Break-Up/Break Out (First Part)

I.

May isa akong friend na tatawagin natin sa pangalang Raptor. Kung pag-uusapan ang closeness namin, siya ang nangunguna sa lahat. Sa aming dalawa, siya ang mas matigas, mas mataas ang score pagdating sa booking, at talaga namang pinagkakaguluhan ng mga model-modelan at yaman-yamanan na mga bektas sa kalakhang Maynila.

Kung tutuusin, kaya niyang maging playboy. Pero in-fairness naman, sobrang bait nitong kaibigan kong ito.

Love ko na nga siya eh.

Pareho kami ng trip. Gusto namin, yung mga barako-type; yung tipo bang kahit knight in shining armor na ang drama namin, gusto namin meron kaming sidekick na badboy in disguise. Tipong kung pa-straightan lang ang laban eh absolutely 100% discreet looking ang target niya. Sa sobrang trip niya ang mga barako, na-hohook siya sa mga... kung hindi super-kloseta eh yung certified na may gufra. (girlfriend) Nitong nakaraang buwan, nasabi niya sa akin ang isang magandang balita.

"I'm dating this guy who has a girlfriend."

Noong una, biruan pa kami ni Raptor. Sabi ko, "kailangang masulot mo ang tsiks, walang makakatalo dapat sa iyo." Tawa naman siya. Ang hindi ko alam, matapos ang ilang linggong pagdadate at pagpo-popoy

"Official kabit na ako."

Shempre dahil halos kakambal na ang turing ko sa kanya, full support naman ako kahit hindi ko pa nakikita ang "boyfriend." Ganon naman ako eh, basta kaibigan, kahit saan pa nila napulot ang prospect nila, buong puso kong tinatanggap. Ang problema, mukhang hindi buo ang loob ni Raptor sa kanyang pinasok na buhay.

Makailang beses siyang kumunsulta sa mga tao kung tama bang tanggapin niyang siya'y number 2 lamang.

Ang totoo, tahimik lang ako sa kanyang sitwasyon. Sabi ko nga, masyado nang twisted ang views at morals ko upang magmalinis o kumontra sa bulong ng kanilang mga puso. Ilang beses ko na rin niraket ang pagiging kabet o magkaroon ng kabet, pero shempre, maingat ako pagdating sa affairs of the heart. Hangga't maari, iniiwasan kong ma-attach lalo pa't kumplikasyon lang ang aking papasukin. (following entry coming soon)

Kaninang hapon, tinext ako ni pareng Raptor kung ano raw ang gimik ko. Palibhasa'y ngarag na ako sa aking pagliban sa pagkain buong araw, sinabi ko na lang na pauwi na ako ng bahay galing Makati. Biniro ko nga ulit siya't sinabing "kapag nagtagal kayo ng boylet mo hanggang pasko, remind mo ako na bibigyan kita ng librong "Etiquettes For Mistresses" ni Julie Yap Daza." Nakita ko kasi siyang naka-display sa Powerbooks habang iniintay ko ang ka-meet up ko.

Hindi ko alam kung natamaan yata siya sa aking biro, o narealize lang niya ang katotohanan ng kanyang sitwasyon. Marahil dahil sa kanyang pride at pangungulila, tila hindi niya kinaya na siya'y magiging pangalawa lang. After all, sa ibang set-up hindi lang siya nagiging donya, spoiled senyorita pa siya. Hehe. Naisin ko man na ipagpatuloy niya ang relasyong sa tingin niya ay nag-iinspire sa kanya, ang dikta ng kanyang utak ay hindi ko kayang barahin.

Sa akin kasi, tinitingnan kong hamon ang kanyang relasyon sa kung alin ba ang mas malalim at mas challenging - ang relasyong babae ba o lalaki. Sa amin ng buddy ko, matunugan ko pa lang na may kinakalantari (whattaterm!) siyang babae, hinihiritan ko na kaagad ng "walang tatalo sa akin - sa diskarte, pagiging maalaga at sa pagiging koboy." So far, wala pa namang seryosong kumpitensya. Two in one yata ako.

Anyway balik kay Raptor, marahil nga, dahil narealize niya ang katotohanang hindi niya kailangang makipagkumpitensya sa atensyon,

Inisplitan niya ang kanyang bagong boyfriend.

Sayang nga lang, na-convert sana muna namin ang kanyang lalaki bago niya ito tuluyang binitawan.

---

Sa puso koy nag-iisa kahit merong iba
kahit hindi tama ang ginagawa sinta
basta bay makasama lang kita kahit kapiling mo pa siya.
At wag ng mangamba kahit sabihin na kalimutan ka
di ko to makakaya basta bay makasama lang kita
kahit kapiling mo pa siya

- Gagong Rapper feat Kyla, Kabet

Dumbledore's Army

I have a friend who's name is Boston. This is not his real name and I will be using it for the sake of shielding him away from hostile lurkers, who might spread further rumors about my association with this good fella. We have known each other for two years - in fact, I remember meeting him for the first time during my second meet-up with Gerumatori from Pinoyexchange.

