Following The Sun (Part III)

The countryside provides an opportunity for me to feel what it is like outside the metropolis. It's been a very long time since I last felt how to live where time stands still and in one fateful morning in Nasugbu, I've realized that I could at least experience for myself what the local scene has to offer for me.

Perhaps, it could make me feel that indeed, time stand still when you're not living in a busy city.

---

When I returned to the resort after my brief escape towards the shore. I found everyone huddled around the karaoke, taking turns singing their favorite songs. Some of them even invited me to join them but I politely declined their invitation. Like what I've said over and over again, the only time one could make me sing is when I'm heavily drunk and terribly depressed. Beyond that, I would rather dance on the floor.

Good thing, cousin D doesn't sing either. So the whole time my other relatives were belting out, cousin D and I were at the gazebo updating each other's lives...

Anyway, what's with kids these days?

One time, I was having a conversation with a a PLU (homos) about the differences between our generation and the generation that succeeds us. One thing we have noticed is that our successors were more sexually active at a younger age compared to us. In fact, when one would check the chatrooms lately, that person would be surprised to find out that most people who were open to sexual advances were the youngest ones (ages 19 and below).

It appears that cousin D, my straight cousin has been doing things I have only discovered or started doing when I was 21.

He is just 17.

At that age, I was just experimenting with having girl phone pals. Like some looser kids from my past, I was merely contented with having pseudo relationships on the phone.

Sex has never gotten past into my direct conciousness at that age. Having a porn video with me is all that ever mattered.

We had a good talk that night. As a big brotherto him, I told him to be extra cautious with his activities. Unlike me, when he commits a big error, a huge part of his life would be in jeopardy.

He still have four or five years to figure out what his life would be.

---

The following morning, I woke up very early.

I thought most of my folks who were singing that night were already up and was at the beach. So without even washing my face and brushing my teeth, I went out of the resort, crossed the street and into the beach only to find out that the only people who were awake are my two aunties who were in the market and a female cousin who I saw staring aimlessly beside the pool when I was on my way out.

While at the beach, I noticed this huge boat docked a couple of kilometers from where I'm standing. Based from my interviews from the folks who lives in the area, I have learned that it was a port.

Haha, Imagine having a small port just several blocks away from the public beach.

Anyway, I decided to check the place out since it appears to be interesting. Besides, it would also be an opportunity for me to sample what the local culture feels like. Finally, here's my chance to hear someone speak in Tagalog with a Batangas accent.

And I find it cool, you know.

So, despite the heat of a 9 AM sun, I started walking towards the port. At first, I was just a feet away from the water, but since my feet kept on sinking in the sand, I decided to leave the beach altogether and remain on the main road for the rest of my journey.

However, after a couple of blocks away from the resort, it appears that the main road curves toward the highway. Once I followed that track, I might get lost since my only guide going back to the resort is the beachfront itself.

I had to go back to the beach and contend myself walking in the sand.

---

At this point, the beach scene was replaced by parked fishing boats and a sprawling fishing community.

There were no more tourists in sight and the waters had become more brackish compared to the waters from where I came from.

The fishing community on my left side, despite its rustic charms appears to be mired by poverty. Never have I seen a tiny home made from cogon and nipa in my whole life. And that morning, I saw an entire community of it. But the people who lives there appear to be content with their lives, I don't even sense a corruption brought about by Capitalism when I was passing through the area. They seem to have a relatively blissful life. Besides, the community spirit appears to be more evident there, than what I have seen here in the city so far.

So despite my yuppie image while taking a stroll in their area (which was a wrong choice of get up on a very fine morning), I can still feel a sense of security despite my lingering thoughts that sometime ago, I've heard that the provinces, particularly Batangas was notorious for its Ampethamine consumption.

Finally, after 30 minutes of walking, I have finally reached the port. The massive seacraft I saw was actually a barge full of Iron Ore. Perhaps there was a small steel plant nearby. I have also discovered that there was a river that separates the plains and the hills that I saw from the resort... so it was quite impossible to go on a hiking and take pictures of the beach from the top of those hills without hiking several more kilometers.

