Self Serving

Hi guys and girls of Journ 2002,

I want to suggest a project for our batch and to check whether you would want to participate.

I've discussed this with both [insert name of journsoc president here] and [insert name of journsoc secretary here] but more in detail with [insert name of journsoc president here] and they both like the idea.

What I'm suggesting is for us to organize a sort workshop/career day for future writers for AB students, most especially Journ students. We may also invite Lit students and 1st yr and 2nd year students para mas maraming attendees. My suggestion is to organize an event wherein we could talk to them about our career, about our work and achievements. It's to give them an idea or a glimpse of where they can be in a few years after graduation. So they will have an idea of what to expect and they would both the hardships and the rewards of a career as a journalist/writers. We can give them tips on how to get so and so job, what to do and what not to do.

So maybe we can begin with a few speakers from our batch and then proceed to a writing workshop. Plus dapat may exhibit tau of our works sa main lobby. Articles sa blackboard, ganun. Gandahan na lan un presentation.

I came up with this idea as one way to promote my book. Yeah, yeah, may book pa rin. hehe. Grabe sobrang nadelay diba.. But as of 2 nights ago, my publisher said that the printer advised the books would be off the press by October. Sana talaga matuloy na. If everything goes to plan, books will most prob be available by November, buy kayo ha! The Only Thing Between Us by [insert name of writer]. Ayan nabentahan pa tuloy kau! hee hee

Anyway, my original plan was I'd go solo but I figured I'm not the only person in our batch who has something to be proud of, in terms of writing career. I'm not the only one who has some things to impart. For sure mas marami pa nga kayo saken, lalo na sa experience. So I'm suggesting let's all do it. It'd be like a reunion. Sa exhibit, pede rin natin isama yun work ni Ace, to remember him, if you like this idea.

Sa event, we won't claim naman na we're so accomplished na. It's more of to really give them an idea kung ano-anong possibilities ang open sa kanila. May napunta sa news, sa sports, sa TV, may nag creative writing, etc.

Plus it'd be a perfect opportunity for all of us to promote din yun mga kanya kanya nating raket, whether it'd be your column, for me it's my book or mga businesses na meron kayo. For sure dun sa mga journ students, if talagang nagbabasa sila, I'm sure they've read some of you already and they'd be glad to meet you and to hear what you peeps have to tell them.

I'm including below yung email exchange namin ni [insert name of journsoc president here]. Basahin nyo na rin because [insert name of journsoc president here] mentioned a lot of really really good points. Read it from bottom - up.

Hope we all could throw in ideas about this and let me know who is willing to participate. If we're going to do this, gawin natin either December or January, kc I'm here in HK pa. Dating ako Dec 13 to Jan 6, pero pede pa ko paextend ifever masched ng after Jan 6, pero di ko na mababago yun Dec 13 na arrival date ko.

Tell me rin if u think it's a worthwhile cause or baka waste of time lang for us. I'd welcome all comments and suggestions.

Thanks peeps,

---

The nerve of you to suggest such idea when you never attended any of our activities.

I swear I would be your critic once your book comes out... I will exhaust all that I've learned in Literary Criticism just to point out the weakness of your novel or whatsoever.

And yeah, in memory of my friend and our classmate Ace, who quietly shared his knowledge and experience to those who wish to learn from him,

The one who went solo and then suddenly left us all when he's already at the pinnacle of his career and family life.

I will make sure that the entire PGC will never lend its support.

Show And Tell

Second night of my tropa's wake.

Ex-girlfriend brought her new boyfriend along
and introduces him to everyone.
Ex-boyfriend tries to make deadma of the scene
hoping nobody would notice how uncomfortable
and artificial his gestures are.

Ex-girlfriend introduces the new boyfriend
to her ex-boyfriend;
Ex-boyfriend cordially shakes the hand
of the new boyfriend, trying to be sport and cool
and all to the new guy.

Ex-boyfriend seats on the other side of the table
mulling over his thoughts of tagging
Icerose back in that
wake.
or better yet,
bring his boyfriend along
and introducing him as his asawa.

With the show and tell happening among
ex-lovers since last night,
Pareng Ace must be
laughing hard in the afterlife.

