Wanda Ilusyonada

Note:

Ang sabi nila, kapag umabot na sa rock-bottom ang iyong relasyon, it is best to seek advice from an effeminate for fresh insights daw about love. Ewan ko kung totoo yun. Basta ang alam ko, mas magaling sila mag-handle ng relasyon at mas masakripisyo sila sa kanilang mga boyfriend.

Isang bagay na pinanindigan kong gawin bago isuko ang naunsyame kong buhay pag-ibig ay balikan ang isang entry ni Wanda Ilusyonada na inaasahan kong makakapagbigay-gabay bago ako magbitaw ng desisyon.

Dahil sa entry na ito, pinili kong talikuran ang lahat ng poot at sa halip, pansamantalang tanggapin ang mga bagay-bagay para sa ikakatiwasay naming dalawa.

Saan ka man naroon Wanda. Salamat sa entry mong ito.

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Dennis da Chenes: ACT 1

"... but once in a while i get caught
unaware by the thought
that you cared once and
then memories resurface once again ..."

- forever and a day

pag nakarami ka na ng beerangga at sesenglot-senglot ka na at naka-shombay kayo sa isang parking lot sa baguio at OA na utong mo sa pagka-baktong at yung bibig mo e umuusok kahit wichelles ka namang nagsusubarachi at si sunshine cruz e nagbabanta nang sumilip any monument, kahit aneklavu pa i-isplukatsina nung ka-chikka mong boylet e super deadma ka na.

kasi bet mo nang umeklipany-mae (matulog). tapos yung naririnig mo na lang e puro ka-eklatan.

take it away, ida. TIME SPACE WARP, NGAYON DIN!!!

college. kunu-kunuhang shala na hotel na wa namang heater yung shower. 3 days-2 nyts na field trip. ambaduy nung field trip. kahit baguio pa itu.

sabi ni dennis sakin, "ang ganda ng mga stars, no? eklat - eklat - eklat ... special tong gabi na to ... eklat - eklat - eklat ... parang pakiramdam ko lahat masasabi ko sayo ... eklat - eklat - eklat ... i dunno why im telling you all these ... eklat - eklat - eklat ... i like you ... (walang eklat tong part na itech) ... you know what, i like you ... eklat - eklat - eklat ... potah, anlamig. diyan ka lang, naiihi ako ..."

tapos chinikka pa niya kay atashi yung buong medical history nung pamilya niya. pati yung jinsan niyang jortista tsaka basketball player e paki ko naman, davah?? pati yung dis-abantejes ng pagkakaroon ng matangos na ilong (gaya nung tumatama yung ilong pag umiinom sa baso), pangto-two time ng dati niyang gufra-mae (gf), pati yung pagiging alcoholic ng pamilya niya na may i wonder ng O si atashi kung bakit niya ko pinapahirapan ng ganitembang.

at sa isang biglaang moment of saylenz e hinalikan niya yung lola mo. liptolelang galore. lipchukan to da max. siyempre polite-politan si atashi kaya naki-kiss na rin akiz ahihihihi at dahil may gulat factor ang kissing scene, may ka-join itung pangingilo ng iping nagkatamaan. ARAY!

aksyon spiks louder than words, mga bektas. sa aksyon na to, nabingi talaga ko. nag-disappearing act yung mga ka-eklatan, en por da pers taym in history e na-heardsung ko siya at yung gusto niyang sabihin.

AT PARANG UMINIT BIGLA SA BAGUIO, SAN KA PA???? (sabay kindat ang bakla hehehe)

pero may dramang pasabik yung lola mo. sabi ko, wag ngayon. wag dito. igalang mo pagka-babae ko. kasi na-sight ni atashi yung plashlight ni edGARDo angara. e bukas na yung polo ko at nashonggal ko na belt niya. lecheng mga sekyu to, may pagpapatrol pang nalalaman.

"akyat na tayo ..." sabi ni dennis. feeling ko na-offend siya na akechi yung unang lumayo sa eksenang lovapalooza.

"eh gusto kita ..." sabi ko. bumabawi si bakla.

"i know ..." sagot ni dennis. confident itech! nagfi-feeling na ampotah!!!

"anong you know?"