Therefore I had to go back and take the long safer walk going back to the resort - which is the main highway.

---

When I arrived at the resort, my cousins were still sleeping.

However, breakfast was already been prepared at the table. And my aunts asked me to eat already so that they could accomodate those who were about to get up yet. After I have finished my breakfast which is sinangag (fried rice), adobo and a hotdog, I went back to our room to wake up my mom. As I waited for her to get up, I decided to explore the compound where we stayed for the night since I've been ignoring the whole place since we arrived there.

And one thing that stirred my excitement was... a Gumamela flower. Yes, it was a Gumamela that made my morning more pleasant and meaningful than the all mornings I had lately. You see, it reminded me of a time when things aren't as complicated as it is today. The Gumamela reminded me of a long lost childhood, totally different from the ones being enjoyed by children today.

You see, around 15 years ago, we lived in this community in Sta. Mesa. Our house was located in a very narrow alley surrounded by big commercial buildings at its front entrance, while the alley leads to more alleys that serves as a gateway to even larger residential communities in our immediate neighborhood.

One thing special about our old place is that it was still surrounded by plants. Opposite our home, there was this old house which had a small, jungle-like garden in front of it. I could still remember that during Decembers, the place smells so eeriely sweet no thanks to the Dama De Noches that blooms during that time of the year. There was also this Gumamela tree that was owned by another neighbor.

Everytime we would make soap bubbles, we raided that tree for our ingredient. We even used its flowers... well... to beautify ourselves.

The last time I was there, the jungle was replaced by a small sari-sari store. And the spot where the Gumamela tree used to stand was already replaced by a pavement. Finally, urbanity has taken hold of my once lovely community.

And when I saw that Gumamela flower at the resort, in my mind, I have thought whether I would still see one in the future, or whether it would be my last in this lifetime.

Just to be in the safe side, I took pictures of it.

Following The Sun (Part II)

It was already late afternoon. The sun was already about to set and most of my cousins and aunts had already returned to their respective rooms to prepare for our most immediate departure going back to Manila.

While waiting for my mom and my sister to get out of the bathroom, I took the opportunity to reflect about the family vacation that was about to end. After so much thinking, it just dawned to me that I enjoyed it, despite the hassles and the briefness of such interlude in our lives.

Somehow, the out-of-town trip brought some new and refreshing insights to me.

---

We spent the whole afternoon at the beach across the street. We rented a small cottage beside the shore since we planned to eat our lunch there. After I had my fill of grilled pork and shellfish soup, I rushed towards the sea where the waves were waiting for me. My sister got this inflatable which allowed me to lie down and bask under the intense rays of a high noon sun.

For two hours, the inflatable was tossed and turned by the ever increasing waves, while I floated and being carried by the currents. I would have basked a little longer, however I noticed that my cousins did not follow me to the beach. Something might have sparked their interests so I had to check it out.

When I got back to the cottege, my mom and my aunt were waiting for me. They said we had to leave and return to the resort since all of my cousins decided to swim in the pool instead.

---

The first time I saw the pool, I was so disgusted by how dirty it was. In fact, I thought it would be far better for us to swim in the beach instead.

During our first night however, boredom and homesickness started creeping in. My aunts and some of my cousins were busy playing board games they brought along, while I was left idle, thinking what to do while we waited for my other relatives and cousins to arrive.

Soon, the boredom I felt drove me to make a decision that was against my will. I had to take a dip or I would be forced to go alone in the beach to do a night swimming - which was way too risky for me.

So for more than three hours, I found myself swimming in the same pool which I deemed too dirty. I had a terrible cough when we arrived there, yet all that mattered to me was that I had to do something that would make my vacation worthwhile - swimming.

Soon, my other cousins joined me and we had fun until the coldness of the air forced us to get out of the water.

---

It was a long night indeed, longer than what we had during Christmas and New Year Reunions for when the second group arrived at past 10 pm, we treated ourselves a midnight snack composed of Chicken and Pork Adobo and steamed rice.

Since we had total dominion over the resort, some of my cousins decided to sing in the videoke while I sneaked out of the resort to take a stroll and feel what the place looks like after dark.

