Man To Man Talk

I would like to talk about a lot of things these past few days - from finding big brothers from my college barkadas, to my gradual adoption to the pains and time adjustments of my newfound work.

However, I am suffering from a writer's block lately and composing such paragraphs has become more difficult to me.

If my muse is with me right now, I would have shared my feelings on how happy I was having a bonding talk with our team leader on our way home two nights ago, or how I had my payback to HSBC call center this afternoon. The moment I told them in their face that I was already hired feels like I have avenged myself from four months of being subservient to their recruiters.

There were a lot of things I wanted to share, but I don't know where to start or how I would say it. Perhaps, I am little less inspired these days or I am merely tired to look for words. But my contemplation never ceases. It still gives me those little times during the day when I would just pause a little, and reflect on the things that happened to me.

It has been my guide, whenever huge changes are ongoing so that I would never be lost.

Probably next time, when I find the words I am seeking; when I discover once again how I would like to express myself like James do these days, I will write again long entries again. When I relearn how to put my emotions in this blog, the way I used to do... I'd let my stories paint a picture of my life I am living right now...

At this moment, all that in my heart right now is how I miss the life I used to have.

After dropping the phone after a long and senti chat I had with my PGC tropa last night, A wind of sadness blows on my face as I realize that no matter how I do, or how I try,

I can never bring back the time when everything was still play for me.

I can always try though, but it will never be the same again.

Black Party Afterthoughts

I was about to dedicate this post about what happened to me and phanks on the eve of the Black Party but somehow along the way, I got loss for words on how I'd like to express my thoughts.

But anyway,

We were there hours before the party started. We even joined the ODDERs in District Bar before Phanks had completely bored himself staring at everyone and trying to relate to our conversations.

That night, he was complaining about his allergy, so I guess he's not really in the mood to go to the event. However, realizing how important the Black Party was, I insisted that we should at least check it out and leave early if ever he doesn't enjoy the crowd. But seeing him tired and bored and trying to relate as everyone talk made me decide that we should check out the crowd for a while and leave the guys with their business.

But on our way to Orosa, he asked me if we could go home.

Since I was already suffering from work fatigue, we decided to leave the scene and hailed a cab that will bring us home.

But of course, couples like us don't sleep when we chanced ourselves in one bed.

Let's say, we almost spent more time that night... humping around than resting our bodies. So leaving Temalats was a good trade-off, I thought. It's alright to wait for another seven months for the White Party and since I already domesticated, those gigs aren't really for me already.

We had a great night together and I'm sure, even if phanks had a little sleep that night,

his sleep was deep and peaceful one.

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Whenever I read some post from single guys, I cannot help but remember the time when I was single too.

Well dudes, my single life was wild and dangerous one. It was so slutty that I had to put a monicker to my PEx handle before - Darkstar.

Darkstar was a rebel, the opposite of my contemplating and compassionate self.

But sometimes, when I feel threatened or insecure about my relationship, the first thing that comes into my mind is thinking about him - us. Sabagay, Darkstar was unforgiving and notorious. I'd remember him spending an entire night in Mint/Mr. P just for the purpose and thrill of being taken home by someone he just met...

A lot of things happened during those times - especially during the last weeks before I met phanks for the first time in YG. Minsan nakakamiss rin yung thrill at yung excitement ng pagiging ganun... since you don't have to answer to anyone, hawak mo ang buong kalibugan mo.

I don't know, despite my thoughts and seeming readiness to jump into that mode again, I'm not so sure if my physical and emotional attributes can sustain me with that lifestyle. In fact, whenever things are shaky between me and my bud, no matter how I try to protect myself with such thoughts, my fear would always be how to survive a break-up, especially with one you have spend an entire fortune of emotions just to build and make it a strong one.

Pero let's just reserve those thoughts for another time. Bakit nga ba napunta dun ang mode ng blog ko?

But seriously, when I read chris' aka boi-bitch blog this afternoon, his entries these past few days made me remember my own time. In fact, the thought has penetrated deep into my subconciousness - into my dreams already.

Before, even in my dreams, I would dodge someone I am tempted with.

In last fridays dream, all I could remember is letting go and make it happen. (since he was my frustration).

---

But anyway, we don't know what happens in life. Despite our relative stability and long-term views, I might end up with someone else in the future. For now, I'd like to enjoy the feeling of being domesticated.

Sometimes, despite how colorful life is out there, one would somehow still feel very lonely after all the lights and music went out.

Sex is just sex, and that could be availed 24-7.

But true love comes only several times in one lifetime.