Buff Daddy Interludes Four: Act Of Liberation (Repost)

February 13, 2006

My body feels like exploding.

Two hours of heavy work-out took its toll on my unprepared muscles. As it turned out, the trainer who used to be the favorite of everyone during the last time I was in the gym has left. In his place was a new instructor, young and quite aloof to new members like me.

I thought that since it was my first day, I would just do some little workout. But instead, the trainer dropped the bomb by asking me to do a 30 minute cardio exercise on the Elliptical Machine. After I was done with my cardio, we proceeded to the free-weights area. God knows lifting the 10 pound barbell would be too much, but the trainer insisted, so there I was killing myself doing 8 rep, 2 set bench presses.

I would have called it quits on the first day. The back-breaking activity was too much. But since discipline and endurance was required for me to succeed, I just told myself to hold the line and follow what the trainer instructed.

All for the love of flying.

---

The last time I went to the gym, I left with some degree of control over my body. Never in two years after I have dumped dark rooms for a stable relationship was I able to do some complex body twisting on the dance floor again.

During a brief time, my confidence surged from near zero, to those levels I had before breaking up with my first lover.

Too bad, my work-out lost momentum after I felt changes. My bestfriend Roy, was another factor. We were both into bodybuilding then, but when he ceased lifting weights because of health reasons, I started becoming lazy and decided to stop as well.

---

It's already past two hours after arriving home. The body pain and the muscle soreness will cripple me when I wake up tomorrow morning. Still, I'm not sure whether my decision to go full swing to do a fitness activity would produce results or not... I'm not even sure if I would succeed this time or it may become a flop once again.

But one thing is sure. I would prove to that loser who once flayed insults over a drinking session in Angeles City that my bulging tummy was hopeless and I'm grounded to become obese for life, that change is possible. In eight months I would make sure that I would have some major improvements on my body.

Until then. I would stay quiet. I'm even thinking whether it would be good idea to put some distance away from my friends so that my developments... would just be for my eyes alone.

And no matter how many times it would take before I become a master of my own body. I would never stop or surrender.

For I am beginning to get tired hiding behind my own shadow.

And I am getting weary thinking about if I would last a decade with the abuses I'm throwing at my deteriorating body.

Lastly, I feel ashamed staring at some other toned and ripped torsos when I can develop mine.

I guess, it's time to claim my own place.

After all, whatever happens, It's my body and my health that counts.

---


Image taken last April 10, 2007, a few weeks before resuming my fitness activity at a new gym in Shaw Boulevard. In my three-year stint as a bodybuilder, my workout efforts suffered when I stopped for four months after reaching the plateau at my first gym. I felt the need for change and while waiting for Eclipse to open, I became complacent with my appetite control.

This was the result. 10 pound short and I would be back at square one.

On the 19th, I will show the results two years after.

Buff Daddy Interludes Three

Nagwork-out ako kahapon matapos ang trabaho. Pagkadating sa gym, laking gulat ko nang madatnan na marami ang nagbubuhat. To think na pinipintasan ko ang Slimmer's Megamall noong isang gabi dahil mukha na siyang palengke sa dami ng tao, ganun rin pala ang aabutan ko pagbalik sa Eclipse.

Wala naman significant na naganap habang ako ay tumitira ng bakal. Pabigat pa rin ng pabigat ang mga weights na nilalagay nila sa program (250 lbs na ang deadlift ko!) kaya naman talagang tagaktak ang pawis ko matapos ang bawat exercise. Malapit na rin akong umabot sa state of failure. Kapag nag-failure ka kasi, ibig sabihin ay umabot ka na sa limit ng kaya mong buhatin. Pumapalpak na ako sa pag-angat ng katawan sa pull ups. Mali na daw ang execution sabi sa akin ni head coach. Tiyak nito, sa susunod kong balik ay mas magaan na ang isasabit kong mga plates sa bewang.

Gaya ng aking naabutan, mukhang palengke na rin ang Eclipse sa dami ng tao kahapon. Nakakalat sa sahig ang mga plates na iba't iba ang bigat (10, 25, 35, at 45 lbs) samantalang puro ungol naman ang maririnig mo sa paligid na namumutawi sa bibig ng mga hardcore weightlifters. Kulang na lang na pati yung power cage ay buhatin na rin nila. Napansin ko lang na habang nagiging hardcore ang program mo at medyo malalaki na ang iron plates sa olympic bar mo ay marami na ang nanonood sa iyo.

Hindi ko alam kung ito ay isang magandang pangitain pero just for the sake of making a kuwento, sasabihin ko sa inyo kung ano ang nangyari:

Nakasabay ko ang isang lalaki sa pagde-deadlift. Ang deadlift ay isang exercise kung saan nasa sahig ang barbell at ito'y iyong kailangang buhatin - with arms and body stretched - hanggang umabot ito sa binti. Madali lang ang exercise kung sanay ka sa Squats. Subalit kapag ang bigat ng barbell ay lumalampas na ng 150 lbs, para mo na ring binuhat si Dabo noon. Tumango sa akin ang lalaki nang mapansin nitong nagpapalit ako ng plates ng olympic bar. Inacknowledge ko ang kanyang presence sa pamamagitan ng pagtango rin dito.

Ang tanguan ay nauwi sa kuwentuhan. Hindi ko namalayan na tinanong ko na pala siya kung ano ang bigat ng kanyang binubuhat, ang sets at reps nito, at pati na rin kung gaano katagal na siya nagbubuhat sa aming gym. Sa sobrang dami naming napagusapan (sa loob ng sampung minuto) ay kulang na lang itanong ko sa kanya kung siya ba ay single at kung saan siya nauwi. Siyempre medyo kaduda-duda na ang mga tanong na ito, subalit dahil siya ang nagsimulang makipagkuwentuhan sa akin, may karapatan akong mag-ala Boy Abunda sa pagtatanong sa kanya.

May katandaan na ang lalaki. Maaring siya ay nasa late 30s na subalit dahil ito ay adik sa pagbubuhat, kapansin-pansin ang mala-adonis niyang katawan. Ito ay maputi, maikli ang buhok at medyo singkit ang mga mata. Sa laki ng kanyang katawan ay hindi ko maiwasan isipin kung ano kaya ang pakiramdam ang makatabi siya sa kama. Tagos hanggang kaluluwa pati kung siya ay makatingin kaya't hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit tensyonado ako sa tuwing ito ay lumalapit at nakikipagusap sa akin.

Marami na akong mga narinig na kuwento tungkol sa loob at labas ng gym. Nariyan sina Tristantales at McVie upang ikuwento ang kanilang mga karanasan sa loob ng locker room. Minsan na rin akong nagkaroon ng near miss sa isa sa mga cubicles ng shower room. Subalit sa dinami-dami ng steamy sessions na aking narinig at nabasa tungkol sa gym, naroon rin ang pag-asa na ang bawat pagtatagpo ay maari rin humantong sa isang malalim at magandang samahan. Nariyan si Tripper at HB upang patunayan na maaring umusbong ang pag-ibig sa benchpress machine.

Hindi lang si deadlifter guy ang bumusog sa aking paningin kahapon sa gym. Naroon rin si boy Iranian, si cute gym instructor at pati na rin si moreno kid na ka-tag team ni big papi na doble ang lapad sa akin. Naroon rin ang aking boss na biglang nagdecide kumuha ng instructor noong nakaraang buwan. Sawa na daw siya kakatakbo sa treadmill at gusto naman niya matutunan ang free weights. Sa dami ng maaring pansinin at purihin, si big papi at pati na rin ang aking boss ang katangi-tanging hinangaan ko sa kanilang lahat. Ito ay hindi dahil sa trip ko sila o kaya naman ay pinapantasya, subalit ang mga katulad nila ang nagpapaalala ng aking simula at ng aking narating.

I wonder, will they be able to achieve their goals as well.

Natapos ang aking work-out na panay ang titig kay deadlifter guy. Naroon siya malapit sa akin na panay ang ungol habang nagpipilit magbuhat ng mga weights na tanging sa pangarap ko lang mabubuhat. Hindi ko na siya inabala pa, at dahil marami na rin siyang kausap na iba, bumalik ako sa aking sariling program na kaunti lang ang pinagbago simula ng ibigay ito dalawang taon na ang nakakaraan.

People like them just come and go in the gym. Minsan naroon, minsan nawawala. Si Ginoo nga hindi ko na nakikita sa gym. Matapos siguro nung insidente sa pagitan namin ay nahiya na itong bumalik. Narealize niya rin siguro na masyadong matino ang gym para sa mga malibog na gaya niya. As for me, tuloy lang ang buhat. May hunk man o wala, inspirasyon lang sila na dapat gayahin.

As for the deadlifter guy, magkikita pa kami sa susunod. Magugulat muli ako sa kanyang mga binubuhat at makikita ko na naman na lumiit ang kanyang mga mata sa tuwing ito ay ngingiti sa akin. For whatever it is worth, I find him interesting - hindi dahil sa may appeal siya o magaan ang loob ko sa kanya - pero dahil siya ang unang kumausap sa akin.

