Twilight of the Sun

I just had a meeting this evening at the Rembrant Hotel.

In front of big people, I was wearing an old and worn out slacks, a faded gray polo shirt and with an antique Guess watch in my wrist.

When the security people asked me who I'd be meeting with, at the back of my mind, I felt that these people thought that I was probably an assistant, or worst even a bodyguard. Never did I experience going to a place where big and great people meet with an image/prestige level on a slump.

I just felt being out of place.

To make up for my disastrous outfit, I ordered an espresso that costs 63 pesos. Mind you, 63 bucks is too big for me if not only for rebounding my tattered image I won't spend that kind of amount even if I had the money.

But I should be ready to shell more cash soon, I might be meeting more big people in the future.

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And then they arrived. Three big people from the government proposing to me their interest in getting a share on the family business. For me, such proposals doesn't really matter anymore. After all, I'm not that interested to control it completely for us.

We are more concerned about its future and its people - whatever future it would have.

So the meeting went on. Actually their offer was quite tempting. I just simply hate the fact that I'd be standing at the helm... that I would have to be their puppet in front of everyone.

Being a puppet doesn't really affect me that much - its the fear of loosing my quiet and peaceful life that hangs on the balance.

Two months ago, I was gearing for a life back at the Ad Agency again as their PR writer. Now everything might completely change - even my very outlook in life.

Seriously, what I'm really afraid of is loosing my lifestyle - the bliss of walking along busy streets by just being a nobody. In fact, I might loose my freedom to practice my homosexual life. You know how people judges PLUs in this country.

Personally, I think that this is not my time yet. That I am playing a game with the big guys out there. I was a politician at school before. I did schemed to ensure that I will rule an entire batch without any serious conflict with anyone - even forging alliances just to ensure that I am in control.

But this time it's different. I am not ready yet. I will not be ready yet for another five years.

Yet deep in my heart, a voice tells me that this is the moment to shine. That if I let pass of this opportunity now, I might loose it forever.

I am afraid of the changes that might come. I am afraid of loosing more things by risking on a playing field that I have yet to master.

I am afraid to fail, like my father did...

This is your twilight Pulsar. This is not your planned life,

This is your fate awaiting to be fulfilled.