At The Docking Station (Final Act)

Last Flight Out



Waking dreams
In the lull of my
sleep, I dreamt
of her lying on
her bed.
Her skin around
her hands had turned
ash and her
lips, which were
once red had now become
dry, sagging
and grey.

People around her
have already wasted
tears ever since
she had turned to this -
a shell waiting for the
time to be released.
But it seems like
it's rainy season
in everyone's tear duct.
Tears never stop
falling for a beloved
who is already being missed.

In my dreams
there was a lingering
confusion. Nobody
knew if she had already passed away
or some life-force,
still remained.
After all, she
had turned into a cyborg.
Cyborgs only die
when they
are shut off.

And with this thought
in mind, the folks were
divided. Some of them
who were from the western worlds
believed that in order for
her to have peace, they should
turn off the cyborg part of her.
Those whose root
remained home wanted
a clean and graceful
exit...

But how can she have
a prim and proper bow when
her entire mouth was filled
with tubes?
How can she become a diva
when her very diaper
reeked with wastes coming
from her toxic bloodstream?

In the enlightenment
of some medicine men.
We were told that
it's proper to wait.
After all, nobody
barges through the main
gate, when the airplane
hasn't docked yet.

And so, we waited.
and begged for the
saints, the angels
and even the demons
hiding inside our hearts
to let her go.

She had endured
so much already.

After all,
her matriarchal soul
showed us the strength
of our blood.
Nobody ever thought
she would last this long,
even with the aid of
countless vials hanging
on top of her death bed.

Then, in the time
of our Lord's death
this afternoon.
A call was made
that woke me up
from my dream.

It was my mom.

She told me,
lola was granted
the key
to enter the doors
of heaven.

She finally got
her peace

In Her Peace

We thought that she was just sleeping... that it was just a mere deep sleep she's going through.

For 24 hours, we patiently waited, prayed and hoped that one moment she would just open her eyes and wonder where she was and what happened to her.

After all, the doctors haven't had the slightest idea about her illness. All the laboratory test leads to normalcy. And with that thought in mind, the mood in the hospital was cheerful, if not optimistic.

We waited and waited... until the dreams were turning into nightmares. It was already past 24 hours and her condition remained the same. It never changed.

Come Saturday afternoon, I woke up late since I went out with my college straight friends for a reunion. I partied that entire night just to divert my thoughts away from sadness.

My sister and I were planning to leave home early so that we could be there to keep our aunt company. At that moment, we were advised by my mom that our lola would be transferred to the ICU if things would stay the same.

The thought of staying in the ICU delayed our departure from home. My reasoning tells me that maybe we would never have a place to stay. Perhaps, there were a lot of relatives over there. Besides, such place still bears some painful wounds in me. A year is not enough for some past to be forgotten that easily.

So instead, after eating our lunch, we went back to do our own affairs. I played Civilization 4 till late in afternoon; until the game made me sleepy from playing it.

My mom arrived from her meeting in the evening. She and my sister immediately prepared to leave, while I made up an excuse just to see Phanks since we haven't seen each other for a week. I told my mom that I would pay a visit to the Nazareno to pray for my grandmother.

---

In the church, my mind was in disarray. I tried to focus while praying but I wasn't really paying attention to what I'm saying. My mind tells me that her time to leave is at hand.

That the Almighty is seriously thinking of calling her back, so that she would not suffer anymore.

One hour after my mom and my sister arrived in the hospital, I found myself at the very doors of the ICU. They were teary eyed when I saw them at the corner. Before that, my aunt forewarned me that my lola's condition turned worse. She had already oxygen tube inserted on her throat to help her breathe better.

---

The whole ICU room was depressing. Sometimes, I still wonder how those people over there cope up with the fact that the place is a manifestation of sadness and loneliness here on Earth. Patients come, most them leave covered be a white blanket over their body. The ICU lounge wasn't a relief either: A designated elbow room space at the sides of the ICU itself. Some dearly companions stay there to hold a vigil, most stay to relax and take a deep breath before proceeding to the room to see loved ones in their most frail and sorry state.

If only they play classical music in that place. Perhaps, it would strike a balance between sadness and peace.

We left before midnight to pick up my sister who decided to pay a visit at a nearby Derma Clinic. We arrived home way past my bedtime. Good thing, I had enough sleep to wake up at 5 am in the morning.

---

The sun came and silence prevailed in the family. The routine was already drawn up when suddenly at around 11 am in the morning.

The news broke out.

My lola suffered a massive bleeding on her brain at 3 am in the morning.

For several weeks, she compained that her life nowadays has been a misery to her. Being blind, and suffering from advanced signs of Alzheimer's Disease. It seems like a prayer has been answered.

Lola, won't wake up anymore.