Ang mga ganung klaseng tao ang dapat kinikilala sa loob ng gym.

Buff Daddy Interludes Two

The holidays are over at gaya ng karamihan, isa ako sa mga casualties ng walang katapusang parties, mga inuman at dinners na pinaunlakan nitong mga nagdaang linggo. From 157 lbs. matapos ang huling pakikipagtungali kay Throatie, bumigat ang aking timbang ng halos 10 lbs nitong huli akong umapak sa weighting scale. Matuturing na alarming ang pagbigat na ito sapagkat madalas ay naglalaro lang ang aking timbang sa 160 to 163 lbs.

Isang taon na ang nakalipas at naging dilemma ko rin ang biglaang gain na katulad nito. Ang kaibahan nga lang ngayong season ay hindi ako tumigil sa gym. Tuloy pa rin ang aking work-out sa kabila ng mga naka-schedule na inuman at pagsasalo kinagabihan. Tuloy, monitored ang aking progression at sa kasamaang palad, wala akong ginawa upang pigilan ang pagbulusok ng aking timbang.

Noong nakaraang pasko ay puro mga medium-sized shirt ang nataggap kong regalo. Ito ay isang malaking pagbabago mula noong nakaraang taon na puro large-sized pa ang mga T-shirt sa aking aparador. Dahil dito ay pressured akong huwag tumaba. Naipamigay ko pa naman sa iba ang mga pinaka-malalaki kong damit kaya't magiging problema kapag ako ay lumaki ulit.

Kung itutuloy ko man mag-wardrobe overhaul ngayong summer, karapat-dapat na naabot ko na ang ideal weight na 155 lbs. Kasama dito ang definition. Halos dalawang taon na rin ako sa Eclipse at marapat na matapos ko na ang aking paglalakbay. Malayo na rin ang aking narating at lubhang napakasaklap kung mapapabayaan ko ang lahat ng aking pinaghirapan.

Ayoko ng bumalik sa aking sinimulan.

So to make sure I will have my rebound before summer begins, here are some ways of deprivation that I need to do to achieve my goals:

1. Limit my beer intake to 3 bottles (or two macho mugs) depending on the location of the inuman.

2. Return to Oatmeal dinners no matter how it would fuck up my near-uncontrollable appetite.

3. Go to the gym and work out three times a week.

4. Deprive myself of sugar (no iced teas, softdrinks, Cobra Energy Drink and munching of cookies late at night)

5. Do sprints on the Treadmill whenever possible (or take advantage of the soloflight clubbing night-outs by dancing all night instead of flirting with other guys)

Kung may rubber shoes lang ako, talagang kakaririn ko ang pagtakbo matapos ang nakakapagod na freeweights exercise. Ang kaso mo, kulang pa ang budget. Marami pa rin ang nakapending na mga credit card bills matapos ang walang sawang shopping spree na ginawa ko noong nakaraang Pasko.

So yun. Wala man akong plano magdisplay ng katawan sa dalampasigan, mainam na rin ang nakahanda sa anumang imbitasyon na maaring dumating ngayong summer. Vain na kung vain ang mga diskarteng ito, pero kung ikaw ay isang binatang uncommitted na hindi marunong magbuhay-single, mabuti na ang mga pagkakaabalahang ganito.

Besides, we remember the promise.

And we ought to uphold it, no matter what the cost.

Nakakatuwang isipin na minsan ay naging pangarap lang ang lahat

---

Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows...

- Hopes Of Becoming A Super Gym Buddy, August 31, 2005

Buff Daddy Interludes One

If the workout project can be measured by space travel, then the distance I have covered from the last time I wrote about my muscle pumping exploits to the time before I suffered some setbacks because of Throatie already spans a journey of a light year.

I remember writing before that I am prepared to spend another year at the gym for my chest to become firm and my tummy to become flat. Call it vanity, but in my way of thinking, I call it patience. It has become a virtue that I stick to nowadays. Meanwhile, the workout itself has become a way of life that I have already become a regular fixture in the gym. When not working out, I try to pass the philosophy to newcomers. Unfortunately, only few are willing to make the sacrifice. Most of the rookies would simply try their luck on any method that never demanded of pain. The results were superb at the beginning, but as they discover later, everything is just a yo-yo achievement. Upon reaching their basic goal (which mostly to expand the girth of their biceps), they begin to slack from their routine. Soon, their gains diminish and they are thrown back to where they all began.

As for my routine, the pay-offs were swift, and the sacrifices were rewarded handsomely. For every time I get pinned between the Olympic Bar and the Power Cage during the Bench Presses, the firmer my chest becomes. For every Iron Plate I add to the Squats, the lesser my abdominal fats show up when I walk naked around the house. Such were the rewards of working out without the aid of machine. However, there were downsides to the strides I made and it was already too late when I realized that I am making a huge mistake.

You see, I was gravely concerned by my increasingly steady weight gain. From 160 pounds, it climbed to 164 by early November. I thought I was slacking off with my diet so I tried to curb the gain by cutting off nutrients intake to a minimum. I would spend twelve hours starving myself only to binge when hunger dips my energy reserves. The extremes broke down my body. However what lead me back to Throatie was sleeplessness and my constant dependence on nicotine as a temporary relief from hunger.

---

And so I was disabled for more than a week.

And the gains I made suddenly vanished out of thin air. Meanwhile, the feeling of sloppiness has increased two-fold after my recovery that it lead to a state of imbalance. I felt bloated and fat and if not for the constant reminder that I had to take a rest lest Throatie might return, I would have returned to the gym the day I started showing up at work.

Despite these impressions of being sloppy, I was aware that I won't have to worry gaining weight for a long time. The fever resulted to a swift decrease in body mass, which will require some heavy food binging before my old weight is restored . It would surely take my head off from the thoughts of slacking, but this is not my main concern at the moment. Some pressing matters needed to be understood or I might be heading towards a disaster again.

The doctors strongly recommend that I refrain from any gym activities for at least another week to let my body recuperate. Same advice was given by close friends who bore witness to Throatie's rampage of my system the previous week. Mom was against the idea of working out at all. Instead, she suggested that I seek a dietitian's help before eating iron plates again. Blakedaddy, the gym instructor, told me to start my program on Friday. I nodded to his suggestion but I had something else in mind.

The strong protestations fell on deaf ears, for I was bent on restoring my routine. I was very afraid that in prolonging my rest days, I might end up stopping the program completely. Had I not been stirred early this morning, restlessness would not have gotten over me. Instead, I took advantage of the time believing that the gym is my personal crusade. So I took a bath shortly after I got out of bed, ate lunch early and headed to the gym without thinking twice of the consequences of my actions.

As a result, the workout had a very bad start.

I was barely able to complete the EDT (Escalating Density Training) program which consist of a 20-set, 3-repetition, 85-lbs Bench Press. The Squats strained my lower back for the first time. Perhaps, the 215-lbs barbel was too heavy for lifting. Despite having a full meal over lunch, I knew I won't be able to keep up with the program. I was so messed up that I had to improvise on the Dynamic Rows or I would fail completely. I decided to stop after completing my five-rep fourth set DR. There was no use forcing myself to finish the routine for it would only result to body fatigue.

---

There are times I would ask myself what purpose do I have in working out when my main goals have already been achieved. It is clear that I do not intend to whore myself around, especially now that the Pact is in place. As for health matters, it seems that my fitness activity is turning against me. Count the number of times I got sick because of the gym and you will find out that I'm better off staying sluggish at home.

As for using my muscular advantage as a leverage on romantic affairs, I doubt if it would work. Not only am I bent on closing my doors to all outsiders, what I am seeking now is the harmonics of the mind and not of the flesh. Having someone to speak about fitness would be a pleasant afterthought. However from now on, I would just secretly admire those who are superior to my physique. I would try not to openly complement someone because he has a body better than mine.

Despite these new trends and sudden shift of philosophies, the workout project will continue. The setbacks will only drive me closer to achieving my new goals and it would remind myself of the road that lies ahead. I still need to get buff, and I still have to acquire that six-packs now that it is within reach. At the gym, I am considered as one of the average lifters. There are others who can lift weights that are twice heavier than my capacity. I have to become them.

The failures of today will serve as a moral lessons of tomorrow. While the goals, no matter how complicated they have become will remain as they are. I cannot go back to where I was two years ago.

Obesity will never happen to me anymore.

Therefore, the gym lifestyle is here to stay. Not even a serious bout of illness will force me to turn my back to all the things I have gained.

Left Pic: The Buffdaddy from G4M
Right Pic: The Nagfe-feeling Buffdaddy from Blogspot

Dreams Of Becoming A Buff Daddy

The work-out continues unabated, despite my initial worries of losing steam when my aims were met last March. Indeed, taking the long winding road towards getting fitter have rewarded me of a habit - an itch that I cannot easily take away from my system. Gym has become a lifestyle and no matter how long I took breaks from going to the gym, I just return with a stronger determination to pick up from where I left.

