Buff Daddy Interludes Four: Act Of Liberation (Repost)

February 13, 2006

My body feels like exploding.

Two hours of heavy work-out took its toll on my unprepared muscles. As it turned out, the trainer who used to be the favorite of everyone during the last time I was in the gym has left. In his place was a new instructor, young and quite aloof to new members like me.

I thought that since it was my first day, I would just do some little workout. But instead, the trainer dropped the bomb by asking me to do a 30 minute cardio exercise on the Elliptical Machine. After I was done with my cardio, we proceeded to the free-weights area. God knows lifting the 10 pound barbell would be too much, but the trainer insisted, so there I was killing myself doing 8 rep, 2 set bench presses.

I would have called it quits on the first day. The back-breaking activity was too much. But since discipline and endurance was required for me to succeed, I just told myself to hold the line and follow what the trainer instructed.

All for the love of flying.

---

The last time I went to the gym, I left with some degree of control over my body. Never in two years after I have dumped dark rooms for a stable relationship was I able to do some complex body twisting on the dance floor again.

During a brief time, my confidence surged from near zero, to those levels I had before breaking up with my first lover.

Too bad, my work-out lost momentum after I felt changes. My bestfriend Roy, was another factor. We were both into bodybuilding then, but when he ceased lifting weights because of health reasons, I started becoming lazy and decided to stop as well.

---

It's already past two hours after arriving home. The body pain and the muscle soreness will cripple me when I wake up tomorrow morning. Still, I'm not sure whether my decision to go full swing to do a fitness activity would produce results or not... I'm not even sure if I would succeed this time or it may become a flop once again.

But one thing is sure. I would prove to that loser who once flayed insults over a drinking session in Angeles City that my bulging tummy was hopeless and I'm grounded to become obese for life, that change is possible. In eight months I would make sure that I would have some major improvements on my body.

Until then. I would stay quiet. I'm even thinking whether it would be good idea to put some distance away from my friends so that my developments... would just be for my eyes alone.

And no matter how many times it would take before I become a master of my own body. I would never stop or surrender.

For I am beginning to get tired hiding behind my own shadow.

And I am getting weary thinking about if I would last a decade with the abuses I'm throwing at my deteriorating body.

Lastly, I feel ashamed staring at some other toned and ripped torsos when I can develop mine.

I guess, it's time to claim my own place.

After all, whatever happens, It's my body and my health that counts.

---


Image taken last April 10, 2007, a few weeks before resuming my fitness activity at a new gym in Shaw Boulevard. In my three-year stint as a bodybuilder, my workout efforts suffered when I stopped for four months after reaching the plateau at my first gym. I felt the need for change and while waiting for Eclipse to open, I became complacent with my appetite control.

This was the result. 10 pound short and I would be back at square one.

On the 19th, I will show the results two years after.

Bunny Interludes Eleven

- 180 lbs.
- high blood
- laging stressed out
- feels something weird in my chest, especially near the heart area
- super massive
- slow mobility
- careless diet
- extremely low self esteem

- Dreams Of Becoming A Gym Bunny: Part Two,

March 15, 2004

--

Sa pag-gygym ko ngayon, target ko lang naman ang maging malapad pero mapayat ang katawan eh. Gusto ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin, walang beelbeel at tiyan na tatambad sa harap ko.

Wish ko lang na kapag tumingin ako sa salamin habang nakasuot ng white tank top, ako mismo eh mababakla sa sarili ko.

Hindi ko na bet magkaroon ng sixpacks o kaya pang-model modelan na katawan

Sapat na sakin ma-achieve ang pinaka-minimum objectives ko.

Pero who knows...

- Hopes Of Becoming A Super Gym Buddy,

August 31, 2005

--

If only the bunnies could see, what the dreaming has done to me.

Two years, eight months, countless sessions and several failed attempts before, here I am still holding on to my gym routine. So far it has never been broken for so long and it's result on my body, vanity and self-confidence would have been unthinkable. I never had expected that such tranformation is possible when I was just merely attempting. In fact, my built is slimmer now compared to my body size two years ago.

Gym instructors come and go, work-out buddies take breaks in training which span for months only to return after. In my case, there is no stopping. my longest break so far was one week. I am so concerned that stopping for too long would encourage me to break my routine. Breaking it also would revert me back to my body size before I enrolled at the gym.

Which is one of my greatest fears right now.

These worries, which add to the fact that I have become so vain these days, the chubbier Joms would get ashamed of me, prevents me from stopping completely. At times when things get pretty hectic and working out becomes a burden, All I would do is face the mirror and take off my shirt. Once the narcisstic side of me starts to complain, expect a gym session the following day.