Most of the resorts that lined in the opposite side of the street were private ones. At past 10 pm, all of them had already closed their gates to outsiders. Hence, I had to walk several meters away just to reach the nearest alley that leads to the beach itself.

At nightfall, the beachfront was different from what we saw earlier that evening. Instead of seing adults and young children playing in the sand, those who were there were teenagers and couples that were younger than me. In fact, I had a strange feeling that I was one of the oldest persons withing several meters in both directions away from me.

I could have stayed longer - if it wasn't a sneak out. In fact, I could have chilled out together with the other kids in the area. The sight of the crescent moon's light reflecting on the sea was too much to miss. If sunsets at the beach brings bliss and serenity, moonsets brings tranquility to those who are fortunate enough to see one in their lifetime.

Four years after I saw a full moon set in the sea, its silver eerie light being reflected by the water, I told myself that I would see one someday in the future no matter how long it would take. But that night, I had to contend myself with just seeing a fraction of the light illuminating the sea.

Less than 5 minutes after I have arrived at the beachfront, my phone began to ring.

It was my mom and they were all looking for me at the resort.

---

-tobecontinued-

Following The Sun (Part I)

We left Manila at around 3 PM in the afternoon. It was my first overnight outing for almost three years. Since it was a family vacation - which includes aunts, uncles and cousins, we had to rent a big van that would take us to our destination somewhere in Batangas.

The trip itself was a long boring one. Good thing, I brought along my MP3 player loaded with my favorite light and rock alternative, as well as chill out music. Although, I have always been a sucker for trips more than the destination, I found myself a little restless while our van inches away from South Expressway all the way to Santa Rosa exit due to traffic. It was decided that we would take the scenic trip passing through Tagaytay going to Batangas.

An hour after we have left Manila, we had to make stop over in Tagaytay to buy our dinner. Since nobody among us have seen what the place looks like. So as precaution for the things that we might encounter in the resort, we had to buy something edible from Max's. It was also confirmed at this point that another batch of our family would join us later in the evening.

While we waited for the orders to arrive, I sneaked out of the van to take some pictures of the majestic Taal Volcano and it's surrounding sceneries.

Too bad, the sun was still up so the shots were not as dramatic as I have wanted them to be. It's been years since I have been to Tagaytay and the fresh cool air was something new to me.

---

After thirty minutes, our orders had finally arrived. Soon, we were again on the road, driving beyond what I have ever seen during my past visits to Tagaytay.

Eventually, the semi-urban landscape the city has to offer has been replaced by smaller houses and rolling hills. Soon, all I could ever see on my left side was a breathtaking valley - perhaps the entire province of Cavite becons in front of me.

On my right side was the famed Splendida resort owned by none other but Enrile. If the valley on my right was a sight to behold, the Splendida was something beyond words: It was basically located at the edge of a ridge. Plunging hundreds of feet below is the Taal Lake. By then, our driver told us that we weren't in Tagaytay anymore. We were already passing in the rural town by the name of Alfonso.

Imagine Tagaytay without the restaurants, hotels, expensive vacation houses and other commercial establishments. Take away the market stalls, the flowers and the fruit stands and in their places are deep ravines and middle-class houses that dotted the highway. We were basically driving on a cliff. That's what the place looks like. Someday, somehow, I would return to that town and explore it in my own pace.

For I fell in love with the place in an instant.

What makes the town (and the trip) most memorable to me was a sight in front of us. A lone massive mountain in all it's glory rising against the setting sun. Beyond the mountain was the sea, shimmering because of the sunset. In my awe, I simply uttered the word "shit" which fortunately wasn't heard by my mom and my aunt who was seated beside me.

At that very moment, I wished I had asked the driver to park the van while I take photos of the view. Too bad, we were speeding at 140 an hour. It was nearly impossible to stop at that exact spot, especially since we were rushing to arrive at our destination.

---

The rest of the trip was relatively uneventful. I even felt uncomfortable because the descent from the top of the cliff made my ears pop.

Finally at around 5:30 PM, we have finally arrived at the resort. To be honest, it wasn't what I had expected knowing that whenever my aunt organizes some family outings like these, she ensures that we have the best places to stay in.