"hindi ko na nga namalayang wala na pala akong belt eh."

hehehehe skill yan. may lahing ninja yata tong badidang na to. wag ka mag-alala, papa-seminar ako.

tapos itinulog na lang namin yon. kinutuban akeiwang may second serving ng ka-eklatan eh. kamustahin naman natin ang puson, godivah?

nung sumunod na gabi, patulog na lahat. tumambay ako sa parking. sa mismong sulok kung san kami nag-lapchukan ni dennis. loner-loneran kunwari. hoping and wishing ang bakla na havs ng repeat performanz.

"may problema ka, bakla?" phone in question ni donita, ang bessie kong babaeng nyoklita, na kala mo siningaw ng lupa at may i apir itu bigla.

"umakyat ka na ..." sabi ko. "past your bed time na."

"as if naman tatangkad pa ko." kasi pinaglihi sa hobbit si donita. di ko lang ka-sure kung mabuhok rin yung paa niya. pero may duda ako hahahaha ..

"umakyat ka na sabi e!"

"uy! may poot ang delivery," side comment ni donita. "may booking ka, no?"

"wala," sagot ko.

"umamin ka, bakla. kilala kita. hindi ka bababa ng baguio nang wala kang ginagawa."

kureksyon, donita. nagawa. past tenz itu

"kala mo naman sakin, pokpok ..." depensa ni atashi.

"hindi. tamang makati lang ... mag caladryl ka nga." at nagsimula siyang magtuturo ng kung sinu-sino, "siguro yun yung booking mo ... ANG KATI MO TALAGA!!!"

"AY! sumpa ka, impakta!"

tama namang dumaan non sina dennis pati yung tropa niyang adik sa ragnarok na kung bet mong jumoin sa clan-clanan nila e kelangan may dsl ka sa balur mez, nagra-ragna ka tsaka kelangang pagtuunin ng karampatang pag galang ang lahat ng klase ng beerlalei at alkohol sa 7-11.

literal na dinaanan lang akiz non ni dennis. wa pabati. wa chikka factor. wa haller at kung anufaflu. wa man lang kiss, kahit hindi french. kahit yung flying lang.

bitter-bitteran ang bakla na bumuntot sa hobbit pabalik sa hotel. asa ka pa. wala ka nang kiss chenes-chenes.

tapos tumunog yung nyelpons ni atashi. si dennis. nagpadala ng smiley hehehehe (punyeta, ba't kinikilig pa rin ako???? ambabaw ampotah!!!)

sa 9 months na tinagal namin, maraming moments na sumagi sa isip ni atashing kumalas na. parang naging habit ko na nga siya non. wit ko lang ka-sure kung talagang hurt-hurtan akechi o betsung ko lang mag power trip at mag feeling na pipigilan niya ko. aminin, bin der bin dat babaeng bundat ka na sa mga eksenang ganito.

pero say nga ni dennis nung unang attempt kong makipag-break, "nobody said this was easy." awwwww ... LECHE! planado na sana yung kilig episode ni atashi kaya lang na-discovery channel ng lola mo na pinirata sa songhits yung linya. KABOG!

pero simula nung moment na yon, tuwing sinusumpong ako ng mannerism kong makipag-quits na lang at break na, bumabalik ako dun sa umpisa. kung saan lahat nagsimula. hindi ako literal na umaakyat sa bagyo. kumbaga sa negosyete tsaka sineskwela, magbalik aral tayo ...

sa ka-eklatan. sa smiley. sa kauna-unahang lovapalooza. at sa malamig at mahamog na parking lot sa baguio.

kasi, at eto tandaan mo tuwing nalulubak yung relasyon mo, "nobody said this was easy ..."

pero yung sagot ko don, "no one ever said it would be this hard ... oh take me back to the start ..."

kamusta naman, davah? sa na-unsiyameng relasyon namin ni dennis, na mala-cheapipay na hayskul musical ang drama, gamit na gamit yung songhits talaga. san ka pa!?!

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Wanda Ilusyonada Blog

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Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

- Coldplay, The Scientist

Aklat

There are three other gentleman aside from me in J. Wendell's class every Tuesday.

The first is a proud Bicolano and is the son of a Philippine National Railways manager. The second is a nerdy-looking guy who works for a book publishing company. He usually leaves with a rugged guy who waits for him outside the room when our class ends at seven. The third is the eldest in our batch. He is a plump guy who prefers dressing up in a monochromatic attire and chooses his words carefully when he speaks. Rest assured however that when he talks, his words are heavy with profound insights that leaves me awed and inspired for days after our class had ended.