Returns from all the sweating and muscle fatigue have been extremely generous. Not only do I look younger now, I have also reclaimed my 20-year old frame which I used to flaunt in the narrow halls of Mint and Mister Piggy's when I was just beginning to explore the wonders of Malate. I may not have the built of a jock, but rest assured, I can always get a jock's attention by telling him that I do 50 squats with a 200-pound barbell on my back.

Such topic will never fail in any cyber conversations. However, I already consider myself past my meat-market phase.

---

Funny how things change in a matter of two years.

Lucid memories show images of me being fat. No, I think I am on the verge of being obese. Some friends would call me Krystala because my excesses remind them of Juday. I vaguely remember a tactless acquaintance blurting - over a bottle of San Mig Light in an obscure bar somewhere in Angeles City that my tummy is too big, and it will never get small again. I remember telling him to give me eight months, for I will make sure that he will eat whatever insults he said to me.

Unfortunately, he flew abroad before I got the chance to show him how far his words brought me.

The frustrations and disappointments did not stop there. I was rejected, turned down, blocked by some loser in G4M. In my desperation to become someone else, I created another account, stole someone's picture from Friendster and claimed the profile as mine. I didn't use the profile to deceive others, but rather, I just wanted to feel how to be good-looking and muscular for a change.

The experience was breathtaking.

Late last year, someone from PEx posted that he did not have to take a second glance to consider me inferior when we met a few years ago. He posted the comment after I said that I will not think twice of punching someone if that person crosses me when we find ourselves both naked inside the locker room of a gym. To think I met that PExer in good faith when I sold him a House Music CD that was being played at BED during those years.

Pain makes us human.

And whatever words or gestures they inflicted on me in those years I struggled, only gave me a stronger resolve to prove them wrong. How sad however that they are not there anymore to see how things have changed. It turned out I will have to enjoy my victories without their presence.

---

The bunny chasing days are long over, but the end of the journey is still a long way ahead.

Having six-pack abs, a firm pumped-up chest and defined arms, legs and torso were stuffs of legends I used to daydream before. Though such dream might be too ambitious for a goal, (knowing that my diet is unchecked and my alcohol consumption reaches its limits) I decided to take such lofty aim as a challenge to myself.

It doesn't matter if victory takes another two years to achieve. Time has already taught me how sheer determination would see things through, no matter how impossible the task at hand.

I am a living example to the saying without pain there is no gain,

and without suffering, victory has no meaning.

So I return to the drawing board to draft ways of addressing my goal. It is time to prepare my mind for the physical and mental hardships I will have to face ahead.

No more Iced Teas
No more Kowloon Super Jumbo Siopao
and no more Lumpiang Shanghai and Chao-Fan Fried Rice from now on.

With my eyes half closed, I put on my imaginary gym gear with the Duffel bag hanging on my back.

The ascent to transcendence begins now.

---

1. Photo courtesy of a guy I chatted in G4M several months ago using my faux account. He said he is married, has kids and is looking for a single parent dad who could sympathize with his situation. As for me, I can only sympathize with all the gay men wishing to have him, or his defined buff body as theirs.

I kept his picture so that I will be reminded of what my new aims should be.

2. A Gogoboy from O-Bar during this year's White Party.

MMA | Boku Wa Kuma

Masarap tumambay sa gym matapos ang isang intense na work-out.

Naroon na manood ka ng ibang nagwo-work out at magspot ng cute. (Marami nun sa gym ko. Hindi lang sila buff, talagang ripped pa ang mga katawan!) Minsan naman, masarap magmasid kung sino talaga ang mga adik sa 45 lbs iron plates. Bilang isa sa mga old-timers ng Eclipse, nakaka-insecure minsan na malaman na yung nagbubuhat sa tabi mo ay higit na mas mabigat ang weight capacity sa squats kesa sa iyo. (Shit, bakit kaya niya ang 190 lbs samantalang ako ay hanggang 180 lang? Hindi kaya dahil EDT ang program ko at ang kanya naman ay 5X5 lang?) At the best sa lahat, masarap tumambay sa gym pagkatapos ng isang intense na work-out upang umamoy ng kapwa PLU na nagpapaka-straight all for the sake of maintaining the "all-barako" environment ng gym namin.

Masyado kasi nilang tinitira ang Fitness First sa mga forums (gaya ng Men's Health at Pinoyexchange) dahil sa mga nangyayari sa loob ng locker at shower room nito. Kaya naman sa amin, mariing pinagbabawal ang gumawa ng kahit anong kalokohan sa loob ng locker room. Dati pa nga ay may nakapaskil na warning na "anyone caught doing acts of immorality inside the gym premises will be subject to voiding of membership." Ganun. Therefore, kahit anong paramdam ni Ginoo sa akin nitong mga nakaraang linggo ay ignore lang ako.

Subalit dahil lagi akong ipit sa aking trabaho, ang pagtambay ay ang "the least of my priorities" sa tuwing magagawi ako sa gym.

Hanggang kanina. Natyempo kasi ang pagbubuhat ko sa araw na wala akong pasok sa trabaho.

Sa totoo lang, matagal ko nang pinag-iisipan kung makakabuti ba sa akin ang mag-enroll sa kanilang Mixed Martial Arts program.

Naalala ko kasi yung kaguluhang naganap dito sa aming lugar ilang linggo na ang nakakaraan. Sakaling nagkainitan kami ng war-freak kong kapitbahay, di malayong magpakita ako sa inuman ng mga tropa na may black-eye sa mata.

Isa pa, nanghihinayang rin ako kasi sa

laki at lapad kong ito,

hanggang sindak lang ang kaya kong gawin sa ibang tao. Hindi ko pa kasi natetest kung yung pagbabatak ko ba sa gym ay may epekto rin sa tigas ng aking kamao.

Kaya naman kanina, sa unang pagkakataon na tumambay ako sa gym ay sa fighting room ako unang pumunta. Naroon rin kasi si Blakedaddy (Head Coach ng Eclipse na sikat sa Pinoyexchange) kaya naman ayos lang akong manood ng mga sparring na nagaganap kanina.

Sa kasamaang palad ay wala akong nakitang aksyon. Merong dalawa na nagwre-wrestling sa dulo, samantalang ang iba naman ay nagwa-warm up pa lang sa harap ng salamin. Nakakaboring nga kung tutuusin eh. Mabuti na lamang at ang dahilan ko talaga kanina sa aking pagtambay ay abangan ang pagsulpot ng aming poster boy sa G4M. Sa tinagal-tagal ko kasing nakisama sa kanya upang mag-recruit ng mga bagong members para sa gym namin ay hindi man lang ito nakipagkilala sa akin.

Makaraan ang ilang minuto ay umalis na rin ako sa fighting room para magtungo sa locker at maligo. Gaya ng mga naudlot kong balak noong nakaraan, ang planong mag-enroll sa MMA ay hanggang pangarap na lang muna.

Astig sana ang matangkad ka na, malaki na ang katawan mo

at kaya mo pang mangbalibag ng isang straight na lalaki na babastos sa iyo.

Ang tikas sana na kahit alam mong may taglay kang binabae sa iyong personality ay untouchable ka pa rin ng mga maton na haharang sa iyo.

Maybe in the far future, sakaling may makakumbinsi sa aking maging MMA fighter gaya noong mga napanood ko kanina: Dumating man ang panahon na kaya ko ng mag-angas na siguradong kaya kong panindigan ang lahat ng gagawin ko: Maging sanggano man ako ng Orosa-Nakpil for all I care,

Subalit sa oras na makapanood ako ng video katulad nito.



Asahan mo na kahit napapalibutan na ako ng mga kaaway sa paligid, mamumutawi pa rin sa aking bibig ang mga katagang ito.

"Ang Kyuuuuuuuuttt naman nung teddy bear!!"

Bahala na kung umuwi pa rin akong tadtad ng pasa sa katawan at may limang bukol sa ulo.

Bunny Interludes Twenty Five

The chasing ends here, for I have finally caught the bunny.

The long struggle is over. I have succeeded in my aim to get fit.

I went to the gym last night after my shift at work had ended. It was a spur of the moment decision I undertook after realizing that I've stopped working out for the past four days. Lately, my work out routine has been very erratic. Unlike during the first months of the year, where I followed my program as religiously as possible, I feel that my gym activities these days are simply done to maintain my well-guarded achievement.

After I changed to my work-out attire, I went to the weighting scale to check if there's any progress in my weight. What I was hoping for is that I gained some pounds in order for me to have something to trim down again. Honestly, I find this truly ironic because a year ago, I would check my weight hoping that I shed some pounds from my body. Now, I'm checking the scale to see whether I gained some pounds for being very complacent in my activities. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case. For the first time after I stepped out of college six years ago, I am back to what my frame was in those blissful heydays.

The scale registered that I am 160 lbs.

It means that from the time I seriously dreamed of getting fit to the time I checked my weight last night, I already lost around 50 lbs.