Epiphany Inside A Diesel Engine Control Cockpit

Dear Angelo,

Remember the years when you used to lead us as a group? It was a very long time ago. Five years to be exact and probably you have forgotten the things that hold the five of us together. You might have already forgotten the school projects we have worked tirelessly day and night just to prove to class how good we are as an all-boys team. It was the best years of our lives as Darrell and Leslie once said; my thoughts however were at best, reserved back then because all I could remember is how you and the group made a clown out of me.

But you know what, after exerting so much effort doing my "Project Railroad" for our Final Requirement in the masters program, I realize how I missed the days when we do projects like this as the Prestigious Group of Companies (PGC*). If only I exerted more effort to make pakisama with you guys back then,

Things would have been better for all of us.

---

It's been two weeks since I began doing this project. I have done interviewing people who lives beside the riles and people who rides the train everyday going to work and going home. But it's just a mere part of the image of what I am trying to paint in my essay. Unlike the interview and personal profile that I have written about Carlo Vergara, this one is bigger in scope and demands in-depth research and interview to ensure that I would come up with something that has a human drama written over my work.

Yesterday, after I have confirmed that my interview with the PNR Management would push through in the afternoon, I filed a sick leave that same morning. My plan was to ride the train and write everything that I would see while traveling. However, out of extreme exhaustion from work and school, and the lack of discipline, I woke up two hours late. Remembering how strict you were with deadlines, you will push us to exert more effort just to complete the job. To make up for the lost time, I reevaluated my schedule and dropped most of the dramatics. Instead of boarding a train in Tutuban while admiring the sunrise. I waited for the 9:55 train in Sta. Mesa to proceed to my first agenda for the day:

Visit the PNR relocation site in Cabuyao, Laguna

Alone.

---

The journey took around 1 hour and 30 minutes from Sta. Mesa to Alabang which cost around 14 pesos when you ride the train. Compare it to the 45-minute ride from Alabang to Balibago Complex in Sta. Rosa Laguna which cost double that amount I paid going to Alabang from Manila and you would realize why a lot of people preferred the train for their mass transport even if its delayed all the time.

When I arrived at Balibago Complex, I had to ride another jeep going to Cabuyao, where I would take a long tricycle ride that will bring me to the land of no tomorrow - Southville. All in all, I spent more than fifty pesos going to the relocation site alone. Imagine how those people who lives there survive going to work in Manila.

You should have been there Angelo so that you would remember again the odd places we have been through while doing our school projects: In Payatas, six months after it swallowed hundreds of residents around the dumpsite; In Lemery Batangas to imitate how to work as a fisherman while Darrell attempted to become an Onion farmer for a day; At the Luneta Park on a breezy midnight scavenging for stories while thinking about our dreams for tomorrow.

Those were the things I remembered when I set foot in a no man's land this afternoon. Would you believe that half of the neighborhood had no electricity or jobs to sustain their existence? In fact, one thing I noticed about the people there is that they seemed to be restless even though there was a slight drizzle that afternoon. They said, life has been extremely more difficult since they were rooted out of their homes in Manila to give way to the rehabilitation and expansion of the railways.

---

The interview was heartbreaking. While talking to these people, for a moment there I allowed my bearings to let itself lose in order to finally grasp what my sister and her group is fighting for. Paano ka nga naman makakapagsimula sa isang lugar na walang trabahong bubuhay sa iyo right? Even some of the basic services was not yet put up, four months after the government forcibly relocated the people there. Good thing, you taught me how to ask direct questions when it comes to these things. If I am just a mere so-so writer, I wouldn't waste my time and energy going to such very isolated place.

I left Southville immediately after I concluded my first interview. When I arrived in Manila, I went directly to the PNR Compound to interview the person who would represent PNR and their side of the story. My contact was Mr. Nierva and since he had a son who's taking up Creative Writing as well, I didn't have a hard time establishing rapport.

As Mr. Nierva talks about the technicalities of our Railway System, I could imagine the rest of the team writing notes or holding the video camera while you and I threw questions to the manager. Perhaps, we would ask Omar to take some pictures as well so our documentation would be more than enough to impress Mr. Cuartero with our output.

To tell you honestly, back in fourth year, I was having thoughts of stopping my studies. It's like since I already have a certain future running my dad's business, what is the point of going to school? However, since we preoccupied ourselves with exploring unconventional things and making stories out of them, it became a challenge to stay and finish school. Even though I was the most stubborn among your teammates, now that I am doing these things we used to do a long time ago made me realize how hard it was for you to balance things for us without directly scratching our egos.

