunky man's body especially when he flexes his biceps, abs and firm chest in front of the mirror. (dami niyan sa gym ko!) Just last night, I caught this amboy guy changing clothes across from where my bench was. He was not fair or good looking at all, but to stare at his broad shoulders, flat torso and bulging chest had me a hard time putting on my sando. He was so rugged and brusko that I said to myself...

"I want to be like him."

However when you think deeper, it's not the body that really gets you attracted or stay interested in a person. Of course we put huge premium on what the physical package of a person is, but it is his depth of understanding of things, thoughts of life and your similarity in interest that really draws you closer to a person.

Ang sarap sana gamitin ng magandang katawan for hedonistic pursuits, but for some strange reasons, those things do not appeal to me anymore.

While I was doing my 165 lbs squats last night and groaning from pain, I was asking myself over and over what's left now that I have achieved my objective. I could have easily told the supportive trainers that I would like to stop working out because I don't have a need for it anymore.

I could spend my time doing the more ordinary things, like playing video games on my computer or drinking with my friends.

Is it because I still value my vanity? Or is it because I'm afraid to lose what I already have?

This would be the last of the Bunny Interludes entries for I now declare that I have finally caught the bunny.

But...

If I have to continue my gym activities; If I really have to push my limits and achieve that model-modelan body that never in my life I have dreamed of aiming, then I have to come up with deeper reasons to continue getting fit.

Would it be in the name of health? Too cheesy.

Would it be for market value? Too self-serving. Besides, I always considered myself a class-B hipon.

Then maybe its because it's already a lifestyle that I could not take out easily? Possible.

Looking at how many bunny dreamers out there tries to achieve perfection, could I consider myself a poster boy?

I don't know... Perhaps it would be too much of a grand illusion.

But one thing I know is that I was once a dreamer. A chubby guy who was pushed back all the time in a world where physique and looks matter above all else.

"Kasi naman yung isa diyan, ang taba-taba, hindi tuloy tayo magkasya sa sasakyan..."
"No chubbies please..."
"Ang laki laki mo, papayat ka nga!!
"Yang boobs mo parang daig mo pa ang sa babae sa laki."
"Kahit anong gawin mo, hindi na liliit yang tiyan mo Joms"

A sudden remembrance runs inside my head. It hurts you know. But without these criticisms, I won't find myself on the spot where I am today.

Looking at how long and struggling the journey has been.

It wasn't that bad, now that you see it at a hindsight.

---

- the end.

Bunny Interludes Twenty Five: The Journey Of The Bunny Chaser

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

- Lao Tzu.

---

"All in all, I needed 3 sets with 15 reps for every exercise in my weight-training program. Most of the exercises were easy and less strenious. I feel my fats burning especially when I did the crunches. Man! I was doing 15 reps when after I stopped doing the exercise, cramps suddenly hit my abs. It's like, I couldn't get up because I feel that my stomach is contracting. I told the sensation to my instructor, so we stopped the other abs exercises for the meantime.

The most difficult exercises I've done was those involving the arms, particularly the biceps/triceps area. The punishment was too much that I have to change my dumbell because of the strain. I was also worried that since the instructor was nowhere in sight, I might be doing the wrong thing. But just the same, I tried to complete the program despite its difficulty. After all, one thing I've learned from the other guys is that do not push the limits especially if you know that your body couldn't do it."

- Calling From Powerflex, March 14, 2004

---

"Why should I postpone something important for tomorrow, when I can do it today?

Going to the gym and trimming myself is important. In fact, I think its one of the most important thing that I should do right now.

However, at the back of my mind, the only thing that hesitates me from doing so is could I commit myself to it? Do I have enough motivation for me to change my way of life?

Well, I think I dont have answer for that yet..."

- Dreams Of Being A Gym Bunny (Again), August 9, 2005

---

"Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows..."

- Hopes of Becoming A Super Gym Bunny, August 31, 2005

---

But one thing is sure though. I would prove that Pipay was wrong when he said that my flabs would stay forever. In eight months I would make sure that I would have some major improvements on my body.

Until then. I would stay quiet. I'm even thinking whether it would be good to be isolated for the mean time so that my developments... would just be for my eyes alone.

And no matter how many times it would take before I may become successful in taming my own frame. I would never stop nor surrender.

For I'm beginning to get tired hiding behind my own shadow.

And I'm getting weary thinking about if I would last a decade with the abuses I'm giving to my deteriorating body.

Lastly, I'm beginning to get tired oogling at some other buff bodies when I can develop mine.

I guess, it's time to claim my own place.

After all, whatever happens, It's my body and my health that mattered.

- Act of Liberation, February 13, 2006

---

"Lastly, I found out that I am now officially below the 200th pound mark. It was my weight last September - right after I decided to stop my work out. If things go as planned, I could loose another 10 pounds in just one month."

