Suicide Attack (Hypercollider Remix)

Nag uwian na kami. Ang alam namin ay uumuwi narin si Nena.
Pinagpahinga lang sandali si Nena nang kaunti sa dami ng nilaklak na alak.

Buti nalang at sagana ako sa palusot at konti lang ang nainom.

Ayun nga,

Pag alis namin ay ito ang naganap.

Niyakap ni Nena si kuhol

Nakatalikod si Kuhol nang yakapin siya ni Nena

.....

Hinalikan ni Nena si Kuhol

di ko alam kung sa leeg o kung saan paman.

di kona natanong.

Nagulat si Kuhol at parang natulak si Nena.

"Pare wala naman gayanan. mawawalan ako ng respeto nian sayo." wika ni kuhol.


Ayun.

Bakla kamusta ka naman talaga.

Buti hindi ka na Sapak.

nag "I Love You" ka nanga di kapa nakontento

- Princess, O M G, Nakakawindang si Vekhla

---

Four years before I became a full-bloom homosexual, the people I used to hang out were straight men.

These guys were the barako ones. Some of them were so good-looking, if I was aware of my sexuality in those days, tensions might flare up inside my body. There were many times I shared a single bed with them, especially during sleepovers. There were no incidents, of course. Not even a single boner moment on my part. For me, things were pretty casual between us guys, that it ain't a big deal if they took off their shirt in front of me. Aside from the petty insecurity issues which I harbored in those days, since they had better bodies and flatter torsos than what I could flaunt in front of them, our lives revolved around horsing around, chasing girls and toma sessions all night. Despite my lingering suspicion that I was different from my barkada, it never came to a point that I already accepted the fate I would soon embrace after we graduated from college.

I was known as the guy who deeply bonds with my male friends. Some malicious tweeps back in college even thought that I was having a secret intimate relationship with some of my tropa, because of my closeness to them. Even during those days, I preferred a one-on-one hang-out than join a big group where I feel left out during get-togethers. This platonic closeness taught me to understand that even dominant males reveals their soft side - particularly their sentimentality during the odd hours of the night. They may appear tough and brute-looking during the day, but at night, when everyone is asleep, they reveal their most vulnerable and mushy thoughts in conversations with the people the have learned to trust their emotions

This often happens when alcohol takes over a guy's string of thoughts.

When I became a homosexual, I immediately learned the difference between a straight and a non-straight person. The reason for this immediate adjustment was probably my exposure to straight guys, when I was still one with them. Back in college, like what I mentioned in the entry Kalayaan, the guys I hanged out with were "bashers." In those days, I wasn't aware that there is a subgroup of gay men, who can pass as a straight when they are in the company of straight people.

One of the core rules I imposed upon myself (aside from not making the first move) is to never cross a straight guy, even if he is irresistably attractive or even when under the influence of alcohol. The mere thought of these straights stereotyping my kind as "sexual predators" and "pathetic men-hunters" had struck deep fear into my psyche that I even feel uncomfortable hanging out with men, who aren't aware of my sexuality.

---

Now with P-Man's alarming maneuvers with straight guys, Princess and I agreed that he's destroying himself in the process. I hope it didn't cast us in a bad light since these guys knew and respected our sexual preference when we outed ourselves to them. As far as I was aware, these straights have decided to include us in their beer binging activities for they knew that we're equally koboy enough to enjoy their trip.

The guy P-Man flirts with, which Princess lovingly named kuhol, isn't a threat at all. He's the typical Hipon; muscular arms, ripped body but with a mind, looks and an attitude of a hibe (dried shrimp). He might have the body I would die for, but he isn't the kind of guy I'd drool over. Besides, he has a girlfriend and even if he loves to horse around with guys like us, we know that he won't give himself in. He is an absolute straight and to assume him as a closet bisexual would be compared to cooking a shrimp tempura in a hot open skillet.

I have to admit, P-Man's moves were quite appalling. Suddenly, it made me think whether my impressions of him were correct or not. I've always seen him as the maangas guy, the kind of PLU who acts tough, quiet and indifferent despite random pressures that came his way.

Mami Athena, once she reads this entry would surely remark that his moves beat the one he did last time. (when he attempted to provoke another colleague with some sexual suggestions in the instant messenger) Princess is even harsher in his remarks about his moves after P-Man accused him of being too "girly" for his taste, which I strongly disagree. In Princess' words, he says that,

"Masakit man isipin pero DESPERADA ang Drama mo Bakla.
Paano na magiging komportable and boys sayo?