My gym session has been so regular, one would think that I have become a regular fixture there already. But there are others who are more zealous in their routine than I do. A good example of it is this one guy, who, two months ago was chubbier than me. After spending hours and hours in the gym daily, he is slimmer than me now. He even revealed that he takes suppliments to help him burn fats faster.

Another trainee, who smirked at me last February after he saw me having a hard time lifting a twenty-pound pump machine was surprised to see me toned down when he returned to the gym after several months of absence. When I told him that I developed it ever since the last time we saw each other, he told me that I could have improved my body faster.

In my mind, all I could reply is: "mabilis ka nga papayat, madali ka ring tatamarin. Kapag tinamad ka, tataba ka na naman ulit katulad mo..."

I'd rather spend a year doing a slow-toning progression than rush the entire program, physically and mentally unprepared for its results.

In the long run, I believe that those who really succeed in bodybuilding are those who have the vision and patience to adopt the entire activity as a lifestyle. Nobody would be crazy enough to spend three hours in the gym every other day just to satisfy his objective.

Unless of course, that person made a personal vow and commitment to achieve his objectives.

As for me, I may have shortcomings on my diet or my weekly schedule. One might think that I'm simply working out to perform my routine or to make my money's worth. But based on experience, those who told me what routine to do are the ones who quitted easily. Those who rushed their training ends up getting exhausted, without achieving their ideal ends.

Still, it would still take months, or even an entire year just to achieve my new goal of having my own firm chest and six-pack abdominals. I should have asked Neutron P3 the last time we saw each other to dare me again so that I would have more reasons to go to the gym every week. Hopefully by the end of September, I have achieved a weight, eight pounds short of my goal of 160. If my work out session would never cease until December... If my work out would diversify into other sports which would speed up my full body development,

I think I already have the best gift for my birthday.

What I can do now is to remain constantly awake, and remember the bunnies in my dreams before.

Bunny Interludes Ten

Give me a reason to love you

Give me a reason to be ee,

a woman,

I just wanna be a woman

- Portishead, Glorybox

---

For some reasons, the song above played on my head as it played on my mp3 player while I was crossing the street going home from the gym yesterday evening. Picture a tall, stocky guy wearing a light blue jogging pants and rugged dark blue t-shirt that exposes parts of his biceps and shoulders while singing this song as pedestrians walked in front of him.

After much speculation whether I'd transfer to another gym after my former instructor's colleague told me that he would be leaving as well, or whether I'd scrap the whole work-out project altogether; In one sweeping swiping of my plastic, I decided to extend my gym membership for another three months. That means I'd be forced to work-out even though I feel so burned out already.

But there is a twist to my new arrangement. Instead of going to the gym three times a week, I just paid for eight sessions a month which roughly translates to twice a weeks worth of gym access. I told myself than since I have this new habit of walking the entire stretch of Katipunan from UP to Aurora whenever I go home from school, maybe a deduction of sessions in the gym would save my entire project from being scrapped thanks to my growing lack of interest of continuing my session.

After paying for my dues, I went directly to the gym instructor in charge which is my former instructor's colleague and asked him to give me a new program for my new work-out schedule. He immediately complied and soon after I finished my 30-minute cardio, I got my new program.

Compared to the old one, this new program was designed for muscle-building. It means I would be pumping iron that would hopefully, give my chest, biceps, back and shoulders a much sleeker and firmer form. My initial plan was to shift to this program when I get to 160, but with the change of workout schedule, the initial plan had to go.

And what I did was pure hell.

Unlike my old routine which requires me to lift lighter weights with a higher number of reps, the new one would make me lift weights that are thrice heavier than the one I used to lift. It would require me to seek spotters all the time since my body is not adopted to such kind of strain. In fact, there was this one set which I would have to do an inclined bench press and a 12-rep pecs exercise without taking a rest. The gym instructor told me that I'm doing a "super-set" but I'd rather call it "glory be to the father set" due to the frequency I told myself "oh-my-god-how-would-I-lift-such-heavy-weight" kinda thing.

Anyways I guess you have an idea how extremely streneous my new program is. In fact, I thought I would get muscle cramps all over my upper body when I woke up this morning. Fortunately and surprisingly, my body appeared to adjust pretty well to the new program. If all goes well, my instructor told me that I might get a leaner and firmer frame by October. I would eventually be the one that will put my work-out project in a different kind of level after all.

