My sideline was a success. In three days alone, I sold 8 copies of that BED Compliation, every clubber PLU must have.
My sideline also allowed me to meet new people - new PExers from the LCM subforum who are new in PEx. Most of them are not aware of OUTsiders' existence and I think they should continue creating their own circle apart from us.
After all, we cannot accomodate too many already.
--
This morning, after having my midnight rounds in the publishing's production operations, I decided to head to BED to spend another night clubbing. For the nth time, I was alone and by this time the threat of being alone and get tempted has already reached critical levels.
The crowd is getting wilder and more daring as the club itself gets dimmer and dimmer every month. While dancing at the platform, a guy behind me was bumping his front area at my back. At first, I thought he was just dancing along, not knowing that he hits me every time he grinds himself at the beat. However, as the bump gets even harder, I've realized that he's already deliberately bumping his crotch area to my back hoping I would take notice and respond the way he desires.
Of course, such attempt would not go unoted. In normal situations like when there are odders around I could have easily ditch off the guy then proudly related afterwards how I abandoned a whammy guy like I did last time. But tonight it was different. I was taken by the music's beat and his contstant bumping made me push him back even more.
Pressure between our hips were building up due to those deliberate bumping... and the sensation gradually became pleasurable as he tries to align ourselves together. It's been years since I felt that feeling, the soothing felling when someone bumps his crotch area behind you.
And for all my humanity I felt great. I've been missing such feeling and tonight, It got hold of myself.
When Kina's "Girl in the Gutter" remix was played, the beat became slower, producing a kind of gyrating moves that forces one's body to his partner. The grind was really taking off this time, and the beat did take over my dance moves. We were dancing in very close proximity, and somehow, the thought of Phanks was lost for a split moment.
I know, I'm already playing with fire by this time, and the thing is... I was very close to loosing control of myself - I can even feel his warm breath closely near my neck and was think of responding positively. The only thing that keeps me intact was my constant reminder not to look back, not to face him and never hold any part of his body for that was all he've been waiting for as a sign of my approval. We we're dancing but I never faced him. I knew how he looks but I never let the guy catch me looking at him.
At this point, I was between trying to regain control and total surrender. I was trying to find explanation or moral justification for my actions, but there was no emotional feelings involved. Just pure pleasure and that's it. Now I understand how someone can have sex with another person yet claim that it was just sex. Then the thought of Papu came to my mind.
In a split second, I've managed to send a message asking for "advice." But honestly, it was a distress call just to remind myself that someone is watching - that there are those who still believes I can do more than just allow an error to happen.
And that message completely stopped me from doing a big mistake. The thought of papu - his words and examples stopped me from my tracks. Immediately, I broke off our dance routine then moved towards a safer location where he could not follow me.
Papu texted me afterwards asking what advice I needed. But I just told him that I'm already ok. That he saved me from a near miss. He is my last card for tonight against temptation and I never expected it would hit me in the head before the card actually reveals his answers. Afterwards, I danced alone as I usually do in Bed while waiting for the buyer to get his CD.
I saw the guy still dancing on top of the platform, dancing as if we never had near misses. I asked myself afterwards why did allow myself to pair up with him? He wasn't that attractive... yet he almost got hold on me.
Perhaps, more than anything else. This is one example of how I remain vulnerable, despite the rigidness I apply towards my relationship. I don't know if that can be considered some form of cheating or irresponsibilty, but suffice to say. I never surrendered my battle even at the last minute. Still there's no moral justification if ever I faced him while we were dancing and allowed him to do what he wants as long as we were dance partners.
Phanks never danced with me that way... he avoided dancing intimately with me in such places. Backing off everytime I attempted to dance with him. I accepted his explanations, but still I wasn't contented. Perhaps I've been missing those moments all this time and he fails to give me what I'm really dying to feel...
But he never did.
And in all my clubbing, I fought very hard not to fall even though that means, I have to dance alone the whole night. My nightout was illegal and to lessen the gravity of my actions, at least, I should be responsible with what I'll be enjoying.
I am vulnerable and tonight was one of my nearest miss...
but thankfully I survived.
For the love of Phanks I never looked back.
---
PLU Tips #6: Monogamy is just an idea. a belief you can fight for all throughout your existence or you can just ditch it off, after all, such idea is bound to be broken. But somehow, relationship exists because of an idea, a belief on something bigger than the persons in the relationship. If monogamy is your battlecry, then by all means, fight for it together.
