Bakahan (Part Two)

Everyday I walk alone
And pray that god won't see me

I know its wrong, I know its wrong
Tell me why is it I'm digging your scene

- The Blow Monkeys, Digging Your Scene

---

It was four years ago and the summer was already at its end. I was just new to the PLU scene and my eagerness for sexual experience was only controlled by my friend's unwillingness to embark on "adventures" that will benefit us both.

He is a year old than me. We met in a friendly grand eyeball several months before. That time, I was testing my gaydar when he arrived with his partner. While the other attendees were busy welcoming his partner, we were left in a corner barely talking to one another. We didn't spoke that much, but somehow, we found a connection. Like me, he was relatively new to the scene. His partner, who was being flirted on the other side of the table was already a seasoned PLU. Before the eyeball ended we decided to exchange numbers, hoping that our pleasant first meet up would lead into something better in the following weeks.

We soon found out that we have so much in common and my lack of experience in PLU affairs appealed to him. Probably he thought that I was pretty harmless, so he took me under his wing. We would meet almost three times a week. Being jobless and barely out of college has its perks during those days. Anyway, our favorite pastime was to walk and talk. We could stroll around Ortigas Center for hours without ever noticing the time.

Minsan nga sa sarap ng kwentuhan namin ni Parekoy, kahit hatinggabi na, ayaw pa namin umuwi. Kaya ang nangyayari, naliligaw kami kung saan saang lugar malapit sa kanila. One time, we decided to spend the night at CCP Complex. We knew that the place is full of people even at dawn. We went there by walking from Vito Cruz toward Roxas Boulevard. Since we were there, we decided to test our ability to sense PLUs among the guys we would encounter along the way.

That night, we found out that the single guys who also roamed CCP were the ones who often seeks company with guys like us.

---

Nag-iikot kami sa may baywalk noon, kung saan nakatayo ngayon yung mga restaurants katulad ng Pancake House at Dencio's sa tabi ng CCP. Dati rati, may Colonnade lang sa lugar na yun. Medyo madilim ito at puno ng tambay. Kadalasan, mga mag syota magkapulupot sa isa't isa ang makikita mo dun. Pero may mga ilan na mga naliligaw sa tabi, sila yung mga binatang halos hindi nalalayo ang edad sa amin ng kasama ko. Mga nakaporma sila at nakatayo sa mga kanto. Hindi namin alam kung may iniintay sila o sadyang tambay lang sila doon, ngunit iba ang pakiramdam ko. Tahimik rin si Parekoy at nagmamasid -pinapakiramdaman siguro ang kilos ng mga lalaking iyon.

Balak naming magpahinga malapit sa CCP Main Hall. Doon sa may ilalim ng tulay sa tabi ng fountain, may isang lalaking nakaupo at nagpapahinga rin. Dinaanan namin ito ng pasimple na para bang dinedetect namin kung amoy PLU yung nakatambay. Cute kasi eh, parang ang sarap barkadahin. Nang makalayo na kami, hinamon ko si Parekoy na bumalik kami sa tabi ng lalaki upang ito ay masinsinang kilalanin. Game naman ang kasama ko, kaya bumalik kami at naupo sa tabi niya.

Noong mga panahong iyon, wala talaga kaming alam pagdating sa flirting at seduction. Ang alam lang namin gawin ay magpretend na nagkwekwentuhan sa tabi ng trip namin sa pag-asang maeenganyo ito makisali sa kwentuhan namin. Sa pagkakaalam ko, first time namin ginawa ang style na yun. Noong gabi ring iyon, narealize namin na effective pala ang diskarte namin.

---

The cute guy pretends not to hear our conversation. But he obviously listens to what we say. After four years, I have forgotten what our chat was all about. But soon, he caught up with our discussion. With an occassional smile he tries to reach out to us - he tried his very best to be part of our conversation. It was past 2 am then. By 3 am, we were already buddies with the cute guy.

He said he was a restaurant supervisor or some other job related to restaurants. He lives in Malabon and decided to hang out in CCP because it was more presko and more fun to be there than in his small house. I remember that he claimed that one of the Sex Bomb Dancers was his cousin, which my friend and I simply brushed off. The conversation was friendly and harmless for he said he was just a mere tambay.

For a moment I thought he was straight. Eventually my friend and I opened up about ourselves and confessed to the guy that were not straight. He said it's alright. He's open minded naman daw. We assured him that we're not there to hook up or something just to make him more comfortable with us. We said we were just neophytes who decided to observe the place for ourselves and see up close what mystery CCP hides from outsiders.

The conversation went on for another hour. However, this time, the guy was the one sharing things about himself. He said that he enjoyed the recently held Bench One-Night Underwear Fashion Show in Araneta that year, which he made it a priority to watch. As he described the beautiful bodies of the models who appeared in that fashion show, my eyes were focus at Parekoy's. I don't know if he understands what I'm trying to say, but the more detailed our "new" friend's description of the show was, the more I wondered whether it was possible for a straight guy to enjoy a fashion show full of naked hot men in particular.

I decided not to talk anymore after he revealed to us his fascination with Beauty Pageants. Instead, I gazed my eyes elsewhere, while pretending not to see how he tries to get close to Parekoy. My friend did the same thing, he simply decided to nod at every statement our new friend would say as he tries to get close to him.