But you know what, as I am beginning to see the results of my program, I begin to wonder why I am doing this work-out thing in the first place. Is it because of health? Im not sure if it is the main reason. Is it because of my clubbing activities? Not right now, in fact, I'm beginning to get tired of night-outs already. So what then, is it for sex? Initially yes, but when you begin to scare yourself out with your long past "irresponsibilities" no matter how relatively minor they were, you begin to loose interests in hook-up invitations eventually.

Even though you declined almost all of them even during your haydays.

So here I am extending my program for up to three months once again. Gone are the days of proving myself since I have already proven everything to those who have doubted me before. In fact, the only direction, or principle I can see myself clinging on to right now for doing this work-out thing again is the commitment.

I have already done too many things that revolutionized my lifestyle this year and I believe that as months come, I would have done more. Why stop now, when the momentum remains on an all time high?

Perhaps, part of the momentum is this work-out project, it must go on so that I would still have the drive to achieve as what I planned to do, or loose everything like stacks of dominoes dropping one by one.

Bunny Interludes Nine

Go go Jubesity Rangers...

Due to burnout and the strong desire to spend all day playing Sim City 4, I have taken a leave in my gym activities for almost five days last week. Combined with the relentless pigging-out sessions during the past few days and viola! I gained 3 pounds in that short span of time.

What made matters worse is that my MP3 player, which I fill with club music every time I would go to the gym broke down and is beyond repair. I am planning to replace it with a better and bigger-capacity player using my card but with the heavy dues I still have to pay, I am having second thoughts. My greatest concern right now is how would I endure a 30-minute cardio without the aid of high-energy music.

---

It's been 4 months since I started working out and up to this point, I haven't reached my planned target. Probably the leniency I have followed during the last two months had put my improvements into a standstill. I may not have been a gluttinous eater nowadays but still, my work-out simply compensates for the food that I'm eating.

The four-day hiatus only tells that I am in the verge of surrendering this enterprise for an indefinite period. If I decide not to renew my membership for three months, this entry might be my last post about my three-month stint at the gym. If ever that happens, at least I should appreciate the fact that I already lost 20 pounds from such activity. I should be happy with it.

With bills coming from all directions and the upcoming enrollment into graduatie school underway, I wonder wheter if I could still find the motivation and time to go on and continue my little project. If only somebody would knock my head again and drive me towards proving something I never thought possible in a short time. If only I could be reminded of Coldfuzion who blocked me in G4M after I told him how nice it would be to be like him someday.

Maybe, I wouldn't have thoughts like this. Probably this ninth interlude entry would be about my formal declaration that I am in my ideal weight already.

Bunny Interludes Eight

Second Month

35th Session

Still, my work-out pushes through despite the erratic schedule and threats of burn-out I had these past few weeks after my former gym instructor had left. He was replaced by a better-looking instructor but unfortunately, he lacks the skills and motivation which my former trainer had. I would rather do my work-outs in the morning where I feel more comfortable with the instructor, which throughout the months have become my buddy as well.

In a few days, it would be my third month already. The longest I've been in the gym ever since. Everybody seems to notice the change - even I couldn't help but stare at myself whenever I'm in front of the mirror. Lately, I would even deliberately go out of the house half-naked just to show off. It never happened before, never I have been comfortable with myself.

Whenever I see the curves and bumps forming all over my body, I cannot help but remember that fateful date, February 13 of this year where I dreamed of the day I would finally reach the magic 160, which was my weight shortly before I broke up with my ex. Indeed it is a long trek and three months from the start of my journey is not enough even to reach halfway of it.

Yet, despite the odds in order to achieve my final goal, still there is a reason to celebrate. For the first time in two years, I am just around 5 pounds away from my normal weight status. It is something I have never thought of possibly achieving in such a relatively short time. Aside from that, from the longest time I could remember, people would make fun of my chest because it appears to be rounded, more like ladies' boobies. For the first time, the roundness is slowly becoming firmer. When I stand straight in a barely lit room, I could even see the line intersecting the middle of my chest. Perhaps in a few months time, it would become firm and muscular - like those we see from a Gym Buff's chest.

The list of reasons to celebrate will go on and on - from health, to confidence, to looks. Yet, in all the powers I have in my hands. Despite the growing strength and flexibility I can feel more and more as my progress continues. There is one thing I can never forget: One thing I would always look back to, whenever I stare at myself in the mirror:

---

Remember the time when some Odder used to tell me
that I am FAT? (He still does up to now). Well, I was 250 poundish then. But I
used those tormenting statements as a motivation for me to strive harder and
lose all the excess weight (and we are talking big time here) I gained since I
got to Manila.

Look at me now, I was able to reach my almost
ideal weight of 140 lbs in 7 months. I know I still got a long way to go but I
am getting there.