My sideline also allowed me to meet new people - new PExers from the LCM subforum who are new in PEx. Most of them are not aware of OUTsiders' existence and I think they should continue creating their own circle apart from us.
After all, we cannot accomodate too many already.
--
This morning, after having my midnight rounds in the publishing's production operations, I decided to head to BED to spend another night clubbing. For the nth time, I was alone and by this time the threat of being alone and get tempted has already reached critical levels.
The crowd is getting wilder and more daring as the club itself gets dimmer and dimmer every month. While dancing at the platform, a guy behind me was bumping his front area at my back. At first, I thought he was just dancing along, not knowing that he hits me every time he grinds himself at the beat. However, as the bump gets even harder, I've realized that he's already deliberately bumping his crotch area to my back hoping I would take notice and respond the way he desires.
Of course, such attempt would not go unoted. In normal situations like when there are odders around I could have easily ditch off the guy then proudly related afterwards how I abandoned a whammy guy like I did last time. But tonight it was different. I was taken by the music's beat and his contstant bumping made me push him back even more.
Pressure between our hips were building up due to those deliberate bumping... and the sensation gradually became pleasurable as he tries to align ourselves together. It's been years since I felt that feeling, the soothing felling when someone bumps his crotch area behind you.
And for all my humanity I felt great. I've been missing such feeling and tonight, It got hold of myself.
When Kina's "Girl in the Gutter" remix was played, the beat became slower, producing a kind of gyrating moves that forces one's body to his partner. The grind was really taking off this time, and the beat did take over my dance moves. We were dancing in very close proximity, and somehow, the thought of Phanks was lost for a split moment.
I know, I'm already playing with fire by this time, and the thing is... I was very close to loosing control of myself - I can even feel his warm breath closely near my neck and was think of responding positively. The only thing that keeps me intact was my constant reminder not to look back, not to face him and never hold any part of his body for that was all he've been waiting for as a sign of my approval. We we're dancing but I never faced him. I knew how he looks but I never let the guy catch me looking at him.
At this point, I was between trying to regain control and total surrender. I was trying to find explanation or moral justification for my actions, but there was no emotional feelings involved. Just pure pleasure and that's it. Now I understand how someone can have sex with another person yet claim that it was just sex. Then the thought of Papu came to my mind.
In a split second, I've managed to send a message asking for "advice." But honestly, it was a distress call just to remind myself that someone is watching - that there are those who still believes I can do more than just allow an error to happen.
And that message completely stopped me from doing a big mistake. The thought of papu - his words and examples stopped me from my tracks. Immediately, I broke off our dance routine then moved towards a safer location where he could not follow me.
Papu texted me afterwards asking what advice I needed. But I just told him that I'm already ok. That he saved me from a near miss. He is my last card for tonight against temptation and I never expected it would hit me in the head before the card actually reveals his answers. Afterwards, I danced alone as I usually do in Bed while waiting for the buyer to get his CD.
I saw the guy still dancing on top of the platform, dancing as if we never had near misses. I asked myself afterwards why did allow myself to pair up with him? He wasn't that attractive... yet he almost got hold on me.
Perhaps, more than anything else. This is one example of how I remain vulnerable, despite the rigidness I apply towards my relationship. I don't know if that can be considered some form of cheating or irresponsibilty, but suffice to say. I never surrendered my battle even at the last minute. Still there's no moral justification if ever I faced him while we were dancing and allowed him to do what he wants as long as we were dance partners.
Phanks never danced with me that way... he avoided dancing intimately with me in such places. Backing off everytime I attempted to dance with him. I accepted his explanations, but still I wasn't contented. Perhaps I've been missing those moments all this time and he fails to give me what I'm really dying to feel...
But he never did.
And in all my clubbing, I fought very hard not to fall even though that means, I have to dance alone the whole night. My nightout was illegal and to lessen the gravity of my actions, at least, I should be responsible with what I'll be enjoying.
I am vulnerable and tonight was one of my nearest miss...
but thankfully I survived.
For the love of Phanks I never looked back.
---
PLU Tips #6: Monogamy is just an idea. a belief you can fight for all throughout your existence or you can just ditch it off, after all, such idea is bound to be broken. But somehow, relationship exists because of an idea, a belief on something bigger than the persons in the relationship. If monogamy is your battlecry, then by all means, fight for it together.