It is as if a freak angel or perhaps a horny devil passed in front of us for after several minutes, the guy was already leaning on my friend's chest. Soon after, his hands were all over my friend's upper body while I lay dumb in front of them and incredulous at how I was decieved by the guy we befriended.

---

Tahimik pa rin kaming tatlo at walang kibuan. Iniwasan kong tumingin sa kanila habang ang lalaki ay pilit nilalandi ang katropa ko. Ngunit tao lang ako para hindi tamaan ng libog... ng excitement na nararamdaman ng katawan ko. Habang paulit ulit niyang pinipisil ang dibdib ng kasama ko, unti-unting gumalaw ang kamay ko papalapit sa kanyang binti. Tahimik pa rin kami at pasimple ang mga kilos namin, ngunit pasaway talaga ang aking mga kamay. Paakyat ito at naglalakbay patungo sa kanyang sentro. "Tangina" sabi ko sa sarili ko. May kaba man ako sa dibdib pero hindi ko talaga mapapalampas ang pagkakataong iyon.

Nang ang kamay ko ay tumama sa kanyang zipper, ito'y kanyang hinawakan at idiniin sa kanyang matigas na umbok.

Heto ang unang pagkakataong nakahawak ako ng hindi sa akin.

---

-tobecontinued-

Ode To The Pussy Cat

I was crossing the boulevard during the eve of the supposed superstorm. The skies above had a blazing orange color and the freezing wind brings with it the fresh talahib scent of the provinces affected by the delubyo. As I passed through the strip of pedestrian space between the boulevard, I noticed a tiny dirty white kitten trying to jump from the island. The furball seems to have been abandoned for days. It's whispered meows grows weaker and weaker against the wind that blows in front of it. Despite its weakness, it persistently tries to call my attention. It is as if I'm the only person who could save him from imminent death once the storm passes on top of him.

His attempts to reach out and call my attention did not go in vain. Instead of crossing to the other side of the island, I paused for several minutes in order to decide whether I would take the kitten or leave it alone. You see, my conscience keeps me from leaving the kitten on the island. At the same time, I'm worried that taking the furball at home would create new problems particularly with regards to its repugnant poo-poo and its tendency to steal food from the table.

But as I looked at the poor kitten who still persists on jumping from the island in order to come to me, I eventually decided to take home the kitten. After all, we could abandon it again once the storm passed away.

So I took the kitten and carried it home using my thumb and my index finger as a balance. The pedicab drivers that were waiting for passengers at the bukana of our street saw the kitten on my left hand. Judging the silly looks on their faces, I guess they were wondering why would a tall guy like me waste my time snatching a dirty furball from somewhere and taking it home as if I found a new lovely pet I could keep.

But I just brushed off the reaction on their faces. All I thought at that time was that I am sparing a creature's life - even if it's just for days, and that such deed would be good for my karma. Those were the things that mattered to me.

---

When I got home, I immediately asked the helper to look for a box where I could keep the kitten. Fortunately, there were a couple of small boxes near us that was used to package a tall mug.

I chose the biggest one.

And although the box was still relatively small for the kitten, the hole on the side of the box that used to expose the printed design of the mug, gives it a cozy feel.

It's like having a big open window in your bedroom.

I even put a piece of cloth inside the box to make it warm for its occupant.

---

The kitten seems to be extremely hungry based on how he buried his face on the puddle of milk that I gave him. Cold and weary, the kitten then went immediately inside the box to curl up after having a hearty meal.

When my mom found out the kitten, she immediately told me to avoid having prolonged exposure with the furball. Although she understood the reasons behind my adoption decisions, her concern lies on the germs and possible diseases that the kitten might be carrying.

That is why we could not keep it as a pet. Besides, we are not even sure if we could take responsibility for the kitten when he grows up.

But whenever I looked at him peacefully curled up inside his christmas carton box, which he already considers his "little home" I could not help but wonder how it feels like for that kitten to find himself in a warm cozy place with food and human care available to him after enduring several grueling days of hardship on the streets.

Perhaps, he had already found himself a place he could call heaven. And I think it's more cruel to simply take away that piece of heaven he had found by abandoning him again in the streets where we discovered him.

---

Two days after the storm had passed away, the helpers decided to give the kitten a warm bath. They were overly amused and touched whenever the kitten mistakes the puppies as his long lost mother. The kitten apparently tries to breastfeed from the puppies' non-existent mammary glands despite the playful attempts of the puppies to brush off the kitten.

My mother had apparently changed her position about the kitten as well. If she was unconcerned during the evening I brought the furball home - even saying that we should just leave it at someone else's doorstep after the storm has left, now sympathizes with the kitten's maternal confusion.

Our human conscience would not let us display such harshness to the animal especially now that his small cup of milk beside his little carton box has become a regular fixture at the dining room.

---

This afternoon, I had my decision. Naming him Pistulio whose name I've got from Invader Zim's massive zits, he would become the feline sidekick of our retainer puppy Coffee.

The kitten I discovered on the boulevard island found his place in our house and in our hearts, which has been longing for a feline companion ever since our last cat passed away.