Over a year ago, I would find myself lying on bed as my eyes were glued on television watching some funny cartoons in Nickolodeon. It’s past 3 am and in a couple of hours, feedback from the night operations of my dad’s company would be reported to me through SMS. Often, such reports bring dreaded news. Usually, it tells about how much income deficit we would have for the following day, or how much newsprint spoilage occurred during the printing phase during the night. Only in very rare occasions would they tell of good news such as dealers getting more copies of the newspaper, or some agents paying a bigger amount of money for past dues to the company.
The usual news not only brings terror in my heart, but also massive problems in my mind. Because during the rest of the following day, our major challenge would be how to sustain the operations of the company, while constantly telling the workers to continue holding on despite the loosing war obviously happening in our midst. The company was running without capital or emergency funds to support us during days we don’t have much income. There were too many things to think about and in many cases the only viable option for me is to sleep through it all.
If it was possible…
The quiet night was my only respite during those turbulent months. The dark comedies being shown in Invader Zim or Ren and Stimpy Show were my only diversions in a period, where I was suddenly thrown unprepared in a battle where my mind and heart could not simply cope up with the demands of running a dying business.
In just six months, everything was over. One night, doom spelled the entire operations after we have realized that we were too stretched to our limits. The suppliers would not lend us assistance anymore and we can’t find a creditor we could run to borrow extra cash. Two days after, a new leadership rose to face the challenge. He used to be my father’s comrade who took advantage of the situation and presented himself as the ultimate savior of the company. I wasn’t a part of the new management though, for I have already declared my freedom. Eventually I managed to pick up myself to start a new life working for someone else. Another couple of months and the insomnia nights were over.
At the same time, the company, which used to be my dominion during the last months of its existence declared itself bankrupt as well. In less than four years after my father started the enterprise, the whole thing was forgotten completely – in the minds of its former readers, and in the hearts of those who painstakingly tried to keep it afloat, at their own expense.
However, in some very rare nights like tonight, when the silence of my surroundings is the only thing that I could hear, the memories that I tried to forget all these years briefly emerge, perhaps to remind myself that such future may happen again.
Maybe, to enforce upon me that the pain still remain even if everybody – even the creditors who used to hound me for my father’s dues have completely moved on already and resumed their busy lives.
Too bad however, while others have moved on, a part of me still remains, sulking because of such bitter loss.
The usual news not only brings terror in my heart, but also massive problems in my mind. Because during the rest of the following day, our major challenge would be how to sustain the operations of the company, while constantly telling the workers to continue holding on despite the loosing war obviously happening in our midst. The company was running without capital or emergency funds to support us during days we don’t have much income. There were too many things to think about and in many cases the only viable option for me is to sleep through it all.
If it was possible…
The quiet night was my only respite during those turbulent months. The dark comedies being shown in Invader Zim or Ren and Stimpy Show were my only diversions in a period, where I was suddenly thrown unprepared in a battle where my mind and heart could not simply cope up with the demands of running a dying business.
In just six months, everything was over. One night, doom spelled the entire operations after we have realized that we were too stretched to our limits. The suppliers would not lend us assistance anymore and we can’t find a creditor we could run to borrow extra cash. Two days after, a new leadership rose to face the challenge. He used to be my father’s comrade who took advantage of the situation and presented himself as the ultimate savior of the company. I wasn’t a part of the new management though, for I have already declared my freedom. Eventually I managed to pick up myself to start a new life working for someone else. Another couple of months and the insomnia nights were over.
At the same time, the company, which used to be my dominion during the last months of its existence declared itself bankrupt as well. In less than four years after my father started the enterprise, the whole thing was forgotten completely – in the minds of its former readers, and in the hearts of those who painstakingly tried to keep it afloat, at their own expense.
However, in some very rare nights like tonight, when the silence of my surroundings is the only thing that I could hear, the memories that I tried to forget all these years briefly emerge, perhaps to remind myself that such future may happen again.
Maybe, to enforce upon me that the pain still remain even if everybody – even the creditors who used to hound me for my father’s dues have completely moved on already and resumed their busy lives.
Too bad however, while others have moved on, a part of me still remains, sulking because of such bitter loss.