After we have settled down, my cousins and I went to the beach which was just across the street. Those of us who were there at shore were fortunate enough to witness the sunset before it was finally consumed by the darkness.

-tobecontinued-

Postcripts From The Night I Gave Up My Room

Chatter: 5'10, moreno, pinoy-looking muscle toned straight-acting guy for tripper masculine tops. Looking for a place to hang-out and sleep 2nyt. Manila/Quezon City Area Only.

---

Less than a month after my first break-up with a guy, I resorted again to hook-ups with anyone available. I was too damn bored and lonely sometimes that after having a drinking bout with my ex housemates in Quezon City, I would secretly leave the house after both of them have gone up to sleep.

Past midnight, I would take a jeep without any clear direction... only to land somewhere in Morayta since 24-hour internet cafes can be found in the area. I would stroll for an hour, exchanging glances with callboys that infested the area.

I would stroll around proving to myself that no matter what dangers lurk, the darkness was my only companion.

After I got tired of walking around, I would settle in a nice and cozy internet cafe. There I would log on to IRC, and go to my favorite channel... #S.

To search for overnight hook ups... and search for a place to stay since I felt that I've been abandoned during those days. No matter how many worlds I have - my own room at home and in the apartment, nobody among them can give me peace.

For two hours or more... I would chat and wait.

Yet for some reasons, I never got a single hook-up everytime I did that habit for a span of three months - even the call boys never dared to get close to me, probably since they mistook me as one of them - only relatively less marketable or because I kept on walking around instead of the usual stop, ask for the time, introduce yourself style of hook-up.

---

Responder: Pare san ka ngayon? may place ako dito sa Tayuman. 5'9 fair-chinito 145 lbs. str8 acting. May I view ur pic bro?

---

When I was forced to leave home last night after my sister told me that he would use again my computer for her project, I cannot help but remember that time when I was forced to leave the safety of my houses out of loneliness and boredom.

It was fine with me actually. At least I could get to see the Freedom Concert at UP Sunken Garden last night and party at BED afterwards for free sponsored by G4M. It was a win-win situation and most of all, I wouldn't have any bit of a hassle asking permission to go out from my mother.

But when my sister exceeded her time watching the same concert which I would be seeing, things began to get sour. Added to that, Phanks also asked me if he could use my computer that same night since he needed to finish his project as well.

In short, things started to get out of hand. I felt like I was suddenly in the middle of a crossfire. Those unplanned events made things a bit more unpleasant, considering that I felt so alone last night.

So alone, that I don't know how to cope up with those feelings anymore.

---

Chatter: Nice pics bro! Okay lang ba mag-stay sa inyo? Pasensya na nag-away kasi kami ng utol ko eh. Gusto ko lang maglabas ng sama ng loob at magpalamig sa ibang bahay.

---

Soon after the problem came up, I already had a plan in mind - for phanks.

As for my sister, the mere fact that she would be having some problems going home since her time extension would let her miss the last LRT train in Katipunan means that she would have to take a long and dangerous trek going home from Cubao or mom would have to pick her up all the way to Diliman.

Such thoughts made me extremely furious. Her misadventure was way out of hand considering that she's a female and in this society, females are much more targets of dangerous elements. I cannot understand why she can't realize that.

Many things are running in my mind, but the solution to phanks' problem made me at least sane enough to run my own show.

I just stayed for less than an hour in Diliman... Long enough to find a gripo to wash away the mud on my shoes after I accidentally stepped on a mud pit while approaching Sunken Garden. I msut leave Quezon City and arrive in Valenzuela before Phanks arrives there first. He needs the extra money I had to lend him in order to rent a computer and do his project. So far, that was the best solution I had in mind.

---

Responder: Trip kita tol, gusto mo inuman muna tayo pagdating mo dito? Handa ako ng food kung gusto mo... basta alagaan kita 2nyt hehe.

---

While waiting for Phanks to arrive. Mom texted me. She asked me what time would I go home. The tone of her message was a little bit stressful. I know, she had to find a solution to my sister's own misadventures.

