The Cruelties Of Hook-Ups

Palawan 2, Cubao Quezon City:

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Guy: Labas Tayo

Me: Ok.

Sa labas... small talk.

Guy: San tayo

Me: Ah eh.

Darkstar: Fuck ka naman joms, patay malisya ka pa eh.

Guy: Gusto mo mag-check in. (whispering)

I suddenly realized that we're steps away from an apartelle

Me: Smiling... wala akong pera tol eh.

Guy: Sagot ko

Darkstar: Kumagat ka na, I'm horny dude.

Pulsar: Horny rin ako, pero wag yan.

Darkstar: Sige na, maganda naman ang katawan, diba tinitigan mo nung naghubad ng shirt sa taas?

Mugen: Pwede nang ulam, moreno nga lang. Ahe.

Pulsar: Wag yan, effem yan.

Darkstar: Ayaw mo niyan, for a change ikaw ang isusuck, malay mo bottom pa.

Mugen: Argh...

Guy: Ano dude. Ako na bahala sayo.

Darkstar: Tanungin mo kung top o bottom

Pulsar: Bottom yan. 100% ako sure. Nangangamoy kasi eh.

Mugen: Horny nga rin ako eh. Libre pa...

Pulsar: Ayaw. jakol ka na lang pag-uwi.

Darkstar: Wag ka na maarte. Palay na ang lumalapit sa manok o? Yaw mo nun.

Pulsar: Pasok tayo sa loob. Maraming cute dun.

Darkstar: Huh, sige na nga.

Me: Pass muna ako dude, pasensya na. (kahit pwede ka na.)

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Obviously, the guy was devastated. He even can't say his name when I finally introduced myself as I left to go back inside the club. This lesson, which I sacredly followed ever since I began getting hook ups at bars taught me never to strike first and let the other party do the bidding. A hook-up rejection is something I still consider a very humiliating and ego crashing experience. I'd rather not approach someone, especially if I know that my chances are slim, despite the far possibilities of getting the prize through cool approach and unsuggestive conversation.

I immediately left the place the moment I got out of his net. Good thing, he never persisted or followed me inside because either he would be further humiliated or, I might overturn my initial decision.

If there's any realization I've got from my three-bar expedition tonight, it's that the rules of the flirting game - whether it's in the high end places like Government and Bed, or in the far end ones such as Palawan 2 and many others, never changes.

It's either you allow yourself to bite someone's bait, or you stand your ground - resisting even the slightest provocation from someone that will trigger the naughty side of you.

Back at Mister Piggy's a long time ago, I have a couple of casuals that started this way. Almost all of them were born out of desperation - the need to belong to someone even for a few hours or minutes just to me feel better. At Palawan last night, the same longing feeling emerges as I soon discover that everyone's partnering up around me. But times have changed. I know what I want now, and I'm more capable of controlling myself - even when my human need weakens my ability to reason my actions.

The guy, hopefully, have found a better alternative when I left. As for me, at least I'm happy that somehow, despite the tension, I managed to get out and return home in one piece.

Besides, all my academic objectives have been met. I'd just be counting hours before I begin writing what I saw in my bar tour. Such feat, especially since I've done this alone deserves a sanctified ending.

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Darkstar: Paano kung yung katabing trip mo ang nag-aya sayo sa motel, kakagat ka ba o aatras.

Pulsar: Isipin mo na lang callboy yun. Hihiga lang yun at mag-eexpect na ikaw ang magtratrabaho. Walang kiss at hug daw.

Darkstar: Pasira ka talaga ng diskarte!

Pulsar: Shempre, naka-iskor ka na eh, kelangan ko naman bumawi.

Mugen: Siguro nga, mas masisikmura ko pang magtrabaho para sa kanya,* kesa naman sa iba na wala akong attachments whatsoever.

Mugen: Tsaka at least sa kanya, matapos ang lahat, matutulog kang may yayakap at lalambing sayo. Sa iba, pagkatapos ng putukan, uwian na.

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* Punks

Where Even Darkstar Fears To Tread

The moon is still young, yet I feel so very old.

If not for the necessity of having to submit a provocative review essay for my CW class in the university, I would think twice of taking this journey, which would lead me to uncharted territories.

A review of clubs BED and Government would surely satisfy, not only my professor Dr. Neil, but also my girl classmates who are eager to get the latest scoop on PLU affairs. But such familiarity would take away the thrill I would get in doing this project. An alternative would be to bring a newbie PLU to these places and write about his reactions and insight about his newfound experience. However, I'm not sure whether somebody is willing to go with me and take the risk of being outed, especially on a rushed assignment such as I'd be doing tonight.

I'm thinking of doing a discreet incursions on a bathhouse or a hardcore gay bar. After all, I've never been to such places, and going there alone would bring out all the necessary overwhelmed feelings I could put up, for this review. The details are very easy to write about, but really, it's the feelings that count.

But, such feat would be too ambitious - considering that I'm on a tight budget and I'd be doing this mission alone and half-hearted. Besides, the lingering thoughts of getting caught... has already given me the chills. The risk I would have to take and the guilt that may come after is too much to take just for this essay.

So instead I would take the middle, and less prominent path. I would try to discover and observe in detail the less prominent PLU hang-out spots around the city. My leads tell me that these places are frequented by parloristas, wannabe callboys and old gay guys who can't compete in the prententious crowd in the clubs I call home. I hope that my presence in these bars where these simple, uncomplicated guys would not disrupt the harmony of things. I also hope that in doing this project, I may find again the humility I've long lost, in the dance floors of the first cruise bars that I've visited in my younger years.

The thoughts of going to these places somehow scares me. These feelings may be attributed to the unfamiliarity and uncertainty i'd be stumbling along the way. Perhaps it might be due to the fact that I'd be doing this while trying to adapt to the guys who frequent these bars. But let's see how someone like me, who grew up in the highly competitive hotspots of Malate and Makati would fare there.

Let's see where these new worlds would eventually lead me.