I owe a huge part of the success to my alarming eating habits, which I think is already killing me slowly. Since I arrive home late at night, nobody's up to prepare my dinner. Therefore, heavy meals are set during the afternoons - where I combine my breakfast and lunch before heading off to work. Dinners are always oatmeals, a meal which I used to eat at breakfast when I was still in the morning shift. After the great scare of February, I gradually changed my diet to accommodate more steamed vegetables than fried meat dishes. It proves to be a healthier alternative, but the diet denied me a source of protein and other nutrients which my body is in dire need of every time I go to the gym.

Since my work and school schedule had already limited my ability to go out and do other things, my trips to fast food restaurants had also been stifled. Except for munching a large order of French Fries occasionally, I can't remember the last time I had a full stomach after eating in Jollibee or Mcdonalds. Sugar intake has been limited to less than a teaspoon every day. Since i don't often drink carbonated or artificially flavored drinks lately, water has been my constant source of fluids since last January.

If you think about it. I'm doing the extreme. The irony however is that my body has already adopted to take such beating and it doesn't matter how much I deny myself now that my appetite don't find those things appealing anymore.

And in a more ironic twist of fate, I lately realized that the promises I said to myself when I was still dreaming to get fit are not the ones I would take importance now that my aims have been realized.

By now, I should be spending my free time going to boutiques and digging the latest fashion trends so I can finally overhaul my closet. Promise ko talaga dati, kapag pumayat ako bibilhin ko lahat ng damit na pinangarap kong masuot tuwing naliligaw ako sa mall. Na-aastigan saki ako sa mga power dressers eh. It's like you're looking up to them because they exude so much confidence in themselves.

But now the only problem that concerns me is how to acquire cheap but sturdy pants, now that I'm facing a wardrobe crisis because the slacks and pants that I'm wearing all the time had become too loose for me. Mukha tuloy akong shabby and haggard all the time.

By now, I should have reclaimed my spot on the dance floor. If I remember it precisely, the first time I realized that I needed to trim down happened during a night-out with Mami with the rest of the morning shift colleagues three years ago. I found myself dancing with a girl and I danced well. The problem however is that I have grown big that I cannot make the moves to impress the girl I was dancing.

I also have this fantasy of going to the ledge and dance in an arousing way like the half-naked hunky go-go boys do. Nothing really turns me on like when someone dances behind me only to rub his crotch against my butt. In my younger days (like younger than DN and Punked) I used to do exhibitions on the ledge. When an admirer begins to touch my body, I'd insist that he squeeze my crotch instead. That how naughty I was, and if given an opportunity, I wouldn't mind doing it again.

But now that I have the opportunity to do it again, age has gotten over me. Not only have I accepted that I mellowed down, even the thought of going to clubs alone compels me to rush going home. Truly, I have become domesticated.

Finally by now, I should be flirting with everyone who catches my fancy. The truth behind posting some sexy pictures in my g4m account before was that I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to increase my market value and become the guys I used to ogle in that website. There was even a time that I'd open my g4m before going to the gym just to remind myself that I wanted someone else's chest/torso/abs/shoulders to be mine someday. I tried to hide this vanity as much as possible. But the truth is, the more I get closer to my objective, the more I became narcissistic and ego-centric.

My last trip to Club Bath early this year revealed how horrible I could be once my physique gets into my head.

But now...

Now that I have the physique that I could stare for hours in a wall mirror (especially when I'm starved in the morning) I'm beginning to realize that what I'm staring at is just a mere body with a semi-developed chest and a flat tummy and nothing more. I know, nothing beats the pleasure of staring at a hunky man's body especially when he flexes his biceps, abs and firm chest in front of the mirror. (dami niyan sa gym ko!) Just last night, I caught this amboy guy changing clothes across from where my bench was. He was not fair or good looking at all, but to stare at his broad shoulders, flat torso and bulging chest had me a hard time putting on my sando. He was so rugged and brusko that I said to myself...

"I want to be like him."

However when you think deeper, it's not the body that really gets you attracted or stay interested in a person. Of course we put huge premium on what the physical package of a person is, but it is his depth of understanding of things, thoughts of life and your similarity in interest that really draws you closer to a person.

Ang sarap sana gamitin ng magandang katawan for hedonistic pursuits, but for some strange reasons, those things do not appeal to me anymore.

While I was doing my 165 lbs squats last night and groaning from pain, I was asking myself over and over what's left now that I have achieved my objective. I could have easily told the supportive trainers that I would like to stop working out because I don't have a need for it anymore.

I could spend my time doing the more ordinary things, like playing video games on my computer or drinking with my friends.

Is it because I still value my vanity? Or is it because I'm afraid to lose what I already have?

This would be the last of the Bunny Interludes entries for I now declare that I have finally caught the bunny.

But...

If I have to continue my gym activities; If I really have to push my limits and achieve that model-modelan body that never in my life I have dreamed of aiming, then I have to come up with deeper reasons to continue getting fit.

Would it be in the name of health? Too cheesy.

Would it be for market value? Too self-serving. Besides, I always considered myself a class-B hipon.

Then maybe its because it's already a lifestyle that I could not take out easily? Possible.

Looking at how many bunny dreamers out there tries to achieve perfection, could I consider myself a poster boy?

I don't know... Perhaps it would be too much of a grand illusion.

But one thing I know is that I was once a dreamer. A chubby guy who was pushed back all the time in a world where physique and looks matter above all else.

"Kasi naman yung isa diyan, ang taba-taba, hindi tuloy tayo magkasya sa sasakyan..."
"No chubbies please..."
"Ang laki laki mo, papayat ka nga!!
"Yang boobs mo parang daig mo pa ang sa babae sa laki."
"Kahit anong gawin mo, hindi na liliit yang tiyan mo Joms"

A sudden remembrance runs inside my head. It hurts you know. But without these criticisms, I won't find myself on the spot where I am today.

Looking at how long and struggling the journey has been.

It wasn't that bad, now that you see it at a hindsight.

---

- the end.

Bunny Interludes Twenty Five: The Journey Of The Bunny Chaser

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

- Lao Tzu.

---

"All in all, I needed 3 sets with 15 reps for every exercise in my weight-training program. Most of the exercises were easy and less strenious. I feel my fats burning especially when I did the crunches. Man! I was doing 15 reps when after I stopped doing the exercise, cramps suddenly hit my abs. It's like, I couldn't get up because I feel that my stomach is contracting. I told the sensation to my instructor, so we stopped the other abs exercises for the meantime.

The most difficult exercises I've done was those involving the arms, particularly the biceps/triceps area. The punishment was too much that I have to change my dumbell because of the strain. I was also worried that since the instructor was nowhere in sight, I might be doing the wrong thing. But just the same, I tried to complete the program despite its difficulty. After all, one thing I've learned from the other guys is that do not push the limits especially if you know that your body couldn't do it."

- Calling From Powerflex, March 14, 2004

---

"Why should I postpone something important for tomorrow, when I can do it today?

Going to the gym and trimming myself is important. In fact, I think its one of the most important thing that I should do right now.

However, at the back of my mind, the only thing that hesitates me from doing so is could I commit myself to it? Do I have enough motivation for me to change my way of life?

Well, I think I dont have answer for that yet..."

- Dreams Of Being A Gym Bunny (Again), August 9, 2005

---

"Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows..."

- Hopes of Becoming A Super Gym Bunny, August 31, 2005

---

But one thing is sure though. I would prove that Pipay was wrong when he said that my flabs would stay forever. In eight months I would make sure that I would have some major improvements on my body.

Until then. I would stay quiet. I'm even thinking whether it would be good to be isolated for the mean time so that my developments... would just be for my eyes alone.

And no matter how many times it would take before I may become successful in taming my own frame. I would never stop nor surrender.

For I'm beginning to get tired hiding behind my own shadow.

And I'm getting weary thinking about if I would last a decade with the abuses I'm giving to my deteriorating body.

Lastly, I'm beginning to get tired oogling at some other buff bodies when I can develop mine.

I guess, it's time to claim my own place.

After all, whatever happens, It's my body and my health that mattered.

- Act of Liberation, February 13, 2006

---

"Lastly, I found out that I am now officially below the 200th pound mark. It was my weight last September - right after I decided to stop my work out. If things go as planned, I could loose another 10 pounds in just one month."

- Bunny Interludes Two, March 1, 2006

---

"Attending the work-out three times a week is like a protracted war. You would never know who's side is winning; how much fat you lost and how many muscles you gained in a span of time. It's like a long term battle aimed at exhausting both sides of the conflict - it's either you surrender the struggle, or your fats finally withdraw from your lousy body. In any case, it is something I have to face in this work-out. Nobody knows - except my own skin, how much I lost or won since I started the gym almost a month ago."

- Bunny Interludes Three, March 7, 2006

---

"Lubhang matagal pa siguro bago ako makaapak muli sa non-overweight status na ineenjoy ko tatlong taon na ang nakakaraan. Marahil aabutin pa ng taon, bago ako makakita ng pandesal sa aking abs, kung mangyayari man ito. Kung meron man akong tagumpay sa mga oras na ito, ang attempt ko sa pagwowork out ngayong taon ang siyang pinakamatagal ko na - simula ng tinuruan ako ng tatay ko magbuhat ng dumbell."