The problem with us is that we're so used to protecting her than now that she had grown old and wanted to figure things out for herself, we still cannot let go.

Unlike with me, I was so used in the streets ever since I was a kid, that it doesn't matter where I am at any time of the night - or day. Besides, I never tell my whereabouts, I just make my presence felt everytime they wanted some updates.

Still, the frustration remained when I responded to my mom through a phone call. I told her that it wasn't really my habit to go out on a Thursday night and that I was only giving up my room for the sake of my sister to freely occupy it - without any complaints from me.

The mere fact she extended her time watching the concert felt like she betrayed my sacrifice. That I was assuming when she arrives home, probably she's drunk or tired, that all she ever wanted is to get some sleep.

Mom was patiently listening. She cannot do anything to resolve my situation.

Good thing, Phanks finally arrived. I immediately lent him the money he needs then I immediately took the first transpo going back to Manila.

---

Chatter: Sige ba san place mo? San mo ako sunduin pare. Naka blue polo pala ako at black pants. Naka red cap rin pala ako at black na back-pack. Salamat talaga ha. Yaan mo, libre kita McDo kung magkikita pa tayo nextime.

---

While in the bus, mom texted to inform me that my sister has safetly arrived home.

At least, I finally got the relief I needed after the roller coaster ride I had for the last two hours. Soon, my mood became better, and the night - which I shunned last night became friendlier and more accomodating than most weekday nights I am out of the house.

When I arrived at Monumento, I finally had my decision.

In my three years of patronizing BED, last night was the only time I was ever invited - personally. To ignore it means denying the acknowledgement - or whatver thing they have given me.

Since the night was young, and the following day would be my off.

Restoring the balance means it's time to party.

Though tired and weary, I went to G4M beach party last night.

---

Responder: Alam mo yung ____________ sa may ___________, dun kita sunduin. Naka car naman ako kaya okay lang na mag-intay ka dun. Safe na, marami pang tao.

Responder: Heto nga pala number ko: _________ miss kol mo na lang ako pare. Sibat ka na jan para marami tayong magawa tonight. Hehe.

Chatter: Sige tol. Log out na ako. See u in 15 minutes. Cab na ako papunta dun.

Responder: Sige bye.

Chatter miss called the guy he chatted with. Three miss calls later, the voice messages still says "the number you dialed is not yet in service..."

Si GMA, Ang State Of Emergency, Ang Opposition, At Ako

Bandang tanghali kahapon, hindi na kami mapakali sa bahay. Nandung may nagsuggest na mag-evacuate kami dahil sobrang lapit lang namin sa Malacanan. Meron rin naman nag payo na magwithdraw na kami ng pera sa bangko dahil baka maging offline ito sa mga susunod na araw.

Masyado kasing kagimbal gimbal na balita ang dineklarang State of Emergency ni GMA kahapon ng umaga.

Ngunit ang higit na kinakatakutan namin - higit pa sa mga sundalong susugod sa lugar namin o mga rallyista na magtatago sa suluk-sulukan ng compound namin ay ang threat na baka tumakas ang kapatid ko at sumama sa rally na nangyayari sa Edsa nung mga panahong iyon.

Palibhasa'y aktibista kasi kaya gustong sumabak sa aksyon, anuman ang pigil namin dito sa bahay.

---

Matapos kumain ng pagkarami-rami, (dahil na rin sa tensyon noong mga panahong iyon) nakatulugan ko ang panonood ng balita sa Channel 2. Sa totoong lang, obvious na obvious ang ganti ng estasyong ito matapos na sila ay pag-initan ng gobyerno dahil sa Wowowee Stampede. Nang ilipat ko sa Channel 7 ang TV, Eat Bulaga pa rin ang kanilang pinapalabas. So ibig sabihin dedma lang ang GMA. Quever nila kung bumagsak man ang gobyerno kahapon o hindi.

Nagising ako bandang mga alas-tres ng hapon. Hindi ko na napanood sa TV ang ginawang dispersal nila sa mga nagmamartsa sa Santolan. Hindi ko na nakita kung gaano kadugo ang nangyaring batuhan at hampasan sa showdown na yun.