With perseverance, discipline and hardwork, I know
you can make it bud. Before you know it, you'll be slimmer than I am.

Just remain FOCUSED with your GOALS and YOU'LL GET
THERE.

If you need help, I'm just a message a
way.

=0)

- XP

---

Yes bud, no matter how you tell me that it was I who should be congratulated, you were the first person to believe in what I can be. I remember how the others taunted my dreams while u rush into my side during your birthday. I remember when phanks complained that I was too fat... you know. One thing about me, whether it may be good or bad is that I never forget. Whatever deed, may it be hurtful or an act of kindness will always stay in my heart.

Yours bud, is what's keeping my feet on the ground. Even though at this much flexibility, I can already fly.

Thank you.

Bunny Interludes Seven

Second Month

29th Session

For a newbie in the gym, one would see him walking around spotting advanced students doing their bench presses. On some rare moments, one would see him exchanging videos with his students using his obsolete but still useful phone. His height is in question, but his bulkiness is something to be taken seriously. He is bitchy at times butto those who he sees as devoted to their objectives, one would find his heart eager to teach more to such students.

He is our gym instructor and because of him, he made me believe that my dreams are actually possible to achieve... in a very short span of time.

To newbies, he is often serious and aloof. He even finds enjoyment seeing his new students suffer in pain, as he gives harder exercises to those whose aim is to gain weight. He is the reason why I got this unbelievable endurance in the Elliptical trainer. On my second training session he told me to do a brisk walk for 30 minutes, only to find out that I have to walk again for 30 minutes as a finale before my session ends.

Now, I can easily do a 30 minute jogging without even stopping on a relatively high resistance level.

He was the only trainer who told me that cramps are normal during initial sit-ups. You won't believe how terrible it was for me doing those abs exercises before. Now, I could even do a 50 rep sit-ups on very high inclinations.

When I did the bench presses this afternoon, I was so surprised to find out that I could already carry 20 kilos of plates without even stopping at middle of a 20 repetition exercise. Barely a month ago, it was those same kilos that injured me for two days. Before he encouraged me to carry lighter weights, despite some jeers I heard from the pros who were working out during my session.

Who would believe that soon, those weights I could never carry before will eventually become effortless for me.

Two months after, whenever I looked into the mirror and see the results of my work out, I could not help but remember him. Somehow, he motivated me to reach the things I never imagined I could achive. From my humble beginnings as a weakling, I can now feel the strength coming from my own arms and legs. The power I desired before is now, literally in my hands.

But on my next gym session, what remains are the memories I had with him.

---

When I was doing my inclined presses, he approached me to inform that today would be his last day.

It turned out that a better gym in Libis offered him a far higher compensation. Taking the opportunity with a practical mind, he grabbed it in an instant... perhaps resulting to my own gym with out an instructor for weeks to come.

He said that what he gets from my gym was way below the minimum. When he told me the exact figures, I could not believe that there are still establishments who pays their professionals with such kind of amount.

I understood his plight immediately. From his stories I overheard before while he was talking to some of the older students, I've learned that he has a family already. Besides, the travel costs alone is not enough to make him survive for two weeks.

Oh well, blame the economy for such hardships.

I have always known that he treats me with the same respect he gives to those who are more advanced than me. For even from the very start, his words became my guide in doing my program. I guess he saw my dedication and eagerness to achieve want I wanted, the mere fact that he was the first one to notice my improvements is perhaps one of the reasons why I lasted this long.

But now that he is about to leave, I am wondering whether I would survive the changes.

---

Knowing what lies ahead, I asked for his number.

In my mind, thoughts were building up whether I would follow him or not in his new gym. Obviously, the new one is fairly expensive. It costs thrice for a membership there compared to my present gym.

That means, if I act based on my subjective side, I would be a lot poorer in the months to come. Besides, looking at both directions, the only thing I could see is uncertainty - uncertainty that I would survive the culture in his new gym; uncertainty whether I would get to bond with the new intructor that would replace him.

My only hope is that the instructor who would replace him is the one who is assigned for the morning students. After all, the students during morning are boring and we already have this bond after I went to the gym during the times he was on duty.

Or if it is not possible, I hope that they would get one who is at least physically inspiring for me.

Still I have these thoughts about following my old trainer. Now that I am on the brink of burning out after several events successfully broke not only my diet but my routine as well, I believe that I needed his support and encouragement now more than before. But in doing so, my reserves would be stretched to its limits...

Looking at every angle, eventually I would burn out still like a star in its last remaining days.

All I ever have now is an immortalized entry about the brief time our lives had crossed together... to inspire me to become what I really wanted to become.