- Bunny Interludes Five, March 27, 2006

---

"7. It takes around 2 weeks before improvements begin to appear. Give it another 2 weeks and with extreme discipline, significant changes are already visible."

- Bunny Interludes Six, April 5, 2006

---

"The four-day hiatus only tells that I am in the verge of surrendering this enterprise for an indefinite period. If I decide not to renew my membership for three months, this entry might be my last post about my three-month stint at the gym. If ever that happens, at least I should appreciate the fact that I already lost 20 pounds from such activity. I should be happy with it. "

- Bunny Interludes Nine, June 5, 2006

---

"Two years, eight months, countless sessions and several failed attempts before, here I am still holding on to my gym routine. So far it has never been broken for so long and it's result on my body, vanity and self-confidence would have been unthinkable. I never had expected that such tranformation is possible when I was just merely attempting. In fact, my built is slimmer now compared to my body size two years ago.

Gym instructors come and go, work-out buddies take breaks in training which span for months only to return after. In my case, there is no stopping. my longest break so far was one week. I am so concerned that stopping for too long would encourage me to break my routine. Breaking it also would revert me back to my body size before I enrolled at the gym.

Which is one of my greatest fears right now.

-

In the long run, I believe that those who really succeed in bodybuilding are those who have the vision and patience to adopt the entire activity as a lifestyle. Nobody would be crazy enough to spend three hours in the gym every other day just to satisfy his objective."

- Bunny Interludes Eleven, August 28, 2006

---

"Thus, it leaves my blog as the silent witness to all the hardships and battles I fought just to keep my built in line with my objectives. I remembered someone saying that the gym is the homo's temple. He may be right in many ways, for the homo looks up to everything that is masculine. I keep on fighting this never-ending Jihad to emancipate myself from such mindset. I feel that the more I get to control my body, the lesser I depended on the masculinity and confidence of others."

- Bunny Interludes Thirteen, November 7, 2006

---

"The efforts of ten months, gone in just the month of January."

- Bunny Interludes Fifteen (Panic House Remix) January 21, 2007

---

"Ngunit, ang nagawa ng minsan ay maaring ulitin. Ang work-out ay isang life-long affair, na kailangang i-maintain at balik-balikan kung talagang seryoso sa training ang isang estudyante. Alam kong ang laban dito ay puno ng sakripisyo at disiplina. Hindi gaya ng iba na payatin, ang effort ko dito ay doble dahil na rin sa aking tabaing pangangatawan na dapat I trim down para na rin sa aking kalusugan."

- Bunny Interludes Sixteen, April 16, 2007

---

"The program given to me by the head coach is significantly easier compared to the program I had in my first gym. This time, instead of focusing my energy doing an hour of cardio exercise, my main thrust is the free weights. If I had to do a bench press or a military press exercise, there are no machines to assist me. All I have are brute force and stored fat to help me execute my program.

The fitness instructors - who are not only gym professionals, but geniuses in their own respective careers are helpful and meticulous enough to correct my executions - to the point of achieving perfection. Without them, injury might have already taken its toll on me. Besides, the camaraderie I have with them is encouraging enough to make me endure walking the extra mile just to continue my program without any man-made interruptions. "

- Bunny Interludes Nineteen, June 3, 2007

---

"I maybe a hunk - like what the guys in G4M or Club Bath would often complement just to catch my attention, but in your presence,

I would always remain an apprentice.

You will always be the master that I would try and constantly emulate.

So do not admire me bud, for the drive to get back on track always remain with you. We don't talk that much anymore, I know. But every time I groan from pain whenever I lift some heavy weights in the gym;

Whenever the word jubesity is mentioned by someone during a conversation and whenever the thought of Pampanga comes across my mind,

I still remember bud. There are so many cherishing things that are not easy to forget."

- Bunny Interludes Twenty Two (A Ballad For XP), October 6, 2007

---

"Nevertheless, I have come a long way to achieve this body, which in many ways I could already be proud of. In the long course of chasing the bunnies, I have never dreamed I would this be fit. I can confidently say that my strength had increased significantly even if my weariness often fails me. I may still continuously suffer, not only from fatigue but from work-out failures as well. The temptations to break my efforts may become more intense as the year comes to a close."

- Bunny Interludes Twenty Three, November 15, 2007

---

"But as a beginner's luck, I have high hopes that I may finally get what I'm aiming for this year. The program, which was designed to increase my metabolism significantly appears to be working. Beating my conservative assessments of a ten-pound increase in weight. The scale revealed a two-pound gain this Christmas Break.

If and ever I'd get serious with my workout and diet until summer, there is a huge possibility that I might be sporting a flatter tummy come the beach days begin."

- Bunny Interludes Twenty Four, January 03, 2008

Crash Diet | Hibernation

Here are some surefire tips to lose 15 pounds in two months:

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1. Wake up late in the morning. Combine your breakfast with lunch.

2. Eat regular meals during your lunch/breakfast combo. Limit your rice intake to a single cup. Since the foul morning saliva still leaves a nasty aftertaste in your mouth even after brushing your teeth, you would most likely lose your appetite before your tummy have its full.

3. Skip Merienda. Not only will it save you money, skipping would also burn the excess calories from eating your regular lunch/breakfast combo.

4. Avoid eating at fast food restaurants no matter how tempting it is.

5. Avoid sugary foods and fried dishes. Eat more vegetables. The fresher they are, the better.

6. Instead of drinking sweetened drinks, replace everything with water.

7. Dinner should consist of Oatmeal. Nothing more, nothing less.

8. Pack your head with so many problems and troubles to think of (real or imaginary), the mere thought of them would drain all the remaining strength in you during the evening. (thinking of problems force me to go home early avoiding night-outs altogether.)

9. When hunger strikes at midnight. Ignore it. If it's not possible, grab some soda crackers, chips, or any light snack to eat that would let you endure the long night with an almost-empty stomach.

10. When you're engaged in sports or gym activities, give at least a leeway on your diet by adding extra glucose-rich foods such a biscuits before working out.

---

I should be celebrating right now because I'm just a couple of pounds away from my weight target. I've waited for this moment for a very long time. However, the sudden and reckless manner of cutting the vital nutrients which my body badly needed leaves me worried about the overall state of my well-being.

The problem is, I have already taught my mind and my appetite to eat as little as I could. I could endure a whole day without eating and still feeling nothing at all.

Substance Abuse (The Griffin Remix)

L-Carnitine is a substance that is naturally occurring in the body. It helps convert fatty acids into energy needed by for a healthy heart, important body functions and physical activities. Supplementary L-Carnitine may contribute to optimal fat oxidation, and along with proper diet and regular exercise, may also promote a healthy body weight.

---

Yes you're right, I'm referring to Del Monte Fit N Right juice drink which is gaining popularity these days.

The commercials claim that it can aid in reducing body fat by up to 16 percent with regular exercise and proper diet. Being a consumer desperate for a real health drink that would replace my dependence on Nestea and C2, I tried the product the moment it was introduced in the market last year. My hopes were high and so far, I'm pretty satisfied with what this product had done for me.

For months prior to its release, I've been praying to the Capitalist gods (namely Del Monte) to make their pineapple juices more available to the market. Aside from getting less from its canned juices, I find them quite pricey for daily consumption. Finally, my prayers were answered and the closest thing I've got is the plastic bottled Fit n Right, which cost around P23 pesos in Ministop and 7-Eleven stores.

Much as I would like to consider its effect a mere placebo effect, it appears that Fit n Right really works. From the time I started drinking it, my weight gradually dropped - or at least remained where I expected the weight scale to set. I also noticed that I got thinner without compromising the muscles I've built up from my weight lifting. Since I always pick the Pineapple Juice bottle, I get regular dosage of Bromelain, which is reputed to have a very positive health effect on one's immune system. If I'm not mistaken, it is the same chemical compound responsible for boosting my immunity against a total system breakdown when I was still getting very little sleep back in the morning shift.

Joining the countless individuals and fitness experts who strongly recommend this drink, I strongly believe that if there is any real health drink in the market today, Del Monte Fit N Right is one of them. Though its weight loss properties maybe dubious, despite obvious effects on me, the word L-Carnitine guarantees that this juice drink may have some qualities that other juice drink may not have.

In the end however, a consumer desperate for some genuine weight loss should not depend on a simple marketing ploy alone.

The real key to fitness is exercise. Not even the best health drink can beat that.

---

image borrowed without permission here

Bunny Interludes Twenty Four

The efforts of ten months, gone in just the month of January.

Blame the holidays for it, but the long and slow move from my old gym in Recto to the much publicized Eclipse Gym that will open another branch somewhere in the east this mid-February earned me the horrible flabs I've been carrying on my sides again lately.

No wonder, I stopped being vain and uber-confident with myself.

- Bunny Interludes Fifteen (Panic House Remix 1)

---

Everything was like a deja-vu of last year.

I remember, it was days after the Christmas break. I decided to stop working-out in anticipation of the endless freeding frenzy that would happen during the holidays. I felt that things would go to waste if I continued my back-breaking effors to shed weight knowing that it would be replaced by some heaving calories after the meals were over.