- Bunny Interludes Two, March 1, 2006

---

"Attending the work-out three times a week is like a protracted war. You would never know who's side is winning; how much fat you lost and how many muscles you gained in a span of time. It's like a long term battle aimed at exhausting both sides of the conflict - it's either you surrender the struggle, or your fats finally withdraw from your lousy body. In any case, it is something I have to face in this work-out. Nobody knows - except my own skin, how much I lost or won since I started the gym almost a month ago."

- Bunny Interludes Three, March 7, 2006

---

"Lubhang matagal pa siguro bago ako makaapak muli sa non-overweight status na ineenjoy ko tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan. Marahil aabutin pa ng taon, bago ako makakita ng pandesal sa aking abs, kung mangyayari man ito. Kung meron man akong tagumpay sa mga oras na ito, ang attempt ko sa pagwowork out ngayong taon ang siyang pinakamatagal ko na - simula ng tinuruan ako ng tatay ko magbuhat ng dumbell."

- Bunny Interludes Five, March 27, 2006

---

"7. It takes around 2 weeks before improvements begin to appear. Give it another 2 weeks and with extreme discipline, significant changes are already visible."

- Bunny Interludes Six, April 5, 2006

---

"The four-day hiatus only tells that I am in the verge of surrendering this enterprise for an indefinite period. If I decide not to renew my membership for three months, this entry might be my last post about my three-month stint at the gym. If ever that happens, at least I should appreciate the fact that I already lost 20 pounds from such activity. I should be happy with it. "

- Bunny Interludes Nine, June 5, 2006

---

"Two years, eight months, countless sessions and several failed attempts before, here I am still holding on to my gym routine. So far it has never been broken for so long and it's result on my body, vanity and self-confidence would have been unthinkable. I never had expected that such tranformation is possible when I was just merely attempting. In fact, my built is slimmer now compared to my body size two years ago.

Gym instructors come and go, work-out buddies take breaks in training which span for months only to return after. In my case, there is no stopping. my longest break so far was one week. I am so concerned that stopping for too long would encourage me to break my routine. Breaking it also would revert me back to my body size before I enrolled at the gym.

Which is one of my greatest fears right now.

-

In the long run, I believe that those who really succeed in bodybuilding are those who have the vision and patience to adopt the entire activity as a lifestyle. Nobody would be crazy enough to spend three hours in the gym every other day just to satisfy his objective."

- Bunny Interludes Eleven, August 28, 2006

---

"Thus, it leaves my blog as the silent witness to all the hardships and battles I fought just to keep my built in line with my objectives. I remembered someone saying that the gym is the homo's temple. He may be right in many ways, for the homo looks up to everything that is masculine. I keep on fighting this never-ending Jihad to emancipate myself from such mindset. I feel that the more I get to control my body, the lesser I depended on the masculinity and confidence of others."

- Bunny Interludes Thirteen, November 7, 2006

---

"The efforts of ten months, gone in just the month of January."

- Bunny Interludes Fifteen (Panic House Remix) January 21, 2007

---

"Ngunit, ang nagawa ng minsan ay maaring ulitin. Ang work-out ay isang life-long affair, na kailangang i-maintain at balik-balikan kung talagang seryoso sa training ang isang estudyante. Alam kong ang laban dito ay puno ng sakripisyo at disiplina. Hindi gaya ng iba na payatin, ang effort ko dito ay doble dahil na rin sa aking tabaing pangangatawan na dapat I trim down para na rin sa aking kalusugan."

- Bunny Interludes Sixteen, April 16, 2007

---

"The program given to me by the head coach is significantly easier compared to the program I had in my first gym. This time, instead of focusing my energy doing an hour of cardio exercise, my main thrust is the free weights. If I had to do a bench press or a military press exercise, there are no machines to assist me. All I have are brute force and stored fat to help me execute my program.

The fitness instructors - who are not only gym professionals, but geniuses in their own respective careers are helpful and meticulous enough to correct my executions - to the point of achieving perfection. Without them, injury might have already taken its toll on me. Besides, the camaraderie I have with them is encouraging enough to make me endure walking the extra mile just to continue my program without any man-made interruptions. "

- Bunny Interludes Nineteen, June 3, 2007

---

"I maybe a hunk - like what the guys in G4M or Club Bath would often complement just to catch my attention, but in your presence,

I would always remain an apprentice.

You will always be the master that I would try and constantly emulate.

So do not admire me bud, for the drive to get back on track always remain with you. We don't talk that much anymore, I know. But every time I groan from pain whenever I lift some heavy weights in the gym;

Whenever the word jubesity is mentioned by someone during a conversation and whenever the thought of Pampanga comes across my mind,

I still remember bud. There are so many cherishing things that are not easy to forget."

