The Real Masters

I am humbled by their dedication... their sacrifice.

I went to the office this afternoon. Ever since I took over the responsibilities of running the business, I try to make it a point to oversee its operations, even though in my heart I still doubt the point of continuing it without any assurance that it would last long.

The economic situation is indeed very grim. Since our market are the masa, we are severely affected by their unwillingness to buy extra things... like newspaper - like tabloids.

So far, things are relatively stable this past two weeks, yet the constant threat of cash deficit force me to hold on dearly to whatever extra money I have saved. The general manager, who is my aunt already told me that I am the last line of defense of the company whenever we get cash-strapped. But I really don't know if my money would hold on to such assault. After all, I don't earn a single centimo in my business.

That is why, I simply prefer to acknowledge myself as the "caretaker" rather than the "boss" of the company. We are in no position to demand to our staff, since we can't pay their full salary anyways. The truth is, seeing them makes me brokenhearted and full of guilt. I can't simply accept the fact that they endure such conditions, with so much sacrifices they surrender just to keep our show running.

I think that is what you call "labor of love." I won't dare sacrifice myself in those conditions, if I am in their shoes.

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Lately, I've been thinking whether I should completely integrate myself with the business. After what I saw as an act of sacrifice this evening, after two of our layout artist and the editor stayed until 9 pm to ensure that there will no page that will be left out when they are printed, I've realized that I should be more serious and committed in leading them towards our intended objectives.

In my heart, my only wish is to see them happy and financially satisfied with the company they are working. I wish that we won't have to worry again on where we will get the next 19 thousand whenever we are short of money to buy the newsprint. It doesn't really matter if I earn or not.

I just want my people to be happy and secured with their work.

I will never ask for something more.

Whispers With Butterflies

Callboys have littered the sidewalks along Recto this morning. Man, I can't still control the adrenalin rush whenever I see those guys standing, as if waiting for someone on some dark corners of the street.

Still, it reminds me of a time, when they first gave me the pulse to speak up what I feel when around them. I admit, that the gravity of my attraction are centered around them.

If only, I had the guts... and the morals to support such cravings of my flesh. Buti na lang, I still insist on myself that it would be extremely pathetic to pay for such moment of artificial and paid intimacy. I can always get it for free - now that I have my phanks beside me.

However, the sight of them lining the street is still a scene to behold.

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I had a night out with the ODDERs this evening.

However, our numbers are more smaller this time and somehow, like our organizer. It too made me quite upset.

It's a fact that we're not as enthusiatic as we used to be before, when Omeng is still around. But the truth remains a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

In light of this dwindling attendance to such occassion, it comforts me to remember that we used to be smaller before, when there was still no Outsiders. It is indeed our trying times... but as long as someone misses. As long as someone appears whenever an ODDER called for a contingent, then perhaps all is not lost yet.

After all, no one among us could claim that they have found new friends, who they had relationships much deeper than we could ever have in this group.

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After the contingent, Roy and I went to meet Andrea, Rainne and Paulie.

It's good to see these friends of mine in college. What's more awesome is that I have finally introduce a guy, who shares the same preference, interest and attitude like me.

It makes me wonder tuloy, If Andrea and Paulie would be my friends in this lifetime. If it's so, then I guess, I do have a good and secure life after all.

I could already see our bigger futures ahead of us already.