Besides, in those days, I was waiting for the much-promoted opening of the Eclipse Gym near my office. Who would ever thought that it would still take months before the first Treadmill and the first Olympic Bar would be installed in that wretched gym.

The long weeks waiting had left my eating habits unchecked. My weight had gone haywire by March and the efforts I made in ten months had been completely obliterated from my body. I became flab again; almost horrendously disfigured in some angles, and the ego I maintained during those ten months I've been working-out in a gym somewhere in Recto had been crushed beyond redemption.

It would take another three months before I could redeem even just a portion of the pride I once had.

A year later the same mistake almost happened again.

Same situation. Christmas break was fast approaching. I felt that working-out would be devastatingly useless knowing that I'd engorged myself in endless food and beer-drinking frenzy for two weeks during the holidays. My last weight count was around 175 lbs.

It was the lowest I have in around five years.

I thought it was okay to give myself a break, knowing that I deserve some rest after a ten-month back breaking action had turned me from a flabby to a half-hunky person. I say half-hunky because the flabs, which retreated from my shoulders and back had settled and entrenched themselves around my chest and tummy. These skin excesses hide themselves whenever I stretched my body. However, the moment I slouched again, they would appear with impunity disappointing all the hard work I've made in hopes of eradicating them forever.

One thing I discovered when one is hooked up with the gym is that a slight deviation from the routine (like stopping for around ten days) would send a one's confidence down the drain. When my friend XP (the only guy who openly encouraged me to work out and reinvent myself throught my gym efforts) complained of being jubesity (Despite spending 3 hours in the gym that same day), I could not understand what his worries were. For me, I don't see any significant changes on his figure even if he claimed that a four-day rest period had left him with another 5 pounds to shed.

Now that I am on his shoes, and feels how my days of procastinating left me feeling bloated and flabby, the panic begins to encroach my thoughts.

Suddenly, I saw myself as someone half as the person I used to be.

This evening, I decided to strike back and return to the gym. My thoughts were clouded with doubts, especially with regards to my capacity to lift the same weights I used as a warm-up exercise. But I insisted that once I back-out tonight, there might be a possibility that a brief hiatus would extend up to early summer.

Such delay would most certainly leave me back to square one again...

Like what happened last year.

So with an expanded waistline, a sagging chest and a severely weakened arms, I began to defy gravity by lifting weights half my weight. From benchpresses, to squats and dynamic rows, I struggled to reclaim the strength I once had - when I was driven by my desire to achieve 160 pounds before the year ends.

Unfortunately, I never reached my goal.

But as a beginner's luck, I have high hopes that I may finally get what I'm aiming for this year. The program, which was designed to increase my metabolism significantly appears to be working. Beating my conservative assessments of a ten-pound increase in weight. The scale revealed a two-pound gain this Christmas Break.

If and ever I'd get serious with my workout and diet until summer, there is a huge possibility that I might be sporting a flatter tummy come the beach days begin.

---

Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows...

- Hopes Of Becoming A Super Gym Buddy, August 31, 2005

Bunny Interludes Twenty Three

Going to the gym itself is already a test of endurance.

For the past three weeks, work-out has been very erratic. Blame it to my abnormal schedule - at work and also due to some social obligations which I tend to give much focus lately. The temptation of shifting my attention to computer games added to my distraction as well. The result was an extra day set for rest instead of continuously buffing up every other day.

I decided to give myself an extra day of rest because my work-out routine is already suffering from muscle fatigue. I thought that in doing so, I would have an added strength to lift up weights that is almost the same as my body weight. However, it felt like I am not just suffering from muscle fatigue anymore, my mind is already tired of gym after eight months of my presence there.

With no diet to supplement my efforts, I would most likely end being bloated again. Such destiny can only be prevented if I could hold my ground and impose a final resolution regarding my gym burn-out.

I honestly feel very tired of lifting heavy weights.

I am tired of breaking my muscles in order to achieve a physique that I may never have, no matter what I do.

Nevertheless, I have come a long way to achieve this body, which in many ways I could already be proud of. In the long course of chasing the bunnies, I have never dreamed I would this be fit. I can confidently say that my strength had increased significantly even if my weariness often fails me. I may still continuously suffer, not only from fatigue but from work-out failures as well. The temptations to break my efforts may become more intense as the year comes to a close.

But no matter what happens, there is no way I would quit the gym. This is just a phase, which I can overturn in a few weeks time.

I should always recite it as a mantra.

There's too much at stake if I suddenly decide to end this project.

Bunny Interludes Twenty Two (A Ballad For XP)

uy joms kamusta ka na? sexiness first ka na ngayon hahaha baligtad na tayo.
I admire your discipline and dedication.. way to go man

- XP posted on cbox

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A few years back and our roles were the opposite.

I remember before, you started your fitness journey by drinking slimming tea before meals. You said it worked so I followed suit. I would secretly drink the tea in the morning. Miss Team Leader would laugh at my attempts, followed by a warning about its effects to my tummy after. I remember how it felt after: my stomach contracts and my visitations in the bathroom becomes more frequent than it used to be. I remember how my shit appears like. It was moldy green and had a dried leaf odor. I do not know what stopped me from drinking the concoction, but by then you said that you have already shed around 20 lbs from your 210+ weight.

Then you enrolled yourself in the gym. That was around mid-summer if I am not mistaken. Your aim was to get fitter come White Party. Three months into your workout and your gamble paid off. You were the star of the crowd and I was left there, in all my chubbiness admiring your physique.

Things drastically changed after Naught told me how hopeless my dream to get fit is. It was during your birthday in Pampanga and Benchboy even fanned the flames of my frustration by constantly calling me "Krystala" the whole time. I have never forgiven Naught for his insults, but my thoughts were focused on you. Among all of them who were around, you were the only one who was sympathetic to me.

Perhaps because you were in my shoes before you took a vow to change yourself and humiliate your detractors. Remember how Sonja lambasted you with his hurtful remarks? We healed ourselves until the time came when we were able to get back at them.

And you succeeded.

My own journey was long and often very frustrating. Contrary to what you said, I was never zealous when it comes to my diet despite your constant reminder that "abs does not develop in the gym but in the kitchen." I remember exchanging SMS messages with you about dieting tips while walking the whole stretch of UN Avenue on my way home. It was then that I finally realized how much your advices and encouragement meant to me.

And so begins my own work-out routine.

Twenty two interludes later, I am still struggling to achieve what you have achieved in two years of non-stop going to the gym. While you were already resting on your laurels, I was plotting my course to follow your footsteps. The humiliations and rejections that followed had driven me to ceaselessly hit my target.

But you know what, even amidst the fact that I have already transformed myself close to what is our ideal,

I never forget to look back from where I started.

I'm known in the gym as the encourager; the member who would always tell a newbie that goals can be achieved depending on how willing you are to commit yourself to a ceaseless muscle beating. I never put anyone down and even if I am tempted to laugh at how a chubby guy pathetically attempts to lift a 80 lbs barbell to do a Benchpress, I always remind myself that for a time, it was me who was in his place.

Think of your temporary set-back as your off-season bud. They say in the gym that even the fittest and the buffest has one.

Like what I have always told you, the moment you start pumping iron once again, I will be the first one to cheer your every step. If it wasn't for you, I would not get close even to a fraction of my dream. In fact, I can never match your own gains simply because your determination is something I may never have. You have gone extremes just to ensure that you're on target.

I maybe a hunk - like what the guys in G4M or Club Bath would often complement just to catch my attention, but in your presence,

I would always remain an apprentice.

You will always be the master that I would try and constantly emulate.

So do not admire me bud, for the drive to get back on track always remain with you. We don't talk that much anymore, I know. But every time I groan from pain whenever I lift some heavy weights in the gym;

Whenever the word jubesity is mentioned by someone during a conversation and whenever the thought of Pampanga comes across my mind,

I still remember bud. There are so many cherishing things that are not easy to forget.

The gym is calling. Eclipse and Fitness First are just a ride away from your office. Wherever gym you will find yourself into, always remember that someone follows you.

You have always been a champ to me.

Bunny Interludes Twenty One (Long Shot Remix)

Mukhang sa unang pagkakataon sa loob ng apat na buwan, masisira ng isang karamdaman ang aking routine na pangkalusugan.

Anuman ang maging resulta nitong aking pansamantalang pagliban, pinapangako ko na sa aking pagbabalik, higit akong magfofocus sa aking napagdesisyunang objectives.

Dalawang taon na ang nakakaraan, akala ko ay tatanda akong chubby at bilugan ang katawan.

Sa buong buhay ko, hindi ko inaasahang kaya ko pala ito...


Kaunting sikap at tiyaga pa, ang bulk-up gaya nito ay kakalat din sa aking buong pangangatawan.

Bunny Interludes Twenty One

To achieve a turnaround like this:











To this:


















Is out-of-this-world amazing.