Darrell, Leslie, Ace and Omar never opposed your decisions, while I, would always take the opposite side and insist on my suggestions. In response to my deadlock pronouncements, you have created a crafty way to get the mandate of everyone: You make us vote as a group. In the end, what turns out to be an uphill project for us would be considered praiseworthy, even in the eyes of the Varsitarian group.

---

Remembering these things while inside the control box of a massive diesel engine which I got into through accidental conversations with a kid made me feel nostalgic about everything. As the driver maneuvered our locomotive through very narrow passageways overflowing with people and houses, which were just inches away from the engine, I could imagine your big shadow standing behind me. You should have been there as the train operator revealed to me his casualties along the tracks throughout his career. In fact, I could almost hear you say, "Ilan na ang napatay niyo manong?"

But because I am less of a hard-hitter than you are, I decided to forego such question and instead focused on lighter subjects that I could open up to the driver for discussion.

The air inside the Tutuban Complex was relatively breezy compared to the narrow streets beyond its walls when I was done with the interview. The sky, which was blue-grey when I first boarded the engine had already turned dark blue. Somewhere around town, you might have shut yourself from the world to focus on your review for the bar exams, which is just several months from now. Leslie and Darrell would have just left their respective offices to go home after a long day's work. Ace is probably editing his news reports while Omar is probably in the classroom still finishing his remaining subjects before graduating from Law School.

Our lives have drastically changed over the years. I bet some of our friends have even forgotten how to write a feature story by now. But you know what, these little essays that I do for class at present and in the future would always remind me of our glory.

Indeed, things come once in a lifetime. Back there inside the control box, all I could do is stare at the sky and long for the days when you and the group do these things for fun.

Hoping...

I would hear our younger voices echoing in the air, as the emptiness of the moment slowly creeps in to consume me.

*PGC, the name of my gang/group back in college.

And I Remembered The Rain

"For whatever that triggers it, I suddenly missed your deepness, tranquility and breathtaking insights. I miss our college days."

---

A classmate once called me romantic, not because of the way I treated my dates but because of how I percieved the world with my own eyes. I am melancholic, I would rather engage in a somber and insightful conversation with someone rather than talk non-sense until kingdom come. Until recently, I was a sucker for poetry. Words have always moved me. And in my searching and confusion before, it was those poems that made me sane. For the longest time I was looking for a poet who's artistic side never crossed the borders of temperament, I never found one. For the longest time looking, I resolved myself to settle in my own world, engaging in my own discourse for I believed, nobody would ever find me.

During my photography class back in college, my classmates would always wonder why I would wait for sunset to appear before taking photos. I always claimed that I'm waiting for the shadows to play - because shadows always had a dramatic effect on photos. But never did I told them that I took photos on sunsets because it was merely poetic.

Hearing the rain fall on the roof while hugging someone beloved, or a pillow if no beloved is around; lying on a grass or pavement while looking at the sky exploding with stars. Feeling the cold sweet wind coming from the east on a moonless night; smelling the scent of the seawater coming from Manila Bay on a balmy afternoon day; watching a full moon set in the sea; Walking under the rain, pretending it was nothing; Watching sunrise on top of a bridge, since those times, I was an insomniac. Reading someone's poem loudly alone in my room. Listening to light alternative music with piano accompanyment, or in some moody nights, just playing chill-out until it lulls me to some transcendic state where all I can think of is perfection in silence.

All these trippings point to a personality, one can never find in a lot of people. Indeed, there will always be a side of me that would carry this trait, no matter how successful I have blended with others. They may say it is my eccentricity, for me it is my bliss... something that would forever makes me unique.

And remembering all these thoughts summed up after a long and wonderful conversation I had with an acquaintance over a can of diet coke last night... before going to BED,

I've realized that I could exchange a night of sex or clubbing over a night of insightful conversation. I could spend a night sentying with someone one on one over a beer, over a group gathering where I usually end up in one corner - feeling alienated.

---

Moved and dazed at how he read my thoughts exactly the way I wanted it to be, it suddenly dawned to me that I missed talking to someone who had made me believe that in this lifetime, it is perfectly possible to be in harmony with someone without even talking.

This evening, I discovered her blog.