I rarely speak in class or participate in subject discussions. Instead, I spend my time gazing blankly at the lone tree outside our consultation room's window and contemplating on our professor's words of wisdom that inspires harmony and compassion in our daily lives.

"Some writers become successful in their careers, but when they retire, these writers realize that they did not make any friends..." J. Wendell told us during our recent meeting. "You know why?"

"It's because they establish their prominence by destroying other people's credibility." The eldest guy, who I will call Mongol for this entry would solemnly nod his head to agree to our professor's statements. He would sometimes expound what J. Wendell said by sharing his experiences after meeting different writers throughout his life.

These past two weeks, my attention shifted from my nerdy-looking classmate who was always accompanied by his guy "bestfriend" going home, to Mongol, whose thoughts resonate with what our professor loves to discuss in class. It's like attending a healing therapy session and not a creative writing workshop once a week. On the contrary, when I applied the lessons in those "sessions," it felt like I was able to grasp the depth of my subjects better. Take for example my entry 700; I take away grammar lapses of that piece and the entry still gives me goose pimples whenever I read it.

Going back to Mongol, I always have this impression that he is an accomplished person. He appears to be well-connected, (a national artist used to invite him for breakfast at her place and he rejected the idea of being seated next to GMA on several occassions) poetic, (he once said to Cristina Pantoja-Hidalgo that being in her class is like riding a Rolls Royce, one will not settle for anything less) and his thoughts struck deep when he talks about life. One thing that keeps me mystified about him is that of all my classmates in Wendell's class, he is the only one who never said anything about his profession. I initially thought that he runs an advertising firm based from what he vaguely said when we were introduced in class. All I know is that he seems to be a powerful person who keeps everything under wraps by showing modesty to class, which gesture made me interested to find out more about him.

So when did I first notice Mongol's presence?

It's actually during our second meeting, when he was greeted by a chinita friend who turns out to be her classmate in another subject last semester. Suddenly, the reserved chinita who was talking to me earlier turned babaeng bakla when the two of them began talking. It didn't catch my attention, since what really caught my gaze was the hunky late-twenties guy who passed in front while waiting for our professor to arrive. I remember having a conversation with my lesbian classmate about the guys I dig. This guy suddenly appeared out of nowhere and crossed my line of sight. Since I needed a perfect example for the lesbian to get the picture I tried to describe, I nudged her to look at the hunk in front of us. Next thing I knew, the guy turned out to be Mongol's assistant.

Admittedly, I sense something in Mongol that I tried to repress but the more we get to talk, the more he validates my suspicions. It is well known that there are only a handful of straight guys enrolled in my program. If I believe in the spoof written on our university paper last semester, it is possible that the real straights are actually marginalized in my university. Anyway last meeting, Mongol and I had a small talk. He asked me why I don't have a kikay kit inside my bag when all the gays he know have one - that is how I understood his question. I told him that I just came from the gym and what's inside my bag were my gym attire.

Our topic shifted from kikay kits to gym places.

He told me that he used to work out in Fitness First.

"Hmmm.. daming PLU dun ah." I said to myself.

To cut the story short, I told him about my gym and how it was different from other work-out places. I said that we never do cardio workouts but instead focus our training in weight lifting. I tried to guess where the conversation would lead to. It happened many times before and with absolute confidence I thought that I was close to getting my validation.

That Mongol is actually one of us.

"So did you go out last Saturday," I asked him subtly, hinting whether he went to the White Party in Malate or not.

"What's with last Saturday? Is there a big event that I am not aware of?" He replied, trying to grasp what I'm trying to get to.

"I mean do you go out during weekends, you know, to unwind in bars or watering holes." I answered defensively, knowing that I might be wrong with what I was sensing.

"Oh I'm passed that age. I prefer to stay home, read books or write poems."

Very lucky for me, I decided never to get direct with my statements. Had I been tactless that afternoon, I would have embarrassed myself to epic proportions.

Because as Melanie Marquez once said, "Don't judge my brother, he is not a book."

After spending the evening yesterday researching in Google all the available information about Mongol. He turns out to be a high-profile Pastor who leads a huge Christian Ministry. He is well connected to National Artists not because of his personal merits but because of his advocacy to "redeem, restore and rededicate Art to God." Now I understand why his profound words radiate with grace whenever he speaks in front of class.

How malicious my assumptions were.

For the first time, my Gaydar had betrayed me,

Big time.