His name is Benchpress. And for the past few months, he has earned this notorious reputation in Pinoyexchange for bragging too much about his Fitness First sexual exploits; as well as his pretentiousness (he firmly believes that he is god's gift to gaykind) and strong hatred of effeminates and chubs, who he claims that hound him in the gay dating sites such as G4M.

His greatest detractors, who have grown tenfold after finding out how "orcish" this deceptive and self-aggrandizing guy is have created numerous threads just to mock him and make fun of his work-out achievements. An observer like me would find their tirades against one another quite hilarious. In fact, it had spawned a never-ending saga which threatens to outshine the other threads where I hang out in that forum.

Nevertheless, my entry is not about him.

It is about my own efforts in achieving my work-out objectives in the gym.

Before, my target was to get lean despite constant warnings from my gym buddies that it would not be good for me physically. It never bothered me. Thus, I continued doing cardio exercises for one hour, three times a week until the routine wore me out.

The cardio did help, but it never strengthened my frame. I remained weak while my endurance had somehow improved.

Until I moved to Eclipse and they forced feed me their concept of work-out.

When I saw Benchpress' body picture this morning, I suddenly realized how disgusting it is to have a lean body, especially when you were an obese guy in your previous incarnation. Never did I find so inapproriate to trash out a sculpted chest in exchange of having a flat-chested frame and then boast it to everybody as "a product of a year-long work out."

Thus, I won't aim to have a lean body anymore. In fact, I would forgo my target of 160 if it will turn my frame to this:


















The unnecessary and imbalance dieting will definitely stop. Instead, I would focus all my efforts, including nutrition in hopes of achieving this kind of body































When the right and appropriate time comes.

Bunny Interludes Twenty

Nagsimula ang lahat sa isang paghamon.

Isang dating kaibigan ang pumusta na anuman ang gawin ko, kahit kailan ay hindi na ako maaring pumayat muli. Kinagat ko ang hamon niya. Sabi ko, sa loob ng eight months, kaya kong baliktarin ang sinabi niya.

Doon nagsimula ang intensyon kong mag-work out ng puspusan.

Matapos ang walong buwan, napanindigan ko ang aking pinangako. Hindi man ako umabot sa aking target, ngunit kahit paano, napapayat ko ang aking pangangatawan sa paraang hindi sumagi sa aking mga pangarap. Nagbunga rin lahat ang sakripisyo ko lalo pa't hindi biro ang mag-elliptical trainer ng isang oras tatlong beses isang linggo.

Noong mga panahong iyon, intensyon ko lang ang mag-trim down at wala ng iba. Ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko ang mag body-building, sa takot na baka maging dahilan lamang ito ng paglobo ko sakaling tumigil ako ng pagwowork-out.

Tama nga ang hinala ko, hindi nga ako nag body-build ngunit nang tumigil ako sa pag-gygym, sa loob ng apat na buwan, halos bumalik sa dati ang pangangatawan ko.

Nawala ng parang bula ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko.

---

In less than three months after I started working out in Eclipse, the weight, which I painstakingly worked for 10 months was easily achieved through a combination of strength-training exercises which are not too straining, yet its dynamic and progressive nature heavily affected the improvement of my body.

Now I could proudly say that I have become stronger, buffer and leaner compared to the years when I was just happy being a couch boy, while dreaming of having a gym-toned frame others are dying for.

From 190 pounds when I started last April, I checked my weight this afternoon and it's already at 177. I asked the trainer how it is possible to have that drop, when in fact, my weight is still at 180 last Tuesday. He said that I might just be dehydrated. However, to actually see how I dropped weight in such a short time is indeed inspiring. If the trend continues unhampered, God willing, I would have achieved the target of 155 before October ends. That's how fast the progress is and despite the hefty membership fee I have to pay to maintain my fitness routine, I think their method is working. Never did I feel this fit and in-control of my body before - at a price quarter of what I paid in 10 months in my previous gym.

Though the work-out part constitutes much of my progress, I have to admit that a change in eating habits too did the trick. Now I fully understand what XP reminded me many months ago about abs being developed in the kitchen and not in the gym. For two months now, I have ceased eating fried rice and meat during breakfast. Instead, I settled on a half-order of gluten substitute dish at a vegetarian restaurant near our office. My lunch has always been oatmeal and carrots which my tongue has already adopted after I introduced it to my intestines last May. The only time I could eat a normal meal is during dinner - which I am planning to even cut down in the following weeks. For some reasons, the more I get results, the more I become obsessive with my fitness activity.

Others will say that I am depriving myself too much; that I have become too determined after I called the shots on vanity.

The truth is, I still wish that I could just turn my back on everything - when I used to ignore this kind of lifestyle. However, every time I would remember how I was rejected, ignored, and laughed upon because of my horrible weight before, the desire to prove them all wrong simply creeps from within me. It becomes a driving force to push myself to the limit and continue what I'm doing until they themselves would eat their words and regret what they said.

I understand that it is a negative drive that pushes me towards my direction.

And somehow, the negativity of the effort only tarnish whatever I wanted to achieve.

But what the heck, why should I think of all these things, now that I can already see what the end of the road finally looks like.

---

Darkstar: Let's have a dare.

Joms: What is it?

Darkstar: Achieve 160 before October and I would let you do a ____________.

Joms: Talaga? Pramis yan ha.

Darkstar: Ako pa.

Joms: Sige dare!

Bunny Interludes Nineteen

Workout continues unabated: Three times a week, two hours a day.

The program given to me by the head coach is significantly easier compared to the program I had in my first gym. This time, instead of focusing my energy doing an hour of cardio exercise, my main thrust is the free weights. If I had to do a bench press or a military press exercise, there are no machines to assist me. All I have are brute force and stored fat to help me execute my program.

The fitness instructors - who are not only gym professionals, but geniuses in their own respective careers are helpful and meticulous enough to correct my executions - to the point of achieving perfection. Without them, injury might have already taken its toll on me. Besides, the camaraderie I have with them is encouraging enough to make me endure walking the extra mile just to continue my program without any man-made interruptions.

Workout continues. Though it would take forever to achieve the ideal body that I desire, I can already feel what the work-out had done to me.

In an angular shot I have taken in the shower room's mirror a week ago,

A more buffed Joms emerges in the mirror: A sign of the things to come if workout continues and laziness, which is the common enemy of a bodybuilder is kept in-check.

Bunny Interludes Eighteen (Donya-Donyahan Sessions Part Two)

Two years ago, he was way much bigger than me.

He said that his weight was around 256 pounds. He is just 5'7.

But after his ex-housemate constantly teased him of being fat, big, obese etc.

He promised himself to act some massive changes. He started dieting.

For six months, he endured the pain and uncomfortability of drinking slimming tea

three times a day.

His ex-housemate continued tormenting him day and night about his fat body

He fought his frustration

By doing the impossible

He started working out - at Pinnacle in Libis.

Slowly, his efforts paid off.

Now, he's one of the hunkiest guys that I know.

And what makes me so proud of him is that I've seen how he transformed.

This is XP's story of tribulation.

---

During my first day in Eclipse, Head Coach told me not to be deceived by impressive gym equipment of other gyms. He told me that they are not the secret for a trainee's work-out success. He pointed it out by highlighting how flawed my exercise executions were. I was without form - particularly when doing the squats and rows. I could not even lift just a fraction of what I should be lifting, he said.

Instead, he told me that what he will be teaching are the basics. We would focus on form and proper execution of a work-out exercise. I should expect to eat steel plates every training session. He would push me to the limit of my abilities, without the aid of machines. Therefore, since starting working out with him, I always get home with severe back pains. He taught me to think with one-track mind and to ignore the commercialism and capitalism promoted by their competitors.

He made me a rebel of the current order within the fitness industry.

---

Kaya hayun, nang dinala ako ni XP sa Fitness First Eastwood noong Friday, sobrang nanlula ako sa aking mga nakita.

Sa reception pa lang, kapansin-pansin na kung gaano ka-shala itong gym na ito. Ang mga receptionist at fitness trainers ay mga naka-uniform. Flatscreen ang kanilang computer at meron pa silang hi-tech link sa administration office katabi ng gym. Habang pinapapalitan ni XP ang kanyang passport-access sa isa sa mga receptionist, hindi ko maiwasang mapansin kung bakit may rainbow-colored balloons sa pader na naghihiwalay sa reception at gym area. Kapansin-pansin rin ang malaking lounge area, kung saan may sofa at TV na pinapakita ang mga advertisement ng FF upang maka-recruit ng mga bagong members.

Matapos maayos ng kasama ko ang kanyang gym access, nilakad niyang maayos rin ang kanyang guest pass upang ako ay makapag-work out ng libre. Pinilas niya ang isang kapirasong papel, upang ito'y masulatan ng aking pangalan, tirahan at pown number. Dahil nakatira ako sa Manila, makailang beses akong tinanong ng isang receptionist kung bakit ako naligaw sa Eastwood. Ito rin ang tinanong sa akin ng isang sales agent habang iniinterview ako kung ano ang balak kong ma-achieve sa aking work-out.