Ngayon sabihin mo sakin kong sinong mas Girl satin?"

As for me, since I am still affected by his latest blunders, his moves reminded me of the very same trick he did a year ago. It was when he cornered me inside the cab and made me believe that I was doing him a great favor when I surrendered myself to his libog.

I cannot deny that I resent not being at the inuman when this event happened. I am, and still wishing to give him a dose of his own medicine, now that I'm more confident to pick up a fight.

And strange as it may seem, but the promise of teaching him everything about being PLU when we had a talk after we did it, still rings a familiar tune inside my head. It is a promise I should have taught him, so that he won't mess up like this, now that he's on his own.

Ha[k]ken

It began as an ambiguous, half-serious overseas proposal.

I was at the Manila City Hall at that time waiting for my name to be called by the tax collector. I was about to pay the annual amortization of our house when a thought suddenly came to me. Since my aunt was in the United States to celebrate the holidays with our relatives, I sought her approval to buy me a new mp3 player, which I would pay when she returns to the country. It came to me that a friend said that it's far cheaper to acquire a gadget in that part of the world than buying it here in Manila.

Behind my harmless inquiry, I am also trying my luck. My aunts are pretty well-off in the US and there is a small chance that my discreet hints might be pick up as a personal solicitation to buy me a new iPod as their pasalubong/Christmas gift to me.

Since my aunt's phone can receive locally sent messages, I sent her a text message. I had a gut feeling that she's with my relatives spending some nostalgic moments in a hearth or something close to such place. My idea was to ask her how much is a 4GB iPod, which she would relay to those around her. My suspicions were correct, for within several minutes she replied to my message.

"Walang 4GB na iPod dito. 8GB meron," she said.

"Magkano po ang 8GB, ang sabi kasi ng friend ko half the price lang po ang iPod diyan compared dito," I replied.


After a few minutes she texted back. My aunt told me the price, which was quite far from what I had expected. In spite of it being too pricey for my budget, I still have enough moolah to ask her to buy me an iPod. After all, I can still pay it in installments for the rest of the year.

Unfortunately, I remembered that I still owe Banco De Oro 20 thousand pesos for my good-for-nothing, crash-loving desktop computer. As swift as my daring decision to inquire about getting a new mp3 player, I took my proposals back telling them that I still have to pay for my new computer as an excuse.

She never replied. It felt like they were having deliberations about my inquiryl behind my back.

---

A week later. My aunt returned from her holiday vacation.

Her plane touched down at the runway very early in the morning. Since all of us at home were nocturnal creatures, we weren't able to pick her at the airport. Instead, I woke up that afternoon with a single text message from her.

"Meron kang iPod from your titas," the message said

It came as a pleasant surprise, but I knew that it was coming anyway.

It turned out, my aunt was urged by my stateside relatives to buy an mp3 player to catch up with the technology. Since they got it on sale, they decided to buy one for me as well. When I received the package that same evening, my younger sister complained as to why I received so many pasalubongs when she only got only a bag and a cheap-looking perfume.

"Nagbigay kasi ako ng Christmas Gifts sa mga pinsan natin bago umalis si Ninang. Na-touch siguro sila kaya binigyan ren nila ako ng gift." I told her.

But in reality, I got my new gadget because of my nerve to inquire about it, only to back out in the end. What I think is that they felt sorry that I dreamed of something only to realize that I could not afford it.

After all, I work and go to school for my graduate studies at the same time. Ok na excuse na yun para bigyan nila ako ng isang "token" for having a "well-spent life" from them.

---

It took a month before I could finally download the necessary software for my iPod to work. It was a rather a frustrating task knowing that it would take a day to download the newest version of iTunes player using my dial-up connection at home. My computer didn't cooperate either. It kept on crashing whenever I use the dvd player to access files from a portable storage device during my earlier attempts to access the software from a dvd disk.

With luck, I was to do everything without any hardware malfunctions last night.

The new portable music player could now spare me from the time-consuming mp3 transfers from the computer to my 1GB Zen Nano every month. The iPod will also serve as my external storage device for my hard-to-find mp3s, which are constantly threatened to be erased with my mother computer's infamous unreliability.

Initially, I thought that my new gadget was simply an old model; a reject from the ever-demanding technophiles of the First World countries. But lo and behold! I took some time to research about my portable player in Wikipedia this afternoon. It turned out, I have the latest iPod model.

Suddenly, I found myself at par with the latest audio technology, and what's so good about it is that I was able to acquire it for free.