I used to be a bot.
When I first tried it before, I thought that I'd be split in half. But somehow my partner was quite good that I haven't felt a thing. The real pain came much later, when my first ex - who was drunk that night of our first time in bed together thrusted himself very fast, that man! I was literally stabbed in my ass.
And because of him, I started to love my role as bot. I became a good and marketable one. Imagine, I am a masculine yet I am bot. Only few guys could claim that.
For over two years after I broke up with my first ex, my role was always to become bot. In fact, Omeng would always claim that I was the one who influenced him to become one. Based from my stories with much graphic details he was compelled to try the same thing. There was even a time when I'd give advice in the message board to some guys who'd like to try to become bot
"It's all about mind preparation." I told them. "If you're mind can't take the thought of someone putting his thing inside your... then you can't do it."
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However, as I was giving away my trade secrets to everyone who'd ask me about those stuffs. I was gradually changing.
Before, bot was my specialty. But when my bud came alone. Things have begun to shift the opposite way.
Bud found out the joys of becoming bot. For months, I never took the role - bud always want to be one. Slowly, I found enjoyment and the mindset to become top. Lately, I can even come out as a top.
So when bud suddenly agreed to become the top last time we had a woohoo. Things suddenly became hell when he forced his way up into my...
I swear, I though that I was cut in half! When he had finally got himself in, I tried to force it out because it was too damn painful to accomodate. I literally pushed myself out while containing the pain... and afterwards he tried it again.
Quietly, I endured the pain - the fast thrust made it more unbearable. For the first time, I had finally understand how it felt... to be raped - prison rape that is. I told myself that being bot is just a mental state. Once my mind found the enjoyment, my body would respond to it.
So bud thrusted until he was finished. As for me, I did managed to enjoy the last moments of it. But the pain lingered on for another day. Perhaps, several bot roles would restore my zest and interest to become bot again. But I doubt if he'll ever take the top role next time.
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Bud and I had a minor fight last night.
I got jealous when I saw him flirting with his officemate, which I pressumed to be a PLU.
We never talked on the way to Monumento. But I never gave him a cold shudder either.
When we reached monumento. I told him my sentiments.
He said why should I get envy to someone who he only treats as a friend. Told him, I was beginning to doubt him and his actions for the past several days. But bud assured me that he'll never do something that will break my trust.
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Sorry bud, but I am simply prone to jealousy.
Like what I've said, its either I get too paranoid thinking about it... or strike back in one way or another.