Noong una, confident pa ako na hindi ako masyadong magpapaka-immerse sa FF. Tutal, lagi kong isinasaisip na ito'y isang commercial gym at lahat ng mga nakikita kong mga perks dito ay marketing ploy lang upang dumami ang kanilang members.

Nagpatuloy ang pag-interview sa akin habang si XP naman ay naghihintay di malayo kung saan ako nakaupo. Sa dami ng tinanong sa akin, ang nasabi ko lang ng matino ay "I'm just here for the work-out, this gym is very far from my place." Natahimik bigla ang sales agent at biglang natapos ang kanyang interview sa akin.

Kaagad kaming dumiretso sa locker rooms, kung saan lahat na ata ng klase ng body-built ay makikita mo. Merong mga bato-bato, mga payatot at chabelito. Shempre, yung mga well-defined ang katawan, sila yung mga malalakas ang loob maglakad ng nakahubad sa loob ng changing area. Yung mga may tiyan na katulad ko, medyo nagmamadaling magpalit ng damit sa takot na ma-depress sa mga naggagandahang torso na nakapalibot sa akin.

Sapagkat naka-gym attire na kami pareho ni XP, hindi na kami nagtagal masyado sa changing room. Pagkalagay na pagkalagay ng mga bag namin sa locker, dumiretso na kaagad kami sa cardio area kung saan naroon ang mga Treadmill at Elliptical Trainer. Gaya ng nasabi ko sa last entry, hindi ako ini-encourage ni Head Coach mag-cardio sa work-out kaya naman napipilitan akong mag-walkathon sa ilalim ng init ng araw upang makumpleto ang work-out ko. Ayaw ko naman tablahin ang kanyang program sapagkat siya itong tumututok sa akin upang umayos ang aking form at execution sa bawat exercise na ginagawa ko - for free.

Pinili ni XP mag-treadmill sa halip na mag stationary bike o mag elliptical. Sapagkat hindi ko pa ito nasusubukan (at maaring hindi ko talaga masubukan sa gym), nagpaturo ako sa kanya kung paano ito gamitin. Si-net niya ang speed sa 50 at ang gradient naman ay sa 50 rin. Sabi niya, ako na ang bahala kung gusto ko itong i-increase o hindi. Ang payo nga lang niya ay huwag daw akong tumakbo upang tumagal ang endurance ko.

Sa totoo, pinagmamasdan ko siyang mabuti kung paano niya i-execute ang kanyang cardio routine. Gaya ng sa akin, ito rin ay nagsimula ng mabagal at dahan-dahan. Ngunit pagkaraan ng dalawang minuto, kapansin-pansin na nag-iincrease na ang kanyang speed at gradient. Pinilit kong humabol. Nilagay ko sa kalahati ng kanyang speed ang sa akin habang dahan-dahan kong tinataas ang gradient ko sa abot ng aking makakaya.

Ngunit patuloy pa rin ang increase ng speed at taas ng gradient ng treadmill ni XP. Bandang huli, sinagad na niya ito at nakataas na ang kanyang speed sa 85. Hindi ko na siya kinaya. Sa bilis na 75 at gradient na sampu (sa kanya kinse), bibigay na ako kapag hinabol ko pa siya.

Sa strain na inabot ko upang makakalahati man lang ng kaya niya, binaba ko sa 15 minutes ang aking cardio workout. Naisip kong sapat na ito, tutal may extra 40 minutes na lakad naman ako sa ilalim ng araw noong tanghali. Pagkahinto ko sa treadmill, ramdam ko kaagad ang impact ng takbo sa akin. Sa unang pagkakataon, nahilo ako dahil sa cardio.

At dahil hindi pa tapos ang kasama ko, nagpasya akong gawin ang aking program (sa Eclipse) kahit hindi ako familiar masyado sa mga machines ng Fitness First. Una kong ginawa ang benchpress (na walang nag-aassist o nakatingin na instructor sa akin.) Sa bawat rest period ko, ginugugol ko ito upang pagmasdan ang mga equipment at mga taong nagwowork-out kagaya ko.

Merong ilan na halatang mali ang execution (lalo na sa dumbells). Ang ilan naman ay kunwari nagwo-workout lang ngunit ang totoo'y nakatingin doon sa mga naggro-group cycling malapit sa amin. The equipment are diverse and very ubiquitous, pero sa totoo, hindi ko alam kung ano ang impact nila sa katawan. Sabi kasi sa akin, dapat daw, kung magwowork out ako, huwag daw magfocus sa isang bahagi lang ng katawan kung hindi dapat buong katawan ang tama.

Bago matapos ang aking bench press, saka ko lang nakita si XP. Mukhang humigit pa yata sa 20 minutes ang kanyang cardio. Dahil abala na ako sa aking routine, hindi ko na masyadong napansin ang aking kasama sa kanyang program. Ang pansin ko lang, mas mabilis ang kanyang execution kaysa sa akin. Napansin ko rin na sa lahat ng nagwowork-out sa gym, ako lang ata ang may pinaka-kaunting repetition at set sa bawat exercise.

Dahil dito, for the first time, nagduda ako kung tama ba ang sinusunod kong program sa Eclipse. Paano kasi, kahit sa unang gym ko, at least dapat sampu ang reps ko bago ako tumigil sa isang set. Hindi kasi ako familiar sa 5x5 program na siyang pinopromote ng aking gym.

Nagpatuloy ako sa aking program sapagkat ito lang ang tangi kong alam. Kahit medyo nahihirapan akong i-substitute ang mga barbell at equipment na gamit ko sa aking gym. Bandang huli, napilitan na rin akong magtanong sa coach kung nasaan ang equipment para sa assisted pull ups at abs.

Sa aking paghahanap, narealize ko na kahit ako rin pala ay gumagamit ng equipment para sa aking program. Kung tutuusin, wala akong pinagkaiba sa mga nag-woworkout sa Fitness First sa aking hangarin na may patunguhan ang aking paghihirap at pagsasayang ng oras upang maging fit muli.

At for the first time.

Nainggit ako sa mga members ng FF sa dami ng machines at options na kanilang pwedeng gawin upang huwag ma-bore sa kanilang fitness regimen. Naroon ang mga group exercises, ang yoga, ang pilates, ang kickboxing, ang hiphop chorva at marami pang iba. Meron rin silang options magpalipat-lipat ng branch sakaling maburaot na sila sa kanilang home gym. Hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit napakaraming members nito - lalo na sa mundong ginagalawan ko.

---

Our work-out ended before 9 pm. I went back to look for XP, who was doing some abs exercise in one of the empty rooms used for group exercises. He was waiting for me complete my abs routine since I asked him if he could show me where the sauna is.

While waiting for him, I called another friend who will stay overnight at Papu's place as well. He said he would arrive late since he had to do some overtime work for his company.

When XP completed his abs exercise, we returned to the changing room to get our towel. Then we went to the sauna to further sweat off the excess water from our bodies. When we got there, there were two other guys inside the room. They were apparently straight, until XP revealed to me that he met them at BED several months ago - thats why they immediately left the moment he entered the sauna.

The steam and aroma of eucalyptus oil perforated inside my nose. A person who is not used to such combination of heat and scent would find himself having some difficulty breathing for several minutes, until your mind and lungs adjust to such overdose of sensation. As we sweated inside the sauna, I asked XP how things happened inside the steam room. I've read in several blogs (including his personal stories) how he found adventures in such a cramp place. He told me that it usually happens when there are few people inside the gym. He also explained that FF Eastwood's sauna was recently renovated and illuminated to discourage guys from having some action inside the infamous room.

We stayed there for around 15 minutes until I told him that I can't bear the heat anymore. Apparently, my body did not adjust well to such exposure that I just decided to head outside to take a shower. When I returned to the changing room, XP was already there, dressed up and waiting for me.

---

My work-out at Fitness First was another first for me, not only because I had a first-hand exposure to what my peers experience a couple of times every week. Their equipment are impressive and outstanding. The music played was more tuned in to my ears (they were playing diva house that evening). A person who frequently works out in one of their branches would have a great time shedding off those unwanted fats from their bodies.

Besides, most of the guys working out were all eyecandy. Since I was focused on my program, I had a hard time using my radar to detect non-straights from straights. Looking at how casual and fabulous the atmosphere was over at FF, I think Empress Maruja has all the right to express his opinions at how anti-gay Eclipse is.

If I have one thing to complain about XP's gym, I think it would be the apparent dedma attitude of their fitness instructors. Sabagay, who am I to be treated equally, when I'm not a member at all. But looking at how many struggled to do their work out routine alone, while the instructors were focused on only helping a select few (probably they paid a lot of money for that), a newbie like me would feel very helpless. I might as well just do a little cardio, then spend hours and hours cruising at the men's room instead.

But seriously, if I have the money and the will to enroll at FF, I'd probably do so immediately. However, my main issue in working out is the proximity of the place from my office. Eclipse offers that.

With FF's hangover still inside my thoughts, my greatest worry now is how to continue my training, without the distraction brought by what I've seen during my workout with XP.

Let's see what happens tomorrow.