While Pao Was Sleeping

After being kicked by several bottles of Red Horse, he became the most serious casualty last night.

Saw him half drowsing at the bar. Accompanied him thereafter to a place where he could rest. The guys were raving to the housebeats and it's still 4 am-ish in the morning so I can't simply accompany him to Antipolo therefore I decided to wait for the guys and leave with them early in the morning.

I almost dragged him upstairs. Suddenly, the guys in BED, whom I do pressumed to be pretentious before became quite friendly and accommodating. My very very drunk friend was holding every body parts he could grasp on. Those whom he held on, understood his situation - even helping me accompany him going up the stairs.

Looking for an available O-Bed at the mezzanine, a 40ish guy offered his place for my friend to lie down and sleep.

30 minutes, 60 minutes. I was there waiting for the rest to come up and claim us. To ease the boredom - and the feeling of being... an outsider to the rest of the beautiful guys upstairs, I decided to read the events newspaper I got at the entrance and create my own world.

All was at peace and harmony, when suddenly I accidentally found a big piece of reality while browsing the paper I was holding.

The article was about a relationship that broke up after holding on for 4 years.

The author seemed so ecstatic to be free based on the tone of his lead paragraph. Perhaps, he had already gone beyond the mourning stage and was gearing up to enjoy a life of being single. Although he also did mentioned his hard times coping up from the break up, eventually he got out of it. After wallowing in pain for too long, after seeking solace with every drama artists the world has to offer, after crying bucketfuls of tears whenever he was being reminded of his ex, he found his answers one night after staring at the ceiling of his room.

"I ended up sleepless and staring at the ceiling, watching the little butiki disentangle its tail from its body and actually found the meaning of it - that everything in this world is indispensable. You may have a lover today but tomorrow he could have eloped to Timbuktu with a tanned 18 - year old boy from Malate - with nothing more but a huge and well-built physique and an IQ of the same number... Who would have thought that you could find life's meaning with a little cripped gecko, wanting to get rid of its body parts?"

Last night, while watching Pao sleep at an O-Bed; as people come and leave the scene, I realized how futile it is to hold on and close your mind from a myriad of possibilities. I was too afraid to let go, commit mistakes, police everyone just to sustain an order when it fact, everything is free flowing - that everything has its own course.

Secretly I was confused with what I felt to my bud some nights before. I was extremely afraid that I, for a moment lost my love and interests to him. Then I've realized last night that it happened to us countless times before. Maybe the only thing that held us together during those confusing times is the need for security - something to center a life on in times of great uncertainty.

I regained my feelings after he attended papu's birthday party. Drunk and horny, he told me how he appreciated everything when I came to his life. I was thinking too much of order but actually, relationships should be spontaneous and free flowing, the fears I kept all the time only made matters worse.

I hope that what I read last night would stick to my mind. I hope I would never pressure myself anymore when in comes to my confusion issues with my bud. I hope I would let things take its course and enjoy things as they are.

As for Pao, I never got the chance to dance the night away. I kept looking after him as he peacefully slept in one corner of BED while the guys downstairs were having the time of their lives. I have to accept the fact that I'm already domesticated my enjoyment now is to have a little fun, while being watchful to people around me. No wonder, the pulis-pangkalawakan job really fits my position.

Spread happiness to the world dude. Actually even when you're drunk, you're still exuding an aura of being light.

Masquerade

It was the dawn of my homosexuality. Roy, which I just met a month before suddenly informed me that he will be meeting another pexer by the name of Masquerade at Starbucks Pearl Drive one March early evening of 2002.

Being curious with people like us (PLUs), and with the desire to talk to him personally about how Franticme disturbs me whenever he tells very bad things about SNAGG when we talk on the phone, I decided to meet Masquerade as well even though I'm still wearing my uniform and had just came from a pressuring day in school.

That unforgettable meet-up bonded the three of us together. Secretly, Roy, Masquerade and I resolved that we should recruit other Alien Nation PEXers to join our faction and make a clear statement against the discrimination happening in AN that time. Soon after I met James (who I befriended in Wireless Journal also in PEx before) who turns out to be a non-straight and a co-founder of a big group of discreet guys in the chatroom. After having a drinking session with him in Sibil, Libis one night, I decided to introduce him to Masquerade the following week. Together with Arrjae, we formed the core who would discover the joys of drinking in Quattro and singing in KTV bars in Timog.

Marvin Kirsh joined us to eventually a few months later. Kugel, who we discovered in the chatrooms also decided to join our group. We are growing every month and the Alien Nation founder was never aware that we are recruiting people under its flag.

We joined Manhood Chatorg afterwards. Marvin (Masquerade) met Joey and they became lovers in the middle of 2002. Eventually, Franticme organized his own grand eye-ball (GEB) but fortunately by the time he called for a meet-up, our barkada had already established its foundations strong enough not to be swayed by someone. In the end, we have even attracted the entire PEXers who came that night at Franticme's GEB to join our faction.

Things have changed afterwards, many people joined us. Masquerade, which we lovingly call Papu gradually became domesticated. He settled with his partner and focused on his career. We continued his legacy - to the point of even mentioning his name to people he never met yet.

In every opportunity possible, Papu would be mentioned in our little chitchat. His relationship with Joey became a role model to all of us who aspires to have the same degree of relationship one day. His maturity and attitude has always been compared with Franticme, only with appalling results to the latter. Slowly, through word of mouth, people would know about him. Even despite the changes - Masquerade remained with us:

I remember him whenever I look back at my beginnings and remember his advices as I slowly seek my place in this homosexual existence. I don't know about the others, but Papu has always been my role model as a homosexual.

Last night, after keeping this secret for several weeks, all of us came out to celebrate his birthday at the Elbow Room in Podium. All those who's life was touched and affected by Masquerade were there - in person and in spirit. Those who came and saw him for the first time suddenly found themselves meeting the guy who started it all. We drowned ourselves in beer, we filled our tummies with the fabulous pica-pica the Elbow Room has to offer. Some played billiards while most of the guys spent the night singing with their hearts out at the karaoke station.

What made last night most special to me was that my buddy decided to come along. Sa totoo lang, nahirapan rin akong higitin siya sumama dahil nahihiya siya magpakita, pero nagdecide ring pumunta at the last minute. Many people don't really know the behind the scenes when we were just starting. I remember Papu telling me to stick with Phanks no matter what happens during the conception of our relationship. Tandang tanda ko pa ang text niya sakin noon na wag ko daw isusuko si Phanks... and look where we are now. Kung hindi siguro ako naniwala sa kanya noon, maaring ngayon eh naghahanap pa rin ako ng panibagong relasyon.

The guys, based on the frequency they hugged someone last night enjoyed the party as well. It was an extension of the Contingents we do, only better. I hope Papu had a great time seeing us. Joey's plan was a success.

Para sayo Papu,

Maraming Salamat sa Lahat.
Belated Happy Birthday sayo.