- Bunny Interludes Twenty Two (A Ballad For XP), October 6, 2007

---

"Nevertheless, I have come a long way to achieve this body, which in many ways I could already be proud of. In the long course of chasing the bunnies, I have never dreamed I would this be fit. I can confidently say that my strength had increased significantly even if my weariness often fails me. I may still continuously suffer, not only from fatigue but from work-out failures as well. The temptations to break my efforts may become more intense as the year comes to a close."

- Bunny Interludes Twenty Three, November 15, 2007

---

"But as a beginner's luck, I have high hopes that I may finally get what I'm aiming for this year. The program, which was designed to increase my metabolism significantly appears to be working. Beating my conservative assessments of a ten-pound increase in weight. The scale revealed a two-pound gain this Christmas Break.

If and ever I'd get serious with my workout and diet until summer, there is a huge possibility that I might be sporting a flatter tummy come the beach days begin."

- Bunny Interludes Twenty Four, January 03, 2008

Bunny Interludes Twenty Four

The efforts of ten months, gone in just the month of January.

Blame the holidays for it, but the long and slow move from my old gym in Recto to the much publicized Eclipse Gym that will open another branch somewhere in the east this mid-February earned me the horrible flabs I've been carrying on my sides again lately.

No wonder, I stopped being vain and uber-confident with myself.

- Bunny Interludes Fifteen (Panic House Remix 1)

---

Everything was like a deja-vu of last year.

I remember, it was days after the Christmas break. I decided to stop working-out in anticipation of the endless freeding frenzy that would happen during the holidays. I felt that things would go to waste if I continued my back-breaking effors to shed weight knowing that it would be replaced by some heaving calories after the meals were over.

Besides, in those days, I was waiting for the much-promoted opening of the Eclipse Gym near my office. Who would ever thought that it would still take months before the first Treadmill and the first Olympic Bar would be installed in that wretched gym.

The long weeks waiting had left my eating habits unchecked. My weight had gone haywire by March and the efforts I made in ten months had been completely obliterated from my body. I became flab again; almost horrendously disfigured in some angles, and the ego I maintained during those ten months I've been working-out in a gym somewhere in Recto had been crushed beyond redemption.

It would take another three months before I could redeem even just a portion of the pride I once had.

A year later the same mistake almost happened again.

Same situation. Christmas break was fast approaching. I felt that working-out would be devastatingly useless knowing that I'd engorged myself in endless food and beer-drinking frenzy for two weeks during the holidays. My last weight count was around 175 lbs.

It was the lowest I have in around five years.

I thought it was okay to give myself a break, knowing that I deserve some rest after a ten-month back breaking action had turned me from a flabby to a half-hunky person. I say half-hunky because the flabs, which retreated from my shoulders and back had settled and entrenched themselves around my chest and tummy. These skin excesses hide themselves whenever I stretched my body. However, the moment I slouched again, they would appear with impunity disappointing all the hard work I've made in hopes of eradicating them forever.

One thing I discovered when one is hooked up with the gym is that a slight deviation from the routine (like stopping for around ten days) would send a one's confidence down the drain. When my friend XP (the only guy who openly encouraged me to work out and reinvent myself throught my gym efforts) complained of being jubesity (Despite spending 3 hours in the gym that same day), I could not understand what his worries were. For me, I don't see any significant changes on his figure even if he claimed that a four-day rest period had left him with another 5 pounds to shed.

Now that I am on his shoes, and feels how my days of procastinating left me feeling bloated and flabby, the panic begins to encroach my thoughts.

Suddenly, I saw myself as someone half as the person I used to be.

This evening, I decided to strike back and return to the gym. My thoughts were clouded with doubts, especially with regards to my capacity to lift the same weights I used as a warm-up exercise. But I insisted that once I back-out tonight, there might be a possibility that a brief hiatus would extend up to early summer.

Such delay would most certainly leave me back to square one again...

Like what happened last year.

So with an expanded waistline, a sagging chest and a severely weakened arms, I began to defy gravity by lifting weights half my weight. From benchpresses, to squats and dynamic rows, I struggled to reclaim the strength I once had - when I was driven by my desire to achieve 160 pounds before the year ends.

Unfortunately, I never reached my goal.

But as a beginner's luck, I have high hopes that I may finally get what I'm aiming for this year. The program, which was designed to increase my metabolism significantly appears to be working. Beating my conservative assessments of a ten-pound increase in weight. The scale revealed a two-pound gain this Christmas Break.

If and ever I'd get serious with my workout and diet until summer, there is a huge possibility that I might be sporting a flatter tummy come the beach days begin.

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Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows...

- Hopes Of Becoming A Super Gym Buddy, August 31, 2005