Hindi ko rin nakita kung paano nila dinakip si Randy David at dinala sa Camp Karingal.

Marami akong namiss at nung pagkagising ko, nagtitipon na ang mga tao sa Ayala.

---

Nang makita ng utol ko ang mga taong nagkukumpulan sa Ayala, unti unti siyang nagpumilit lumabas kahit na tutol kaming lahat sa bahay.

Matapos maligo ay pasimple itong nagbihis. Nang magpapaalam na siya sa aming nanay, dun muli naging kontrobersyal ang aming pamilya.

Malinaw ang stand ng aking ermats. Gustuhin man niya pumunta rin dun, alam niyang gulo lang ang aabutin namin. Kahit noong mga panahong yun, may bahagi na ng sarili ko ang pilit nagpupumiglas para sumali sa pagtitipong nagaganap. Ngunit dahil nakatatak pa rin sa utak ko ang Edsa Dos, na wala naman talagang kinauwian, sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na balewala lang ang lahat.

Isa pa, ako'y palaging para sa hanapbuhay at pagkakakitaan ng pera. Anumang bagay o kaguluhan ang makakasira sa aking buhay manggagawa ay agad agad ko itong tututulan.

---

My sister had already shown her open defiance to my mom's decision. She shouted, threw things in her room, cryed and cryed until she had fallen asleep, yet my mom was very firm with her decision. We will all stay at home and weather the events that were happening yesterday.

At that moment the country's situation reflected on our home. I saw GMA in my mom's persona - stiff, strong and in control of the situation. The state of emergency at home prevented us from enjoying the basic things we enjoy during normal days - namely going out and having fun. My sister became the opposition - no matter how she tried to get out, the law enforcers (the yaya and the driver) simply blocked her way out. And she can't expect me to support her either. I would have loved to be there with her but I cannot risk my sister getting into trouble. So I blocked the door with the heavy sofa chair to ensure nobody gets out.

I have become Noli De Castro.

So that's how our day was. By evening, all things have settled down. Those, who tried to overthrow the government went back to their homes to recuperate from fatigue they have experienced the whole day.

Hopefully by Monday, the State of Emergency in the country would be lifted. After all, it's bad for business, bad for the economy, and bad for the country's image. At home, the State of Emergency has already been lifted. I can go back to the gym this afternoon. And hopefully my plans for a big night out would push through without significant opposition - from the opposition itself, my sister.

At The Docking Station (Final Act)

Last Flight Out



Waking dreams
In the lull of my
sleep, I dreamt
of her lying on
her bed.
Her skin around
her hands had turned
ash and her
lips, which were
once red had now become
dry, sagging
and grey.

People around her
have already wasted
tears ever since
she had turned to this -
a shell waiting for the
time to be released.
But it seems like
it's rainy season
in everyone's tear duct.
Tears never stop
falling for a beloved
who is already being missed.

In my dreams
there was a lingering
confusion. Nobody
knew if she had already passed away
or some life-force,
still remained.
After all, she
had turned into a cyborg.
Cyborgs only die
when they
are shut off.

And with this thought
in mind, the folks were
divided. Some of them
who were from the western worlds
believed that in order for
her to have peace, they should
turn off the cyborg part of her.
Those whose root
remained home wanted
a clean and graceful
exit...

But how can she have
a prim and proper bow when
her entire mouth was filled
with tubes?
How can she become a diva
when her very diaper
reeked with wastes coming
from her toxic bloodstream?

In the enlightenment
of some medicine men.
We were told that
it's proper to wait.
After all, nobody
barges through the main
gate, when the airplane
hasn't docked yet.

And so, we waited.
and begged for the
saints, the angels
and even the demons
hiding inside our hearts
to let her go.

She had endured
so much already.

After all,
her matriarchal soul
showed us the strength
of our blood.
Nobody ever thought
she would last this long,
even with the aid of
countless vials hanging
on top of her death bed.

Then, in the time
of our Lord's death
this afternoon.
A call was made
that woke me up
from my dream.

It was my mom.

She told me,
lola was granted
the key
to enter the doors
of heaven.

She finally got
her peace