My eye-ball with Boston was actually not a thrilling experience. We met at a coffee shop just outside his call-center company and the cloudy skies affected my overall mood that late afternoon. He was jolly and very accommodating. In fact, his accommodation and openness was too much, it offended my formality. His insistence that we should meet again after his shift ends that evening was something I interpreted as an act of being pushy and dominating. I already told him that I had other plans set later that day but still, he wanted to pursue his own plans of calling a surprise GEB despite my objections to his idea.

Nevertheless, when the time came he called for a planned GEB several months later, I appeared to show my support for his efforts of leading a group in our home forum.

Boston to some, is a head-turner. He is charming, pleasant and very expressive. He is a perfect example of what an extrovert guy is; he is thoughtful and malambing as well - and these traits he exhibit will never fail to catch anyone's attention.

Unfortunately, this closeness he demonstrates even to strangers is what causes him so much trouble to those who don't really know him well.

During our last hang-out together, I thought that everything was fine between him and our group. In fact, I thought he still retains his signature charm which makes him the darling of our so-called barkada. But I was wrong. In my isolation, there was already a conflict brewing among the people involved. Behind the smiles and the pleasantries between him and these people, there were those who spreads bad rumors about him behind his back. I don't know how Boston figured this out, but his statement was enough to make me wary of the guys he suspected as the mud slinger among our peers.

Strangely enough, these guys who seem to hate him are the same people I'm not really comfortable being associated with. As a result of the fiasco, Boston decided to lie-low for the meantime. His presence in the group diminished considerably after the out-of-town activity.

---

Several months later, another close friend who found a home in the group is now the focus of a mud-slinging attack by the same people who spread some nasty rumors about Boston. As always, I am late when it comes to news. I only found out the full extent of their attacks after one of my friend's adoptive parents (a gay couple who also belongs to the same group) told me the whole story.

Apparently, this close friend of mine got close to an eye-candy, which is also the eye-candy of several others in the group. For some reasons, my close friend - which we will call Thor manages to catch the attention of guys who are the eye-candies of others.

Shempre rambol ito. Jealousy is in the air pare.

Anyway, one of the mud-slingers texted the eye-candy exactly the very moment eye-candy was hanging out with Thor. Painful stabbing words flew from one phone to the other and unfortunately, my friend read everything the mud-slinger said to eye-candy.

"Kilala mo ba talaga yang kasama mo?" The mud-slinger said

"Alam mo ba ang mga nakaraan niyan dito sa thread?" He further added.

Being not used to such backstabbing attacks, Thor called his adoptive parent and literally, poured his heart out.

"Bakit sila ganoon?" Said Thor. "Kilala ba nila ako? May ginawa ba ako sa kanilang masama? Wala naman diba?"

Obviously, the adoptive parent who consoled my friend went ballistic. The next thing Thor knew was that his adopted parent already posted some harsh warnings in the thread directed to the mudslinger.

When I found out that the mudslinger said those things to Thor, I followed suit and posted a subtle warning in another thread not to test my patience. Much as I would not like to get involved in their issues, his assault on my friend's sensibilities is a direct assault to me as well.

---

You see, I think the reason why such mud-slinging and nasty rumor spreading happens is because there is a kariran going on within the group. Of course, you cannot stop a person from liking one another. In my early incarnations joining group eye-balls, I was one of those who made karir (and I made it big, I tell you). However, when you look at it in a long-term fashion, kariran complications lead to a slow disintegration of the group as a whole. Factions rise up and members get pitted against another in defense of their comrades. Those who don't get along well and find themselves in the opposing factions get to hate each other even worse.

I have a very poor social skills and whenever I find myself in huge gatherings, I tend to mingle with those I am already comfortable with. Let me remind you dudes, I am not really a friendly person. Many find me too aloof, too distant and too serious for their own taste. My first meet up with Boston wasn't an inspiring one, but as the years passed, he turned out to be one of those I consider my true friends in the group. It doesn't matter if the feelings are mutual, but I know that my allegiance is to him - despite what other people's impressions were or my personal biases are will remain strong and unfaltering.

As for Thor, my alliance with him is strong and unshakable. For someone who quite literally witnessed my evolution, he is very important to me. Thor is like a silent companion who has been with you in all your slumps and triumphs. Therefore, the bad impressions made against him is a direct strike against me. How unfortunate though that the mud-slinger doesn't really worth my time nor my effort.

Anyways, I will take their hits as mine.

This is the reason why, despite the exhilarating feeling of belongingness to a group, a pack or a tropa, there remains a part of me that will constantly gravitate towards isolation and finds comfort in the company of loners and introverts who doesn't belong to any barkada.

At least, the loners don't gang-up on you when they hate you.

If there is something I've learned from this brooding conflict, first is that not all people who smiles at you are your friends.

And last is that deep friendship blooms with time.

With this in mind, I decided that the next time an event is organized, I would really think twice of showing up. I would also send out warnings to my other friends to watch over their backs and be wary of these people who struck my allies.

From now on, I will not stand idle while my friends are being ganged-up by those who think better of themselves than the rest of us.